What is prison really like? I'm about to be sent there for

>>135525661
If you cant do the time dont do the crime punk

>>135525661
What'd you do?

Highschool. But every group is a bully

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What did you do

just drop everything and skip bail dude. dont be a little pussy, millions of niggers and spics do it everyday. get to a far away state, preferably a rural one with lots of farmland, and get yourself an illegal immigrant tier job. its that or die in the can, they arent gonna just let those people out when SHTF lol. you'll starve to death if the sodomites dont reach you first.

>>135525661

On a scale from one to balls deep, how much do you love nigger cock?

>>135525787
>>135525835
it was basically a prank that went wrong. I didn't do anything and i'm hoping the jury sees that

>>135526077
just a prank bro

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>>135525661
The first couple of weeks are the worst. When you get to know the routine it's not so bad. Keep your head down and just get on with it.

If you are black or mexican you should be fine so long as you learn the unwritten rules fast. The problem with being white in prison is that whites are the weakest gang there and the smallest numbers.

>>135526077
you are not going anywhere you fucking liar. sage in all fields.

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>>135526077
please elaborate on what it is you did or didn't do. I think we can all give you better advice knowing the full story here.

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>>135525661
Prepare your anus, 50 kg of vaseline will get you through the first few weeks.

>>135525661
If you're in a uk prison it's more like a hotel now if you're in an american prison you're going to be raped by american faggots everyday. You'll get used to it i'd imagine.

>>135526077
More details

>>135526077
christ what stupid shit. just drop your fucking load you dumbass attention whore, its already obvious that youre LARPing for (You)s

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>>135526139
No they're not. They have the smallest gang, but it is the most ruthless. If you join you can never get out unless you die. Even when you get out of prison you must follow their commands.

Just watch OZ and learn to love dick.

>>135525661

spread your asshole for everyone Eric, you can be the boipussi that unites the prison gangs

>>135526314
>>135526451
I was at a house party with a friend and this guy who my friend hates was also there so my friend decided to fuck with him by beating him up a little. my friend went over to him and said he had weed, so my friend and I went behind the house and started to smoke with him but that's when my friend pulled out a baton and started beating the shit out of the guy. he beat the guy into oblivion and I honestly thought he was dead but he's currently in a coma. anyways, my friend then hit me over the head like five times and fled the scene. I woke up in a hospital, hand cuffed to the bed and told that I had attempted to kill that guy and that he may never wake up from the coma

honestly, I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't know my friend was going to do that and what the fuck is his problem to just knock me out and frame me

>>135526923
You deserve prison simply for being such a dumbshit with fuck up "friends".

>>135526923
Sounds like bullshit

Eat alot of porridge it will give you really bad gas loosening up your poo hole. The BBC bulls in prison love the pheromones of a scared shitless farting boipucci and they will pound one out quick in you filling you up then you just go fart it out in the toilet. Alternatively you can save it for ramen noodles it's a good salt substitute.

>>135526923
public defender? What is charge?

I will get laughed at for this adivce, but watch the thousands of prison documentaries online. You can also look up the state you are specifc ones probably. Keep your head down, follow the rules, but don't be a snitch.

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>>135526923
He hated both of you.

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>>135526923
that sucks if you really dindu it. sounds like you hung out with a shit crowd though.

let that be a lesson to all the rest of you to embrace the NEET life and avoid humans at all costs.

First day youre there find the biggest toughest guy in the yard...

And suck his dick

>>135525661
You better have someone that is going to put money in for your canteen every week.
Calling cards are expensive and crappy.
How old are you?
50+ is a different space than 20-35...
Federal?

>>135525661
Go and watch shot caller. It's realistic, it's entertaining and it tells the story of a guy who goes into jail after driving drunk and killing a friend of his in a car accident. In order to survive he joins a prison gang, end he ends up doing life.

>>135527165

Don't worry about condoms either. The latex will grip on your ass hairs. You're best to just let your BBC bull pound a huge thick wad of creamy protein enriched syrup up your boipucci.

>>135526923
>what the fuck is his problem to just knock me out and frame me
you'll be fine. They'll see that you were beaten to a pulp with a baton, too.

Framing doesn't actually work, because to frame someone; you need to prove that they did the crime, too.

>>135525661
Don't listen to these teenage fags and basement dwellers who get their prison information from television. Prison is like joining a frat. The more you act like a botch the more they'll treat you like a bitch.

First off, if this is really your first offense and you didn't kill anyone. You're only looking at house arrest or community service. They always threaten you with prison as a tactic to scare little bitch boys like yourself into confessing and pleaing to a lesser sentence.

If you shared with us what you're going to prison for you might get better advice how to avoid prison than how to survive in prison. Get a real good lawyer, preferably someone who used to be a criminal prosecutor (they have all the connections), because spending 10k now could save you from 10 years in prison later.

>>135526077
Hire a lawyer no matter what. Hell get two

>>135525936
Whites have a higher standard.

>>135527466
My family is rich, so I hope to get off but I am mentally preparing for the worst. I am 23 and a med school student. And it is state prison in Tennessee

>>135526923
>he smokes weed
you deserve it

>>135527575
>MUH HIGHER STANDARD OF LIVING
white literally fucking toiled for millennia to give you that standard you unappreciative faggot. learn how your ancestors lived and stop obsessing over consumer electronics and media.

