THEY FUCKING FOUND IT

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Ok, I don't care.

You might see the five pound weight. In my OP image, you'll see where I grab it to make it tight and fuckable. I've been using the weight to make it tight now. You can see where the giant condom spills it's old cum and spit where there's the yellow-ish blotches.

Please help, r9k. What do I do to fix my reputation with my family?

>>31910769
Top kek anon show us your pillow girlfriend you fuck

>>31910822
Did you not look at the OP image?

It's right fucking there.

Please help me.

Am I blind or you're awful at taking pictures? I don't see your pillow gf at all retard

>>31910822
>>31910925
pillow gf is a military pillow

>>31910769
Move out oh wait

holy kek, op.
I'm paranoid about my family finding out what I masturbate to/with, so much so that I check that I've cleaned up like three times. Now I'm even more so. This is why you can't slip up like this. IDK if there's anything you can do to make it better; they think you're a bit pathetic and find the thought of you masturbating funny. All you can do imo is wait it out till it gets old and becomes one of those old family stories you try to ignore.

>>31911106
Why not move into your own place like an adult?

Something similar happened to me, it involves a pair of "cum slippers", if anyone is interested in hearing about it

>>31911471
>cum slippers
tell me more, anon

your pillow gf is that military colored thing?...

>>31911471
Here's a (you) now tell your tale.

>>31911471
>cum slippers
need to hear this one

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Reminds me of my cum wall by my bed. Where I do cummies and wipe boogies sometimes. Parents have been asking me to clean it for a while but I don't know how.

>>31911505
Alright,here it goes

>I'm about maybe 15 at the time
>after I started masturbating often I needed to switch from socks to something else
>I find an old pair of camo slippers
>Actually pretty nice to cum into
>I keep them hidden under bed
>One day I don't need them anymore
>I clean up room and put the slippers in a garbage bag along with some other trash
>Put trash bag in basement, expecting that to be the last I heard of the slippers
>The next day I get home from school and see the slippers in my moms room
>Nervouspepe.jpg
>Try to ignore the slippers
>Realize if I do something to them mom will suspect
>Talk to mom about day and she says "Oh hey anon, I looked through your trash and found these slippers and they actually fit me perfectly. They just had a bit of goop on them"
>Feel dead inside
>Somehow by miracle she didn't know what the goop was
>I just let time pass and then I get rid of the slippers for good

I can't believe it happened but she never even realized, so I got lucky

>>31910668
>How fucked am I?
Not at all? Tell them to eat a bag of dicks and get on with your life.

>>31911589

i have a boogie wall, you can clean it with saltwater and some elbow grease

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>>31911589
You may as well knock that wall down and then knock the rest of the house down.

>>31911613
Who would take a pair of slippers out of the garbage?? That's just gross. Maybe if they didn't have any fabric/padding and were just plastic or something and could be washed off, but slippers? With "goop" on them? God damn, yo mom nasty.

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>>31910769
>>31911589
you disgusting fucks
How hard is it to wank off into a tissue and toss it?

Dear god I thought the bedroom soaked in cum trope was a meme

>>31911589

I also did this growing up, I was able to somehow convince my mother it was phlegm though. I had hid mine under a poster so it wasn't very obvious, until we went to move.

person who bought the house got a wall full of my cum.

>>31911667
yeah I was screaming inside my head, was pissed at her for being a trash digger

>>31911589
oh man that looks exactly like my wall, but mine has peel off already. I have breathing problems so they think is phlegm and mucus (which is true but not the main reason)

Why not just jerk off in the shower like everyone else fucking Christ.

Is it that hard to not be a retard

>>31911729

>showering

fucking chad true robots have one shower a month or less.

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My family saw this thing.
They had a chuckle and moved on, stop being so self conscious.

>>31911729
I cant fap with a wet peepee, it doesnt feel good, and I cant do it as good standing up either

>>31911729
Yeah im totally going to take a show at 3am while im fapping to my crush instagram photos.
Neck yourself
Also is hard to fap like that

>>31911729
or bring some tissues with you

Absolute idiots. I'd love to know their iq.

