What is prison really like? I have a friend who is going to be

>>140022318
what?

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>>140022085
send him this at least once a week,

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alright i got time..

it aint that bad bruh. depends on where you at and if you get money on the books. if you got family that has a little money it helps a lot when you down. I had money stashed after I got hit up and i trusted my girls mom to call it in, she took some "for the baby" but she did me good for 8 years. you get out on OR? pay a bond? how come you aint in co right now?
bruh if you out now you should just start flipping some real fast, you going to prison anyway fuck it, come up on some money and give it to somebody you trust like senpai to put it on the books every other month it aint like you can do it yourself and that 150 go fast bruh. everything cost inside.
the food is easy, either you got money or you dont. prison food is weak, sometimes you get something special like when they get donated shit for holidays or a some factories freezer go out but they always fuck it up and make it taste like some retirement home charly brown kinda food, bland as fuck. the food you can make in the cell is tolerable at best but you can make it spicy at least. I pieced money up every month with my celly cuz we was the same set and we was cool. no homo. some fools get robbed so be careful. you can get wrapped up quick inside even when you didnt do nothing so dont go telling fools you got money. if you poor then fuck it you dont have a choice anyway just make the best of it, you can always trade up food just make sure you know what they are saying when you trade up.

(pic) tapatio packs bruh, my life saver locked up. put that shit on everything.

Tell him if things get bad then attack a random guard or weak inmate. When my cousin had to deal with being bullied in the pen he lashed out as a last resort, but you are put in solitary. So if he can not take being alone 23 hours a day then he should just take the rape. However if he can take it then do it. It is the best thing to do if you can take it. Or just neo nazis (I know you and your friend aren't white but yeah still). They be retarded pawns of the kikes but they will help protect. Good luck to (((him)))

>>140023116
this helps. thanks

>>140023353
we're white and he isn't much of a tough guy so I doubt he'd thrive in a prison gang

>>140022085
Friend of mine got locked up for a while. Fortunately he wound up with a cell mate who didn't want a hassle and was nice enough to learn him the ropes. Kept his head down and got along alright.

Turned out to be basically a huge scandal to suck money from every direction possible.

>>140023878
I see

it's really luck of the draw then

don't accept cigarettes from other inmates.

>>140022085
Prison is not bad if you're alpha.
Prison is terrible if you're beta.

>>140024645
First thing his cell mate did was give him a cup to drink out of. You might not think you'd need to worry about such a simple thing as that. But you do.

It's going to run you and your family right out of money if you don't figure that out.

Prison is total bordom, un-remiting bordom, unless you've been you cant know, those tv shows that go "behind the walls" are propagander shit.. The truth is that there is nothing to do, you stare at the walls, you stare at the bars you sit and do nothing! Nothing happens for 99% of the time then someone snaps and there may be a short fight, then more bordom.

>>140022085
Some whites must choose between being the sex slave of one man or facing repeated assault. The stories they toldNo Escaperead like nightmares:

I had no choice but to submit to being Inmate B’s prison wife. Out of fear for my life, I submitted to sucking his dick, being fucked in my ass, and performing other duties as a woman, such as making his bed. In all reality, I was his slave . . . I determined I’d be better off to willingly have sex with one person, than I would be to face violence and rape by multiple people. The most tragic part to this is that the person I chose to ‘be with’ has AIDS.

A Michigan inmate writes:

[Another prisoner] claimed me as his property and I didn’t dispute it. I became obedient, telling myself at least I was surviving . . . He publicly humiliated and degraded me, making sure all the inmates and guards knew that I was a queen and his property. Within a week he was pimping me out to other inmates at $3.00 a man. This state of existence continued for two months until he sold me for $25.00 to another black male who purchased me to be his wife.

A different inmate describes how he became a black man’s “ho.”

You will clean the house, he said, have my clothes clean, and when I’m ready to get my ‘freak’ [sex] no arguments or there will be a punishment! I will, he said, let my homeboys have you or I’ll just sale you off. Do we have an understanding? With fear, misery, and confusion inside me . . . I said yes.

https://www.amren.com/news/2017/06/male-rape-american-prison-system-racist-rape/

If you have a cell mate, after about 2 weeks, shit starts to get anoying, the way they scratch their arm, the sound they make when they breath, it gets on your nerves but your stuck with this person 20 hrs a day in 11 by 6. It fucks with you, and you have to suppress your feelings otherwise... prepare for bordom in prison, if you dont kill yourself in the first month or so, you might make it.

Rape is vastly over egged, there will be gays on your wing and some will be more than willing to take it. Your chance of being raped is realy low.