>>135526923
Have you already been found guilty

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>>135526923
>tries to help a friend beat someone up
>gets beat up and framed by said friend

>>135527525
this
except thats just a story OP is using
no retard would look at two people knocked out with the same weapon & go
>well obviously this one knocked out guy did all this
OP your story is shit

>>135526923
Dope prank bro

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>>135527611
i kinda hope they throw you away now. we don't need any more doctors this dumb.

>>135526923

you type pretty good for being a nigger

>>135527161
It is, I remember having seen this thread a few months ago

>>135526923
is there any evidence at all that you would be the perpetrator?
it seems to me all any objective third party observer could say is "you were both found beaten and bloody next to each other"

surely they can't convict you just because someone said you did something?

>>135526923

Are you going to tell us what really happened or do you expect us to believe that bullshit? It's painfully obvious you're the one who beat the guy with the baton, you fucking degenerate. Enjoy prison.

>>135526923
you're a fucking dindu

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>>135527165
>>135527524
>all this extremely lewd projection
WEW

>>135526923
I honestly think this is a lie. I doubt police/DA would charge you with a crime of assault when they had to drag you to a hospital themselves when finding you at the scene of the crime.

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>>135525835
>Dreddposting
You are in full compliance with the law, carry on.

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>>135525936

Do you really think SHTF is going to happen in the next two decades? Because I don't have much faith in that relative utopia ever happening in my lifetime.

>>135527538
>beat him up a little bit.

no logic, you either assaulted someone or you didn't. Stop hanging out with niggers who put their hands on people for no reason.

>>135527242
It's not snitching if he framed you.

>>135526077
>prank
If you're looking at jail, that means someone lost a limb or got killed.
You're going to be big boys' house, and if you're not 6'5" and all muscle, chances are you get passed around till you hang yourself.

Hope the """prank""" was worth it.

>>135525661
It smells like cheap soap & ass.
Stay away from niggers & save your noodles. Munch on them to pass the time.
I only spent a few days in jail once because I refused to pay a fine for failure to stop at a stop sign (I did) and it sucked ass.

If you've got to spend more then a month in jail you should run to Mexico or someplace where they'll never find you.

>>135525661
lots of pretty good prison docs on youtube; go get your binge on. honestly, if you're not a pussy faggot and cool enough to get along ok with the guards and inmates it's probably not that bad. sheer shoul-crushing boredom is the worst part.

>>135528256
>>135528256
I was talking about in jail no snitching, no talking to guards, etc.

The guy should do anything in front of jury to get off for sure though.

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>>135526077
>i was dindu nuffin
yea boy, sure of that

>>135528412

>run to Mexico
How would he get across the border with a warrant out for his arrest? Surely that would show up when they scan his passport at the border

>>135525661
Go ahead and have all of your teeth pulled and you also want to start enlarging your asshole. Head on over to the local adult erotica store and get yourself a trainer pack of plugs. If you have money save it for commissary. Honey buns and socks are the best if no cigs allowed. Keep your head down and never say no to daddy. Youll be alright anon.

>>135525661
>>135528497
This and I guess just stay away from all the nasty stuff

OP you didn't do shit don't expect to lose already. Get a lawyer. Sell everything pawn everything you have to just get a (((lawyer))) I'm not kidding public defenders are total shit.

>>135525731
In 10 years I will say that to you when you'll be locked up for 10 years, and an mandatory prolonged equity training program after that for not saying "xer" to me.

>>135525661
Your best bet for survival if you don't already know what to expect, is, when you meet your cellmate for the first time, immediately punch him in the face, then turn around, drop your drawers, and grab your ankles.

>>135528178
yes, but it wont be overly hard for an adult man to survive. only problem is that most white males these days are not adults to they will die of starvation in the FEMA camps once the government stops seeing a point in feeding them.

>>135525661
I hope you are one of those fucking sickos that try to justify cp and loli

>>135526923
First off, you probably gave this statement to the cops like a dumbfuck. The main thing you stick with is, "I can not recall what accord." This way you're not lying. Combine that with proof you were assualted and just like that you're not a criminal you're a victim. The guy is probably just in a medically induced coma until the swelling in his brain subsides. If you admitted to conspire with someone else to murder this guy, which is basically what you are saying, then you are fucked. Not because you did it but because you admitted it!

If this is your signed and sworn statement, the best you can get is a plea deal to be a snitch. Hut then your life in prison will be fucking hell when the other prisoners you become friends with check your paperwork. You'll be forced into proctective custody and have to sit in a cell 23 hours a day! All just for being a snitch. The only thing you can do in this scenario is make sure you plea deal doesn't force you into prison. Instead you are put on house arrest. But I would have never snitched not even on myself.

You might find a lawyer that can get your statement thrown out of court if you convince him you were coaxed into saying those while yoi were sufferring from a cocussio n. And the truth is you remember nothing that happened that night. Only that you were also a victim.

Prison will change who you are as a person. Having a felony will prevent you from getting a decent job, voting, owning a firearm, and being treating as a normal citizen. Best case scenario is you fight the case, don't wave your right to a speedy trial because if the victim dies further down the road from his injuries you dont want to be charged with murder. If the victim stays alive through the trial you'll only receive assualt charges. I'm guessing they gave you attempted murder, assualt with a deadly weapon, and a few other charges. But you can beat it if you keep quite and find a way to paint yourself as the victim. Or you could be a snitch

>>135528412
I would rather spend my time in a prison than on the run in Mexico (and most likely end up in a Mexican prison). If you don't fuck up you can get a TV, tons of noodles, and be left alone.

