does anyone have "Primarily Obsessional" OCD? I don't know if I can do it anymore >I'm not sure of anything, I have to check and check and check >I wander the streets trying to figure out the same shit I figured out yesterday, or 5 minutes ago, or 2 years ago >IT'S THE SAME SHIT >I'm in a college town and I'm not a student >I doubt anyone notices me, but if they do they probably think I'm the next school shooter, the kid who's alone and brooding, physically ticking sometimes, in pretty much the same spots everyday >at night too >I would never do it >Not only would it be cruel, it would also effectively end my own life >I'll probably go full schizo soon >or end up being maimed or killed because on the rare occasion that I make a decision and do something it's something stupid >I won't commit suicide >why? I don't know, I just won't >I wish my thoughts could be transferred directly to r9k just so you can see how crazy they sound >not even the content, just the repetition, the disjointedness >the way my body will realize that I've been completely enveloped in the same thoughts for years now and I will just compulsively, silently, scream
>>23279280 >as long as your body and brain's good enough nothing matters nothing matters feet calves knees quads dick ass torso arms hands neck head my tooth is missing so nothing matters nothing matters and as long as I act like nothing matters my body and brain will stay in good shape so really nothing matters
>as long as my body...
I tattoo'd NM on my hand to try to remind me, didn't work
>23279130 my life feels like groundhog day with the same anxiety and same bitterness towards people. i joke and make people laugh to seem normal. when i get home i drink to forget all those thoughts.
when i get over worrying about something, something slots in perfectly, almost overlapping.
i thought about suicide before i found alcohol but knew i was too weak to follow through.
i don't like self-diagnosing myself with depression as i believe i'm just angry i have a shit lifestyle, but i remember before alcohol those real chest-churning dark moments where a few minutes felt like a lifetime and i wondered if i could make it to tomorrow.
>>23279598 >i'm just angry i have a shit lifestyle me too I want to change, but there are so many parts to it and I "can't" just start without being sure of my plan I know that I have to get out of THAT habit and "just fill your day, anon" tomorrow
>>23279130 >I'm not sure of anything, I have to check and check and check >I wander the streets trying to figure out the same shit I figured out yesterday, or 5 minutes ago, or 2 years ago I think I have this too. Don't you need to be professionally diagnosed or some shit to be associated with this disorder? I'm pretty sure I have it.
>>23279669 I got diagnosed when I was 15, I started smoking weed heavily when I was 17 and I just turned 19 It probably has something to do with it, because it's gotten worse in a way but also better the conclusions I'm trying to reach are more simple, more likely to be actually right but at the same time thoughts last in my head an even shorter amount of time than they used to
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