>>140023116
Why do you type like a nigger?

>>140022085

Money on books. Get shit to read. Read and keep to yourself. Be helpful but not too helpful. Don't accept favors, it leads to ownage.

Spicy sauces = HEAVEN.

Read, keep to yourself, dont give/do favors.

Suffice it to say, don't start shit with anyone.

Alpha mirroring will help. Perception is everything.

>>140026187
I imagine that depends. US prisons are more diverse and less Islamic than British prisons, aren't they?

But yeah I see your point about the boredom. I've never been to prison, but I have been stuck on a really shitty boring guard duty. The boredom is unimaginable, an I was stuck there for relatively short time

Dont try and be "ALPHA" cause some punk will slap the shit out of you. Try and talk to people get to know them in the half hour or so you get to socialise, but dont be a dick about it, you might have been "The Shit" on the out, but inside your just a punk worth shit. Youi have no friends in prison, no one is your pal.

>>140026872

This too. Not mirroring you're the shit but keep your confidence but do not over do it.

>>140024781
No smokes in the joint ...stop watching TV faggot

I can't find it, but I read a forum post on some car site. A user was sent to jail for drug possession with intent to distribute.

He said everything is so boring in prison that you have to smuggle in drugs just to pass the time. Said he was able to smuggle a syringe and some heroin or something (somehow) and kept using the same needle until it rusted out and he developed tetanus. He spent a week or so in the infirmary. He didn't really mind because it knocked some time off from his sentence. lol.

>>140027362

well, dont be naive... they are illegal but definitely there.... as well as any other thing that you could ever want... high availability in prisons. contraband is prevalent...

that being said: OP, don't accept them as they fall under the favors category..

Keep your head down, read, do your bid.

>>140026755
I cant comment on US prisons, but UK is survivable, if you get your mind right, otherwise your done for! Tips packets of salt, pepper, tomato sauce, other condements are gold, some prisons give you them others dont, holding prisons, will probably give this stuff away, keep it. when they move you to the bigger prisons then you probably wont be able to get them so use the ones you save as currency. When you get to buy stuff from the list, always buy tobaco (find out which brand most on your wing like) even if you dont smoke, you trade it for stuff. beyond that use your common sence!

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I'm a very feminine trap and about to go away for a long time. Did it on purpose too for the buffet of BBC awaiting me plus three hots and a cot on taxpayer dime. Feels good desu!

>>140027661

This. Save all of your condiments, etc that you can... Can confirm that it is GOLD in US too.

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Be polite. Be curtious. Manners, hygiene, and minding your own business can go a LONG way. Politely declined unwarranted favors, offer unasked favors. If you are ever asked "what are you going to do about it?" Hit them as hard as you can. Never, ever show weakness of fear. Most of all, respect yourself. No one will respect you if you don't respect yourself.

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I spent a year and a half in Federal prison camp 10 years ago. No one bothered anyone. Really boring. I had a clean polite cellie and I was to him. Glad to get out and on with my life.

>>140022085
>Has anyone here done hard time?
Not really hard time. I did 2 years less a day (to keep it provincial instead of federal) for manslaughter (my baseball bat may have gotten a bit out of control). I pleaded guilt and was out in 10 months (counting time served), it was a cake -walk. I already applied for and way granted a pardon wiping my record clean

Tell your friendo to watch "Get Hard" to prepare. He can at least go in smiling.

>>140024781
this, but not just fags.
anything offered to you isn't offered as a gift, they will keep a score and expect the debt to be paid otherwise you're in a tight spot/they're in your tight spot.

>>140028376
So why'd you kill him? And let's be honest, you did it on purpose.

>>140028967
nice try

>>140025645
Fug.

>>140022085
oh yeah if you're a nonce say you did time for something else.

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>>140028967
>let's be honest, you did it on purpose
Well yeah, it was a long standing feud over money and property, fueled by booze and shit talking. I had the advantage of being able to afford a jew lawyer thankfully, or I probably would have been up shit creek. I've grown out of that shit now, I think. No fucks given

>>140026367
>went to prison
>types like a nigger

Really makes you think.

>>140029465
you're a fucking dumbass, when did you not learn to shut your fuckin gob

>>140029292

Don't be stupid about it tho. Fresh meat can be smelled and bullshit coming out of your mouth smelled easier for lifetime convicts.

>>140029545
>you're a fucking dumbass
Says the fag who can't even keep pakis out of his daughters pants

>>140029545
He's Canadian and doesn't understand that nobody in prison is guilty of anything.