>>31911781
Your dick skin is going to get really fucked up from dry
Jerkin

>>31911807
not all of us got Jew'd

>>31911807
really? Ive done it for the longest time. I have never tried water based lube though

>>31911783
Don't you think it's a bad idea to have an orgasm while looking at your crush?

Unless you are trying to make yourself like her more this seems like a terrible idea.

>>31911773
lmao what the fuck anon i would want to die after an experience like that

>>31911821
I was thinking this was my problem, but even with foreskin it seems a bad idea.

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>>31911699
Please be a comedy routine

>>31911589
Reminds me of when i just got tired of cleaning up and now i just cum and pull up my boxers. The cum just sits and i rub/peel the remnants that didnt soak up into my boxers later

>>31911840
That's an issue you might want to work on. Caring what other people think is for children and females.

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>>31911840
You just have to understand that nothing fucking matters and you're just waiting around until you die.

>>31911686
Some people like to jerk it in bed and go straight to sleep. Stop being such a judgemental shitlord. Check your low-libido privilege.

>>31911785

my mother stopped stocking tissues once I reached 12 years old and also banned me from having lotion. She did daily sweeps through my room when I was at school and went through my trash as well. I had to fap dry and eat my cum instead.

probably what turned me into a faggot

>>31911874
And people like me who have really bad social anxiety

>>31911686
literally laughing at the reaction of you normies who never did this kind of thing
fucking lol

>>31910769
I have those same shitty cast iron 1" plates. Got mine from canadian tire

>>31911824
Well im in r9k so being reasonable is not something i would consider doing.
Also im beyond salvation so whatever

>>31911874
And for geniuses like me and David Foster Wallace

>>31911896
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emHZ2oj8wDk
Keked

>>31911918
You're not going to do anything about that?

>THIS ISN'T AS MEME
>REPEAT, THIS ISN'T A MEME

>>31911874
Most people care what others think. If you don't care you probably have a mental illness. And if you care way too much you probably have a mental illess.

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>mom finds my giant dragon dildos
>i tell her its for one of my art projects about the objectification of modern sexuality
>says ok since im an art student and puts it back in my closet
>asks me if I seen the dog eating/burying grandmas adult diapers because they keep disapearing
>tell her i saw the dog with one the other day in th3 backyard

Fucking private eye bitch i gotta take her out before she puts it together

>>31911773
How much did that cost you?

a-asking for a friend

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I've gotten to the point where I couldn't give less of a shit what my family thinks about me, and they just seem to ignore my degeneracy all together.

I have a bodypillow of a loli anime girl that I attached an onahole to with duct tape, and I keep it out plain in the open for my mum to see whenever she snoops in my room.

You just have to realize that your short time on this Earth is ultimately meaningless and the opinions of others literally mean nothing.

Just embrace your degeneracy and try to enjoy yourself for the ride, OP.

>>31911899
what exactly is drinking cum like??
is it thick or something?
I'm really tired of fapping into dry, sharp as hell cumsocks, and I can't really fap into anything else.
Should I really just start drinking my own cum?

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I unironically own a pony plush with massive teats. Glad no one goes near my bed.

>>31912434
no, anon
I really don't think you should

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>>31912333
Trips may bless you, my child.

>>31912602
but why? have YOU ever tried drinking your cum?
How would you know whether it's good or bad then?

>>31911896
Post more pics of this beauty.

>>31912611
Nice dubs, it is always good when someone checks digits and gets them. themselves

>>31912434

varies for me, since I fap a ton most of the time its mainly precum with a bit of actual cum mixed in. If I hold back for a while or edge a good amount of time I can get a thick white cum that tastes slightly bitter. I still love it though as I'm a faggot I always pretend its another guy's cum.

>>31912574
hello fellow horsefucker

>>31912574

I swear if I lived alone I would buy a fuckable plushie and a sugar star to go in her.

I have a feeling if my mother saw me getting a fake horse pussy it would be the straw that would get me kicked out.

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i just leave her out there for anyone to see who cares what people think man

>>31910668
>>hear family laughing like hyenas from where my room is
>>don't care
are you legit retarded?