>>135527255
This.

https://youtu.be/1pEzp-Bn1Lk

binge this channel

All the retards replying to this thread not knowing it has been made before

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I work at a State Penitentiary. Hope you do not get sent to a private run prison. They suck. Do not go into debt, do not borrow anything, If someone wants to be friends they want to fuck you (guards also), keep to yourself. If you get a bad cell mate check PC or suicide so you do not get raped. do not gamble, once a hoe always a hoe you will never get your man card back again. If you are in a dorm instead of a cell find a bed in direct view of a camera unless you plan on violating rules. Careful what jobs you get (with some jobs you will get caught up passing contraband, you really have no choice unless you snitch).

>>135528659
I would just find an empty spot in the desert and hike it in during the night. Or hitchhike my way into California head to the Baja peninsula & find a fishing boat to take me into Mexico

>>135525936
Typical backward ass thinking from a fucking douchebag redneck lol

>>135527482
very good movie Jamie Lannister

>>135526923
Just tell the judge and jury that it was "just a prank" in those exact words. You fucked someone up for life at best or got him killed eventually, and you call that "a prank". The jury will love this.

Remember when you got sent to your room as a kid? It's like that. With rape.

>>135529579
So exactly like when I was a kid

>>135527538
This advice.
Lawyer up. Say nothing. The burden of proof is on them.
Always remember that the prosecutors office will always charge high and plead low. I would relax. You are not going to prison, you are going to trial.

>>135525661
Prison rape, though real, is actually a meme. Most sex in there is consensual.

You'll mostly just be bored. Don't join a gang. DO work out if you can, decrease your odds of being fucked with. Read whatever books you have access to. Learn to write well. Have goals for when you get our, however remote they may seem today.

>>135529758
Only if juries gave a fuck about the burden of proof

>>135526923
Oh this is what you did..
Get fucked you deserve everything you get in prison nigger

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>>135527165
>>135527524
My fucking sides..you sick faggot.

>>135525661
be friendly

try to make friends but be wary who you try to befriend, you dont want to be involved with any gangs, you can most likely tell the gang bangers from the guys who just want to serve their time in peace, they guy always sitting by himself never talking to anyone is the guy whos going to get pushed around BY EVERYONE

rember to not take shit from anyone, but never escalate a situation (a fine line to walk), the best thing you can do if shit is about to go down is to simply say i dont want to fight and try walk away if they really want to fight you then not much you can do about it, but running your mouth off will never help the situation

rember respect is a two way street

never accept anything from anyone

never give anything to anyone (mabey a smoke or something like that if you already are friendly with them but if someone comes up out of the blue and asks for you fruit cup then you about to become someones bitch)

NEVER LET YOUR GUARD DOWN AROUND ANYONE

>>135528659
>Walk in to Tijuana
T.SanDiegoFag

>>135528932
listen to this man or run away and hope you don't get caught. If your family is truly rich, they can afford to buy a vacation place in a country with no extradition to the US and just let you live there.

>>135528932
I've done some paralegal work for defence lawyers who do murder trials and this anon speaks the truth.

TO ALL ANONS OUT THERE WHO EVER GET INVOLVED WITH LEGAL BULLSHIT - NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER GIVE A STATEMENT. EVER. THEY WILL SAY THEY WILL HOLD YOU UNTIL YOU GIVE ONE - BULLSHIT. THEY WILL SAY EVERYBODY ELSE ALREADY RATTED ON YOU AND THIS IS YOUR ONLY CHANCE TO SAVE YOURSELF - BULLSHIT.

>>135529326
>so scared to live life so he acts superior for being a pussy
lol your mom called you """smart""" when you were a kid huh

>>135528932
Never say anything to police.
Jesus, never say anything to police.
Don't even deny anything, just don't say anything.
Then, always get a real lawyer. Never get a public defender.
And, misdemeanors can be expunged.

Don't start any shit cause you'll probably get killed. Don't let anyone disrespect you because then you'll be a known bitch and you'll have to learn to love sucking cock. Also don't let anyone do you any favors. There's no such thing as a favor in prison. Take a favor = learn to like sucking cock

>>135526923
You woke up in the hospital, meaning you both were unconscious, and they assume you're the perpetrator. What exactly knocked you out then or was it the comical double knockout? Smells like a larp to be honest.

>>135529847
That's in part why there is a judge. If you have a decent lawyer, anything is possible.

>>135526669
Yall don't know shit.

It really depends on your area and what jail it is. Places like SoCal and the Deep South are th worst for whites. There you either join a skinhead gang and stay in for years extra from stabbing spics and niggers or you get exploited.

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>>135530122
Altho i dont know what its like in american prison

this is the advice i have gotten from a few people who have been to Swedish prison

but then again our prison is like a fucking vaction

homeless people will literally commit small crimes that land them in jail for the winter just cause it beats sitting on the street

>>135527482
got a link?

>>135525661
Aggressively suck the dick of the first guy you see as a warning to the others.