>>140022085
Lotta good advice here, OP. People's experiences differ dependent on where they go, but the main thing I can tell you is to NOT let television and movies make you act a certain way. First impressions are everything just like in real life. I find that if you go in there just acting like a normal dude, and not either a hot-shot tough guy, a wannabe gang member or a flaming fairy, you'll be relatively alright. You do need to keep your guard up, though, when it comes to interacting with other people. Trust your intuition when it tells you not to associate with someone. There are a lot of guys that trouble just fucking FOLLOWS on the inside. If all you end up doing is watch TV, read and play chess or Scrabble or whatever, you're doing good. If you like sports, that helps a lot as most other guys like sports, and it can be pretty goddamn entertaining to watch shit go down during football season. And speaking of that, watch yourself if you decide to partake in some betting. I've seen quite a few dudes get caught up in some shit over bets not being paid off and such.

>>140022085
is his name Eric?

Eric Clanton?

>>140029860

>>140029860

Ditto. Yup yup yup.

Also, PT.. keep fit, exercise, and hygiene is closest to godliness!

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>>140022871

>>140023116
Yeah it's probably not that bad when you're already a Cholo

>>140023116
Are you a beaner?

>>140022085

Liberal paradise, that's why so many of them end up there.

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>>140023116
You're a nigger, right?

theres a youtube channel with some nigger with a lisp that explains everything.
`Fresh out of prison`

>>140022085
>have friend
>goes to pen for long ass time

You must be a nigger right?

>>140022085
Your friend shouldn't have left that baby in the car

>>140030633
R A R E
A
R
E

>>140025645
Lol

>>140022085
Yeah I went. Not gonna say why bc data mining suspicions, but it wasn't any weirdo shit. I did a year. It's not too bad as long as you stay with your own kind and don't get into debt (no getting loans, no gambling). It's not as rapey as people imagine. I was in a medium security camp, and nobody really starts shit because it's not worth going to isolation for a month, or getting your "priveledges" taken away. Just gotta keep to yourself, and don't be a pussy. It's easy. Tell him the thing he should be worried about the most is having money on his account. Having food and coffee makes time go by alot smoother.

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>>140022085
Former San Quentin CO here.

Tell him to keep his fucking head down, do his time, and not get rolled up in playing politics or gang shit.
Tell him to get a job ASAP. It's the best way to keep yourself out of trouble. Also have him attend any of the church/self help/education classes he can. Generally those dudes keep their noses clean, and don't get embroiled in the shit.
Keep money on the books for him. Any little bit helps.
Despite what you may see or hear, a lot of the prison sex is actually consensual. There are prostitutes that service guys bunk to bunk in the dorms. My Sgt let it happen because it kept dudes cool.

What did he get popped for?
Pic has nothing to do with shit. It just makes me laugh

i was in jail for 2 days in 2 different jails. both were overnight so 1 day counted as 2 days for time served except the one of the jails didnt have cells they just had all the prisoners sit in front of a TV (nearly 60 prisoners) the other jail had 3 prisoners per cell and were placed in the cells based on age. the guys i was in a cell with were talking aobut xbox and school fights while the older guys were straight creeping out of their cells and walking around during lunch time. the guards didnt pay attention so anything can happen in jail depending on the location. feel free to experience it yourself so if you do time you know what ot expect

>>140032249
You didn't do any of time, faggot. 4 days is a joke. Don't talk like you know what time is like, cause you don't.

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>>140025645
Nice desu

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>>140025645
this is so fucking gay and degenerate.

>>140032459

this

>>140032459
i violated probation and about to turn myself in so ill know what time is like. i always want to test my capacity passed pleading guilty for traffic tickets

>>140025645
Incidentally, unlike female reports of rape, most of which are made up or wildly exaggerated by women looking for attention or revenge, white men's reports of being raped in prison are hardly ever invented, as white men have nothing to gain from doing so.

Of course, nothing is ever done to help them.

anyone here smoke weed?

>>140022085
Good time to get better friends

>>140025645
This only applies to weak beta faggots. You don't see skinheads or Aryan brotherhood members being turned into punks.

>>140023116
Can someone decipher this niggerbabble? holy shit I feel like I had a brain aneurysm

all i can say is, you better hope you can buy a radio or tv because your mind is going to rot

source: been to prison in south carolina twice

>>140031044
N E W
E
W

>>140025463
Exactly. OP's friend needs to learn a hustle real fast before he goes in, it's money and a time killer. That and make a hardcore schedule every day, go to bed early, wake up early, it helps to be fucking busy. Also, work out, great time killer and even if you get your ass beat (which will happen) as long as you can hold your own and at least be willing to and knowing when, to throw down, you'll be messed with less.