>>31912893
>>31912333
trips of truth
if you dont leave your waifupillow out for the world to see you cannot call yourself a true robot. it shows you have reached total apathy in life.

>>31913003

in my case that would probably be a one way ticket to the streets. I must do everything I can do to protect my comfy neet lifestyle.

>>31913051
>having parents that care about your lifestyle or what fetishes you indulge in
fuck me man this is the worst card you could be dealt
i feel so sorry for you.

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>>31911773
HOLY SHIT

I CANNOT BELIEEEEEEVE

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>>31911773
MY FUCKING SlDES!

>>31913077

I'm 26 and my mom opens any mail and packages I receive under 'my house my rules' [/spoiler] she intercepted my exit mask and that's probably why[/spoiler]

>>31911773
>>31911896
I remember you
This is a very, very original post desu senpai

>nobody has found the piss charts
>nobody is likely to
>if they did they wouldn't be able to interpret them
feels good

now if they find what i'm actually charting, which is under the desk, i'm fucked.

>>31913404
please explain...what are these...piss charts?

>>31911773
Are those kermit arms?
what the fuck?

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>>31911471
>mother found the cum slippers
This is now one of those threads

>>31913404
>piss charts
tf is a piss chart, anon

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>>31912299
0$ made out of found elements/love

>>31913555
>>31913650

i cahart every time i piss, fap, sleep, etc on the back of reciepts i have lying around.

this includes a letter for where i pissed (i.e. pissjug, pissbottle, toilet) and if i emptied the pissjug and when i emptied the pissjug, how many pissings each pissbottle held, if i pissed while shitting and whether it was a proepr piss or just a small amount forced out, times i slept and woke up, etc.

occasionally i'll also include relevant information such as if there's an unusually large gap, saying "only had one soda here" between the two points to indicate this relevant information.

mostly it's acronyms or symbols so nobody finding the chart could infer exactly what it was, unless they memorized my (eclectic) piss times.

>>31913694
the fuck is that anon
origeroin

>>31913694
D-Did you rip off kermit's body?

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>>31913640
The body is made of a bright green child's morph suit which I found in the street.

>>31913726
why tho

origami oritsuru

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>>31913748
You're fucking trolling us right?

>>31913694
>>31913748

I can't breath

2bh

>>31913694
Good call on the New Amsterdam vodka m8

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>>31913732
It's a doll I use to simulate cuddling with another person.

>>31913793
oh
I just use my blanket, anon
I don't fuck it tho, that makes it crusty and scratchy

>>31913793
Your room is killing me anon. Plz show us more

>>31913769
Nope found and vigorously washed the morph suit, the hood had been torn away and the crotch was ripped open.

>>31913793
>This whole fucking image

I can't breath

Include me in the screencap plz

>>31911589
had one covered in snot after a long-lasting and terrible cold.

parents kept complaining despite the fact it was pretty obvious, think they thought i had a cum-wall that gathered mould instead of a snot wall that was green to start with

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>>31913748
jesus fuck
If Florida was an imageboard, it would be /r9k/

>>31913839
>Nope found and vigorously washed the morph suit, the hood had been torn away and the crotch was ripped open.
you clean it out, right anon?

>>31913793
Do you make her food

if so is it lasagna?

>>31911589

This is profoundly disgusting.

It makes me feel much better about myself.

>>31911898
it's not low libido to be a clean and hygienic person, you mongrel.

>>31913793
>Wall hanger garbage sword
Check
>Retarded movie poster for kids/autists
Check
>Handmade sex doll
Check

Fucking Christ man this is funny.

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>>31913732
Why in the fuck would you ever hang a Garfield poster in your room?

>>31913839
Someone had sex in that suit anon!

>>31913871
I don't make it food, but I do brush the hair semi regularly and watch movies or anime with it.

>>31913793
>its all about me-ow

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>>31911773
You mean to tell me...
All those, ">person found the item" threads were real this whole time?!???

I WILL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN
don't include me in the screencap

>>31913910
I figured as much.
That's why I washed it.

>>31911807
>>31911898
You guys are idiots. I'm cut. I jack it in bed dry, cum on my stomach, fall asleep. Almost every night for years

>>31912159

So what are you doing with the adult diapers? Have you so abused your anus that you've lost bowel control?