>>135530923
that is seriously nicer than my college dorm room

>>135530804
What probably happened was this faggot OP beat someone with a stick and put them in a coma at a party & then someone at the party knocked him out for doing it & called 911 to save their friend OP then got taken to jail for being a nigger and trying to rob some kid at a party in a drug deal.

>>135526077
>fucking newfags still believe this shit
This is an old copypasta. Fake news.

>>135525661
Is it federal "pound me in the ass" prison?

>>135525661
Don't bunk with this guy
https://youtu.be/4xn90GqBxbU

>>135526923
>beat a man to death then beat yourself into unconsciousness
the entire jury would have to be literally retarded for you to get sent to prison for this, either that or your kike public defender is shit, or you were stupid enough to take a plea deal

>>135531226
Also
>remove weapon from scene before lapsing into unconsciousness

>>135525661
in norway it's alright in my experience. i did only a month though, dui and crash.

we were four guys to one bedroom+bathroom, and shared a living room w/tv, washing machine and kitchen with a bunch of other guys, around 30 or so. most days were spent in the woodshop where we assembled pallets for a microscopic wage. for an hour per day or so we were let outside to walk around and play football etc. in weekends we got more time.

three meals per day, but we had a kiosk/commissary where we could buy other stuff like candy or food and cook for ourselves if we wanted to. the meals we got were decent though, especially the dinner, ironically much better than the food we could buy, pretty much just ready made greasy microwave food.

the guys in there were from all walks of life, from executives to random smalltime criminals. one guy was in there for some pretty serious drug crimes, steroids. he got me into weightlifting, but not the roids. his plans was to make me his partner in crime outside of the prison since we were from the same city, but no chance.

>>135530623
This, never say anything exept to your lawyer

then when you get to court the only things they will have is physical evidence or witnesses (in most cases nothing but a accusation)

you will get everything they put against you before the trial and in most cases your lawyer can dismiss all this as bullshit

>>135531226
Obviously OP is lying about what happened even being anon his mind is plagued with guilt and can't confess to what he did.

>>135525661
Its not nearly as bad as TV & movies and people who've never been there make it out to be. You keep your head down and do your OWN time and you''ll be fine.

>>135531013

BUUUUH BURGER LAND IS GREAT !!

>>135525661
get fucked in your ass you degenerate fucker

>>135531402
>norway
so like 5% niggers?

>>135530331
This.

OP, you are dumb. Everyone is dumb. No one can talk their way out. Everyone thinks they can. But they are dumb. Remember that. Say nothing and ask for a lawyer. You are dumb. Remember that.

In closing, you are dumb. Pay a smart person to speak for you. Ask for lawyer. Don't say or sign anything. Remember, you are dumb. Keep your mouth closed. You cannot talk your way out. You are dumb.

>>135525661

This was my first time inside.

Was done for armed robbery and got 18 months on a plea bargain. Got fucked on three parole hearings and ended up doing another four months. You hear of these guys who get out early because they were 'model prisoners' I don't know how they do it.

So while I was inside I made a list of the worst things about prison to share with the boards I used to frequent. Seemed like any discussion of prison would be all like 'lolrape' and no actual info for anons that might find themselves in my shitty situation. So here it is, the top 10 worst things about prison that you never knew about:

10. The Smell

Prison smells like shit. Smells worse than shit. You know the smell you imagine jenkem to smell like? Imagine that, only it's being rubbed on the arm pits of a sweaty mexican and then his armpit pubes are being set fire too. It's that bad. No one flushes the fucking john. Ever. You know how clean prison looks in all the pictures? It is, because we spend all fucking day cleaning it. And then convicts just basically shit themselves for a laugh. I switched buses on the way back and sat next to this guy wearing cologne. I'm not gay (well, as not gay as you can be after being inside) but I got a boner as soon as I smelt it. Fucking amazing.

>>135531756
9.

White people.

After the first year, I was ashamed to be white. In the world, white people are capable of all kinds of great things, and all kinds of bad things. But inside we're just universally cunts. Aryan Brotherhood weren't a big presence in my block, but they were bad enough to make you kind of wish your mother had been raped by a nigger. And that's before you meet your boss's. Correctional Services officers come in all flavours, but white screws were the worst. Black screws, you could tell were just poor niggers trying to get by in a shitty job. Only white guys ever seemed to enjoy their shit. Rape, dispite the rumours, is not a big deal inside. It doesn't happen that often. But everytime it happened on my block it was a white guy. And every time anyone got murdered, it was a white guy. There were 33 murders while I was inside, 12 of them in my block. All because white cunts couldn't keep their dicks in their pants, or else 'cut someone's eyes' which was slang for stealing someone's shit. Being black in prison would have been awesome.

8. Getting fat.

There is no gym equipment in prison. That whole, 'bunch of guys sitting around pumping iron' image you have? Forget it. Gym equipment is a weapon, and weapons are forbidden. Our block had one treadmill that would occassionaly work. You couple that with high fat food, all day, everyday, you start to go flabby really quickly. One of the things that occupies a lot convict's days is finding someway to try and do some physical activity. After about six months I could feel my muscle mass going, so me and my cellmate would deadlift each other for a few hours. Gayest thing you've ever seen, but it filled in the time.

>>135526923
>an unconscious guy with head wounds is the prime suspect for beating up the guy he was found unconscious next to
Bullshit anon. What are you not telling us?

sweet emotion by aerosmith

>>135531564
actually we were all white in there. i think one balkan guy, that's all. but yeah, not a lot of diversity.