>>140022085
Don't gamble, keep to yourself but don't let people think you are a bitch. Prison ain't that bad. Get thru the first year and try to get on work release. Prison is a fucking breeze on work release.

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>>140026872
Clearly never been in an American pen. You better be fucking alpha and you better be able to back it up. If you're a manlet, you will end up getting your shitter stretched out.

I'm dead serious, if you aren't big enough (at least 6' and 210 + with real visable muscle mass) to physically defend yourself, you are truly fucked. I watched more than a few small dudes get their shit pushed in (and it doesn't matter much if youre a nigger, white or spic, since if your small, you'll end up a bitch, though whites definitely have it worse).

Talking and socializing is about the worst thing you can do. Shut the fuck up, mind your own business and be ready and able to throw down.

>>140035306

aruba is pretty rare

>>140035902
how many autists actually collect flags here?

>>140022085
A US prison right? They are shitholes. I've watched many prison documentaries and shows about different US prisons and yeah, real shitholes they are.

>>140035671
>If you're a manlet, you will end up getting your shitter stretched out.

5' 7" here, you try I would end your life

>>140035961

not talking about collecting flags, talking about incidence

>>140036035
>5'7"
>threatens to end anyone's life but his own
do humanity a favour and off yourself

>>140036157

tall dude has the same soft spot in his neck as anyone

size of the fight nigga

we put lions tigers and bears in cages. there's more to strength than physicality

>>140036157
Dude's probably a black belt martial artist. Mess with one and you are as good as dead.

>>140023116
wow, they let you out?

>>140036510
Every fight i've seen with a manlet in it loses or prison ho i've seen is a manlet. just saying.

>>140036035
Yeah, saw plenty of punk ass bitches like you get their arms, collar bones and jaws broken thinking they could MMA their way through some 6'8", 270 pound nigger.

salty milk and coins

>>140036968

well I'm not in prison. you ain't seen me

and if you seen me, you would see me killing niggas wanna fight

>>140037028

I aint no bitch and I'm not talking about no MMA. I'm talking about you make a wrong move one of us is going to die

>>140022085
prison is just like summer camp but longer

I spent 2 months in an NZ prison.

How bad it is seems to depend on your cellmates, and your crime/sexurity level. Mine was low and basicaly everyone just bored, waiting to go home.

I'm not sure about gay rape, there's aother actual consesual gay sex going on that I wouldn't really worry about it.

Food is shit, get someone to send you money.

Avoid niggers/maoris if you can. Don't accept anything from anyone, ever. Don't get people owing you things, don't owe anyone anything. Keep your valuables hidden.

Just be normal, don't try and start shit to prove you're hard (you're in prison, there's always someone stronger). In saying that if someone keeps fucking with you, you need to stand up for yourself, for example some guy kept cutting in line in front of me, and would constantly call me faggot and try and fuck with me so after a few days of this I smashed him over the head with a tray. pretty sure it didn't eve hurt him because it was plastic but it's the principle that counts.

Just watch tv, quit smoking, work out.

To put it in persepctive I am 5'7" and 55kg so like 120 pounds so pretty small and I was fine in prison, didn't get into any major fights or anything, didn't get raped.

Mostly was bored, watched tv, slept.

Was in prison for 5th dui btw.

>>140022085
stock up on jelly packets whenever you can in case you become some niggers bitch and have to toss his salad (eat his ass)

>>140037646
>LARPing this hard

>>140036510
Let me explain something to you: in prison, it ain't a boxing match or a cage fight, there aint no rules, points or refs. And it ain't like on the outside, where people shit talk. If someone is beefing with you, you wont have time to figure out if you can use some special punch, because you probably already have taken a few, youre trying to get him on the ground and both of you are fighting to land whatever wherever you can.

The one who is bigger and stronger usually wins. What stops a fight from ever happening is if they threat of potential harm is evident by you being as big and muscular as possible. If you look like you could do damage, but keep a low profile, you'll be okay. If you look like a pussy, your fucked. If you act like an upity bitch trying to prove shit, you'll end up in the infirmary bleeding out your asshole.

>>140022085
Mail him, getting mail is the second best thing, after a visit.

If you can afford it send some money and/or get some books/tapes/magazine subscriptions, depending on how close you are.

It's been over 10 years since I did time but I doubt much has changed.