>>31913952
that's hygenic

origami

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looks like some of you have been taking notes from /tv/

>>31913793
Hardest I've laughed from this board in a while

>>31913930
I learned very quickly on /r9k/ that if it's cringey, autistic, or truly insane.

Then I guarantee its true.

>>31913984
>I mail it to coworkers I dislike as "fruitcake"
jesus christ

>>31913179
Fuck that bitch, that's a federal offense.

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>>31913930
It's not thaaaaaat bad, anon.
Stop goofing around.

>>31914044
>he fucking dresses it up

>>31914044
W-why is your pillow and the suit so grimy and stained..?

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>>31914044
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

>the green limbs

>>31914044
Please anon this is too much

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>>31914069
Of course I dress it up, that's like half the fun

>>31914072
gee I wonder why, anon

>>31910769
Only thing to do to fix this reputation is to completely throw it out and fucking deny everything or get violent to show them it's srs business.

>>31914039
It is...but to a certain extent.

He lives with her, is her son. And is dependant on her.

Plus the whole, my house my rules. He could have given her consent to open his mail.

He can't prove he didnt.

Mail crime is horrible horrible boring stuff

Although finders keepers clause is fucking awesome.

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>>31914044

If this is a true robot, I just might be a chad purely by relativity

someone pleasse screencap this thread

>>31914130
He is such the opposite if Chad that all non Chad's are automatically considered Chad compared to him.

The theory of neet&chad relativity

>>31913748


no way timestamp pls omg uare a true hereo anomn

>>31913910
>>31913944

oh my gd oh my god life is wonderful

>>31911589
Just here to get in the screen cap :D

>>31913912
That's pretty sweet Anon, what's her name: ?

>>31913793
>postmodern, post-industrial life.jpg

>>31913793
>cutlass
>garfield poster, not taped, but tacked
>handmade cuddle doll
holy fucking hell who is this madman

>>31914270
HitIer died to prevent this.

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>>31913793
holy shit this can't be real

>>31913793
Why is there a Garfield movie poster?

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>>31914191
I'm not actually at home right now, but I have scoped out two new cuties.
Might wait until post Halloween sales to construct bodies though.

Include me in the screencap faggot

>>31914359
its a good movie

>>31914376
where the fuck did you get those heads

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>>31913793
>>31914044
>>31914109
ETERNAL MEME
INCLUDE IN SCREENCAP PLS

>>31914284
Wait is using tacks to hang posters unusual?

>>31914416
yes...
you usually use tape or even fucking glue
you dont just poke fucking holes in your walls...

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>>31914359
Because it's all about me-ow.

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>>31913793
>>31914044
>>31914376

This is fucking legendary

>>31914398
It's not. Lanigirooriginal

>tfw don't live alone
>tfw can't buy a latex inflatable fetish suit

>>31914416
what i meant was, if he was just memeing and didnt actually like the poster, he would probably tape it instead of tacking it for easy removal. Tacking is pretty normal, although it can damage the wall and if you really like a poster that much you should probably frame it.
>The thought of that Garfield poster framed

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>>31913793
origatomrRoboto

>>31914432
The poster is a permanent edition to my decor.

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>get drunk wearing shirt at party friend dragged me to
>spill kool-aid and everclear all over it, rip it off then pass out
>it becomes my go-to cumrag for the next two years of college
>Condition deteriorates
>Fully crispy texture finally gave way to overall tackiness with occasional crisp spots
>Smells sweet like cotton candy, oddly enough, but overpoweringly so

Maybe I should just cave and wash it, sometimes when I sleep in my alcove the sudden sweet smell of dead zygotes sweeps over me and I feel both hungry and nauseous.

>>31914460
why don't you make one like >>31914376

>>31914434
May this thread never die. Originality is my specialty.

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>>31911896
Anon...

what the fuck. Just buy a prosty.

>>31914479
>crispy
oritsuru

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>>31914376
This man is two bad days at work and half a bottle of gin away from using human limbs for the next doll

>>31914467
The poster is irregularly sized, and I have not successfully found a frame.