>>135531533
well considering the fact that I went from that dorm room to a well paying job and a very comfortable life, while whoever stays in that Swedish cell can only look forward to being a pariah in a land swarmed by musliniggers, I'd say the US remains superior.

>>135531822
7. Solitary
I was fucking terrified of solitary confinement when I first went inside, which contributed to me behaving myself. Until I realised that solitary isn't something you can hold off by just not being a dick. It's a reality of life and you will, at somepoint, be put in solitary for no fucking reason at all. Usually, because there is a remand inmate that needs to be cycled into gen pop before trial and they need to free up your cell - so you go into solitary because there aren't any other beds. I did two months of that all up. No books, no blankets, no light, 23 hour lockdown. Most they can do is 1 week at a stretch - worst part was knowing you were going to go back after a week if the block was too over crowded. You spent your whole time in gen pop just anxious as fuck because you could get dragged off the chain at any moment and sent back.

>>135531941
6. The Drugs

After a while, drugs become a viable option inside. There is a lot on offer. If you can get it out in the world, you can get it inside - for a better price strangely enough, considering the difficulty of getting it in. That is if it is what your man says it is. I decided to get onto horse after a few months, mostly as something to do. I'd tried heroin outside, but hadn't liked it since getting on the nod seemed like a waste of time. But inside, it's great - a shot in solitary can make a week pass in no time at all. Problem is the shit it will be cut with. Flour, baking soda, jell-o crystals - all shit that should not be in a vein. After a while, you just end up doing things that outside, you never would have dreamed of. I was paranoid about getting the AIDS, so I kept this one needle the whole time I was inside. Went rusty and I ended up spending a month in sick bay with tetenus. When I couldn't score for junk, I scored for codeine tablets. Grew my thumb nail long and wrecked it on the concrete so it was sharp enough to cut open my thigh, and would stick the crushed up tablet inside.

Yeah, shit got that bad.

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>>135526923
Some advice if you're not LARPing - don't refer to the guy who tried to frame you as "my friend."

Fucking idiot.

>>135531992
5. The Economy

I joked to my cell mate on the first day that at least the GFC couldn't fuck us inside. He'd been done for assaulting a cop when his house got taken by the bank. But within months 'GFC Nigger' became the standard reply to any query as to how black market prices were suddenly going through the roof. The price of a deck of smokes tripled. There was an actual economic reason about this. I went away in Michigan, where a lot of people lost their houses, mostly poor people already. When they had to move away from the prison, it meant they couldn't bring their loved ones as much contraband group, which meant the price of what there was sky rocketed. And the worse things got, the more the people who worked in the store would wonk and take home with them, which meant stocks ran low which fucked us even further.

Bet you didn't read about that one in the Wall Street Journal.

>>135531585
Well you can talk your way out if you have enough info to take down a entire gang

but then you goto be smart and have that shit on paper before you start talking

i.e Defendant his here by pardoned for his crimes if yadda yadda yadda

usually this will be presented by the cops and not something you ask for

i know one guy who got this deal but he did the time instead

>>135532028
4. Losing everyone you ever loved.

No one ever talks about this because prison makes you a hard ass. Or at least you teach yourself to think it does. The first ones to go are your friends. They tell you they'll write and send you stuff - take every friend you've ever had, now pick one. There will be one that actually does it. But they'll stop after a few months. Then your sister - they might say they'll wait, but you know they won't. I called mine on my second week and told her it was over. Apart from the total shock of going away, I couldn't stand spending every night wondering if she was getting cranked by some other dude. Was one less thing to worry about. My kid, who was about to turn 1 when I went away, will never have any idea who the fuck I am. Her mom took her away the second I went inside. Never called. Don't even know where to begin looking. My Mom and Dad were the worst. They promised me when I went inside that they'd stick by me if I stuck by them, that all they wanted was the occassional phone call to let them know I was okay, and they'd make sure they visited regularly. I was so fucked up half the time I forgot when visiting day even was. I realised, and tried to tell the boss that I didn't want to see them, that I was too messed up. So the cunts dragged me by the hair through the block to the visiting room and propped me up on a chair in front of them and laughed. They never came back, and they haven't seen me since I got out.

3. Lonliness

An old timer told me that when he first went inside, in the 80s, prison was all about cliques. There were different gangs, people stuck together because of ethnicity, even religion. Back then there were Irish Catholic cliques, Nation of Islam cliques - even white collar guys started cliques to avoid getting stepped on.

>>135532063
One thing the boss' do very well is create an atmosphere of constant paranoia. If you get shaken down and you get contrapedophile group found on you, they'll stick you in solitary and finger your best friend for setting you up. If you come inside with a pre-existing gang affiliation, like a lot of black guys do, they start by stepping on your friends straight away and blaming you for it until you're a pariah. Forget about the yard being full of big groups of guys chilling together. No one hangs with anymore than three people for a stretch. If you're seen with a big group, you'll be targeted by the screws. Mostly, people do their time alone. Pacing the yard, or even just ignoring their cell mates completely. That gets to you more than anything. The constant suspicion, and knowing you're alone.