>>140038395

I don't train martial arts or MMA or anything like that. the only rules I recognize are the laws of physics

Let me explain something to you. if my will is stronger than yours it doesn't matter how many muscles you have. I am faster than you, and I will bite the life out your neck before you know what happened

>>140038669
>>140038395

or shank your bitch ass

Thanks everyone. Some really good advice. He's not black, nor am I, so I know he'll be outnumbered but he's kind of tough so we'll see what happens. he's being charged with first degree murder but it wasn't his fault. unfortunately that carries a mandatory life without parole sentence and i'd hate to see that happen to him

>>140022085
First things first. Find the hardest-looking motherfucker you can find and sucker punch him out of nowhere. (Chances are he is a hardened con, use suprise to your advantage.)

Next, stake our your territory. If you are good at basketball, run into the middle of a game and steal their ball and pop it.

Like lifting? Run up and kidney shot some dude while he is oushing wieght.

Prison is all aboit respect. You got to earn that shit.

Now that you have earned a reputation for being a badass, no one will fuck with you. Now you can start work building up a crew. This will come in handy for the private army you will need to extract your revenge once you are unleashed onto the outside world.

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>>140022085
>I have a friend who is going to be sent to prison
Spotted the faggot

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>>140038669
>if my will is stronger than yours it doesn't matter how many muscles you have
pic related

there are plenty of guys with everything you have plus 10 inches and 80 pounds.

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>suddenly realize i've been speaking to a bunch of convicts for all these years
i gotta get out of here

Since this is a prison thread, how fucked is clanton once he goes to prison? He's a skinny twink with an Iron Front tattoo on his bicep, SJW leanings and a lot of media coverage.
I'm not too familiar with burger prisons but apparently they're pretty race divided, is his best hope to try getting in with the Aryan Brotherhood?

>>140022085
Tell him to find the baddest motherfucker there and blow him

>>140039021

nope

>Although the average adult human brain weighs about 1.4 kilograms, only 2 percent of total body weight, it demands 20 percent of our resting metabolic rate (RMR)

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/thinking-hard-calories

>>140022085
It is place for lower than dog criminal to work hard for glory of regeime and maybe one day far in future, to redeem his family name.

>>140039441
you're a fucking loser dude but fine I'll drop it, I've got no stakes in what you choose to believe.

>>140030633
I enjoy your let's plays.

why do people in prisons (especially American prisons it seems) become gay?

There are millions of guys who go years without having sex/touching a woman, but they don't resort to violent homosexuality.

>>140039621

>you're a fucking loser

you don't know me

>>140038669
Well, I hope for your sake you don't end up where I've been, because with your attitude, you'll get turned inside out.

>>140039854

I been thru plenty of shit already and I earned my attitude

nobody turning me no way, they try they gone die

>>140039807
you're right, I don't know you, you don't know me, so what the fuck is it you're even trying to prove by being a keyboard warrior?
You've got short man syndrome written all over you.

>>140038932
Goddamn, that's some funny shit. Isn't that some copypasta from a movie or book.

You walk up and start shit as advised, you'll be dead inside of your first two days. Defending yourself is one thing, starting shit is another. Never start shit.

>>140040147
>so what the fuck is it you're even trying to prove by being a keyboard warrior?

no more than you nigga

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>>140039458

Did 4 years in a prison in florida
>first week was rough
>didn't know anyone, no one wanted to talk to me
>cell mate shows me the ropes
>about a month in get jumped
>fight back but lose
>get respect
>most of the time is spent talking to other inmates, reading if you can get a book or playing cards etc
>one guy had one of those tiger electronic hand helds of star wars
>literally everyone wanted to play it for something
>he always let someone use it for chips or snacks
>got my brother to start dropping off cigs
>sell/exchange cigs for favors
>gave a carton to a guy to let me fuck his prison bitch who was really feminine
>saw a guy get jumped in the showers and get his head bashed agaisnt the wall opened up
>the guards always treated us like shit
>but i always was a good boy so never got fucked with
>mom visited me one time and the otehr inmates cat called her so bad she never came back
>

>>140039768
most criminals are frustrated closeted gays in the first place.

1) Do not take favors from anyone
2) Do not talk about your case
3) If someone fucks with you, fuck with them back
4) Never break bread with someone that isn't your own race
5) Don't drop the soap

>>140039259
AB will use him as a pin cushion. AB isn't some shit you can just join. Your best bet is to stay on good terms, but don't get cozy because they are total degenerate fucks who will sell you up the river to anyone.

>>140040258
Thank you

>>140037646
>dui
What's it like being a nigger?

Prison seems like a fairy tale, the old bloody kind.

