>looking at porn on my phone in the bathroom > go to play

Holy shit thats hilarious. Do it again and record it.

Don't worry. I've done the same thing before.

>>34054873
Are you some amateur fapper or something? A real pro checks if his Bluetooth is on or off and if the sound is going through his headphones or not

>>34054873
FUCK
Tell them it was a virus or something
or some prank

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Bluetooth strikes again. I'd I love these threads. You know dude, I you just moved out of mummy's house you could spank it in the kitchen with surround sound full blast. Piss of the neighbors and drop your load into the carpet. See, the thing is you have the potential to be the world greatest dirtbag but you waste it at home fapping meekly in the bathroom on you 4" phone screen. Don't you want more?

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>>34054873
I literally have never laughed since I use this board

>>34054873
hilarious and original! now can you fuck off to plebbit?

>watch porn at my house before bed
>go visit mom at her house next day
>sign into g-mail on moms computer next day
>sign off and shut off computer
> mom opens chrome later that night
> calls me up "anon I have a virus" porn is everywhere
>the night before i was watching interracial gangbang porn.
>tell her to shut off computer. remotely delete history.
>she knows....

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>>34054931
I tried to. They aren't buying it and mom says she wants to take my Phone away and get me a retarded floppy phone.

>>34054938
Haha nice man great we finally got a chuckle out of you how was it man tell me about the details of your diaphragm contracting

>browsing porn with chromecast plugged in and active in the TV
>family all in living room
>porn sites have the chromecast icon right next to others sometimes
>had several near misses already because touchscreens are very reactive

Who /livingontheedge/ here

>>34054873
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

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>>34054873
>opening yourself up to so much margin for error
You did this to yourself.

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>>34054873
OP tell us what kind of porn you were watching.

>thinking about using my laptop with a bluetooth speaker to play music and shit
>realize it's a terrible idea
im smarter than you opie

>>34055969
Same thing happened to me but with my brothers chrome cast, really gets your heart racing.

>>34054934
a true NEET never moves out
you are talking like a normie, reported

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>>34054873
Lmao i would have made the same mistake but ive muted my video player so it automatically pops up on mute ^^

>>34054873
stop being a pussy and tell those cunts that's fucking normal for a boy to fap to mom&sister incest porn

>>34055012
How are you guys this dependent on your parents? How does she have the authority to take your phone away?

>>34055012
Underage much faggot...
Kick rocks kid this is for 18 and up.
Still having mummy and daddy pay for your own stuff lol
Get a job bum

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>helping my dad apply for shit on his computer
>install Chrome
>automatically imports porn bookmarks on his toolbar

>>34054873
>He fell for the bluetooth meme

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Rip anon, you're never living that down

Sorry Anon, just hide in your room for the next few hours. Stay safe.

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I'm so glad that my family's TV doesn't support bluetooth
I never have it on anyway

>>34056833
Dont be so shy friend. Tell me about yourself

>>34056142
>How are you guys this dependent on your parents?

Where do you think you are?

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>>34056833

Anon-chan, I was wondering..... do you wanna go out with me?

Play it off as a prank but dont admit to it right away be like OW WTF WAS THAT GEE GOLLY GOSH

This is why I always remember to move my bluetooth speaker back to my bedroom

>>34054873
>Jerking off mobiley

You deserve whatever happens

>>34054873
IKTFB. I once had a quick fap before a couple of friends and I went to the movies, I then unlocked my phone only to find my r34 was still open. Bad time indeed.

>>34055969
This is one of my greatest fears, always check if my phone's connected no matter the app.

>>34054873
This happened years ago because I'm not an underaged faggot anymore but.

>Reading some doujins on sadpanda
>Change tab and go to the bathroom (mom can't use computers, so she won't check my tabs)
>Cat jumps on desk and clicks on tab with underaged anime girl with spread pussy
>Come back to my room and find mom there
>"You have some horny cat anon"
>mom tells me while leaving
>"I thought you were you faggot, anon"
>Think how lucky I was the cat didn't open a tab with traps
>Mom never asks again when I'm gonna get a gf

It turned out pretty well tbqh.

>>34054873
Phone-using retards I hate every last one of you.

>>34054873
I've heard this story before but the little detail about the mom and sister screaming fucking kills me

>>34054873
You goddamn moron you should've turned into a joke.

It sounds like a hilarious way to troll your mom and sister lmao.

>>34057305
It really depends on how his family is though.

I know some people who could get away with that but for people with a family like mine downplaying it is inconceivable.

Even if it actually isn't your fault and you've never even seen porn before you'd be in deep shit.

How are people not realising this is pasta from /b/ ages ago?

>>34057376
dude are you serious?

people here are like 18 years old and never went on /b/ except now, they have no idea what it was like even just a few years ago, they came here from seeing 4chan on fucking reddit

>>34057374
It really comes down to whether you come out to your mom and sister and laugh, or cry.

OP apparently cried.

>>34057374
Why are your family such dicks? I bet they wouldn't be so nasty to a girl if you have any sisters.

>>34054938
I don't even know how we are still virgins being this funny because actual funny guys get laid.

>>34057478
I think a part of it is a cultural thing. We're not white and joking around with your parents and shit (atleast about stuff like that) is pretty much exclusive to not particularly religious white families.

While they do generally treat my sister nicer and are way more lenient with her, they'd probably be just as pissed if there was a reason to believe she did it. If it just happened though they'd definitely blame me.

