What is on you mind right now? What is bothering you? Post

>>34036573
I'm shifting to a different campus next week
now I'm actually gonna have to live in a dorm with some strangers
anything I should know before living away from home

>>34036658
i have actually no idea, i have never been in collage and that will never happen either

i dont know how people even afford that

>tfw so fucking poor you collect cigarette fimps to make one whole for yourself

i'm a talentless mooch and should just kill myself already

>>34037322
no dont do it :( you are not talentless, you are just not living to your full potential

>>34036573
Severe illness is preventing me from enjoying what's supposed to be the best time of my life. It's slowly dawning on me that it's not gonna get better and I'll never find love or be able to live on my own or get a normal job. I'm physically in a bad state and it's affecting me psychologically.

My doctor gave up on me yesterday. He said none of the meds he knows work, I need to try someone else.

>>34037322
Try something else, killing youself is something else of course, but there are many others

>>34037400
What is illness? what is best time of life? How is preventing love etc?

Trying to fight off the ever creeping existential dread.

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>tfw had months to sign up for classes
>tfw most classes are full, only shit hours left, gonna have to commute over and over during the day because of time gaps
>tfw been telling myself everyday I will sign up tomorrow
>tfw if I don't need to start paying back loans
>tfw no money
I'll sign up tomorrow.

>>34037470
>Autoimmune IBD causing 24/7 diarrhea
>20's still got enough vigor of youth, but already earning money to afford to use it
>Nobody's going out with a guy who's shitting explosive diarrhea all day, not to mention being a physical and emotional wreck.

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>>34036573
I have no idea about my personality because i feel like an empty shell and all my current traits are actually other character or persona traits. I have no idea where my life is going, i'm just merely drifting across the windless sea. I wish i could have a dream or a passion which i could pursue but i feel no attraction towards anything.

>>34037508
Try getting a feces transplant. I'm serious, apparently it's a miracle cure for some people.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inflammatory_bowel_disease#Microbiome

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>>34036573
Started intense gym regime, pushing myself to the limit, but fucking world is against me, caught a nasty flu, so sitting at home now with 38c.

Head is cloudy, but overall feels OK. I wish I had real life friends I could talk to like once a week or so and play vidya. But I'm 28 and I can't just approach people and ask if they want to be my friend. Too paranoid for that.

>>34036573
I'm moving out and I'm feeling super lonely already
Had to break it to some of my online friends I'm not single anymore, they all blew up on me and I'm feeling awful
I feel like shit guys

>>34037542
Why no just computer friends? Computer friends are good suppliments for the real thing, and its easier to be blunt in acquisition

>>34037536
Not approved in my country.

>>>/adv/17936830 hasn't left my mind for even a second

>>34037552
They blew up on you for not being single why? That sounds nutz man

I feel nothing cause I am nothing anymore. I gave up, but I have not giving up on everything. Which causing me more emotional problems like anxiety and serve stress. I don't leave my house, JAGeasgasd

GUSAOIGJASPDO JG JUST FUCKIGN DIE sdgsdpjgspdjg im so ficken tierd AGA I SHIT I CANT even erppess my self
fuck om ja suck my hard boiled egg

>>34037574
I had a hunch they'd started developing feelings for me, so I decided to be fair to them and my SO and rip off the bandaid. They all blame me now and I feel so guilty

>>34037574
>They blew up on you for not being single why?
Not that anon but it usually means that you wont spend time with these friends.

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>>34036573
I'm starting to think that, for the first time in my life, I'm actually in love with a girl. She seems to like me too, certainly as a friend and maybe more, because I noticed some little things that might indicate she's interested in me. But I have no way to know if she *actually* likes me, and I'm too much of a faggot to actually ask her or be more direct.
What I know is that I never felt before what I'm feeling now, and it's killing me.
Fuck, I thought that there was no way I could fall in love after feling nothing for 26 years, why now?

>>34037495
Why not just do it now? You're not doing anything, right? Just get it over with and stop putting it off.

>>34037615
I don't know why. I can't just do it. I stayed up all night so I could do it. Everyday the past week.

If it were that easy I wouldn't be in this situation.

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>>34037609
>Fuck, I thought that there was no way I could fall in love after feling nothing for 26 years, why now?
It's always when you least expect it. Look it to the bright side - you're not ugly.

So I just started the plan to forget my oneitis, avoid her completely even avoid looking in her direction. I feel like garbage because I can't her out of my head. Fuck

I'm weak and spineless. Cowardly too. I used to be cute, somewhat creative and original. I was always a massive cunt too, but I never realized what I was throwing away by being a pathetic, smug, paranoid fuck.

I hate knowing that when I die this person will have always existed as an insignificant part of history. I was in charge of one fucking little person and I couldn't make us have a positive impact and it will never change, unless it does now, which is improbable but I might as well try because I feel like shit and want to stop being me.

>>34037322
iktfb

>>34037642
>you're not ugly.
How can you say that? Actually, I am. Maybe not deformed, but there's nothing even remotely attractive in me.

>>34037560
Tried it, usually they don't have enough time to spend interacting. I do miss this irl feeling of sharing a bond with a person, where you can tell your hidden thoughts without being paranoid. Just complete trust and camaraderie.

>>34037623
It is that easy man. Your school has a site where you can sign up online or something right? just do it, can't you see that your attitude has just made the situation worse than it needed to be? You wouldn't have to worry about shitty times if you didn't put off signing up for your classes. Things are gonna be a lot worse if you miss the deadline and then your student loan defaults and you have to deal with that as well. Trust me, I have the same avoidant attitude, I've been there. Don't make things harder than they have to be.

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>>34037666
C'mon Satan if girl likes you then you're attractive you her.
I wont reee or anything, just trying to point out a single good thing about this situation

>>34037606
If that were the case, why would they get angry at her for it? That just seems a little selfish.

were all going to die so whats the point in living. constant panick attacks over this

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>>34037675
But what if there are no classes left? And what if the times really are that bad? The idea of repeated commutes makes me physically sick...I hate the bus...

I don't want to see it, what I've done to myself...and at the end of the day I don't even want to go to school. I feel like I've been tricked. I've no choice but to continue but I hate hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it

>30
>male.
>Crippling autism and all the other shit depression, ADHD. incapable of basic interactions and find being out in public draining.
>recently lost family home, live in a shithole now.
>grandparents with us drying of dementia. Require constant care like babies. Getting up in the night.
>wizard level 30 year old virgin.
>Lifting heavy.
> grills approve, no idea how to initiate. Deep shame prevents approach
>figure out father did this to me through emotional abuse when young.
>almost came to blows a few times recently but regained the ability to stand up for myself.
>his father did the same to him but now he won't let me in or achnlowledge my insights which could save him. it is so sad.
>sleeping pill, painkiller habit getting a bit out of hand
>neeting to become an artist for near a decade. Last few years in isolatiion with no net freinds other than a mentor.
>have pretty much made it... just have to get through one more fucking year without killing myself.

Fucking cunt.

>>34037702
>why would they get angry at her for it?
Like i've said - it means that he will spend much less time with them and when he will break up with her, he will try to get into the friendship "intensity" like it never happened. For example - you have a good friend with whom you spend time, he finds a girl and suddenly doesnt write for about half a year, then after breaking up he writes to you as nothing happened.

>>34037700
Thing is, I'm not sure. We get along great because we are very similar. We like the same things, we *don't* like the same things, and in general it's almost as if we were made from the same blueprint or something. It really is impressive, I never met someone so similar to me, not even close.
But I don't know. I mean, she often laughs at the stupid shit I say (even the stupid shit that was not meant to be silly jokes), and there's "something" in the way she interacts with me, something that I never saw any other girl do. I don't even know how to explain, but it's mostly about the way she smiles. I'm a fucking retard when it comes to this sort of things, so I really don't know if I'm imagining everything or if there's at least a bit of truth in the things I noticed.

>>34037717
have you considered what it would be like if you were never born? You have JUST one chance at life, then nothing.

Might as well enjoy it while it lasts

>>34037764
>You have JUST one chance at life
It's not really a chance if you're thrown into the marathon with just one leg and your eyes blindfolded.

>>34037516
Just keep on trying new things man. Reading, writing, painting, music, DIY projects. Pretty much anything. Just try it out and see.

>>34037593
Oh youre a chick. Yeah i suppose they probably all fell in love with you. Did they know your face or only voice or text? Also I think cut off of these lads is good for them. It gives lonely lads an in on interaction and fast tracks them to shame and loss our important learning emotions, and will teach them that they dont need to seek love so bluntly and that they dont want to feel bad about it. Its some sort of favor i would argue

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>>34037725
Sometimes reality sucks, but you gotta be able to look at yourself in the mirror. You need to suck it up and learn that your actions, or lack there of, have consequences. Learn from mistakes, but don't let them hang on you. Life's hard enough as it is, don't make things worse for yourself. If you keep doing this to yourself it's just gonna be a never ending cycle of shit getting worse and you wishing that things were the way they were before, because at least then it wasn't so bad. Maybe things aren't so bad right now, Anon.

>>34037783
At least you're in the marathon, anon

>smashed my collarbone into pieces 2 weeks ago
>it's not healing well, the bones aren't aligned at all
>i might need an operation soon
>or even worse, the NHS might refuse to operate, and i am left lopsided and without much movement in my shoulder

however, the worry ive been having about my shoulder healing incorrectly and being shorter, lower, and with an ugly lump, has made me determined and graving joining a gym to become more aesthetic.

i've got nothing to do but watch youtube and slowly waste my life over the next few months whilst i heal. feels bad.