Never leave the forest path. Don't accept any food from anyone. Never promise anything. Never give anything away without receiving something in return. Everyone is a wolf in grandma's clothing.

>>140040759
Maybe he's just a potato nigger.

>>140022085
>What is prison really like?
Depends on the prison. There are prisons in California that literally are just some buildings off in the woods. No fence. No shankings. Obviously this is for low-escape-risk and well-behaved prisoners. At the other end of the spectrum, there are prisons where you will spend every day fearing for your asshole and your life.

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>>140040828
No, many are bears in wolves clothing. I mean that in more than one way.

>>140040603
honestly North Korean gulag sounds better than us prison rape

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Animu girls in prison is best prison .

everything else is a nightmare !
avoid it at all cost !

>>140022085
One more tip. Materials for homemade weaponry are rare, so have your friend make autoshiv.

> start collecting fingernail clippings and hair folicles
> soak in salted water for weeks on end
> collect finfer nail cliping to form a blade-like shape
> use semen and saliva as adhesive
Each part of the blade will be attached via strands of hair
> pubic and hair can be wrapped at base for a comfy handle with low slip grip
> once the object resembles a knife, use the floor like a whetstone to maintain a razor sharp blade

Instant shank

>>140041504
I'll come back to original point, if you look formidable, play it cool and keep to yourself, you'll be okay. Be a manlet, snowflake or a shit talker and it's gonna be rough (this provided your in a prison for a serious felony, if your hangin with Bernie Madoff, chances are you'll be fine).

>>140026725
The fuck is alpha mirroring

>>140041392
kek

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>>140038858
>first degree murder
>not his fault
...sure...

>>140041820
POOPOO PEEPEE SHANK :^)

>>140022085
If I was told I'd go to jail for years-life I'd flee to mexico. No fucking joke. American prisons are death sentences to average people.

>>140043243
>cross the border to mexico
>get caught and flayed by cartels while the entire thing is being filmed
Why not go north instead of south?

>>140035212
>>140035212
I lived in the ghetto for 15 years of my life, he is bassically saying prison food is shit, even factories that go down and donate, they manage to fuck up the food aswell. If you got family help you should be able to make it all better.

T. White guy who lived in the ghetto of Las Vegas for almost his entire life

>>140042267
Go up to the biggest, most alpha dude in the prison and mirror everything he does.
If he lifts his right hand, you lift your left hand, (You have to be facing each other.) If he wiggles his left foot, you wiggle your right foot.
It also helps if you imitate him when he speaks, but do it in a really faggy voice.

http://paulmodrowski.blogspot.com

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>>140022085
Are you Antifa and talking about Eric?

>get sent to prison for attacking my mummie
>bitch had it coming for burning my tendies
>first day in prison
>nice man with tattoo on face gives me ramen
>not tendies but tastes okay
>he tells me that he owns me now
>corners me in the shower
>pokes my poo poo hole with his wee wee
>ramen made my irritable bowel syndrome act up
>explosive diarrhea all over him
>he runs away vomiting
>whole cell block on lockdown because of smell
>his wee wee made my bum bum bloody
>plot revenge
>it's winter
>stand in prison yard
>poop my pants
>shake giant turd out my pantleg
>come back the next day
>poo poo is frozen
>quickly sharpen poop on asphalt
>run and jump on back of tattoo face man
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>he throws me across the prison yard
>not before I stab him with my poop shank
>hear later that he died from the new poopoo hole i made for him
>everyone is so proud of me that they gave me my own personal room
>get my own personal exercise yard too
>I'm king of the prison now.
>tendies delivered directly to my door

>>140022085
Tired old slide thread is tired. Can't believe you get bumping replies from this pasta.

>>140044943
>/pol/ is only allowed to talk about things I say are important

>>140022085
anal sex isn't that bad and heroin is literally the only thing that will get you through the day. If someone offers you it take the fucking handout nigger. Also try to join the mexican gang b4 you talk to neonazis, the mestizos are generally more inclusive and tolerant.

>>140029545
whats this guy on about?

There something wrong with admitting to crimes you have already done time for?

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>>140022085

>>140022085
thanks for changing the story since you post this every week

>>140040983
Only pussies need to fear for their asshole. Even If you're a scrawny weakling you can have your ass left alone by sucker punching everyone that has raped you. Build your reputation as a sucker puncher and no one will want to fuck your ass anymore.

>>140025645
BLACKED

>>140044434
can i get a reply from a non-autistic person?

>>140026755
Prison rape doesn't happen all that much really

>>140045815
You need to make yourself a known danger. Sucker punch every one given the chance. Let everyone know that they can't feel safe being around you. That way people will leave you alone.