>>135531822
Never join an organised gang. Go with the peckerwoods, they're just the whites who look out for each other but don't have any initiations or bosses, you might need to do shit that everybody else does. Like not starting shit between the races and beating people who do or taking part in a riot (90% of the time It's Mexican vs other Mexican/blacks)

>>135531822
go on...

>>135531402
Sounds really humane and well-thought as a system
Did you meet Brejvik ?

>>135532130

2. Death

I saw 12 deaths inside. Three of them were at the hands of screws. One of those was a gunshot to the head while a guy was trying to escape. The other two were beatings, and I didn't know they'd died until later. It's not right to call a prison shanking a 'stabbing' because that's not how you die. Inside, we called it 'digging a hole' or 'digging a well' like 'he got a well dug in him' or 'pulled out a hole'. The reason for this is the make shift weapons used inside are not easy to kill with. You basically make a hole as fast as you can, by stabbing as fast as you can, and then you try and get a grip inside it and just start pulling. I saw this right up close one time. I had the distinct misfortune of having my cell behind a pillar, like a bulkhead kind of thing in the middle of the block. So if you wanted to shank someone, it was a great place to hide. On the flip side, it meant the boss' gave it a lot of extra attention, which was bad for rubbing one out or taking a hit. Two guys were loitering around the pillar one day, waiting for this fresh kid to wander past. Prison gossip said he's been worked over on his first night by someone who wanted him for a wife, but the kid fought back and nearly bit some fucker's nuts off. So his friends wait with a t-shirt, and a filed down toothbrush. They've cracked down on plastic toothbrushes, but there used to be enough of them that a lot of guys have them stashed away.

>>135532211
You can file down the ends on the concrete to a point. One guy wraped a t-shirt around the kid's neck and lifted him off the ground from behind, and the other starts stabbing his gut. After a few stabs, he starts trying to get his fingers inside and he just pulls all this meat out. I thought he was going to pull out his intestines like you'd see in a horror movie, but instead, he just pulls out fist after fist of this yellow jelly shit, and then big hunks of meat like raw mince. Screw's arrived and tasered everyone. Even the kid. He was on his side, right in front of my cell, and every jolt from the taser made the big hole in his stomach smoke.

You don't see something like that and not have it fuck you up worse than you already were for being incarcerated.

>>135527165
Godammit straya

>>135531896
Actually you can get a legit education in some prisons

i dont personally know him but i have heard about a guy who actually became a fucking lawyer in prison (he was in for like 10 years or something)

once he got out he just did a few exams and bam he was a lawyer

>>135532257

1. Getting Out

On my last day I started writing this list in my head, and thought it would be funny to post it on the Chans. But really, now I've written it, it's not funny. For lols, I was originally going to talk about prison rape. But really? It's a small part of doing time. On any given block, you might only have a dozen or so convicts who are likely to rape someone. And they go after the same kind of convicts every time too. Because if you try to rape the wrong guy... you might end up with your guts pulled out.

That's not to say consensual gay sex doesn't happen. I had it, and I enjoyed it. I'm not going to go and fuck a man on the outside, but a combination of drugs, lonliness and boredom do strange things.

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>>135529162
story time CO-anon
this is your thread now

>>135532296
So instead of rape, the thing that tops my list was getting out. After 18 months, I felt like I had the whole prison kick down. I felt like I belonged. New guys looked up to me, like someone who'd seen shit and made it through. As I scaled back on my pretty huge habit, I started to get this kind of zen calm about incarceration, and I liked to think I helped a few guys through their first weeks.

The last months before I left was the happiest of my entire life. I started making lists, like this one. Lists of what I was going to do. Lists of things I was going to eat. Lists of places I was going to go. I almost felt like I'd had a near death experience, and now I had to live a better life. Then I left.

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>>135526923
You got fucked sorry.
Maybe they catch him and you get out, but you're definitely going away for a while.

>>135531402

So there weren't big black bulls raping tiny dick whitebois? LOL UR COUNTRY IS SOCIALIST YOU WISH YOU HAD FREEDOM LIKE THE USA EUROKEK

>>135532377

Two years is a long time. The world literally changes without you. I got off the bus and went to my favourite bar. It was empty. I went to a cafe my friends used to touch dicks at. None of them were there. I went to my house, pulled the boards off and went inside. Everything was just as I'd left it with two years worth of dust. Most depressing thing you've ever seen. I lay down on my bed and paranoia started setting in. I realised I was pretty much squating and was paranoid about being picked up by the cops and breaching my parole, so I went to my parents house. They let me in, but told me I couldn't stay until they were sure I was off the drugs. I checked into a motel and sat on the edge of the bed, watching MTV and ordering Pizza. I must have ordered like five pizzas from five different places, stayed up till dawn. Thing about prison, is that sleep becomes like a chore you do each day. You're never really tired, so you never really want to sleep, it just breaks up the time. I felt like I didn't want to sleep ever again. Next morning I decided to go for a drive, and thought I'd rent a car - but my driver's licence had expired. I went to get a new one, but because I'd been inside they needed me to get a letter from my parole officer. So I just wandered around for a day. Felt like everyone was staring at me.

You just feel completely lost.

http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/general/136858-2-years-in-prison-a-mans-story

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>>135525661
Watch OZ, might as well just flagrantly torrent it now.

>>135532209
i met some guy trying to get me into exporting "legal" whale meat, and some guy who bragged about beating his girlfriend. that's about as interesting as it got.