>>31914480
would still be found

odds are it'd get through the mail itself, but storing it safely within the house would be another matter, and the practical matter of inflation/deflation would come up if someone called me and expected me to appear within 5 minutes.

>>31914479
Keep it in a humid environment and place mushroom spores on it. Turn it into an ecosystem.

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>>31914044
>>31913793
>>31914376
>>31913793
>>31914109
Fucking wow

>>31914512
>work
Is that supposed to be a joke?

>>31914517
That's too bad, hopefully you can find one. I wasn't knocking the tacks though, they are a bit classier than tape

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And they said all the true robots left because us normies

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>>31911729
I usually sit on the shitter and jack off these days, then I flip myself around dump my load into the toilet. It doesn't feel as good as laying down but it's a lot more convenient.

>>31914479
you starched the fuck out of that shirt. looks like a fucking dirty road map that's been folded a million times

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>>31914506
Yeah man, like seriously crispy. It's crackle when I'd pick it up. Now it just feels kind of heavy, like it went from being a crispy light cotton shirt to a perma-damp and heavy velvet one.

>>31914546
That's actually not a bad idea, though the sheer number of bacteria coating it by now likely makes it more of a slime-mold environment.

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>>31913793
Ahhh I can't breathe

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>>31913793
Holy shit this is one of the most glorious things I have seen on this board inn a while. Thanks you for posting this you magnificent bastard.

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>>31914376
I finally have something to be excited for. I'll keep my eyes open for your thread on Halloween.

>>31913793
God, this picture is depressing. That doll, that katana, that poster.

>>31914638
Average is probably two loads a day, at least one anyway. Using the two equation and averaging months to thirty days, I spend nine months a year here. There are minimum 540 loads a year put onto it, and in total at least 1080. I think I'll wait to crack 2k before a wash.

>>31914742
it's a dragon scimi
>I'll sell it for 30k

>>31914745
and how many sperm cells are in your average load

>>31914763
Jej I bought it for 15$

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>>31914745

Don't wash it, do this >>31914546

>>31911589
>mom found the cum wall

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Jesus, I thought I was bad for buying an onahole, but this is something else.

>>31914742
>depressing
Pretty over dramatic assessment desu>>31911589

>>31914810
Well a teaspoon of the average semen contains 250 million sperms, however I smoke weed and live highly stressed, so lets reduce my fertility a bit, say to 200 million sperms per teaspoon. Assuming a tablespoon is my usual load size (I dunno why the volume is so great, it just happens) and a tablespoon is three teaspoons, then the average ejaculation for me contains approximately 600 million sperms. Never forget.

>>31914823
It would be a fitting retirement. I wonder who I should serve the mushrooms to.

jesus fuck. i can't take this shit anymore. i guess i really am a fucking normie

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>>31914109
I don't know how I feel about this whole thread

Include me in screencap por favor

>>31914974
In that case you ought to leave, Norman.

>>31911589
You can't. I painted my walls and you can still kinda see the old cum crusts on them

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>>31913793
Aye. It's mah boi

>always just cum on my tummy and rub it in
>big glob gets into belly button, forget about it for a few days
>Feel something weird there after a while
>can't see into it now, some sort of yellow-grey flim is covering it
>in the middle of class use a pencil to pick a gobby ball of congealed proteins from my navel and scrape onto desk
>right where you put your hand to fold it down
>leave

>>31915055
>it wasn't a ruse

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>>31915055
>boxcutter
W-what do you use this for?

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>>31915088
>ywn love memes this much

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>>31915088
Why would it be a ruse?

>>31915142
The rarest of all Pepe's

>>31915111
Crafting

>>31915143
Holy shit I actually thought that was a real girl for a second there. You did good.

>>31915143

You should put some red LEDs in the eyes on one of these, it'll be like banging the hot terminator from Terminator 3

>>31913726
WHYYYYYY ANON WHYY WOULD YOU DO THIS WEIRD SHIT

>>31913793
Why do you have a poster for a shifty movie? What do you look like?

is it more degenerate or less to buy an actual silicone doll instead of diy'ing some shitty thing?