>>140045889
Of course not. It's consensual because it only happens to "prostitutes" who are pressed into service with the threat of violence :^)

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>>140044434

>>140045889
4.5% report sexual violence.. that's kind of a lot

>>140036035

So your butthole is almost half a foot wide?

>>140037248
KEK
Look at this manlet

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>>140046410

>>140041504
In north korea guards line you up and go and spit down your throat daily. They also force other prisoners to rape you. On the other hand they are doing it to everyone so atleast you'll share your misery.

>>140045889
This.

I'm a Canadian. I was a street skinhead back in the 1990s. I toured with a violent skinhead band. I did a whole shitload of time in many, many US states, Fed prison and Canadian prison (before I stopped being a dumb assed bonehead) and there was never any rape. Anybody who raped, was considered a skinner themselves and usually dealt with appropriately by all other cons so I never saw it or even heard about it.

There's no real strategy to surviving prison, all you have to do is follow the convicts code (Don't look into cells as you pass by them, don't talk to to guards) and do whatever your cellmates tell you as they will give you lay of the current politics of the unit or dorm you're in.

Keep your business to yourself, don't get into anybody else's business and nothing will ever happen to you in prison. There was only one time where fighting was mandatory, we were in a gigantic dorm with a few hundred other prisoners and the whites were literally 5 people including myself. I can't obviously talk about anything that happened but it doesn't matter your politics, when the chips are down in jail and the orders come from above that you need to attack to not look like pussies you absolutely do even if you're in for the most non violent bullshit charge because if you don't you'll get eaten alive.

That was the only time though (fucking Arizona, no white people inside all beaners and nogs). Everywhere else was working in the kitchen, reading books, talking shit, pushups, nothing else.

Canadian prison is vastly different from US prisons. There's no segregation, and fights are way more dangerous as inmates have much more access to weapons than they do down there. There's much less politics though, so you can avoid the bulk of it.

>>140023116
this is a good post

additionally it depends on max and minimum security. if you have violent felonies or crazy drug crimes you are going to max. anything else and chances are you are going to min. you fuck a kid you are dead. guards will know and they will inform the other inmates. you will be raped and beaten and probably killed.

if you can live peacefully without bothering anyone do so. make friends, play cards, be funny, dont be a bitch. if you are a generally likeable person you will be protected out of just because. two examples would be a man i knew who was a comedian that entertained all the inmates and a guy i knew who was well supplied. they never got touched. in jail you need entertainment and favors.

you dont have to join any gangs if you manage to stay invisible. even so try to stay with your own kind unless the other guys have a certain amount of favor with everyone else.
if you get tested or threatened man up and get in their face. you back down and you get marked. you would rather go down fighting than getting fucked. trust me.

stay physically fit. if you look tough it helps you stay off the radar. the predators want prey not other predators.

>>140037028
Yeh mma is shit, real fighting is all about throat strikes, collar breaks and eye gouges.

How the fuck does prison rape even work?

I mean, sure. The first time you can probably be held down if you're in a cell with Tyrone Biggums and you're a weak beta-looking cuck.

But past that- is american prison really so lax now that guards cant crack down on this shit? Even still, what's stopping you from making a shiv and threatening Tyrone with a slit throat if he ever tries that shit again?

Or really, just wait until he's distracted, then make a running leap, slam his head on the ground, and either choke the fucker out or just stamp on it.

>>140047329
None of that, they knock you out and you wake up with cum in your butt. They proceed doing it that way until you become a good boi and agree to it.

>>140031554
Coffee and food is essential. I've only done 36 days in county, not long at all, but no one knew I was there and I had no money on me when I was processed.
I have a knack for writing so I would trade my services ( writing/interpreting letters to family and lawyers in exchange for coffee and honey buns. That shitty freeze dried coffee was the only thing that was enjoyable. I developed such an affinity for it that years later I still drink that shit.

>>140047460
Dude, unconsciousness doesn't work like in fucking Tintin.

You're either out for two seconds at best or you've got permanent brain damage and are likely dead or on the way to dying soon.

And if that happens then why do the news clippings up-thread talk about how nogs and whatnot basically lead those inmates around forcefully?

Why don't the guards crack down on that shit? Prisoners should be afraid of crossing the wardens.

Really, the way things should be run is "shotgun anyone who riots or does violent shit". You already fucked up enough to do hard time, you no longer have the right to fuck up again. And it'd do a wonder toward enforcing prisoner discipline.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2hjWEOOe6D8

>>140047329
The only rape that occurs is very young inmates given a life sentence and every other group rejects them so they become the unit bitch. Otherwise it doesn't exist, it's made up by the media or the state to scare you out of jail.