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>>34037794
I...I will buy some groceries...make breakfast...then try. Really try. I don't want your words to be wasted anon...I've wasted everything else after all.

>>34037808
Yea, aimlessly crawling around at the starting line after everyone else has already finished and the clean-up crew is sweeping the road clean of all the plastic cups and can't help but wonder what cruel asshole decided to not have an abortion.

>>34037828
A lot of people are able to train with scoliosis (twisted spine.
If it heals well it may be stronger than before and fingers crossed for range of motion.

If you are new to lifting there is never too much reading you can do on the form of benching and pressing for shoulder health.

>>34036573
I saw yesterday an interview on the Howard Stern Show with a nymphomaniac who admitted she fucked up to several random guys every day since she was a teen, not discriminating, fucking also fat guys and virgins, and she was hot, too
I tried looking for it so that I could link it here, but I can't find it
Literally any robot who wants to lose their virginity could look her up and try contact her, she's down to fuck 24/7
think her name was Jodi

I just got home from an interview. I don't think I did poorly but I also think I didn't stood out from others. This is my dream job. I dont want to fail

>>34037674
Yeah but u can have infitinite computer friends though, a draw of quantity over quality type supplementation, with a chance to actually develop a true relationship with someone or more out there without a physical search and surveillance of real people. I mean most people leave all the friends from institutionalized social interaction i think behind i think and start from scratch at some point, and many aloof types are searching for similar stuff in terms of fraternity. I think it would be rare to find this fraternity outside fo the internet, hobby groups, or very niche interest groups or scenes. you gotta be into shit and attend stuff. The guys who play tabletop games at the local comic book store can often been seen experiencing upper level fraternity without preasure or expectation(i still dont join them, and will never, but its easy to see and it shows the fact that this how people find people.)

>>34037852
no one's finished this race, bruh.

Everyone is wandering around aimlessly. Some people are headed in the right direction... sometimes

Gotta stop assuming things about other people. Stop thinking that other ppl have their shit together, because 90% of them don't, even if it looks like they do.

>>34037790
We've seen each other's faces. I figured as much, these guys seemed so fundamentally lonely they'd latch onto any girl that cares for them. I hope they'll get out of that cycle one day, and learn the habits you mentioned.
I just feel so awful for kicking them while they're down, but then I also feel wronged for being villainized.

>>34037877
>Gotta stop assuming things about other people
You fucking asshat, I see happy couples and people living in nice places and working fulfilling jobs every single day of my life.

>>34036573
I am stressed as heel because I'm probably going to fail my engineering exams since I didn't study at all during the years.
The worst part of it is I don't even like what I'm doing.

>>34037873
I've actually tried tabletop groups, but the guy who's responsible for organising it is chad 34yo who just looks for some geek girl poonanny. He's ok, honestly, but the amount of people he's gathering is discouraging. 10+ different each time.

I'm still keeping in touch with my 2 school buddies(we live in different regions now), both robots. One got himself gf and pretty much lost to us, other one is just concentration on his job and can't find time.

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>>34037833
The only thing you're going to waste is yourself. Time only goes forward, never backward. You can never undo your mistakes, but don't let them define you. Be more.

>>34037936
You're stressing over an exam in a field you don't even like? I wouldn't even show up lmao. Do something you like instead.

>>34037912
1/3 of americans are on anti-depressants.

A lot of those people are just pretending to be happy to keep up appearances.

http://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/astounding-increase-in-antidepressant-use-by-americans-201110203624

When you see someone's life from afar, you're just seeing the highlight reel, and that's not a reflection on their actual life.

I am a real creep man in growing. I am a young dude, and have often been a likeable one, or at least when i see that someone thinks i am, i tend to exploit it. Shitty maternal figure growing up probably contributed. I just seemed wedge my way i to womens lives as a trust worthy person who they care about then i try to be in love with them but they can't love me and then i lose control and do shady things, get threatenned and chased away. That happenned twice. Maybe 2 years ago, 2 years apart. And The only thing ive retained from those 'relationships' is that i really like the rush of being where i shouldnt be, seeing what i shouldnt see, and doing what i shouldnt do and saying stuff i shouldnt say. And i really just liked thr rush of it better than anything else. I try to remain stoic and smart and not do weird things and hope i just ease into a more normal human habits and thoughts but i dont know. Im not too bad yet. Ive been feeling really good and nice over the last year and a half but sometimes i breach and look people up. Theres alot weird shit ive done and do but nothing to bad. I just worry sometime that people are on roads they cant stray from. Amd i feel like if i got the perfect chance to try and fuck up again i would do it, and i dont know how to feel about that. I just been thinkin alot lately

>>34037948
Stressed because of parents pressure and I don't have any interest in anything

>>34037753
>she often laughs at the stupid shit I say
That's a good thing. Does she initiates any physical contact like brushing against you or playfully touching your body?

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>>34037947
>doing things you don't want to do
>not doing things you want to do
that sounds awful

>>34038022
if it makes you feel better you type like a crazy person

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>>34036573

I don't want to be abolished

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>>34037784
I've tried a lot of things but in the end everything becomes boring and i wont put anymore effort into it. I'm not actually afraid of hard work if i find something interesting but i get bored in all that thing that i drop it. For example, i've tried drawing couple of times for about week or so but in the end i become bored of it. The main thing is that you have to feel passion even when grinding.

>>34038070
Nope. Now, I don't want to necessarily find a justification, but when I say we're very similar I mean that we're also both very shy. I think that has to be taken into account.
I'm afraid that we are both too shy to give each other clear signals, and we're both too shy to "take the lead" and see what the other thinks.

>>34038099
Same boat. Tried so many different things, from diving to fucking knitting. Just can't find something that'll catch my interest and bring out the passion to improve.

>>34038078
Life's not all about hedonism and degeneracy. It'd be nice if all I had to do was stay inside and play video games, but that's not going to pay bills, is it? So many people here literally do nothing at all and wonder why they never have anything interesting to talk about to anyone. The best things in life are earned, not given. A pussy isn't just going to fall on your dick one day, you have to be likeable or attractive, or at least have something to offer.

>>34037952
I don't think you understand the difference between first world problems like meme depression and unhappiness and actual crippling illness that makes a normal life impossible.

>>34037943
Well theres other spots and things to try or join. You could start your own thing if you really wanted and thought you could do it right. Ive seen some real good community and general radius of goodness from hobby groups.

Your relationship with your classical buds seems like its in a dry patch more than a critical state. It just seems like a thing to stay real and stay clear and stoic during and things will resolve with later intitative.

And dont count out being alone, lonely smart or creative hobbies are a great way to sublimate all loneliness into a very deep thing if you gotta. But that might be mostly luck and limb and finding something you can give yourself to and having the right mindset for. Fitness is a great lonely hobby for people it is great for, but ive seen people mostly cant sublimate everything with fitness alone

>>34038119
Maybe you could invite her to see something, especially if you know her interests?

>>34038145
depression is a first world problem meme.

Rates of depression in Africa are the lowest in the world, despite them living in literal mud huts and burning shit.

Sounds like you need a solid slap in the face with reality, and maybe stop trying to act like a little emo bitch all the time.

At least put some effort into it.

>>34038145


I know.

But depression it not a meme.

Exist different types of depression.

WE have the worst one.

>>34038163
Yeah, I should. I'm an autiste, but I actually tried, I texted her just to talk a bit with her and she told me she's in bed sick so I gave up for now. I'll try agin, I think it's the only way.
But let's say that I take her out somewhere, how do I "move forward". How do I let her know, without "scaring" her, that I like her? I never figured this out.

>>34038185
Read my post again you fucking cunt. I'm literally actually seriously unironically getting hispitalized for a very real physical disease.

>>34038185
I feel like that is because none of them have access to doctors to get diagnosed and its a social stigma especially in tribes where men can't be seen was weak

>>34038155
>Fitness is a great lonely hobby

That's what I'm currently trying to obsess with. As for dry patch with school buds - it's hella hard to keep up any kind of distance relationships, it's understandable.

I've been thinking of doing my own thing, I'm actually quite good with organising stuff, but most times group mentality ruins everything, dramas etc. Why people can't just enjoy good things and leave drama for later?

PS: thanks for talking to me, anon, I really appreciate it.

>>34038196
>How do I let her know, without "scaring" her, that I like her?
If she goes out with you, i guess it should be pretty clear that she's interested in you.
>physical escalation
The main thing is not overthink. Just act on instincts and put a hand around her if moment is good or even kiss her if the your "inside" is screaming to do it.

>>34037882
People are down and up all time, its never just due to one thing, sure one thing can trigger critical failure but it just as well could do the opposite. You were just passing by if you were just passing by and that's a good thing to do. Many lonely people are very afraid that people can just pass by and its good for them to experience it, and be given the chance to change. I think you did good and should chill if you can

>>34038121
Yeah and it doesnt help that people around me seem to have pretty clear goals what they want to achieve.

>>34038219
No, there are plenty of studies that survey sample populations of people in africa and ask how happy they are.

they are not crippled. They are not home-bound. They go out and work/play/socialize.

Maybe the big difference is that they actually go outside, exercise, and get sunlight, whereas most faggotry middle schoolers stay inside their mom't basement and look at anime all day.

>>34038185
Ignorance= Happiness


Here you go.

