What is prison really like? i'm going to be sent there for

>>138433633
dont worry anon
it's going to be great

>>138433729
if you like getting raped that is

>>138433633
How long? What's your offence? How long until you qualify for parole?

>>138433633
just try to work in the library or something

>>138433812
115 years plus life with no parole. It's for first degree murder but that's not what happened since it was basically a misunderstanding

>>138433633
Discipline is key. Use your time well. Every second of every day.h

It's nothing like how TV and movies portray it. If you're seriously worried take the bitch route and act like a depressed neurotic bitch during intake so they put you in the medical block with the old timers. Make friends with the people who bring you food and towels. Make sure you got someone to put some money on your books so you can barter. Get fit in your free time, read lots of books, and sleep as much of your bid away as you can. Hope this helps.

>>138433633
first day find the biggest guy on the yard and rape his ass bloody.

>>138433633
How old are you anon?

Fun times, cards, chess and butt sex. Actually alot of butt sex. You shpuld learn to suck dick anon. That way you can spit the nigger cum and lower your risk of stds.

>>138433633
Immediately start taking whistling lessons

>>138433633
Prepare your anus

>>138433915
id kms first day if i were you op.

the 1st thing you'll notice is a pounding sensation in yer ass...

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>>138433633

you will become one with the BBC

Don't be a dick, but don't be a bitch

And don't slam the microwave you fucking nigger

Sure anon, a misunderstanding.

>>138433915
that's what you get for being a nigger.

>>138433915
>misunderstanding
HOW?

>>138434052
23 and fully enrolled in graduate school

>>13843363 What state are you in? State or Federal time?

>>138433633
Find the biggest guy and stab him. This way other inmates will respect you.

>>138433915
>115 with no parole
>"a misunderstanding"
Nigger detected.

>>138433915

Run for it.

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Just be yourself mate. Guys are just like girls except with an engorged clitoris and a need to spread their seed.

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>>138433633

Bait

Someone who gets 115 years for murder wouldn't have any access to internet. You're pretty much in jail awaiting trial with access to a lawyer via phone.

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>>138433633
if someone offers you a snickers bar or a bag of chips or anything for that matter decline it, theres no such thing as friends in prison. whats really happening is someone is trying to get you indebted to them. that snickers bar you ate could turn out to be worth 1000$ and you've gotta pay it back 10 cents a blowjob. prison rape isn't like in the movies, its subtle.

>>138434373
I'm out on bail. Awaiting trial which will take place in a year or so

>>138433915
Let me guess, you ran over a land whale with a Doge Challenger?

>>138433915
You were sentenced and you are out?

>>138434435
No, haven't even had trial yet. i'm just mentally preparing for a guilty verdict

>>138433915
Nice fucking larp. No judge would ever grant bail for a felon convicted of first degree murder, nor would you have access to the internet post trial, pre processing.

>>138434410

First degree murder is automatic no bail.

>>138433633
It's like one of those trap hentai where the feminine looking boy acts tough and then gets mindbroken into a cock craving semen addicted faggot.

>>138433915
Fucking run you idiot, how the hell are you not in police custody right now?

>>138434410
yeah you need to run if it's not looking good. run and don't look back.

>>138434517
Not in my state. Plus my parents are rich as fuck

>>138434410
Can't you drive to Mexico and then find somewhere in Latin America to hide for the rest of your life? 115 years is a long time.

>>138434517
this

>>138433633
If you are going into a high security prison for more than a few years, seriously either go into hiding or kill yourself now. I have family in there, and friends. It is an unimaginable hell.

>>138434559
what was your bond?

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Have fun OP

If you are too quiet, you'll be targeted.
If you are too loud, you'll be targeted.
If you are too weak, you'll be targeted.
If you are too strong, you'll be targeted.
etc.
Try not to stand out in any way and you will survive. You'll learn to adapt quickly. Keep your head down, do your time, get home safe. Don't get involved with prison politics or crime, or you will end up in trouble, or worse; owing favors

Get ready to read a lot of books and sit around bored all the time.