>>31915282
One answer for both questions:
I look like a human Garfield

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You guys never disappoint me when it comes to make me feel better about my shitty life.

>>31915143

I remember this thread. lot of people bought that you were actually jizzing on your sister's hair

>>31915143

What are you going to do with her if you ever get a real girlfriend?

>>31915335
>implying
oritsuru

>>31911773
Cute cuddle pillow anon, I had one almost exactly like it, except it didn't have a face. Just some girl clothes stuffed with other clothes.
But I'm mainly posting to say I have the exact same Garfield poster! I haven't even seen that movie but that poster's been in my room for over a decade

>>31915335
I assume the kind of girl interested in me would just laugh it off.
If I turn out to be lucky enough to never need it I might pose it in my car to freak people out.

>>31915362

I think you've made a friend, dollbro

>>31915387

She's not an "it", anon. Is that all women are to you?

>>31915362
The head really helps, it's a hairdresser's dummy so it's nice real hair. Really smells like a girl's head.

>>31915425

Do you take her to the barber or cut her hair yourself anon?

>>31915456
I don't cut the hair.
I worry about retaining hair so I have to be very cautious and laborious while combing it.

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>>31910769
>>31910668
>You can see where the giant condom spills it's old cum and spit where there's the yellow-ish blotches.

>>31915425
Nice, where'd you get that?
The shirt that I use is from this girl I dated a few years ago. It still kinda smells like her, and the shampoo I have is also the same one she used.

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>>31911589
Hborgin

>>31915533
I was given the head by a beauty school drop out.

>>31915554
verry niss

>>31915579

I'm surprised you haven't modified the mouth yet. Any plans for improvements in the future?

>>31911898
Go in a soft microfibre sock like a normal human being, jesus.

>>31911729
This, but sometimes it clogs the drains...
http://www.complex.com/pop-culture/2014/01/university-of-miami-shower-masturbation-notice

>>31913984
WOW, BRO.

ORIGINAL AF

I used to have an imaginary gf. Well, that is until uni when I gave up on women altogether.

I am masturbating furiosly to this thread

I have not laughed this hard in years.

This fucking thread.

I love you, you morph doll fucking autistic asshole. I hope you get everything you want out of life.

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Godspeed you op, you magnificent faggot, you just turned my shitty day upside down

>>31911773
Holy fucking shit, I'm crying. This is the saddest fucking thing I've ever seen. It makes even those horrible furry dolls look good.

>>31911773
>Garfield poster
Jim Davis would be turning in his grave

>>31911613
She knows what that goop was and you fucking know it.

>>31911589
I use to do this when I was younger would just roll over and rub all my boogers on the wall

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>>31911773
ITS A PEPE SEX DOLL

This guy is a more self-aware version of Davecat.

Anon with the doll already posted months ago and had a thread dedicated to dolls.
Its astonishing how many newfags are here now
>>31915143
I love you anon

>pillow girlfriend
>isn't a dakimakura
Am I missing something?

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>>31914376
You are one industrious guy

>>31911589
I actually know someone who's brother had a cum wall. They slept on a bunk bed. His brother slept on the top bunk and every night he would wait until he thought my friend was sleeping, then jerk off and cum on the wall. One time I came over and I saw it for myself. Looking at the disgusting brown stains, you could really picture my friend laying there trying to sleep while his brother's cum trickled down the wall beside him.

>>31910668
why don't you clean up your shit before you go to bed? I always put the cap on my fleshlight before I go to bed and lock my door since my bed is covered in lube

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Working on a screencap ATM

what the fuck you guys, my piss jars feel normal now

What's the ONE thing you are more scared than anything else that your parents/family might find, /r9k/?
>my browsing history

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>>31911589
>stacies hit the wall
>robots cum on them

Potery

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>>31917453
I finished the cap, fast and shitty but no one else looked like they were doing it

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>>31917453
Made one with date also

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>>31911773
pls add me in screencap

>>31917130
Yeah, his mom is an incest slut.

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>>31913793
>tfw no Kermit girl to make love to beneath my dreamcatcher and Garfield poster

>>31918106

That's not a dreamcatcher it's a curved sword and small shield.