They are retards, so they feel happy.

>>34038218
What disease do you have?

I fucking hate the sign captcha

>>34038085
Thank you thank you my good friend

>>34038281
My immune system is attacking my body and nobody knows why and none of the meds work.

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>>34038263
I really envy of those people, even when they're just determined to make more money for no apparent reason.

Biggest question for us is how to find motivation to do anything, or where to find it.

>>34038271

You are just a normie

The day that you have a severe depression you will understand.


IGNORANCE= HAPPINESS

>>34038232
Alright, just gotta find the courage now. I'm so fucking stupid that even though I'm comfortable with her I can't even touch her and I can't even ask her out. I really hate myself.
Wish me luck...

>>34038303
you probably have some sort of auto-immune disease. Possibly unironically some form of autism or OCD.

I work in individualized medicine, and I know many treatments don't work with everyone. In fact, there are so many genetic mutations between individuals, that it's amost impossible for any "miracle" pill to work for any disease.

Studies have shown that people with autism have antibodies against neurotrophic factors in their cerebral spinal fluid, and "normal" people do not have this. The neurotrophic factors allow your brain to develop and be more permeable to chemicals that are released.

then again, there are plenty of obscure auto-immune diseases.

>>34038330
>Wish me luck...
Good luck, maybe that will be the point where life turn out to be good.

I have to go sign on the dole in an hour and I haven't filled out the forms.

I'm practically nocturnal now. My old hobbies. That were obsessions a month ago I'm totally burnt out on and I JUST WANT TO GET LAID FUCK I NEED TO FUCK SOMEONE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

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>>34038304
>Biggest question for us is how to find motivation to do anything, or where to find it.
What would you like to do ideally if you could learn anything at instance?

>>34038375

Kek


>The most original comment in r9k

>>34038373
It's about goddamn time. Thanks, man.

>>34038322
Why do you assume that these niggers have depression? Stop projecting your insecurities, and maybe go out once in a while.

I went through years of "depression", but once I got my career rolling and kept myself busy, it seemed to dwindle away. It never completely fades, and is always in the back of my mind.

Everyone is like this. 95% of the planet has some sort of fucked up mental disorder, but 65% of them find something to distract them from it. Sure, ignorance is bliss, so why do you insist on basking in the shitty parts of your life? Have you tried not being a self-loathing whiny newfag?

Again, just a case of being a little bitch. You gotta stop telling yourself that you're worthless and realize that most people are just as incompetent, if not more incompetent as you.

I know plenty of doctors that can't use a fucking computer. I know child psychologists that can't control their own children. I know CMO's that have shitty home management and bad relationships.

If you get to know anyone on a personal level, you'll realize they are just as fucked up as you.

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>>34038390
I would like to manage some support\interest group, I know it sounds odd, but I like helping people.

I will try to make this come true, buying a piece of land so I can make some type of a hotel with a little conference hall etc. I will get in debt but I honestly don't care.

>>34038223
Hell yeah man. I think you could probably start your own thing, if you can organize thats gotta be like 50% of it. The rest has got to be inhabiting a amicable enviornment and just hoping you get lucky and peoplr show up and are cool. I mean, some sort of drama is inevitable everywhere and only impossible to circumvent if someone is a true crazy. I think since the reach is to other people who genuinely would like to fraternize over a small bit of regular escapism, it would be easy to find kind people and non shitheads. And even then you dont have to be best friends with everyone you just gotta be friendly. I dont know though. I suppose noone could come or shitheads could come, but then you can just try again right?

Besides that reading and movies and music i havent listenned to and older pc rpg games have always been ease of access empathy and sublimation when i need to relate to something. I mostly read genre and recommend 'book of the new sun' or 'do androids dream of electric sheep' or other things that particularly try to reach to a sense of aloofness and realizing humanity. Good luck man and god speed.

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makes me feel bad posting my feels, because my life is actually really awesome, I shouldn't be complaining. But I guess it is relative.

>fell in love with friend
>already have sweet gf
>friend and I get pretty close then drift apart when I don't leave gf
>gf and I have rocky time, but are finally doing okay again
>still in love with my friend as well though
>friend has a boyfriend now
>karma is a bitch
>completely cut off friend, even though she adds me back when she realizes, think it's for the best
>gf doesn't seem so fun anymore, I have more fun with my friend, even though my gf and I are more intimate

Also
>realize most of my friends are mean selfish people who don't really care about me
>severe anxiety about finding a job, even though cs major with good gpa
>credit card debt
>never sleep well
>was going to exercise and get in shape this semester, but now I have literally no drive for anything except my schoolwork
>trying to slow down on drugs, but my everyday mood changes so rapidly I am always so impulsive and use drugs

I need to hurry up and find a job and get through this semester before I end up dead

>>34038462
>I like helping people
What exactly about it? Seeing them reaching the potential or just helping for that time being?

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>>34038505
>do androids dream of electric sheep
Loved this one. Thanks for support anon, gave me some peace of mind and fair amount of motivation.

I usually play Psychonauts when I'm feeling down, that game got incredible atmosphere.

Just have to keep positive and hope for the best, right?

>>34038580
Seeing people succeed brings me joy, helping them get there as-well. I've actually went thru fitness trainer courses just for that sole purpose. Might use it someday.

>>34038454

I have not assumed they have depression, idiot.


We here, we do not have a job or something that distracts us, for the simple fact that nothing attracts us.

Is something that you should know, if you really have "depression".


There is 2 type of depression. The meme and the real one.

>>34038462


Like that guy from the series "Ugly Americans"?

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>>34038652
Haha, Mark, kinda, but with a bit more spine. Man that guy was strange, but somehow relatable. I do like Randall more tho. He's more "real" or something like that.

well it all started when l contacted this prostitute and she basically screw me over l pay her like a shitload money realize that in my countrys prostitution is illegal just blocked her again

>>34038624
Positivity i think is rooted in the acknowledgement that you may not or do not know exactly what is best yet. Psychonauts is pretty goos. I still think tim shaffer is good in general, and he still hires great artists.

If we meet again brother peace

>>34038686


Mark is the best one.
Randall is the lazy friend .
The guy kind of "I do not give a damn about everything" thing.

He is pretty chill.

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>>34038797
Same, hoping for Psychonauts to be at least somewhat decent.

Great talking to you, take care!

>>34038800
He's a bit repressed at the beginning of the series, but closer to the end he actually seems way better. A lot of inconsistent stuff, but it's just a cartoon.

>>34038631
There was an anon that implied since that Africans dint have good healthcare, they probably are just as depressed as us. And if you say that I don't have real depression, then you can go fuck yourself. I became homeless for a while because I was so messed up at one point. Like I said, the foreskin never goes away, no matter how "good" I feel throughout the day, but I try to distract myself with either work or Vidya.

>>34038976
Depression*

I switched to mobile...

>>34038976


Then, you understand my point.


The only thing why you dont suicide is cuz you have a "distraction".

I think in suicide every day.

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>oneitis is trying to manipulate me
>having to ignore her at work every single day

>>34039237
And you still don't get what I'm trying to say.

You're cognizant of this, so why don't you go find your own distraction like most of the rest of the world?

I've had a fight with my friend cause i said that transwomen arent real women infront of his 2 trans friends we argu for hours and he tell me to apologize his tranny whore friends.
I dont know how to feel about this

I'm Australian.

The last 2 "femanons" I've talked to from this fucking country have randomly just stopped replying to me. I didn't do anything wrong or turn full autist and ask for nudes or anything - they just stopped talking. I am tired of it. It's hard enough in this country to find people to talk to as it is, let alone grills from this board who might have similar interests to me or understand depression and anxiety more than the regular normie. I have love to give and no one to share it with, and that makes me sad. I am tired of it, I just want to be part of someones life.

>>34036573
>>34036573
Heading back to school today. I'm in grad school and I have no motivation for anything. Honestly have nothing to live for but I also have no reason to an hero. I feel like Ive been stuck in second gear since I graduated high school 7 years ago. I honestly started questioning whether having a kid would actually help because it'd be motivating. But I'm a faggot so that's out of the question

How are you, op?

>>34039417
>I've had a fight with my friend cause i said that transwomen arent real women infront of his 2 trans friends we argu for hours and he tell me to apologize his tranny whore friends.
Thank god i live in my comfortable eastern european shithole and i can say whatever i want about those tranny abominations.

>>34039397

>try to find a distraction
> Nothing satisfies me
> think about suicide


Is a vicucious circle. I'm in the phase where you were years ago.

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>>34039451
They might be dead with all the wildlife you've got over there.

Can't honestly imagine living in Aus.

>>34039503
Memes aside, just imagine USA with a 80% higher ratio of Chads and Stacys.

>>34039503

Kek


>Those fuckin spiders monters


NO FUCKIN WAY

I want to die because I'm a fucking failure.

>>34039503
>Can't honestly imagine living in Aus.
Jesus, 'stralia is like normie country on 'roids. I wouldnt be surprised if they hang introverts as a weekend attraction.

>>34039547
>because I'm a fucking failure.
Tell more about it. Unrealized dreams or general lack of impact?

That I will never find a girl

>>34039635
It's true


Hashidiudid

>>34039490
How old are you?

These fucking signs, man

>>34039645
I still have hope though, it keeps me alive

>>34039526
That must be terrifying. But how should I know, never visited US or Aus, born in Siberia and living in EU now.

But I guess Siberia is kinda inverted Aus, with as much desolated territory.