>>138433633
You should just run away while you can

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>>138433633
Ask this guy

>>138434433
Kek

Brilliant bait

You deserve a medal Anon

>>138434635
2 million

You should put broken glass inside of your asshole to become insta rape-proof

>>138434410


Run for it. Go south.

same boat, I was attacked by three million super strong Hulk Jews out in the woods and I single-handedly killed every single one in unarmed combat. I can hear the sirens now and as I law abiding citizen I must comply with these misguided officers.

Goodbye forever, /pol/

>>138434811
For the sake of your family, man up and do your time. Again I'll ask state or Federal?

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>>138433633
I don't have a uckload o time to do a Q&A with you but I'll tell you this.

I did 6 years on 8 in 3 different Facilities (2 max camps and the last 18 months in a minimum/community facility) .

1) Mind your own business but don't be some scared faggot who stands in the corner. IF someone tries you, laugh it off and hit them with some equal banter (but be on guard)... they will either go back and forth with you or you will fight them... either way... 90% of the time it's just shit talk to figure out the new guy and if he (you) is a pushover faggot. Don't be that guy...

2) DO **NOT** GAMBLE!!! Play Chess or cards for fun but DO NOT get involved with $$$ Just Dont...

3) Get a good job that you can use as a "hustle" ... (ie. If you are a college educated white man, try to get a job in the Library or as a law-clerk trainee) IF you have access to the law library then you can make fuck loads of $$$ and favors from gang leaders by "influence peddling" ... this will secure your status as a person of note... which like real life is ALL prison is about.

Good luck. If you are not a retarded soft punk you'll do just fine. Prison sucks really bad but it isn't the worst thing in the world. You'll be ok.

>>138433633

No help. You're guilty, you admitted as much.

In a society ruled by the people here you would most likely already be shot dead. You should consider yourself very lucky that you are allowed to live.

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>>138433633

>>138434997
Did you ever get to see the Warden's cock?

>>138434978
State

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>>138434974

>>138435466
If you are in Mississippi you are totally fucked. If you are in Wyoming not so bad. Hopefully you are on a healthy side toward Wyoming.

>>138433633
Jamal is about to inject your asshole with a hot dose of cultural enrichment.

>>138433633
Rape isn't as prevalent as Hollywood will have you believe.
You'll have to join a side based on your race.
You better have your papers and be ready to let anyone see them if they request them.
If it seems you're hiding why you're in prison the gen pop will assume you have something to hide.
The only things you'd want to hide are sex crimes or anything involving children, for which literally anyone and everyone will fuck you up to within an inch of your life if you survive the beatings and/or stabbings.
You cannot trust anyone, even the people you side with.
Day/week/month one you will probably be given a shiv and told to stab someone or fight someone. If you refuse they will try to kill you.
Avoid celling with a lifer, they have nothing to lose and often will kill their cell mates in order to be taken into solitary.
Hold on to commodities and sell them. You must run a business.
Guards are all corrupt no matter what.

t. Guy whose buddy did 5 years in Folsom, San Quentin and a couple others

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>>138435138

Also, why in holy hell does people here have sympathy with a murderer sentenced to 115 years who claims it "was a misunderstanding"?

>>138435759
I feel sympathy for any man that has to spend his entire life in a cage. I'd rather give him the mercy of a swift execution.

More likely elebdy grazillion charges of dairy-rich Italian flatbread, amirite? They gonna love you. Now get off your grandma's Dell before you get busted for bail violation. You know the internet is a no-no!

>>138435466
Did you kill someone in southern california?

>>138435908
Mississippi

>>138435845
Prison really isn't that bad. I mean it's not great but it's still life and you adjust.

>>138435671
>>138434997
>>138435973
>>138434707
>>138434385
>>138433988

These are the only actual responses to your OP so far. Pls respond

>>138435671
This so much. I am a quiet person that got loud as fuck. My arms now look like over inflated baloons. I did 3 years at sterling CO. I saw people I knew weren't chomos go head first over the top tiers.