>>31918106
Just b urself
And make a gf

>>31918165
I was too busy looking at Kermit Girl and the Garfield poster and to give more of a passing glance to the rest of the room to be honest desu

>>31913793
GARFIELD, STOP FUCKING MY CUDDLE DOLL

>>31910668
at least it wasn't a dakmakura
kek, rip anon

This shit makes my old cumrag seem normal.

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>>31914376
Felt slightly unnerved by them "staring" at me.

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>>31918391

Dammit anon you are unearthing a mannequin fetish inside me

>>31918428
There's something appealing about clearly inanimate but human shaped things

Why are you using a condom, again?
I never got cought. For years.

>>31911773
That's creepy as hell

>>31913793
I wonder what people from one hundred years ago would have thought if we showed them your room as a glance in the future.

Like, if I showed a random guy from 1916 America/UK this image, would he be terrified and think he was looking into a portal from hell?

>>31917798
>>31917816
Enlarge it.

>>31913793
This song was literally wrote for (You)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yuxss1kBQWw

Well. I have seen some shit on /R9K/ This is fucking ridiculous.

>>31913694
Samson??

Ohio

this thread is legendary

>its all about meow

>>31911613
>I looked through your trash
and this is why I moved out from home

>that Pepe body

>>31914204
fuck off back to r/4chan

>>31914376
>Halloween sales
W-where do you work..?

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>>31911896
>>31911773
>>31913694
>tfw maybe if I had just become a creepy pervert and made one of these instead of only jerking off with my hand, I might have been able to get hard when I was with a real girl.

>>31919296
did you get job

>>31910668
Posting to prove I was here

Benji-sama

I was here to witness this thread, oh my lord.
- Dascucken

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Jesus christ this is the funniest thread I've seen this year

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>>31913793
>it's aII about ME-OW!

Stop posting your sex dolls phil and fix the stream

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>>31911589
this fucking board man, holy shit

>you will never find a bright green child's sized morph sex suit in the street with the crotch cut out to cuddle next to every night. why live?

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>>31913793
Godspeed you sick bastard you really made my day. May the gods bless you with many more faps.

don't include me or the others in the screencap

>>31919368
I'm not the slipper anon but I did get job before moving out

Thank you everybody. You've helped realize just how disgusting it is to keep a cloth specifically for cum. Im going to start exercising and definitely going to see if my oneitis is free for the weekend. I don't want to end up like the people here. Thank you.

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>>31910668
>pillow gf
>not even a daki
Also fuck off, that's what you get for living with other people

Lmao, my mom has walked in on me masturbating countless times. She doesn't even freak anymore, she just shuts the door and tells me what she wanted to through it.

>>31919531
I am actually the slipper anon, was just curious. Was getting employed difficult? I want to get a job before college maybe but I am unsure, I dont know where I could begin

>>31914130
The majority of /r9k/ are relative chads when compared to the few madmen.
>tfw I actually feel jealous that he has a cuddle doll and I don't

>>31919578
>anon i need to ask you something
>mummy its anon happytime
>y-yes anon i-i just need t-to ask
>no mummy you makin peepee small
>b-but i j-just need to know
>go away mummy i come down in a bit
>o-okay anon y-you enjoy yourself speak sooN

I was gonna kill myself today but this thread made me realise I still have a chance at life. Thanks

>>31914376
If ive ever seen a future serial killer anon youre definitely them.

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>>31911589
Pls post with screen cap

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>>31913793
Fucking GOLD
plz post in cap

I never want this board to close.

>>31919603
it was after college tho
its an IT job where they employ basically everyone (for really low pay)
before this I applied to a programming position and failed it hard
I never want to have another job interview ever again
although I can't afford to live alone so I live with a colleague of mine
guess its a bit better in a first world country than here in eastern eu
but seriously
a slipper??
what the fuck anon

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>>31913694
I would be unable not to think of Charlie every time.

>mum found the pillow gf

>>31912333
I leave my hole to dry next to my window right in the open. If they ever confront me im just gonna go with the "what is wrong with masturbation" meme

>>31911589
We have to build a wall for this anon. And the mexicans will pay for it.