Started college really late because I'm a fuckup, won't graduate until I'm 26. I'm stuck here with my parents because I can't afford to live on my own, so I'm trapped out here in the boonies. Part of me wishes I had entered a trade instead so I could just skip this shit but I'm too far in.

Women and social life are as frustrating as ever. Just sort of drifting along. I have a goal, I know the path to get there, I'm moving forward, but I hate my current life.

>>34039752
What're you studying?

Bhhhgffyuhg

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>>34039752
>I have a goal, I know the path to get there
atleast you have that.

Doing nothing with my life while most of my friends are moving on and getting gfs

>>34039650


Sorry, english is not my mother languaje.

People will never see me for who I really am. I'm probably the smartest one in this goddamn useless small town, but nobody recognizes that either. I want to kms every day and nobody bothers to interact with me even though they claim to be my "friends"

I started smoking again after quitting for 2 weeks.

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I'm so far behind everyone else. I'm 22, need driving lessons, never had a job, never had a gf, no friends, need to get qualifications, need to get my own place.

And I just don't care. I don't feel anything positive ever and all I want to do is pass away peacefully in my sleep.

>>34038322
>IGNORANCE= HAPPINESS
biggest meme

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>>34036573
>tfw no gf
Really though, I'm a 24 year old manlet autist who's only interests are vidya, anime, and Dungeons and Dragons. I watch a lot of romance anime and play visual novels to simulate love, but after they're done I feel even more empty knowing I can never experience affection from a woman. It gets worse every year and I just can't get over the fact that I'll die alone.

im starting a new job this week.

was a neet for 2 months and am also starting college this week, but it doesn't really bother me as much as the former.
i don't really know what exactly bugs me about working though.
i don't mind working hard, etc and was always the hardest working dude outside the manager at my old job, but i can't help but feel it's pointless to be somewhere that's not gonna help me with my goals outside of getting some money. and it feels like no one around me really understands that and is ok with working some shit job the rest of their life.

also no gf, but im losing hope in finding a 10/10 qt3.14 so ill probably just settle for now.

I'm in an utter shit job that I hate.

I work 14 hours a day, but I do nothing in that time span. I have a 4 hour commute daily and I work on the commute, which is riding the bus. I'm up at 5AM every single day and don't get home until 715 or later.

My job is dead-end. It's a desk job but no way up. I work mailroom for a media company. I hate my co-workers because they're all Chads and Stacie's. They don't interact with me, even when they actually have to.

I want to quit so badly and go back to school but my parents constantly shit on me and just accuse me of being lazy.

I had the chance to get a good job in a city that I really wanted to move to. But, my parents just kept pressuring me to take the job I had now. Now, nothing feels good anymore. I don't fap, I barely eat, I don't have any pleasure in anything anymore. Only perk is money which I barely make any because taxes fuck me over by 40%.

I want to go back to school to become a radiology technician. I would find more satisfaction and just a happier life overall. But, my parents say it's a dumb move and I'm too stupid to do anything outside menial work.

>>34041119
Fuck your parents, man. Who needs em if they aren't going to be supportive.

Go for that degree

>>34039905
Why would they care, they have their own lives to deal with, nobody is going to pay attention to you because you are intelligent. I would know because that used to be my mindset, I thought I would study everyday for months 10-12 hours a day and got A*A*A* in my a-levels, i was so desperate to be noticed but nobody ever cared. I've since grown up, having other people notice you is a fantasy that doesn't exist in the real world, same with expecting a girl to rescue you from your shitty life like in one of your animes. Welcome to the real world, you can either whine about how fantasies aren't real, or you can live with it and forget about it and achieve something you want.

If you are so smart then why are you so weak as to be affected by nobody interacting with you. Nobody cares about you, you are alone in this world, once you understand that and live by that truth, your life will be so much better. Set some goals and focus on reaching them, that is how you should live.

I drank too much last night and I threw up a bit this morning but I still gotta go to work

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>Mfw the chick i added on skype is too dumb to recognize me from the dating site we chatted on earlier

Jesus

Funnily enough she seems receptive regardless and asked for my pic (again lel)

Maybe i'll try and send her a cam message later on if she doesn't act out too much

I've lost 179 pounds and I still am a fat shit. When people say how much better I look I just feel ashamed of how bad I used to look. Like, if this is an improvement... how awful was I? I cringe just thinking about it now. I've still got another 80lbs to lose just to look somewhat NORMAL and I should be proud of myself but I just feel shameful for letting my life go to such shit.

>>34042470
Listen, don't focus too much on exercising. Exercising is an inefficient way to lose weight. If anything, lift. For fuck's sake don't run to lose weight.
Weight is lost in the kitchen, not in the gym. Eat healthier.

>>34036573
My gf always bleeds every time we fuck. Even when she isn't on her period. She has 10 day long periods. We've only had sex a few times where she wasn't bleeding, and every time there's blood she breaks down and starts crying and we have to stop fucking.

Feels bad

>>34042470
you want to be 99lb? just drop to a single %bf then eat and lift don't go too far into auswitz mode

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>>34036573
I permanently messed my face up a long time ago, and I just want it back. This has been the only thought in my head for 10 years now.
You don't really think about this before it's gone, but I really, really miss when meeting people and they look me in the eye, the look being ''Oh hey, a person.''
Not that split-second shock I see in their pupils ''Christ, what's wrong with him?''
This wasn't supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to look like this, this isn't my face.

To any Anon even reading this,
The way you look has a MASSIVE impact on your life. I WILL make or break it. And bearing it is even worse.. knowing you'd had it all, but squandered it for nothing..

Worrying about my acceptance into UNI. It's my only hope
for leaving this hell hole. The anxiety is gnawing away at
my life and my joy.

>>34042921
Let me guess, acne right?

>>34042914
i want to be 199 and never go above 200 again. i used to be a no lifer at 450. actually didn't know for a good year or so because not a lot of scales went that high. completely embarrassing to think about...

Scared I am going to fail my degree, this shit is too hard

>>34042396
You probably aren't the only one she forgot about, anon.

Want to be a passable trap
>26
>Actually manly features
noChanceTwatFace.jpg

pretty depressed about it actually

a teen friend ruined my life. i knew since teen years became friend then decided to rape kind of thing facial while i was asleep. i told my parents not let him in, made some money off of me. i got into a car accident having a seizure driving from his house. i'm still in therapy three years now, in a wheelchair.

>>34036573
I am thinking about how wearing a chastity cage will feel. Already ordered it and it should get delivered in a day or two. Hopefuly in the future I will find a woman interested in keeping the key to it. It's truth, that there are far more submissive men than dominant women, but I am positive about her liking the idea.

>>34036573
Just want a girl I can love and will reciprocate my love and be loyal to me as I am to them.

I can't concentrate on learning because I want someone to cut my face for our mutual sexual gratification

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I had the opportunity to go out with some girl from my old high school but after she said that she couldn't make it on the first date, I just cut off all contact with her. At first I thought she was trying to avoid going on a date but I saw her the other day on Tinder and we ended up getting matched. Now I'm just trying to think of something to say to break the awkward tension.

I'm in third year uni and I've lost all motivation for my course, I have no idea what I want to do when I leave and I didn't go to an exam this morning because I felt so sad and helpless that I didn't want to get out of bed and face the world and face the failure I've put myself into

>>34044067
fucking same
i have to finish a project and i have to do an exam, then i can do a thesis to get the degree. i lost all motivation, i don't wanna do anything

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I'm a real fucking loser, been having headaches of varying degrees of pain daily. The one stranger I opened up to was my doctor who basically told me to find another doctor and gave me muscle relaxers hoping they would work, of course they do nothing. Been homeschooled and lived in the middle of no where my whole life, went through at least 6 different doctors trying to solve my head pain, at this point I know I am a complete burden on my family, I have turned to illegal opiates to try and ease my pain, though now I realize my family would be better off with me gone, later today I will start drinking and then take the rest of those muscle relaxers, oblivion would be better than this life of pain and shame.

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Probably a basic feel but i have no idea what i want. I would love for an event to happen to me that would make me realize what i want. That however happens mostly in the fiction i like. I am doing an education i hate and not really even for myself. Should i just try random shit until something makes a spark go off? Anyone else know this feel?

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>Still sturdy because I'm a retard
>We have forced sports class
>Teachers decide to make it more female friendly and change the subject to dancing
>Finally started feeling better about myself and learning just to enjoy video games and stuff, thinking less about how much of a failure I am with women.
>Today it's the start of the dancing class
>Teacher says that you have to find a woman as partner
>ohh fuck this is worse than group assignment
>Must find a partner quick guys come near me, two chicks next to me, guess it adds up, fuck no they're in a group, guess I can just be with him.
>Teacher says we can't and we have to be with women, point in another direction far away saying there's a chick that's free
>I don't go because I can't she shit and have no idea if he's bullshitting
>The other guys stays too
>Teacher has to get the chick to move here
>She's with the other guy
>I have to get stand beside while they dance.
>Annoying as fuck knows people know how much an loser I am.
>Have a neckbeard friend who's chick just ran away.
>Chad leaves his chick and comes to the rescue.

I have no idea what was worse. How much a failure I'm with women, or how she treated my friend.

Well guess I should vent somewhere. Used to have real insightful discussions with my mother until she found out I've been smoking weed occasionally. Now it's pointless to discuss any personal problems with her because she blames everything on the devils herb.