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>>138434343

>>138436024
I'd rather kill myself desu, I've only done light jail time (14 days in county) but even that was unpleasant enough that I set myself to never brush up with the law ever again

>>138435845

It's horrifying, disgusting and weak.

What if it was your relative, friend or lover that they'd killed?

Trying to help or provide moral support to people like this is evil. They should suffer until they die.

>>138436262
I'd be furious but I'd rather him die than suffer for his entire adult life. I'm not a vindictive cunt.

Am I the only one who whistled with other inmates? It's possibly the most valuable skill you can have in prison.

>>138436262
Fuck off Swede, you lack humanity.

>>138434161
She fucks niggers too? Oh for fucks sakes.

>>138436337

"Vindictive" is when one is petty and spiteful. Making sure that murderers suffer appropriately is not petty, it is an inherent moral good.

>>138435973
What part? were you born there? What part? What highschool did you go to?

>>138436554
Eye for an eye

>>138436386

I would rather think it is the reverse - not assigning blame and guilt to people is a sign of being truly uncaring.

>>138436544
"Civic nationalism" as long as the nigger is a Republican right? haha

>>138434559
And with this post. It's a larping faggot

>>138434190
Black ppl in prison never shut the fuck up.

>>138436696
Yes but caging a man for life is excessive, death is 100 times more humane. Or are you just being sadistic?

>>138436734
This. Unless he's a celebrity.

>>138434410
Go to mexico.
Mexicans love murder....
But seriously go to mexico and join the cartel

Seriously? A bible and a lot of religious literature. Yes I am aware you're probably a Christian, and that advice applies to Christianity. Faith is the best thing to get you through a prison sentence, plus if you get hardcore enough you might, you know, actually feel remorse for killing someone rather than use nigger tier excuses about it being a "misunderstanding".

>>138434495
>it's a larp
No fucking duh, shit for brains. This exact OP's been posted every night for the last three weeks.

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>>138436968

>Faith is the best thing to get you through a prison sentence

what if my IQ is over 80 though

>>138433988
This^

>>138433633
Get a job in laundry, that way you will be able to move around a lot in the prison and you can get to know a lot of people, inmates and guards included. Don't trust anyone but don't act like a longer. Get someone(s) you can trade with and learn the tools of trade/currency there that you can trade around, such as cigarettes, books, extra meals, getting their clothes ironed/done well and given first, etc. Also, since you have a bit of time, look into prison and jail foods that you can make, their are things called jail-house hookups that are a mix of ramen noodles, chili, peppers, and made so you can put it into a tortilla like a jail-house burrito, best thing is that you can wrap it up and put it in your window sill and make it into a 2-day meal, because your window-sill can become like your little cell fridge. Also, become friends with the guards, don't make enemies with them, that way it feels less like prison and more like home so you don't suffer and begin to enjoy your time with extended privileges in maybe a few months to a year.

Further on from there, just make the best of it, you might get lucky.

>>138434433
Underbaited

>>138436851

The thing he is guilty of is not just murder ipso facto but also the suffering of the victim's relatives and friends.

People like this are quite frankly guilty beyond our human ability to punish them. Furthermore, a person who commits premeditated murder of the first degree of the sort you get 115 years for has already shown that they do not consider morality to be applicable to themselves so it really does not matter how much you hurt them.

They are not part of decent society anymore and no decent person should ever shed a tear for them.

>>138433988
>act like a depressed neurotic bitch

how to do

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>>138436968

>>138433633
My ex-con dad says it's like summer camp. You're forced to play pingpong and billiards all day to pass time, can enroll in activities while you're there, sports equiptment rental, and get free food cooked by some guy your parents paid. Everyone is friendly and civil and try to make jokes all day to pass time. His also had a college inbuilt so you could come out a tradesman if you wanted.