>>135525661
Don't worry you will enjoy the cock after 3-4 times

>>135528932
This.

Also never tell police the truth dumb ass, how hard could it have been to say "black guy assaulted us"

>>135526351
>obviously never done 4 years of a 6 year sentence in belmarsh

>>135525661
hot steamy unportected STD ridden homo buttsecks

Steroids, HGH and weight lift as much as you can before entering.

>>135532431
no we aren't fortunate enough to have that culture, yet.

apparently there was one small fight while i was in there, didn't see it though.

>>135526077
Holy shit old copy pasta.

>>135526923
Just remember that Bubba likes it when his pray tries to resist.

>>135525661
Are you a Nigger?

>>135532859
I thought you were supposed to beat up the toughest looking guy just when you go in so they leave you alone?

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In Canada we have a thing called weekend jail where you just spend the weekends at jail, rest of the week you at at home.

>>135526923

just a prank bro

>>135531822
>It doesn't happen that often. But everytime it happened on my block it was a white guy. And every time anyone got murdered, it was a white guy.

Are you saying that it was white guys who always got raped, or are you saying it always was white guys who raped other people?

and are you saying it was always white guys murdering people, or are you saying it always was white guys getting murdered?

>>135526923
are you black by chance?

>>135526923
I doubt you'd be able to make bail for this -- if the judge set anything it would be at least 500k.

In the unlikely event that this is true, why the fuck would you even go? Just go to Mexico. They aren't going to send the fucking feds after you over this bullshit.

>>135528932
quit trying to scare the kid

>>135532211

>this is prison in the Land of the Free
WTF if I ever face prison I'm fucking running for the border

>>135525661
forgot to bin it, did a whole two weeks in a Danish closed gate country club. Seriously, the stain on the record is the problem. Doing time here is just a chance to relax and catch up on some reading. Super-ultra-beta's get bullied sometimes, but then they get cut loose early because of the "stress".
I see that Norway bro has similar experiences.
Might be a whole lot different in the United Steaks tho... Heck, it may be a world of difference from state to state, other things are, so why not prison

What's the point of this roleplaying thread? I've seen it at least ten times before, so you're not actually "about" to go to prison, so why bother?

>>135533107
>, rest of the week you at at home.
House arrest or nah?

>>135531015
is that the true version, OP?

>>135531533
dont you have some Muslim dick to suck Xir?

Assuming you're telling the truth..a lot is going to depend on the prison you're sent to. Since you haven't even had a trial yet, your top priority is to get a good lawyer. Seriously, it's going to be the most important money you will spend in your life. Don't fuck up this part. If you get sent to a place with a bunch of young people, and you look like a bitch (which you probably do since you're asking for prison advice on this forum), you are going to have a very rough time, i guess you should come to terms with that. Im not a large or particularly muscular guy, but if you give off the impression that you arent a bitch and can hold your own, thats more than half the battle. Find a niche when you're in (I made ghetto fudge and traded it for other shit). Keep your head up, do your time and don't let the time do you. Sounds cliche, but you're going to figure out what that means real quick. Keep your mind busy with positive things, like what you're going to do when you're out. Good luck

>>135526923
>no fresh prince
Fuck this pasta

>>135532257
The kid died right?

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>>135527165
offcourse you had to be fucking australian

>>135532257
fake and gay

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>>135532028
nigga you were in for 18 months and you resorted to sticking pills in your thigh, I don't know if you're a fuckboy deluxe or if you were like that on the outside, I went away for the same stretch in CA and all it taught me besides that prison sucks dick, is that you shouldn't trust anybody inside, regardless of race, I only sort of trusted my cellmate, but we got in bad fight one time and I ended up in solitary, that does suck dick. but honestly the story you're telling, is the story of someone with no hope, or plan once they get on the outside, good luck, but honestly it sounds like you're going to die from a fentanyl overdose after your dealer gives you a hot dose after getting sick of getting blowjobs from your stupid ass.

>>135525661
When you get there call the whole block a bunch of fuckgoof niggers

>>135525661
>Can anyone here give me a rundown of how to survive?
This might help.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEcfpwJ_TTY

>>135533798
Im scared to ask what ghetto fudge is lol

>>135532461
fakest, gayest fucking thing I've ever heard sounds like a bad movie being narrated in the first person kys faggot

>all this try hard effortposting on pasta larping
Kinda feel bad

>>135525661
Suck all the dick you can and make sure you swallow. Even if they rape you and they're going to blow you need to ensure you flip positions quick smart and swallow.

If you do this enough you'll gain a protein advantage above the other inmates and soon be on your way to becoming the chad of yard. also you'll gain protection if you let them use your body.

once you've taken every load and made every friend you can then prey on the new fish and slowly but surely make your way to the top of the food chain.

but it all starts with the loads of protein you need to consume. trust me. do this and prison will be a breeze and your time will be over in no time.

>>135530948
https://watchmovie.me/watch-movie-shot-caller/kdkx

Just started wtching. Looks like a good copy

>>135526230
You didn't sage name, nigger.

>>135534455
Like, fudge mother fucker. Just made from commissary candy bars and shit from the kitchen. It became popular and other blocks were trading for it.

i've seen the very same thread with exactly the same op picture on /k/ few months ago. apparently you were larping

I'm not gay, but I kind of want to experience being held down and roughly assraped by a pack of niggers while they degrade me and humiliate me in front of a crown that eggs them on. Any other anons know this feel?