For the past two years, I've almost daily imagined putting up a gun against my chin and pulling the trigger. I even act it out with my fingers every now and then. I used to think I'd never commit suicide for all the pain it would cause in my friends and relatives, but the emotional distance is getting long enough that I don't take that into account anymore. Out of all people only my mother would kind of see it coming.

I have many close friends and I've never been bullied. No childhood traumas. Nothing that would usually spark mental disorders or such. I'm not even a virgin and generally haven't had trouble in the dating scene.

I just think I'm way too emotional to be a male. I've always hated to be a man. I've always been jealous of girls, for as long as I can remember. I was raised to the traditional roles of man being the logical hard-ass who does the dirty work and woman being the delicate flower who is to be protected and loved. It's not OK for a man to cry because showing your emotions is showing your weakness. I've never thought this was fair and thus wanted to be a girl. But that's not possible, and being a trans would only make things worse. At one point I actively tried to turn myself gay, but no go. My only option is to, literally, man up.

I've been to a private psychiatrist but even their reaction was along the lines of "well it's too bad you were born at this time, it'll get better after some time for emotional men like yourself. wanna get conscription release papers?". Spent well over 2k euros to that bullshit.

Fuck I just want to feel necessary without having to be insanely famous or rich. If there's a woman reading this, please have a moment to think how wanted and lucky you are.

>>34044367
>be me
>doing a compulsory traditional dance
>have to dance with girls
>get set up with one by a friend
>could be worse i guess
>"switch"
>fuck my life
>prettiest girl in the school next
>step on her feet
i haven't felt this shit in a while, just don't go

I want to end the normies due to childhood trauma. Plus I don't want to spend 50 plus years alone slaving away at a job I won't enjoy, struggling to pay bills, always on a knife edge.

I don't have many skills or qualifications either so a comfy desk job is way out of the question.
At the same time I don't want to upset those who I love.

But then again I've told them numerous times I'm a crazy fuck

>>34043855
There's no awkward tension outside your head, because she doesn't know you regret cutting contact.

You can just pretend you were a strong independent man who got bored when she didn't come to the first date.

Don't show your desperation. Just talk to her as if she's any of your old school buddies that you haven't seen for a while.

I don't have any passion and literally have no reason for waking up in the morning.

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>>34036573
Not really looking forward to going back to college in a week or so. Just been thinking comfy thoughts, specifically going back and playing pic related with a few mods.

>>34044191
Are you talking about a general feeling of apathy and lack of direction in life and as you said a vague hope for something to come along and provide said direction? If so, yes...

>>34044398
>with my mother until she found out I've been smoking weed occasionally. Now it's pointless to discuss any personal problems with her because she blames everything on the devils herb.

As somebody who has grown up with a mother who likely has a Cluster B personality disorder (I suspect Histrionic), don't let shit from your parents bring you down. You said you have had some close friends, and I imagine you have seen what their parents are like. Hopefully some have acted like parents should, that is caring and supportive. Thankfully my father was always careful to explain how a parent/family should act and by comparing his behavior, and my mother's to other families I was able to realize that the way my mother acts is not right. Obviously I don't know the whole situation in your life, but if she is gonna turn her back on you because of that then frankly you shouldn't give her the time of day. You can recognize why she does what she does and why she acts but in the end you can rarely change people so just ignore the bitch.

t. guy who tried to love his mother for years, but now hates her guts.

>>34044191
>I am doing an education
What education? HS?

>>34044778
Nah logistics. I already got a teamleader degree but i feel like in this field a degree counts for shit.

>>34044758
That is exactly what i mean. Though i suppose we still care because otherwise this would not be a feel. So we cannot speak of true apathy if you aks me. The vague hope part is also what i mean. Like after watching or playing a movie or game where in the character has some shit happen to him i start thinking about how much i would want that to happen to me.

>Will I make it in college?
>Will therapy finally break my cycle.
>When I finally get over my ex.
The things I wish I had answers to.

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>>34038330

Kek save you, anon

>>34044972
>>Will I make it in college?
How do you define "making in college"?
>therapy
obsessive thoughts?

>>34045104
Graduating obviously. If I could make a friend or two well that'd be swell.

Depression and anxiety mostly. Also using it to get out of the house and be productive at something

>>34045176
>Depression and anxiety mostly.
How would you describe your depression and anxiety?

>>34036573
>match with qt on tinder
>ask her about something
>she gives half assed reply, I struggle to keep the conversation alive
>she unmatches me

This keeps happening. It's so frustrating; it just makes me want to give up. I wish I knew how to talk to people.

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Imagine finally meeting a qt girl that asks for your number to meet up the next day, only for her autistic neighbor that's obviously into her to tag along at the last second because he saw her leaving her house, ruining the whole thing and making it uncomfortable. also he doesn't say a single thing, hes just there on his phone or bragging about his ex girlfriends or trying to shock people with that part from a lighter.
My anger hasn't subsided at all and i don't know how to make it go away.

>>34045234
It's not necessarily you. Maybe it's also them who are rubbish at talking, it's more likely than you think.

>>34036573
I have confusing feelings for a woman for whom I am her best friend but she is ten years older than me and has zero interest in my fat ass and non-pretentious personality

>>34045389
that sounds more dickish than i intended.

I have been analyzing why she left me. If she was being honest when she said it was because of my abuse. Or if it was because it was hard on her like she said before. The whole hiding from her mother because of her age. Because i was illegal. Because we were not free and open and we had to hide from her mother constantly. It all feels like an impossible love story and i end up feeling like romeo and should just fucking kill myself.

I have to take the hardest class of my academic career, but may not have enough money for the books even. It's worrisome because each passing day now is a day that the class curriculum moves forward, while I'm stuck at square one without a book. I worry before long it will reach a point where I can't catch up and then will fail the class.

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>>34044857
>So we cannot speak of true apathy if you aks me

True enough, the constant search for purpose is rather tiresome is it not? Maybe it would be better to be truly apathetic.

>The vague hope part is also what i mean.

I wonder where the feeling arises from, maybe some byproduct of evolution? I feel ya though, I love to imagine somebody or something coming into my life and changing it in some fundamental way. It would preferably not be bad , but merely something that helps me avoid the stereotypical path of life (wagecuck, settle down, retire, etc.). I hear that eventually you start wanting to just settle down and lead a "normal" life, but I'm afraid that I could never find that satisfying and as a result I have an overwhelming desire to simply find some purpose/use or just live a life well spent. Maybe I'm not apathetic at all.

>>34045763
Do you have steam anon? I would like to talk more about this feel. Maybe i just want to talk about it or maybe we can get just a bit closer to ending this feel if we converse about it.

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>>34036573
>joining AF
>have to transfer my failing college credits
>reminds me of the horrors I endured during college completely unrelated to my understanding and about my grief throughout
>feel like the failure I am
>still have to hear how people have utmost confidence in my abilities since I aced their exam
>tfw can't stop the feeling
>tfw my life was supposed to be so much different and it has turned into this
>tfw failure at life itself will never leave
I feel like an idiot all the time and all the praise I get for shit I did in high school makes me feel even more retarded

>>34045204
Depression hmm mostly dark thoughts that used to be suicidal. Lack of hope or motivation to change. My hobbies don't bring much joy anymore. Just the negatively that no one wants to be around. Anxiety usually gives my this panicked feeling afraid to do anything or take risks. Gets worse in groups of people but desu it's gotten much better recently now that I'm forcing myself to do stuff. Ned's however made it so much worse glad to be off them and on new ones

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I just got into an argument with my father, uni isn't for me, I can't talk to anyone, I don't know how to do anything right, it's only been two days and I already want to shoot myself. I just want to disappear.

>>34045891
Steam is cool. Can't guarantee anything, but I would be open to some more conversation. Hit me up with an email here:

[email protected]

>>34046595
You say you can't do anything right. Can you tell me what you have difficulty with? I often have that idea as well so it interests me. I for example can not follow simple instructions. For example if i worked in a warehouse i would be shit at it because i would never understand where to put shit or what to do first.
>>34046630
Going to send you an email. Yea i am not acting like this will be life changing for both of us but it might be nice to talk about it.

>>34045944
Oh man, that takes me back. I was in exactly your place six years ago.
It all worked out though. Don't worry so much. In the actual operational AF the bar hangs pretty low so if you just put forth effort, you'll probably excel.

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>>34046693
Well, it's not that I can't do anything right I guess, I just don't know how to do things or what to do really. I've been skipping classes and both my parents are paying for my education, but I know in the end, I won't put anything I learned to use, I feel so guilty just taking this from them. I don't want them to suffer so I think if I just go away I'll somehow help them.

>>34036573
Had to spend 150 dollars replacing my tires. I'm mad because it's money I don't have, but they were at or slightly worse than 2/32, and apparently that's a bad thing. I don't know shit about cars, but sure, I guess.

>>34046773
So you feel guilty but not guilty enough to work on it? I would shit on you but the thing is i have the exact same attitude towards problems. I dislike myself for that. If it is about school stuff one thing i can offer you is trying a private tutor. That way you will be forced to do some shit. It helped me because if kind of forced i do not resist that kind of stuff.

>>34046936
I don't know how to get into the mindset of just forcing myself to do it, before uni, it seemed so easy to just think about doing it, but now... I feel like I'm getting heart palpitations just talking to people.

>>34046630
>>34046773
If it really is true that the feel we have is the same i have a fantasy of just dropping everything and going traveling together or something. You got steam or something?