>>138433633
it sucks at first but then it becomes normal everyday life.
The trick is stop caring about your life on the outside (Other than to look forward to getting out) to appreciate your life on the outside to clean up and fly straight.
Being isolated and caged up should only be reserved for those who really deserve it, they should be treated for reformation and not punished and set free, this is the problem with the American prison system, we don't try to help people get better while they're in Prison and then try to help them when they get out
It's like spanking a kid for a week straight and then letting him go, but telling him you'll be watching and waiting for him to screw up again so you can spank the shit out of him for 3 weeks straight next time.
Instead we should figure out why the kid is miss-behaving and give him/her a reason to want to behave, give them a reason to want to be a good person and show them how being a good person leads to a better and more productive life (Helping them become productive when their reformative punishment is done)

>>138437181
>>138433633

Oh yeah, another thing. As soon as you enter prison, you are no longer Mr. Anon, you are then Inmate Anon, and you will receive a number, memorize that number, because that is your identity now.

t. My Dad and other family history

>>138437129
Then it might actually work out for you.

What did you do when you learned that most people don't actually understand religion they follow just a bit more than ooga-booga tier, commandements at best?

>>138437329
sounds like a European or White collar prison, in America prisons are nothing like this, some county Jails are close to this (Ones that are Farm or outdoor related)

ITT: Eric Clanton shows up on /pol/ to ask for prison tips/advice

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>>138437329
Your dad is a nigger or you are a liar. Prison sucks and it is perfected after years of research howto make it miserable. Anyone that glamorizes prison is a fool or a faggot. What's your dads name?

You need to kill yourself. Think about it

>>138433633
just kys

>>138433915
If it was just a misunderstanding how is it First Degree? Doesn't first degree imply premeditation?

>>138434410
Run. Go somewhere with no extradition laws.

bitch you won't know what it's like from here because everybody's larping with material they got from Oz or Orange is the new black.

>>138433633
https://www.youtube.com/user/FreshOutSeries
Watch this channel. Ex con answers questions.

>>138437497
>What did you do when you learned that most people don't actually understand religion they follow just a bit more than ooga-booga tier, commandements at best?

i lamented the state of man. it's my go-to response to a lot of things i discover

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>>138437678
kek

>>138433915
Tell them that someone hit your bumper with a stick and you got scared and that's why you drove into that crowd.

>>138437819
This. OP said his parents are rich as fuck, get a good sum and get the fuck out of dodge. a 115 year life sentence means your life is over.

1: kill yourself or
2: wait for death in prison, one way or another
I would google "exit bag" or find a diabetic, and inject all the insulin you can, both are rather painless options

>>138437735
They even had a pool, man. Shit sounds comfy no matter how you spin it.

>>138435973
l imagine Mississippi to be the worst state to get imprisoned in, at least they won't have many mexicans. The Mexicans vs Blacks is pretty intense. If you notice a bunch of people of any race wearing boots, you know shit is about to go down. Most everyone wears sneakers in the yard and all around, boots means they expect a fight.

Talk with the older inmates early, they're not violent and will give you a layout of what to watch out for. You do NOT have to join a gang unless you want to. You will have to be ready to defend the friends you make. First week someone is going to talk shit to you just to get a reaction. Banter back with him, exchange smiles, don't rush to violence, but don't let them disrespect you and draw your boundaries early. Carry good posture, don't slouch and look vulnerable but don't walk around flexing either.

>>138437986
That was a rhetorical question.

Post news story/court documents or shitty larp

God damn you niggers are gullible

but for real, get familiar with any and all symptoms of AIDS. There will be black dudes waiting to work your butthole

>>138436262
American prisons are not the same as yours, Swede. Your facilities are established for rehabilitation while the Amercan system is fixed for "making an example" out of criminals. OP's going to get bored fast, act up to shake the prison life and schedule a little, and choke on laundry detergent to end his own suffering.

When I was in jail a guy was pleading to the guards "they're going to kill me". He get isolated in the showers and some guys ripped up an old towel and knotted it up and shoved it up his ass ripped it out like a lawnmower cord and ripped his intestines out with it. They kicked at his asshole split open and let him bleed to death there.

I don't know what he did but don't be that guy.

>>138433633
My father died while serving jail sentence for forging papers for peasants. Mostly tractor licences.