No crew on a block wants skinners around, if you're a known skinner you get the boot to PC simple as that. Maybe an all black prison in TN is different but where I was that shit was never tolerated at all.

The #1 cause of fights were sweating the phone, idiots being on it too long and other inmates needing to use it. The second cause of fights were people owing money. When you land in a new unit a black guy will come up to and claim so-and-so said something about you, what are you going to do about it? It's a transparent, and typically idiotic black tactic in order to get you to fight a guy for them so that guy gets moved off the unit as black dude who approached you owes him money. Don't fall for that easy trap and you'll never have issues.

Another fight I saw was a lifer who beat the shit out of a complainer. Don't complain about the food in jail unless you have a 20+ year sentence because nobody wants to be reminded how bad it is.

>>140038932
Jesus Christ that's the worst and funniest advice I've ever heard. Bravo anon, you win.

>>140047785
They knock you out pull your pans down. Inserts dick and repetively donkey punch you when you wake up or resist. Resisting alot means you'll get brain damage faster.

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>>140022085

>>140048221
That's fucking spoopy.

Still though. What's stopping you from shivving the fuck of them or just splattering their head against the wall next time their head is turned?

>>140048222
True, at least he left the larping part out where he was doing a full bid for running over a professor or something.

However anybody involved in politics will end up in the prison system at some point in time, it's just what happens.

Anybody who lives in Arizona, all I have to say is never, ever go to jail if you're white it fucking sucks. Imagine a yard so high strung you literally have to yell at everybody "PT" when you run past them doing laps, you have to have 3 guys cover you when taking a piss to prevent getting jumped, you spend the whole time hiding weapons for the race war because there always is a race war the guards set up. You can never sleep, because you're in a dorm with 300 other inmates all plotting your demise simultaneously. Every inmate is taking ice cold showers because it apparently helps avoid the shock of getting stabbed. Fuck that state

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Fuck my face.
I don't know a dumber group of people than /pol/. This copypasta is posted 7/6 days.
You are all giant dumbasses.

>>140048564
Nothing stops you from retaliating. Its the only reliable counter to being ambush raped. If you do that they will leave you alone.

>>140022085
It's full of rape.

That is all you need to know.

>>140049002
So am I right to say that the only way to not be repeatedly raped following an initial attack is to just kill your assailant/seriously fuck him up?

Sounds like a pretty vicious cycle.

Do the guards usually break this shit up if they know its going on/suspect something?

>>140022085
Clanton is a homo faggot, he's gonna love all the cultural enrichment his anus is about to receive.

>>140049345
You don't need to kill, sucker punching them down and stomping on their fingers will get the message through without giving you a longer sentence.

>>140049345

kill him before you get raped. problem solved and prevented

>>140049782
Question:

How common/easy to make are various prison weapons?

I've heard of things ranging from toilet paper shivs to jury-rigged blunderbusses.

>>140049345
Once again, there's no rape.

However the guards set all the fights up for the most part. They of course love to deny this and LARP on forums claiming this never happens, but you'll be inside one day in a class, and like 10 guys will be led past, with the door wide open, without restraints, who will run into the room and all gang beat some other rival. They magically will all have weapons ready to go too.

Guards will all claim 'oh we don't know what happened' but it was paid/planned. Same goes for gang classifications.They routinely put rivals into our dorms who got their asses mangled by a horde of rivals and it was all set up. The guards later claim to be clueless and innocent but they took money to do it. You don't deliver some guy and then lock the doors and disappear for 3 hours in any prison unless you're paid to do so.

>>140050009
and get a life sentence? That's not how prison works. If you have a problem you beat that guy until they force you to move off the line to somewhere else and get reclassified.

>>140050172
You take string from your underwear elastic band, and you then start sawing off the handle of a cup. It will take all day. Once the cup handle is sawed off you heat it up and straighten it, and begin to sharpen it on the cell walls hopefully that are covered by your bunk so nobody sees the scratches. You wrap some grip and melt it on the handle and ta-da you have a shiv. Every prison has cups with handles for the most part.

The hard part is dorms, which is what most state jails are these days. You can't exactly sharpen something on the wall in full view of everybody so have to buy them or organize with other inmates to provide cover while you make your tools.

>>140050172
Weapons are rare outside of gangs because of the huge repercussions of actually using them. Unless you're a lifer its rarely worth it.

>>140050604
No glass to break and get a nice sharp piece with some shirt cloth?