I am this guy >>34046936

>>34047010
The teacher will force you to do it not yourself. Unless you are so afraid of talking to people that sitting in a room with 1 tutor is scary to you. Then all i can think of is professional help or taking little steps to expose yourself to people more yourself.

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>>34047040
I got a steam, hit me at the previously mentioned email if you want. Maybe we should have a discord or something idk.

>a fantasy
Too bad it is just that, reality always seems to intrude.

>>34046843
I'd rather pay $150 than die

>>34047040
Oh, I meant like dropping dead or something. There's nothing in this life for me, and if there is, it'll be short lived and insignificant...
>>34047062
This is generally the advice I've been getting, I don't know where to start though, I just feel so stupid around people, as if I'm scum and not worth talking to or something.

>>34047095
This whole time i figured i was talking to a different guy. I think it is because that post was about a different feel. I am not gonna pretend we are the same but so far i can kinda see myself in both. I already send you an email.

>>34036658
Yeah, if you have no social skills stay in the common room as much as possible. If you're in the common room before they enter you hold the social advantage no matter what.

Took me 3 student accomodations before I learned that if I put off going to the kitchen because other people are in there, it just gets worse, there's days when you can't even leave your room. But if you're seen often enough you're just part of the decor.

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The fact I'm 25 and I have neither social or sexual experience, but what really hurts me is that I want to try to get myself better but I'm so fucking scared of try to put my neck out there.

I'm really terrified of trying.

>>34047095
>>34047173
You are 2 different guys i was being a moron.
And you could start by looking for tutors. The thing is you say that you are scum not worth talking to. But you would be less scummy if you tried getting a tutor. They are usually calm and there is not much pressure like you may experience with people of your age. I know it is easier said than done but the thing is you most likely will never know where to start at this point. I would suggest picking the tutor route and go with that. For all i know you wanna start with moving to Peru and living as a goat.

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>Tall girl pinch my ass and nipples all the time, spread her legs when she's sitting in front of me in her tight leggings.
>Ask her out
>Get rejected
>Black chick sits on my lap all the time and lick my face in a jokingly sexual way
>Ask her out
>Get rejected
>After having rejected me tall girl always come in when I get changed and pinch my butt and dick while I'm in my underwear
pls explain
I'm still a virginbtw, I'm pretty /fit/ but I have shitskin btw

>>34047331
She is being a cunt.

Oregano

broken up with a girl who only went out with me because of pity. It's hitting me that i'll never have a gf because im too ugly and un-charismatic.

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Life is a stupid game.

The universe had it in for us. Humans and animals are just reproducing eating machines; the product of a replicating molecule that has become increasingly complex and complicated over the course of billions of years here on Earth. The game was rigged from the start, there's no denying that.

We're all a bunch of parasites. Every last one of us. Don't you get it? That's what humans are, we're parasites infesting and destroying this planet for our own selfish desires. Our intelligence and consciousness only exists to be used as a scheming tool. It made us better than other sentient organisms inhabiting this planet. That's the only reason why it exists. That still remains its only function: to be used as a scheming tool to derive gratification or satisfaction of our selfish, individual desires. Most of the human race is still completely owned by that nonsense. They're more devoted to that than any high-minded ideal of civilization, or decency, or justice, or fairness.

Life is a sad and tragic story of nature, and humanity has done nothing of value or benefit to the planet we live on, and are a part of. We've disgraced our intelligence; insulted it, brutalized it, perverted it. And for what? For sick and depraved purposes. It's all over our culture, all over our economic systems, all over our entertainment. It's all so crass, stupid, and superficial. There is no value here. All we're ever doing is trying in vain to relieve some of that burden of possessing the disgusting function to exist.

Eventually each of our bodies will sustain so much damage that it's going to just stop working altogether, and our consciousness is going to have to experience that. It will have to experience the pain, the suffering, the torment, and the horror of that deconstruction. It will have to witness and feel all of it.

That's the truth. That's the fucking truth. The best thing was can do is get the fuck out of this game.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKBuCgvfWMw

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18 years old.
Closest I've gotten to making out with a girl was a peck on the lips during a game of "Spin the Bottle".

>>34047331
they dont want relationships with shitskins, they just see you as a sexual object. Try asking in a more nigger way if they want to fuck

>>34047331
Virgin? How old are you?

No matter how much Japanese I study and read, I always feel incompetent and will never be able play my games in moon runes.

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>>34036573
When you like a girl but see her going strong with some other dude after she went out with you once.

You know, not regarding that I made sure she actually had a good time (and she actually told several friends that she had a good time).

I guess she did have a good time but didn't want to be the one girl that goes out with 'that one guy'.

>tfw i still regularly try to message her
>tfw she doesn't return my messages
>tfw i pretend to hug her at night

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I'm 21 and I'm a full blown alcoholic.
I want to try and quit and clean my act up again but I know I won't stick with it unless I fully hit rock bottom.

At the moment, I'm only mildly fucking up my opportunities. But it is enough so to make me depressed and seek more drinking and drugs.

Now I am faced with the decision of trying to do the right thing even though I know I won't be able to make it last. Or I can try to do an even more absurd amount of drugs and alcohol in an attempt to finally hit rock bottom and/or die.

It's upsetting. I feel like a rejected human model. Defective. Hitting that reset button almost seems like a more logical option at this point.

I become so addicted to the alcohol at this point that after 24 hours without it, the Delerium Tremens kick in.
Last night I had a mild seizure. I'm worried and frustrated.

Unsuccessful and dissatisfied with my life performance.
Blog complete.

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I feel hollow and empty, but all of the typical ways people find meaning in their lives do not appeal to me.

I'm not religious and I feel no compulsion to be.

I have no friends because I have no hobbies or interests that naturally lead to friendships.

I am comfortable enough financially that I could go and travel the world without worry, but I don't see the point.

I wish that there was *something* that I felt I needed to work towards, but there isn't.

I've tried anti-depressants which don't really change how I feel about humanity or the world.

I've tried therapy, but it always results in the therapist telling me what I already know: that I need to be able to motivate myself. I just don't have the willpower due to general apathy towards everything.

I almost envy people whose lives are filled with real struggles and obstacles, because they become naturally predisposed towards living life to the fullest extent possible. Being born with a semi-silver spoon in your mouth is amazing on paper, but it doesn't guarantee happiness.

I wish I could just flip a switch that would ensure I would die quietly and peacefully during my next sleep cycle, but I may end up buying a gun or something, I don't know.

Started going to the gym regularly and got into music production which is really fun.
Still feel like shit every day though because the one girl I was actually interested in told me she was a lesbian but now she is going on a date with another guy.
It never ends.

>>34046474
And lets be honest who wants to actually think of their ex after a break up? I hate it so much. It makes me feel sad and I just bottle it up. Im fucking done crying over a girl thatll never come back. It just eats away at me inside.

>>34047639
do you have anything to strive towards?
do you listen to music?
i have my own phases of apathy but that's temporary and i can't imagine having it all the time

>>34047486
>>34047489
19 and by shitskin I mean I have a achne, I'm a white blond with blue eyes

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>>34047639
Jesus fuck, are you me?
This post was made in Oregon

It's January 10 2017 already and I haven't even begun making blueprints for my memetic targets of the year yet. My Pepes are mocking me. I should stop procrastinating and get off my ass and tend to some serious memes that will make Trump and Putin proud.

>>34047835
I have nothing to strive towards, no. I have never set goals for myself. My life has always been just doing what I feel like doing at any given time, long term consequences be damned.

Every time I sit down and think to myself "Okay I need to set some personal goals" I end up discarding every single idea because I feel like they aren't worth the effort.

I listen to music occasionally, but it's not exactly something that makes life worth living for me.

I just farted and think a little poo came out and I'm afraid to get up to go check

>>34047778

How did you get started with music prod anon? I'm using logic express, but it certainly doesn't seem conducive to electronic based music I don't think. Good for recording analogue instruments though.

I'm studying for the physics gre and I'm starting to think it isn't for me. I always wanted to major in physics and astronomy, but as I've gotten closer to graduating and have done actual research work in my classes, I've come to realize the actual day to day of it is incredibly dull. Like I really enjoy knowing all this stuff and I think it's interesting, but I think I just watched too much Star Trek as a kid and that's what I wanted to believe it was like.

I don't know...you guys know that monologue Sam Neil gave in Jurassic park about the astronomers and the astronauts? Well I guess I always thought I was the astronomer in that analogy but I'm starting to think it was really the other way round this whole time.

>>34036573
Found some Sven Co-op and StarMade servers I like, shouldn't be bored for a while.

>>34047990
my advice is just keep on living and waiting
most people i know find something to live for
my dad recently became a hardcore catholic
he keeps bugging me with his religious shit and it's tedious but i'm glad he atleast found something to do with his life except wageslave

>>34048122
I don't doubt that most people do. But not everyone.

And after 26 years of waiting my patience is wearing incredibly thin.

I wish voluntary euthanasia was a fully legal and noncontroversial thing, but the religious, pro-life nutters are just incapable of understanding things from the perspective of someone who does not view life as intrinsically precious.

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>>34048283
it's because they're like me, lol
sorry
but i really don't want you to die haha
i'll be praying for you i guess

>>34048019
I got fl studio a couple years ago but never really did anything with it.
Picked it up again recently and downloaded some free vst synths and started messing around with them

>tfw becoming obsessed with a girl who already has a boyfriend
I really want to get to know her better but at the same time I don't want to be an orbiter.

