>have a low effort government job in London >make barely

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>have a low effort government job in London
>make barely enough for gym, food, tiny apartment etc
>wasted all my savings on junk food and coffee in past two years (recently given up junk food)
>have only £50 to invest in crypto but know it's a waste
>feel like a beta loser for not doing something practical or risky- get jelly at the biz excitement
>either waste my time or spend it with my nose in a book or text book(I fear being seen as a pleb or idiot)
>feel under pressure to do or learn a million things at once
>struggle to pass job interviews due to ugliness and autism

What would you be doing in my position? Programming seems the only way to something entrepreneurial (whether to make money or just improve my CV). I will apply to higher paying graduate jobs in September but the whole wagie rat race is demoralising. I will never be enough of a normie to succeed socially in a workplace.

And how do I brainwash myself in to not giving a fuck about the propaganda telling me what to do? I feel like I need to read tonnes of boring "classic" books or else I'm a pleb. I need to go through SICP before doing real world programming.

Of course I waste a lot of my time sitting around outside, drinking coffee, hoping my 20s will spontaneously become a non stop friend / gf filled party through an act of God. I am not joking