>>34057571
>joking around with your parents and shit (atleast about stuff like that) is pretty much exclusive to not particularly religious white families.
I didn't know that. Sad anon.

>While they do generally treat my sister nicer and are way more lenient with her,
What do they do?

>If it just happened though they'd definitely blame me.
Nasty.

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>>34054873
I'm literally laughing my goddamn ass off to this post OP

>>34054873
lol. The other day, I streamed porn to my asshole neighbors' chromecast they accidentally left in guest mode.

This is why I have never connected to Bluetooth or any screencast shit

>>34057615
Yeah but a lot of it also has to do with the fact that she's the last born child.

We even have memes about it back home. Like there's a video where the dad comes home, checks in on his kids. The youngest daughter is supposed to have friends over studying but instead they're partying. The dad just laughs and offer to get them drinks. Then he goes to the first born son's room and he's actually studying with his friends. The son closes a book and the dad gets pissed about him making "too much noise" and kick him and all of his friends out of the house.

It's like funny and kind of an exaggeration but upon reflection not by much.

>>34057858
That's really horrible. What else happens?

>>34056906
I'll pass since your pussy seems to have been ejaculated into by someone, recently.

>>34057211
>I thought you were you faggot
What did he mean by this?

>>34057892
Its a lot of stuff. I honestly don't really notice it that much because ever family I grew up around is more or less like this and I've experienced it for as long as I can remember.

I think one of the biggest ones was when my dad threatened to disown me because I wanted to switch from a chemisty major with a biology minor to a biology major with a chemisty minor. I was over at their house for Christmas break and causally mentioned thinking about switching to my mom. My dad found out and literally work me up in the middle of the night screaming at me.

It's funny though because now my sister is half way into her second year of college and still doesn't have a major. No one has given her any shit for it though.

The second biggest one after that was when my dad went on an extra big "you're lazy, a failure, etc." tirade because I didn't get into medical school the first year I applied. Mind you I graduated in three years with a 3.98 GPA (mostly out of fear), but yeah I'm still a failure I guess.

My sister barely even made it though her freshman year and no one cared.

>>34058160
What is this misandrist culture you belong to?

How do you put up with it?

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Oh fuck why do you have to make me remember this shit it hurts so much

>go on a long 2 week road trip with family
>literally forced to do a two week nofap
>not a problem until one night I'm surfing the chans on hotel wifi
>one thread leads to a Sasha Grey movie
>check to make sure no one can see my screen, it's a big hotel room
>watch and discreetly fap under the blankets
>cum everywhere best cum I've had in a long time
>before I can close the video my dad fucking comes up over to me to "check the door" or thermostat or some shit.
>literally slam my laptop shut in the most suspicious way possible
>make small talk and pretend like I'm going to bed
>for some God dam reason half an hour later when everyone is falling asleep my laptop turns on
>even though it's fucking closed
>fucking Shasta Grey with her annoying means and screaming about "fuck my dirty fucking ass hole"
>scramble to open laptop and close it
>dead silence
>can't sleep at all that night
>no one mentions it ever

God and my family is super Mormon like totally against porn in every way.

>>34058186
We're from west Africa. I don't think it's so much misandry as men (and first born children) have exponentially higher expectations than women (and last born children) do.

While men have in general consistently more difficult lives, the quality of a women's life comes down to who she marries. If she marries a nice dude then she's living on easy mode, but if she fucks up and marries a douche then he's going to abuse her and marry multiple wives anyways.

>>34058574
Higher expectations and more difficult lives ARE misandry.

>>34058708
Huh.
Well I just meant it wasn't like an overt direct we hate men thing. A lot of people promote the behavior under the assumption that it's "good for us", which is honestly the biggest part of what helps me through it despite it being wrong in every sense of the word.

>>34058752
It doesn't have to be based on hate to be sexist and wrong. Just ask feminists, almost everything they complain about is a result of women being treated kinder and as more valuable than men.

>>34058800
No it's not that I think it's not wrong. I just thought mis(suffix)=explicit direct hate.

>>34059008
You're right, I misused it, but in the same way "misogyny" has become mainstream misused to mean anything bad for women, even without hate.

Same with -phobia being used to describe dislike or discrimination without fear being involved.

>>34057230
:( oh no, why are you doing this?

>>34056142
>How does she have the authority to take your phone away?
Her house, her rules? What are you going to do about it?

>>34059441
>Her house, her rules?
Fag? More like cuck.

>>34059732
fuck off, pussy ass faggot cunt

>>34056212
You sound mad that your mom and dad kicked you out and now you have to pay for everything.

>>34057858
Shes fucking your dad or at the very least blowing him
That's why you get kicked out
You're a man you need to get into gun fights constantly while taking over country and bedding 20/10 models with 36DDDDDDD TITS and make sure you have gold played everything because you're a man and men are men doing men shit cuz men and shit nigga

>>34058502
Jeezus i literally jerk it like an old man and stop touchin ur self round the folks nigger

>>34059817
My thread, my rules. What are you going to do about it?

>>34054873
My parents would probably be ecstatic if this happened since they think I'm some asexual weirdo.

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>>34057230
Leave phoneposters alone, they did nothing wrong

>watching 3d porn
You get what you deserve, I guess

>>34054873
hahahhahhaha sucks

>>34054934
Who the shit has a carpeted kitchen??