>>34049160
By being obsessed with her you already are.

>>34049160
Cut all contact and try to not look her up on social media. This is the reasonable option. You know it to be true.

I've ate sweat ice cream and drinked hot, dark and unsweated tea. I think about reaction of my belly. Shit was worth it.

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>>34036573
that feel when no gf

im not trying to shit post or anything that's just how i feel right now.

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Goddamn oneitis

>>34049386
>try to not look her up on social media
Well it helps that she doesn't post much any way.
>This is the reasonable option. You know it to be true.
I know, I've known this for a good few weeks now. I wish there was another way and when I'm feeling more optimistic I delude myself there'll be one someday but I already know deep down.

I miss my boyfriend

>>34036573
How can I become more emotionally stable? How can I withstand power struggles better?

>>34036573
cant sleep because of a girl
i always do stupid shit i can never even get myself to talk to her im so fucking autistic oh my god
end me senpai

>>34049995
I miss my bf too

>>34036658
do you have a roomate? if so good luck

>>34049926
I am not sure what to tell you. The only thing i can think of is to cut her off knowing that that is going to be harder the longer you wait. You might think it is too hard now but it only gets worse.

I should kill myself but I'm to weak willed to do it.

How the fuck come my beta friend lost his virginity before me with a good looking girl?

>>34050301
>caring about virginity
Not a virgin, but it really only matters if it bothers you, which it shouldn't

>>34050312
Well yea I'm 18 and only want to be done with it.. So i can focus on other ''stuff''

>>34050312
Going to the military so don't want to die a virgin

>>34050350
>''stuff''
Sounds sketch, what's "stuff"

>>34050444
Military stuff

>>34037495
Fuciking stand up and do it now. I'll know if you don't

>>34050459
Less interesting

women are able to dedicated themselves to one chad, but for everyone else she is flighty. women arent as slutty as i think they are.

>>34050482
Depends on what country that woman is from.

I'm upset because of the guy with the pedo doll who wanted me to have a child with him. We met over /a/ and I was stupid enough to talk to him and he's still messing with my head two months after I told him I wasn't going to talk to him anymore.

Trying to push my career forwards as a writer to try and better myself, but I'm struggling to find the motivation to work or the focus to keep doing it. My doctor says I have ADD.

I'm slowly getting fatter and can't seem to find a happy medium to begin losing weight.

I'm struggling big time financially, but I'm too proud to ask for help.

My friend recently lost his mother, and my shame and awkwardness has lead me to back out and not be in contact much and I feel guilty as fuck.

I have all these mixed emotions in my head an it's like a tornado because my mind won't stop thinking.

What do I do?

>>34050531
Go on, interest piqued

I wasted about 2 years of my life and it eats me inside

First I changed my major, next I didn't sign up for classes, then I dropped a shit ton of classes because I'm still a lazy retard
Now everytime I do something nice or uplifting this thoughts immediately shows up and fucks my brain

I hate myself for this

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>>34050812
>be tripfag on /a/, specifically on /snk/ boards
>obsessed with Erwin Smith
>want him to breed me
>this freak comes along, declares he'll make a good daddy
>harasses me on the board
>my stupid arse agrees to speaking with him over email mainly because I'm super curious what he's about
>he wants a daughter named Annie after the character Annie Leonhardt
>offer is I move to live with him, get pregnant
>must have a blonde daughter (I'm blonde), guy doesn't know how genetics work though
>if I'm pregnant with a boy the baby must be aborted
>guy is into abuse and stuff too so he'd probably have punched the kid out of me
>he has a Trottla doll he takes care of like a daughter
>obsessed with my hair so he washes the doll's hair with the same shampoo I use
>gets upset when I mention the doll isn't real
>sometimes have normal conversations about books and video games but it's still creepy
>realise I've gone too deep when he admits that the doll wanked him off, so he probably fucked it a few times
>can't get rid of the doll when I ask him to
>literally reads it stories and watches children's cartoons with it
>feel the need to break it off
>tell him I won't talk to him anymore while he still has the doll
>starts begging me
>sends me a message saying that 'in the morning someone will find Annie and I' suggesting he killed himself and the doll
>is really a number of other well known anons there and continued posting as them but if I bring that up I'm apparently bullying them
>this has caused me months of psychological harm

Pic related, it's Annie

>>34051003
That's fucked up, why do you associate with fucked up people?

>>34051003
Got in a bit deep there didn't you? If you'll tell me, why did you start talking to him and how did the doll get involved? There's something about the bit with the shampoo that makes me feel gross.

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>>34036573
I loath chads and stacies.

It causes me physical anguish to see them breeze through life. They'll never know social, mental or emotional struggle. They'll never really understand loneliness, desperation.

These are the kinds of people that will unironically say "ooohhhh I haven't been laid in 2 weeks! kill me teehee".

Hit a PR at the gym this week but it doesn't really matter. Muscularity isn;t going to help my face or demeanor. I see these people wearing expensive clothes, and fashionable hair cuts and all this primping and preening and all just seems like fucking bullshit.

Here are these dumb cunts that go to the gym with 2 lbs of make up to """work out""" on a treadmill enthusiastically. They've earned NOTHING. They've done NOTHING. And yet it doesn't matter because they have a cunt and a good looking face. You could even be a bit chubby and you'd still get laid at that point.

I'm just so fucking torn between the superficial and metaphysical. I don't want to waste my life pursuing vacuous validation but i'm fucking human. I can't even tell if my interesting in writing and film isn't just another form of insecurity and self-validation.

But you can't half ass being a writer or a filmer or anything like that. The whole concept of "balance" itself is a fucking myth. 90% of successful people live very deliberately unabalanced lives of intense work at something they enjoy and sacrifice for. But i'm too fucking scared to commit to something like that at the expense of all the few things that make me have any chance of being interesting to a woman.

Fuck.

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>>34051099
I was bored and curious.

>>34051121
The doll was actually posted in the threads and he asked me if I wanted to see something interesting. Like I said I was just extremely curious.

He would send me messages saying I love you, Annie loves Mummy, stuff like that.

Pic related is an email he sent to say goodnight. Something like 'this is the last goodnight Annie and I will say to you'.

>>34051173
Curiosity killed the cat anon
Did you talk often? Or was it a brief in and then a swift nope.

>>34051173
So you gave yourself psychological harm cause you were curious? I sometimes wonder if people on this board purposely want to hurt themselves.

>>34051173
>bored and curious.
>talk to what is likely a pedo because bored
Dude

>>34037623
Really? In my college we go to our adviser, they tell us which classes we should take, then we just sign up for classes. Even if the class is full they can usually get us in. It's literally the easiest thing. I'm guessing it's different for you?

>>34051212
We talked for about two months. He knew within the first day or so that I was not going to have his child. Talking about video games and books, stuff like that, was often okay. Plus he let me rant when I had issues with my anxiety and aspergers.

>>34051218
I didn't know how deep it would get.

>>34051235
It's messed up and was a giant mistake. I've talked to some odd people here before, but he by far was the worst.

>>34051257
>I had issues with my anxiety and aspergers.
kek that explains a lot

>>34051257
If he knew you didn't want to have the kid, why did you both keep talking? I'm not trying to press you, I just genuinely don't understand why.

>>34051302
He said he had an obsession with me and loved me. He fell in love with me through me posting about Erwin. He also said he was jealous when I spoke about wanting to fuck Erwin.

I continued speaking with him partly because I was scared of what he would do if we stopped, because I have an awful guilt at breaking contact regardless of who the other person is, and because it's easier to rant at a screen than it is to keep these emotions bottled up.

>>34051257
Yes you did you totally knew how deep it could get. You had all the time in the world to bail and you kept going. You did this to yourself.

>>34051335
An obsession? Who's Erwin then and how did he get involved with it? What did he do when you stopped talking to him?
And no more pictures please or sexdoll things if possible, dolls are creepy when they're small let alone child sized.

>>34051378
I know but I can't change the past.

>>34051392
Erwin Smith is a character in the manga/anime Attack on Titan. I am obsessed with him. Very sadly not a real person. I keep up this obsession by having someone write him for me in a roleplay and I write her favourite in return.

This person said he killed himself when I stopped talking to him but he is still alive and posts in the /snk/ threads as a number of other anons/characterfags.

I have to return to work next week after a three-week holiday. It's a full-time job and it makes me fucking miserable. Data management from 8:30am to 5:30pm in a bright, hot airless room full of normies.

>>34051450
>Erwin Smith is a character in the manga/anime Attack on Titan.
Googled him.
Not gonna lie here anon, you're weird. Not as weird as doll dude, but weird.
You're sure it's him that's giving you a hard time? I don't visit /a/ so I'm not sure what a characterfag is. Is that what you call tripfags?

>>34036573
>What is on you mind right now? What is bothering you?

I HAVE TO BREED

I NEED TO CUM DEEP INSIDE A YOUNG FERTILE WOMAN

I MUST IMPREGNATE A WOMAN

MY BALLS ARE SCREAMING AT ME

>>34051505
At least you have a job. Job economy sucks ass here. Don't take a job for granted anon

>>34051507
Oh I know I'm weird. I don't mind anyone saying so.
I'm sure. I can't go into too much detail as to why but it's him. A characterfag is someone who is very vocal about their favourite character. They may or may not be a trip fag. They tend to typically post only about their favourite character.

