>tried anal masturbation for first time a couple hours ago

wtf is wrong with you man seriously

>>34037101
LMAO enjoy your rectal cancer

you have a few more years to live at most

lol did you even think to google "shampoo as lube" before trying it u fuckin idiot

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>>34037101
>tried anal masturbation for first time a couple hours ago
>used shampoo as lube

>>34037101
that's what you get for being a faggot

O R I G I N A L

>shampoo

Didnt even bother with lotion at least?

So am I supposed to go to a doctor or will it stop by itself?

>>34037169
Didn't have any.
It was either shampoo or dish soap

>>34037182
you're already very originally dead

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>tfw accidentally used hot sauce as lube

Holy shit how long ago was that? Are you still alive OP?

>>34037193
>Dish soap
looks like you actually managed to dodge a bullet on this one op. Jerked off with dish soap once and the skin on my dick was peeling off for days, who knows how that would have went up your ass.

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Srsly though I really have to take a dump but my it's just completely swollen
there's liquid coming out

This wasn't worth it, I couldn't even achieve orgasm

>>34037213
Like 4 hours ago, I'm alive but I wish I wasnt

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>>34037215
... You actually fapped with dish soap?
How did you even think that was a good idea???

>>34037258
I was very young and horny

>>34037215
What

Greentext plz

I've used conditioner plenty of times, probably shampoo too. Stop being such a casual with a sensitive little bum bum. Try that next time anyway.

>they don't know about coconut oil

why the fuck would anyone try shampoo in this day and age

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>>34037101
>>used shampoo as lube
There's the problem

>>34037369
Same reason people drink mouthwash to get drunk

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>>34037101
O fk I'm laughing too hard I'm coughing. Fucking hell man

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>>34037101
>>ass burns like hell and I think the sphincter is swollen

Welcome to Reddit, faget!

Use olive oil or something. My bf and I used that when we didn't have anything else and it worked well. It made our shower slippery for a day or two though.

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>>34037101
>used shampoo as lube
>ass burns like hell and I think the sphincter is swollen

>used shampoo as lube

>>34037101
It's too late, mate. Just order some cheap lube off of Amazon, or use vaseline or something.

>>34037101
You know what's also a not-so-great idea?
Butt chugging.
If drinking alcohol with your ass can kill you, do you think putting shampoo in there is a good idea?

>>34037101
fucking retard.
But oyu made me kek.
'ere is your upvote mayne

I'm sure I have done this and never had any problems. Even fucked myself with the bottle. Haven't done it in years though. On the other hand, my ass does bleed from within fairly regularly when I drink.

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>>34037101
>try anal masturbation
>use wasabi as a lube
you had it coming anon

Use conditioner instead, dumbass.

>>34037101
You should probably give yourself a couple enemas, bud. That shit is going to keep wreaking havoc in your ass until you wash it all out

>>34038951
Try this OP, enemas won't hurt.
Also, I'm laughing my ass off at your misfortune. Hope it get better, buds.

>>34037101
Top tip: Use lube as lube

>used shampoo as lube
What was going through your mind when you decided that would be a good idea

>>34037236
I looked a bit online and some dude that works in a hospital said he had a lot of people coming into the ER for using stuff like shampoo and conditioner up their ass.

So I think it's safe to say it won't get any better and you should go to the hospital

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>>34037101
>use shampoo as lube
>didnt figure this out when you were 13 in the shower playing with you cock

>>34037101
shampoo is literally designed for breaking down sebum. regular skin has a lot of sebum so the skin underneath is protected

your anal walls have no sebum. the shampoo is waging war directly with your skin

you are an idiot OP

>>34037101
This: >>34039007

Go to A&E, OP. Or just check yourself into some sort of medical facility. Don't be ashamed to tell them what you did, they deal with people who put a whole lot stupider things up their arses on a daily basis

What the fuck, don't you have cooking oil or mayo in your house?

>>34037266
>not able to fap without lube
Get rekt cutfag, you got it coming

Unrelated but Is it safe to clean my ass with shampoo?

>>34037369
coconut oil fucks up silicone
I guess it's fine if you're using cheap shit or just your fingers

>acidentally used bleach and vinegar as lube

>>34039873
got the ol' jungle bum down there?
it's probably safe as long as you dont stick it up your asshole

>>34037101
It burns because products containing soap dry out skin when they are left on too long. The inside of your ass is getting fucked up. You need to give yourself an enema ASAP.

Just get a shower head or a bottle or something, squirt a ton of clean water up your ass and expel it. I'm not joking- the longer this is left in you the worse it will get.

>>34039873
It is safe, I do it every time I shower and im completely fine. Just don't be op and stick the soap up your ass.

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>>34037101
youre putting this in your ass

>>34037101
How can you be that dumb? You couldn't use something (anything) else?

That said I'm laughing my ass off

>>34037101
Youre a fucking faggot your ass deserves to get swollen you filthy homossexual you deserve to die

Lol just kidding its women that i hate

And jews

>>34037101
It'll go away in a few days.
Use vaseline next time.

Like some people said here, go get help.
For safety measures, use the last of the shampoo to fit several my little pony figurines up there.
The doctors should be able to say that your condition is stable then.

Is olive oil safe?

Asking for a friend

>>34040988
It's safe, but be wary of yeast infections

>>34037266
Why didn't you use spit like a normal person?

>>34040988
I've been using it since I was a teenager, haven't had any problems yet.

>>34037101
You are gonna be fine anon. Unless you physically didn't rupture anything by applying too much pressure, just lightly wash your anus with normal water, don't rub too hard, apply some petroleum jelly thoroughly and go to sleep. If you are in pain, go see a doctor right now. You mostly likely have nothing to worry about even if you have to go to the doctor.

>>34037101

Should've used melted butter lad. Literally the best lube of all.

anybody tried pegging? is it nice?