>>138438535
Sounds hot

>>138436999
>No fucking duh, shit for brains. This exact OP's been posted every night for the last three weeks.
Looking at the archive, it's been going on for much longer than 3 weeks. For the past 2 years a
>What is prison really like?
thread has been posted every week according to the archive. Hundreds of threads. I can't figure out why someone would do that.

>>138436746
This

Unfortunately had exposure to US fed pre-trail before they decided to release me months later. Black inmates absolutely cannot stop jibber jabbering or screaming their heads off for one second or making some kind of noise.

There really wasn't race segregation all that much, we didn't mix chow tables of course but the yard generally was mixed but this is prob because it was pretrial. The only rules were basically the Convict Code of never looking into somebody's cell when you walk past, showing respect at all times with eyes forward everywhere you went, avoiding the TV room because fights every single week over it (usually was just some Univision Spanish bullshit) and doing your own time not somebody else's so avoiding obvious set ups. My first week there black guys kept coming up to me and saying "so and so said this shit about you" and everytime I replied well he can say that to my face I'm right here and walked away. Later my cellmate told me that was an attempt for me to fight a guy for them, as they owed money to him and didn't want to pay so hoped I would smash his face in and both of us get moved then Tyrone can steal from somebody else.

I completely see how you can get racist as fuck in jail, you honestly do not want to live with blacks whatsoever after a week you're like what the fuck is wrong with these people. All of the fights I saw were between blacks, nobody else too. Prob because this was pre-trial so nobdoy wanted to add time, and also because there would always be a black guy bragging about stupid shit.

"Ay yo, I gots me easy bid goin be out here 3 weeks sheeeit"
"Sheeit I gots this case beat nigguh, I'm a walk out of here sheeeit nigga"

Then some guy career convict beside us who's looking at a 50yr bid for his latest carjacking smashes black guy #1 head in with his tray and scream "NEXT NIGGA WHO SAY HE DOING LESS THAN 50 YEARS IS GONNA GET KILLED DON'T REMIND ME OF MY TIME".

>>138438718
Might be profiling. Matching IPs to family histories

>>138433633
How come they haven't figured it out?

Give the convicts computers and turn them into NEETS.

>only capable of going on 4chan
>no mail, nothing
>only able to play counter strike or one mmorpg of choice

I bet the worst punishment would be no internet after that

>>138438592
>My father died while serving jail sentence for forging papers for peasants. Mostly tractor licences.
>Mostly tractor licences.
honestly second to ethnic cleansing that pretty much the most balkan crime i can imagine.

>>138433633
I got a warrant put out for me today for missing a court date no one ever told me I had. I've been in and out of jail and prison basically my whole like. This one was for a bar brawl. I'm that guy that had to beat some drunk faggots ass because he wouldn't shut up over me voting for Trump. I fucked him up pretty good though. Jail will be worth it.

>>138438868
never strike first
>if you beat the leftists the leftist win

>>138438718
4chan has A LOT of regurgitated threads all the time. I guess people try out what gets the most response and go with it.

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>>138434768
Nigga so black he look the same in greyscale

>>138438763
>never looking into somebody's cell when you walk past

Why is this, does the convict feel like it is home and you are peeking?

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>>138434433

>>138439140
No?

>>138439165
Because people are trying to masturbate without a bunch of lookie loos

>>138433633
Hi Eric

You will be the prison bike, they'll all ride you

>>138438868
>had to
Ok

I did about 6 months (County jail) so not real prison. Worst part of jail is the fucking niggers. They NEVER shut up, it's a constant din of meaningless noggerel gibberish. It literally never stops and the horrific acoustics in jails make it worse. Thats what I remember most, inb4 buttrape, no but I think some white trash fat fuck was planning to after we almost got in a fight at the lunch table...

>>138438831
He also got sent to the kitchen, would write up the amount of supplies to order, and actually went out of prison with more money.

He also said that he ate amazing dishes all the time, chicken with mashed potatoes every second day, desserts, families would bring food to convicts and they would offer him.

Used to play chess and avoid labor.