>>34051625
At least you own your weirdness, that's something.
So you would be an Erwin characterfag and that's what drew him to you? What was he like? Doll dude I mean.
This is internet documentary sort of stuff.

>>34051533
I realize that, and I was a NEET for a long time, and then worked as a literal burger flipper, before finding this job. But shit job plus lack of sufficient reason to live plus total isolation plus external and internal pressure to live up to perceived potential equals me wanting to die and get it over with.

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I stole a pair of my sister's panties yesterday and jerked off like a crazed beast while deeply sniffing them at least six times last night.

My cock is bruised and tender.

>>34051703
Harsh. Sorry anon, sounds rough. I'll take your job though if you don't want it.

>>34036573
I just moved to a new city and have no friends. I am more alone than I have ever been.


/inb4beeeurselfandpeoplewillnaturallytalktoyou

>>34051802
I know this feel. I haven't socially left my house in over two years. I just go to work and go home

>>34051728
I guess I'm being an ungrateful faggot. I keep my complaints to myself IRL. But I can't help feeling the way I do.

>>34051694
I think what drew him to me was because I often posted about wanting to be knocked up by Erwin, repeatedly bred and such, and he must have presumed that I was into it with any man. I believe he said that I wanted a baby, he wants one, so his logic thought 'why would she say no?'. I was a tripfag so something more than the average characterfag.

He liked to be loving. He asked if he could say that he loved me and I said he could if he wanted to. If I was feeling unwell he'd give me tips on how to get better. He was really interested in my physical and mental heath. We talked about books we liked, he was into Warhammer books a lot. Gaming too from time to time. It was alright conversation until the doll came back into it. He seemed to have an extremely dominant side to the extent that he had two companions he would meet with and he'd send me a few pictures of them covered in nasty bruises. One morning he said good morning to me and followed up with the simple email 'say, would you cut yourself for me?'. When I broke contact with him he offered me money. He turned very desperate.

>>34037740
I'm kind of in the same boat. My issues aren't as muchas yours, but I have to give myself pep talks in order to do the smallest of errands. Normies take so much for granted. Life is hard for everyone, but for people like us its even worse because we cant function like normies do.

I wish you the best on your journey, Anon. We're all gonna make it.

>>34051863
Again, no pictures please.

You said he liked to be loving, like actually loving or did he enjoy it? Was it a game or something? Did he take an interest in your health for any particular reason? Because the, "would you cut yourself for me" is weird. I'm assuming this, plus the "companions", as you put it, means he was a sadist?
No need to answer anything you don't want to.

>>34052008
I'm not sure whether it was genuine feelings or not. If it was fake and was just a way for him to manipulate then I suppose if someone really had fallen for him back then he would have just abused them so much. It might have been a game. The fact that he is so different as the other anons means that it might be a game to him. He's twisted because it's a game or there's something really wrong in the head. Perhaps both.

I'm not sure why he took an interest in my health. Perhaps part of him did care. Maybe he continued to hold out hope about me having a child with him and wanted me to be in the best possible health for that.

I do think he was a sadist. He definitely loved control too and feeling like he was in charge.

>>34052130
Was he generally manipulative? Or better yet, do you know if he had asked other women before you?

Earlier, you said he offered you money. What was that about? How much were you talking about? Would there have ever been an amount that would make you consider it? I doubt it, but like you I'm curious.

It's like a good wikipedia page, I just want to read more, even though it's a bit sick.

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This is what's on my mind. I'm trying to figure how to ask her out without without dropping my spaghetti.

>>34052287
She's fucking cute.
Got anything in common?

>>34052241
I believe he had asked his companions before about children but it makes sense that contraception would have been discussed with their arrangement. He might not have asked specifically for Annie. I believe that one companion didn't want children, the other wouldn't make a good mother.

I do believe he was manipulative. What sort of person says they are going to kill themselves if someone doesn't talk to them anymore? I did this to try to get me to talk to him again I'm sure.

He offered me money to stay talking to him. I didn't ask him how much so I'm unsure there. He always said right at the beginning that money would never be an issue when it came to me being taken care of. He wanted me to stay at home and look after the baby for a few years and it was up to me whether I returned to work or stayed at home when Annie was at school. In return for being supported he did want sexual favours though. I believe he said that if I did leave him, Annie would stay with him and she would not come to live with me.

>>34052287
She's fat, you'll be fineeeeee

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>>34052317
That's the thing, we've only talked casually like two or three times. We have some classes together, so that'll help. I'm thinking about striking up conversation while we're at our lockers (they're right next to each other) about our new psychology teacher, and then asking her to lunch after school. Does this seem like it'll work?

>>34052324
Companions and money, where they escorts? Prostitutes? Is that maybe why wouldn't one of them be a good mother? I'm guessing you don't know but it's worth asking.

To play devils advocate, what if he did kill himself? You're sure that he's still around? He doesn't sound like the most stable person, so he could have felt abandoned or angry at being denied, you do believe he was a manipulative and dominant person after all.

If money wasn't an issue, I assume he was comfortably well off? Sexual favours? You can touch on that one if you want, not gonna ask you to.

>>34052392
Seriously man, just ask her to lunch. If you try and do it a certain way, or at a certain time, or over a certain topic, you're just going to be awkward. Just approach her, and ask. But be nice about it. "Hey, look, do you want to come get lunch with me? Coffee?"
God speed anon, go get that qt

>>34036573

>will I pass my driving exam this friday, so my parents dont waste even more money and the chad teacher doesnt call me a failure one more time

>I finally met the qt stacey I have been stalking the past months, is she interested in me?

>how longer can I survive without weed alcohol and masturbation

>why is my body so weak that I cant lift the laundry drawer and I get sick almost every two months

Thats pretty much it

>>34052491
>will I pass my driving exam this friday, so my parents dont waste even more money and the chad teacher doesnt call me a failure one more time
If you've been trying.

>I finally met the qt stacey I have been stalking the past months, is she interested in me?
>stalking
No.

>how longer can I survive without weed alcohol and masturbation
Literally until your dying day

>why is my body so weak that I cant lift the laundry drawer and I get sick almost every two months
Adjust diet, spend more time outdoors and around other people, get vaccines as and when

>>34052488
Alright, I'll keep that in mind. Thanks anon.

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For some reason, all of a sudden, I feel regret for not taking advantage of all the times that I could have had a love relationship in the past.

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>>34052547
Don't let that spaghetti spill and never let the burg slip. You'll go far.

>>34052446
They could be escorts. I'm not sure but it seems unlikely he would have told the truth if they were.

I am sure he's still around. I can't go into too much detail but I definitely know that he is. I am sure if he killed himself there would have been some sort of investigation with the police and I would have been involved. He 'killed' a child sex doll so he might have been of interest.

He never went into what sort of favours he wanted me to give him. Right at the beginning of us talking he did speak about wanting to hurt me so I presume it would involve lots of hitting and worse. I'm not sure how well off he was. He could have been lying about that.

>>34052560
>all of a sudden
U GETTIN OLD SON

>>34052560
I know that feel anon. It just comes onto me randomly. Makes me feel like a fucking idiot. Just put on some music until it goes away. Works for me. I recommend Cliffs of Dover.

Guess this is a good enough place to ask. Is filling the sink with ice cold water, hyperventilating and then putting my head underwater to force myself to my very limit to be considered self harm?

>>34052524
1) my mind just doesnt help me, I can never concentrate on doing the multitasking needed to drive, how do people do it?

2) I expexted that

3)wish I had the will to go that long

4)already had a vaccine for all the serious illnesses, always get down by diffrent types of flu

>>34052581
Do you know why he wants a kid in the first place? He wasn't into kids in that way was he?

I'm pretty much out of questions, but if you have anything else you want to say or get of your chest, I would be interested in reading it. Stuff like this is why I peruse this site. Stories like this make me a bit more cautious.

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>>34052622
It depends on why you're doing it. Sometimes I do weird shit like that just to see what I feels like. Plus it's not really harming your body.

>>34052672
The idea is that I want to feel how it is to drown in preparation for maybe like drowning myself. I suppose it's not really harming me but it also hurts so idk. I guess I do it for the same reasons people cut themselves.

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>>34052722
In that case I would consider self harm I guess. Why drowning?

>>34052722
Find someone to waterboard you or something. Sounds like your into fetish stuff. Pop a boner to this and shine that cock.
http://efukt.com/21295_the_sexy_side_of_waterboarding.html

>>34052787
Having a hard time coming up with other ways. Drowning isn't my preferred way but there's plenty of water around.

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>>34052655
Eh, you're just dying quicker than the rest of us by the sounds of it

>>34052822
Why not inhale gasoline? Shit smells good.

>>34052824
I hope so

oregano-oregano

>>34052869
That works? I'll look into it thanks.

>>34052880
I mean I've heard that all my life, I'm not entirely sure. Doesn't seem too far fetched.

>>34052911
Do you mean like smelling the gas from a can or the fumes from a car? I know about the latter but I don't have a car or a garage.

Getting a nose job would fix all my problems, too bad I'm a minwagie.

>>34052930
I meant gas from a can, I knew about the latter as well.

>>34052974
Although some car fumes can smell good too.

>>34052974
Gas is so expensive now and what do I do with it if it doesn't work? But yeah I'll look into it.

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>>34036573
I'm playing Pokemon platinum nuzlocke and my starter just died
mfw i actually cried about that.

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>>34053075
It's been years since I've cried over a video game.

>>34052581
Well it was interesting talking to you. Take care anon, avoid pedos from now on