MLGtropolis, the city where Snoop Dogg is mayor and your worth

>>514889
Geoff Keighley.

>>514889
Fuckhead

>>514889
>Ya Boii

>>514889
PolyGlut

>>514889
>>515019
Supporting this.

I have a small penis

>>514889
XX_hailhitler_XX

>>515328
Supporting this.

>PolyGlut
>xx_hailhitler_xx

Your name, legally, is Polyglut, Jason Polyglut
Online, you go by xx_hailhitler_xx
You're not really that antisemitic
You've just taken a liking to it, being the style of the time
You get out of bed, turning your diamond-weed-leaf-encrusted gaming shades on to the latest feeds
Space president Pepsiman has announced Mtn Dew to replace all water on earth
It also now costs 4 times market price
Shit you need money fast
Where should you look for fast cash?

>>515419
Make a Clash of Clans clone on the Play Store.

>>515424
this

Sell your extra copy of CoD signed by the faze clan, you have 69 of them anyway

>Make a Clash of Clans clone on the Play Store

You dunce, Collision of Comrades has passed its peak, you barely rake in 2k a week for it!!

>Sell your extra copy of CoD signed by the faze clan, you have 69 of them anyway

Of course, your intelligently purchased 70th copy of CoD:BlOpsMWGO Nuts and Bolts!
It's worth a cool Mil.
You dash out your door, skidding to a stop on the mat when you realize
You were too blazed when you hid it
You have no idea where in the city it was!
Where should you begin your search?

>>515542
at the local KFC

>>515542
>Get blazed again and leave a note telling high!us to get it.

>Get blazed again and leave a note telling high!us to get it.

You would, but your stash is totally gone after last night's binge. You ping high!us and hope he'll get back to you in under 12 hours this time

>At the local kfc

Of course! Those biscuit-munching skellimans will know where to look!!
You dash off, coming up to a streetcar peddling performance enhancing supplements for the lackluster CS:Blower
Do you stop to peruse or continue upon your dope hunt?

>>518034
I'm a bit narcoleptic. If these "supplements" are the good shit, I'm in.

>>518636
>>518034
>steal the dru-supplement

>steal the dru-supplement

You would, but after having your hand regrown last time you know the security lasers do more than set off an alarm

>I'm a bit narcoleptic. If these "supplements" are the good shit, I'm in.

You skid to a stop in front of the cart
The bright, colorful packages sit behind a faint, buzzing red security laser grid
Gesturing at them jauntily is the candyman
In his pot-leaf-and-ak47 emblazoned rainbow suit with matching bowler hat, topped with a pink handlebar mustache, he looks perfectly approachable as he shouts
"We gotcha Ritalin for the noob, ya adderol for the fledgling CoDer, ya NZT for some real focus and we'll even throw in some free beta blockers if ya nasty like that"
He turns to you, winking
"So what'll it be sport? What's your game?"
The choices are:
Ritalin.................2/400
Adderol...............2/600
NZT.....................2/2k
Mentoks..............2/3k
Straight Uncut Cocaine
.............................2g/3.5k
Dank Kush...........2oz/4k or a show of skill

The prices are actually not bad, considering the economy
You have 5k bitcoins currently
Do you buy anything or continue on the hunt?

>>519356
>Dank Kush

Let's get it with a show of skill.

>>519356
>check my money?
also seconding show of skill.

>>519356
I feel like I'm late to the party
>check inventory

>Check Inventory

3 Ritalin
1 NZT
2 Mentoks (in a special protective case)
Your Specialized Gaming Shades
Your iDank Dab Rig (from Shnapple)
Your Collapsing-Able Unicycle
4 Smoke Bombs
A Working Replica Hitchhiker's Guide (in Alpha)
Wallet with ID and Government Mandated Photo of Pepsiman
5K bitcoins (The dominant currency since 2314, when Space President Clone Gabe Newell XVII declared it pointless to convert since everyone used it anyways)
and not a single speck of Kush to be found!

>Dank Kush
>Let's get it with a show of skill

You communicate your intentions to the candyman.
"You intend to impress someone this blazed?
Well now that's a Warthog of a Danker Color!"
He shouts with all his might, Stretching his rubberized robotic legs up to raise him high in the air
"EVERYBDOY COME WATCH THIS NOOB GET REKT AF AT A SHOW OF SKILL!"
From every grimey WoW nook and Far Cry cranny they come
slithering upon slick, bemucused underbelly
Gamers
They shriek with cries of "N00B" "FAGGOT" and the like
Some clearly recognize you and put a message blast out telling everyone to get to the corner of 420th & Snoop R.P.G. Lion, Jr
Shit now you can't lose
You're a respected member of the community
What's your move, danksmith?

>>519658
>Back flip off a wall, Spin kick him in the face and land on one hand.
>And say something meme related.