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>>31911773
That must one of the creepiest dolls I have ever seen

>>31921437
must be one*

>>31912333
wish i had your life.
got the holes but not the loli pillows

>>31911589
muh nigga i got a cum wall when i fap all over my hands i just flick the jizz on the wall and then wipe the rest on my blanket

>>31913793

The autism.
It burns even through the screen.

>>31912860

>Straw that would get me kicked out

Just gave up on that metaphor half way through, didn't ya?

>>31914496

He can't afford a fuck doll. He can't afford a prostitute.

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>>31913793
Made a shitty screencap.

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>>31911589
>>31911773
>>31911896
>>31912159
>>31913694
>>31913748
>>31913793
>>31914044
>>31914109
>>31914376

NOW THIS IS WHY I COME TO 4CHAN!

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>>31922222
Impressive and yes, this is one of the threads I love to find.

This easily EASILY outclass hoodie guy.

>having a family

You literally CANNOT be a fucking robot unless your family is all dead

god

FUCKING

DAMN IT

NORMIES GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY BOARD

>>31922348
Why don't you join your family and kill yourself you cockmongler

>>31922395
nice try Chad, maybe next time

fuck off back to Stacey's fetid cunt where you belong, you troglodyte.

>>31922403
Nah I'd rather dig out your mum's corpse and fuck that and then send you a video of it you nigger

>>31922418
haha jokes on you they never found her body fucker

looks like you'll be cumming in your hand yet again

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>>31922433
Aw shit dis nigga got me


I'm sorry, Anon.

>>31913984
That's originally from the Misc, posted by Maldorax.

>>31922107
back to /v/eddit with you

>>31911589
this is real art

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>>31911773
dood omg I can't even, I'm f*kn ded

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>>31915143
Not trying to be rude, but I do have a question: Have you ever had sex? If so, how does it compare to fucking Kermit the Mannequin?

>>31923122
And another question: Would you be willing to star in a sitcom called "Kermit and the Hermit"?

Someone just posted it on /r/4chan lel

>>31923424
AHAH EPIC

/r/4chan is really complete shit these days even for reddit standards

>>31911773
She has a name you inanimiphobic FUCKING NORMAL FAG

>>31910668
Dude, you're gross. Hire a hooker like a normal robot.

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>>31923172
>Kermit and the Hermit

>>31915055
> Thermaltake case

Damn Emu spooners at it again.

>>31923594
where does one find a nice hooker?

>>31923864

On a shitty street corner, friendo. Or on Craigslist. Or through an escort service.

>>31911773
>the dead eyed stare with that pose

My fucking sides holy shit.

>>31923594
>end up meeting and hanging out with a hooker
>she offers free pussy
>go home and cuddle with doll instead

>>31913793
>scimitar hanging over a mirror
>Garfield poster

This has to be fucking staged. Please tell me this is staged.

>>31923594
Eccie, therroticreview, Eros, cityvibes, . Google them.

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>>31910668
>mommy still makes my bed
I want to be surprised but I'm not.

I just inconspicuously cuddle with and dry hump a plain body pillow

>>31911589
Thats almost as bad as the anon with the puke wall

>>31911729
Nobody does it in the shower. What a normie.

>>31911589
WTF that looks like my brothers wall and curtains. He had said that's because he's spitting there.

>>31924176
He is lying, he is doing cummies, boogies and pukies on the wall

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it's time for me to stop coming to r9k

>>31911899
>go in shower
>jerk it with shampoo

>>31924260

>not using conditioner

>>31922222
Nice oldfag get

.t T-Mobile poster

>>31914044
FUCKING QUALITY someone please screenshot this thread

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>>31911589
gw49hqhgb9qvn fer tg 3q4 g qf34t

This kind of threads are the reason why I haven't killed myself yet... Fuck I don't want to miss something like that

>>31911238
Not OP but how the fuck do I live alone on 3.30 an hour

>>31913754
>>31915265
it helps keep track of time
it's kind of interesting
it's something to do
it builds a habit, even if it's a crazy one.
there's something fun about the fact symbolically it's incomprehensible.

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To the anon who posted this a few weeks ago, you are no longer the funniest OC on r9k.