Forged a paper for a black woman and wrote she was born in a village of 500 people and when they showed her he said - are you stupid? She is black, when have you seen a black person here. Dont trust her. She might be american agent.

fun times.

>>138434481
You're mentally preparing for exactly 115 years with no parole? Okay it's a LARP, glad we sorted that out.

>>138437372
I think you're forgetting how the prison industry makes money

Can you niggers stop posting in a bait thread?

What is this thread sliding?

>>138439165
Preserve what little privacy you have, and always minding your business because if you look you may see something you don't want to see like a guy stashing contraband and then some other inmate steals it, and he remembers you looking.

I was lucky enough to be in with cells and not bunks, this one place they moved me before release had 100+ men to a single room, all bunks, group bathrooms/showers, some guys had done years in there what a nightmare.

I served time in both a UK prison and in south africa. I'm a dual national. This was a fair few years ago when I was a teenager/early twenties, about two years apart and 8 months in the UK and 3 years in south africa.

The UK was easy, like a hostel, most people except the cunts like you keep their head down. Those in for a long time feel they need to make a name for themselves so act up.

In south africa it was the same but more paranoid/intense. Keep your head down, do what you're told, and don't get in any ones way. It was hard slipping to the background as a white guy on possession amongst black murderers and rapists, but making friends with black guys who aren't in a gang helps you blend a bit more.

I imagine the US is similar to S.A. so keep your head down and blend in. If you want to have fun and have it all end quickly join a gang or kys, your life is over anyway.

Read up on erik olsen, rey bustos and glen vilpu and become a hentai master artist

>>138433633
115 years... Man you better make an escape plan, dying in prison is a bad way to go

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Please end this stupid thread, its full of bait.

>>138433633

Honestly it's just really fucking boring, stuck in one building for ages with a bunch of IQlets with nothing to talk about.

British prisons used to be pretty nice (honestly because they were mostly white guys) until muslim gangs became a problem, now you have drama with different groups of muslims having a go at each other and trying to get non-muslims to work with them or convert.

American prisons seem like a shitshow because this sort of thing has been going on for years, all the racial tensions making people want to gang up and the rape issue seems to come from horrible black culture considering that some badass gangster thing to do rather than obviously gay like in white culture. Over here we used to joke that no matter how shit it seems at least we're not Americans and no ones getting ass raped.

My best advice is to 1) don't join a gang, it'll get you in a lot more trouble than maybe getting beaten up the one time you tell them to fuck off 2) don't accept any "favors" or "gifts" because you'll be indebted and with interest 3) stop smoking immediately because you are literally burning currency, if you smoke one cigarette on the inside you are a fucking retard and deserve to be ripped off by people like me.

are you that faggot who ran over his professor as a joke? quit making this thread twice a month and kill yourself

>>138433633
Please take "before" and "after" photos of your anal gland for research purposes.

>>138433915
You should literally kys. Its better than prison.

>>138434997
>IF you have access to the law library then you can make fuck loads of $$$ and favors from gang leaders by "influence peddling
explain this

>>138433633
Can I have your dodge?

>>138433915
>115 years plus life with no parole.
Bull fucking shit you would not be free on bail if that was your sentencing.

One murder cuts bail entirely or makes it such a high amount a average bloke can't pay it (like a million dollars).

Either way you are full of fucking bullshit.
> It's for first degree murder but that's not what happened since it was basically a misunderstanding
Still bullshit even if you are in jail you cannot post on 4chan as the computers are limited (the prisons don't want you to be able to see how to break out of prison or how to make drugs in prison).

Even if you got a cell phone smuggled then your ass will be sent to solitary for it.

Attack people randomly for no reason. Everyone will assume you are mental and will stay the fuck away from you

>>138433633
>>138433915


LARP

But the truth is prison is just like everything else: Easy if you're rich and white and hard if you're poor and black.

It's county jail that you want to avoid. That's unironically rougher than prison unless they stick you in some kind of supermax hellhole with no human contact just to be spiteful like the fucking shoe bomber.

>>138433762

why do people think these rape jokes are funny?