If that ain't skill I don't know what is.

>Back flip off a wall, Spin kick him in the face and land on one hand.
>And say something meme related.

You leap up to meet the robot's face
You grin like a fuckin PIMP
You tilt down, feet first at the wall of the cart
Launching off, the cart reels back, nearly knocking it over
The shockwave created obliterates a few gamers
Their slimey remains will nourish three generations of their kin
You flip backwards, performing some sort of Backwards-Flip
At the apex, you twist your body
Altering your course
Moving your body into a spin
feetfirst
SPINKICK MOTHERFUCKER
You rock the FUCK out of that candybitch's roboface
His head spins a billion times and twists right the fuck off
or pops up like rock 'em sock 'em robots, whichever is funnier to you, sweetcheeks
You plummet to the earth like a comet
you crash land like the challenger but on the ground
flames burst out of youR SINGLE HAND YOU LANDED ON ONE HAND YOU ABSOLUTE BEAST
You lift your fingers to your lips like Pacha from Emperor's New Groove
"When the Show of Skill is Just Right..."
Everyone fucking CREAMS IN THEIR PANTS
AND YOU GET THE KUSH
ONWARD TO KFC? OR WHAAAAT??

>>519940
>To KFC

Hell yea.

>To KFC

You make your way back down the street
a skip in your step as you kick the Candyman's head back onto his body
"Thank ya sonny! Enjoy that kush, the buds are the size of J. Edgar Hoover!!"
You always loved how they programmed the candymen with the voice of Will Stamper from Battleblock Theater
You stroll on down for a couple blocks
ignoring all of life's woes
when you come to it
the one
the only
K
F
MMMMMMMOTHERFUCKIN'
C
You jam right through the door, air rifling like tony montana as you powerslide in
"The fuck is up biiiitch"
You turn to see them
The 420 Skellimans
Clad in all manner of bone-themed costume, the Skelliman gang constantly blasts their theme song at well below the government limit of a minimum 100 db
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTgFtxHhCQ0
These boys mean business
You slide up, offering them some of your kush
"Oh shit son, he got that "Show of Skill" grade ganj"
You offer a light when the leader holds up a hand
"Hold up. We gotta make sure this stuff is safe and legit for a growing boy's needs.
Take a hit bitch"
He gestures to you
Fuck
if you smoke you'll become High!Us, and that dipshit can't get anything done
but if you don't smoke you can't get any information out of these gravy-slurping fiends
To toke or Not to toke, that is the question
((no literally that's the question, what say you?))

>>520011
I'm operating under the assumption that the skellimans don't have the slightest idea I stashed a copy of CoD at the KFC.

Just to be safe, I'm going to chew an Adderol in case things get crunked.

>>520688
Wait no I don't have any Adderol. I'm going to chew SOMETHING.

>>520693
chew a Ritalin. smoke the ganja.
mixing drugs is science, science for the sake of vidya, science is good!

>>520011
420blazeit

>Chew a Ritalin. Smoke the ganja.

You take the blunt they've expertly rolled in a system that rivals the greatest assembly line (the skellimans trademark)
You "accidentally" fumble it, dropping it on the seat next to you
"Yo what the fuck you pulling with that guy richey directed bullshit"
You apologize, palming a ritalin from your pocket as you grab the blunt
It's a lot lighter than what you usually do, but it should take the edge off enough to keep High!Us on the right path
You bring the sweet devil's lettuce up to your mouth, slipping the ritalin in and chewing fast as you light
The smoke pours into your lungs, the high almost immediately taking you
This is the real shit got DAMN
You wheeze out an assessment
"Draws like a pencil"
The skelliman leader stares for another few moments
He cracks a smile
"aaaawww shit man"
They all guffaw heartily, slapping knees and shoulders
"Yo pass that shit sherlock"
You hand it over with shakey hands, the pot has hit you and hit you haaaard
The world is gently draped in a swirling, undulating rainbow filter
Snoop Dogg the first himself slides up into your vision, dancing to the classical piece "drop it like it's hot" set to Fur Elize played on airhorn
You have officially left the world of the sober

You are now High!Us
You see a ping in your gaming shades addressed to you directly
looks urgent
but the munchies can not be ignored
You walk over to the KFC counter, the disillusioned roboteen behind the counter greeting you
"Welcome to KFC, we literally don't have chicken anymore"
"What the hell's a chicken?"
"Beats me, they don't bother explaining this shit. Whatcha want?"
You gaze up at the menu:
Taters, probly mashed....200
Pork Parts...............500
Gravy....................1k
Mac N Something..........2k
Kentucky Fried Meat Product...4k

You have 5K bitcoins
What do you order?

>>521464
Damn inflation. Pork parts have proteins, which produce complex reactions in the digestive system, leading to stronger fingers and neural interface muscles, so let's go with that.

>>521823
This

>Pork parts have proteins, which produce complex reactions in the digestive system, leading to stronger fingers and neural interface muscles, so let's go with that

High!Us grins heartily
"One Flagon of Pork Parts, Tin Bitch"
The automaton adolescent rolls his eyes, signifying that the order's been placed.
You now have 4.5k bitcoins
Within moments, the pneumatic tube next to the counter hums to life
The cloudy tube is coated internally with the sugary brown sauce of your pork parts, zooming down to slam against the landing zone.
You hit the "received" button
The door slides open, revealing a pile of unidentifiable boneless lumps that may have been a pig at one point
You gingerly scoop them back into the container, grabbing a stack of napkins as you do
The intoxicating sense wafts in your face as you scurry back to the skellimans
This is your moment
What do you ask the skellimans?

>>522058
>I hid a mint-condition copy of CoD:BlOpsMWGO Nuts and Bolts somewhere in town when I was blazed the other day. I plan to sell it. I'm all but broke, and I either I find this game or I'll get evicted and my days of danksmithing will end. I know you almost certainly don't care, but I am wondering if any of you could point me in the right direction.

>>522058
try to outsmart the skellimens and trick them into helping

>>522170
>I'm the QA manager at Segatendo Enix and ma bois at the office misplaced a special copy of CoD:BlOpsMWGO Nuts and Bolts that contains inside information from our informant. I'm gonna fire their asses, but first I need peepz who are competent enough to find that game!

>I'm the QA manager at Segatendo Enix and ma bois at the office misplaced a special copy of CoD:BlOpsMWGO Nuts and Bolts that contains inside information from our informant. I'm gonna fire their asses, but first I need peepz who are competent enough to find that game!

You spout this utter lunacy as coherently as possible through the weed
The gang stares at you like you just drooled and blathered for the last thirty seconds
Which you did
Thinking fast, with a herculean effort you shout
"WWWWWHERRRREE MMMMMAH GAMMMMMME AATTTTT"
"Shit, be chill Kevin Sorbo, we got you. You left it with Jazz n the Brigands last dewsday"
Shit, and its already Notchday!!
You thank the bois without puking on their shoes (probably) and head towards the brigands hide out at 360 No Scope Avenue
Should you load up for a confrontation or charge in like the boss ass bitch you know you are?

>>524168
Clearly we're tackling things head-on now, so let's do that.

>>524168
"Dew me!" Chug the dew, then charge with your sick ass unicycle or take some kids hoverboard

>"Dew me!" Chug the dew, then charge with your sick ass unicycle or take some kids hoverboard

You shout to the nearest dew vending android
Its innards churn and clunk as the drink drops through his metal guts
He pelvic thrusts at the last moment, sending the can flying towards you
You catch the can, snapping it open with one hand as you snap open your unicycle with the other
400 BC was automatically deducted from your account, leaving you with 4.1k BC
You hop on the cycle and start wheeling forward at a determined gait

---

Within minutes of feverish pedaling, you're in front of the huge, bombed out replica of a bombed out building from CoD:W@W
360 no scope avenue
Home of the Pussy Brigands (so called because they raze dat poon to the GROUND)
You know that, with each visitor, a different of the six doors must be knocked on a different way
Which door (1-6) should you approach and how should you knock?

>>526217
Knock on door #1 720 times.

>Knock on door #1 720 times

You begin knocking
You are still very high
200
201
203
219
shit
you have definitely lost count
You finally say "fuck this noise" and take a few steps back
you make a running tackle towards the door
Just as you reach it, roaring your head off, the door opens
Your sprint, unabated, sends you straight into the wall opposite the door
your head is now stuck in a wall
you will likely be labeled a fool
How do you get out of this predicament?

>>528039
spend a fire flower to summon luigi to pull you out

>spend a fire flower to summon luigi to pull you out

Fresh out of fire flowers, you attempt to use the smoke bombs as a substitute
You now have two smoke bombs
you are still stuck without the aid of any plumber
and it sounds like whoever was in the room is piiiissed
Plan B?

>>530321
Do a narly vortical head spin, rotating your body like a screw until you pop out.

>Do a narly vortical head spin, rotating your body like a screw until you pop out.

You tense your lower body, prepping yourself for the immense stress you're about to experience
You key into your chi, hoping the drugs will assist you
You slam your right foot down
Sending your entire body spinning at a major speed
Your spin, unencumbered, begins twisting out of your hole
Within seconds, you come flying out of the way, landing in a kickass superhero stance from a mach force spin
"Leftie LOOSIE, BEEEEEEETCH"
jazz and the brigands stare at you, wide eyed from confusion at aw
Now's your chance
What do you say?