>>135534895
Ask Sweden

>>135525661
Get a Big Mean Black dude as boyfriend.... Let him pound you.. Later let him sell your boypussy to others at least you will be well treated no beatings

>>135527524
Expert sodomy, nice to meet you bby

>>135532063
shit reads like a larping buzzfeed nigger. Off yourself failure

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>>135534895
What the fuck son, what did those smelly danes done to you?
I am disapointed

>>135535458
dutch*

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ITT Trump asks /pol about something they can't answer

>>135525661
If your not a pedo or their for a sex crime you will be fine but bored shitless

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I would buy a dildo and start stretching my butthole right now, if I were you. Make things a lil bit more comfy when the time comes.

>>135527810
fucking kek

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>>135534972
underrated

>>135525661
You have to get into fights if you don't want to be picked on. That's the most important thing. As soon as a nigger says anything to you or about you you kick him in the teeth first as a rebuttal.

Tell the aryan brotherhod all you know about hitler and im sure they will protect you

You fight. You fight at any and all times. Never punk out, even when you know you'll get fucked up. Then fight that nigger the next time you see him. Never give a fuck about loosing, just fight. Eventually you'll become a badass or a hastle, and they'll quit fucking with you

>>135536412
Lay off the Hollycrack Cleatus, prison is boring as fuck.

>>135536466
Memorize those 14 words!

>>135536845
But if he's a bitch they wiill probably turn him out
they want beefy foot solders

>>135525661
Get good at Fighting or Sucking cock
or get with aryan brother hood and get a nazi tattoo
and probably suck cock

>>135534683
Aussies are masters of Prison culture, their whole island is one.

>>135537196
But for real a nazi tatoo would probably the last thing you would want to do unless you want a target

>>135532293
You can't pass the bar with a criminal record. They won't let you take it in many states.

>>135527611
If the grand jury has returned an indictment, understand that you're going to be found guilty. Prosecutors in my county (in AZ) have a 97% conviction rate.

So get your family to spend $50K on an attorney. Whatever time you're looking at, it will be far less with a good attorney.

>>135527611
>state prison in Tennessee
you're fucked

>>135537686

Completely untrue. It might hurt your chances, but only serious felonies or fraud convictions will disbar you.

>>135526923
>my friend then hit me over the head like five times
You wouldn't be referring to him as your friend. This is the worst LARP I've ever seen.

>>135535583
trump voters confirmed for law abiding tax paying citizens

>>135527611

the amount of buttsex you're about to experience... you've seen Oz, right?

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>>135525661
Like this

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>>135526923
YOU'RE LYING! YOU WERE ANGRY AT HER FOR SLIGHTING YOU IN PUBLIC AND THOUGHT, "I'M GOING TO MAKE THAT CUNT PAY..." SO YOU WENT TO HER APARTMENT THAT NIGHT, SNEAKED IN THROUGH THE WINDOW AND BLUDGEONED HER TO DEATH WITH YOUR BASEBALL BAT AND RAPED HER BLEEDING CARCASS! YOU LYING SACK OF SHIT! COME OUT STRAIGHT WITH IT, OR I'LL COME BACK AND BUTT FUCK YOUR FATHER WITH YOUR MOM'S HEADLESS CORPSE ON THIS GODDAMNED LAWN! MY BROTHER IS IN A COMA CAUSE OF YOU. YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT, I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL

A post from 4chan long ago ...
--

Prison is awful, it really is. I've done a few short-term stints. There really is a lot to learn. If you're looking at more than a few years, just fucking run. Don't even go to court. Go be a tramp in another country. Seriously, just fucking run.

If you're only looking at a couple of years or less:

Keep yourself to yourself.

Trust no-one.

Do not listen to anyone who tells you "the best thing to do is to kick the shit out of someone on your first day". This is absolute fucking nonsense and it will get you killed. Prisons are massively less violent than the media would have you believe.

When you first arrive, some people will appear friendly and helpful. They may offer you a smoke, offer something to eat, maybe even offer protection. Politely decline. If you accept, they'll soon thereafter demand multiple repayments.

Do not gamble. It's very common in prison, but you either lose and you end up losing your shit, or you win, and you anger a criminal.

Do not become someone's bitch. You may be offered protection if you do fuck a faggot inmate, but your anus will be traded, gambled in card games, you'll be forever labeled and on your release, you'll be HIV positive.

Never stand down from a fight. Even if the dude is thrice your size, you fight fucking tooth and nail with all your might, or you'll be taken advantage of every moment of every day for the duration of your stay.

cont...

cont...

Look nobody in the eye unless it's unavoidable, face forward, look down at the ground, or just stay in your cell for as much time as you're allowed.

Do not become friendly with the guards. They're the biggest threat in prison. They'll fuck you over harder than any inmate. Be respectful but never friendly. There's a culture amongst guards to make your life as hellish as possible.

If you want your own cell, tell the guards on the day you're brought in, that you wet the bed.

Do fucking not; no matter how tempted you may be; use heroin. It's fucking everywhere in prisons, your life will be effectively over.

Do not tell the guards that you've used drugs, not once, not ever, otherwise you'll be taking mandatory drugs tests every fucking week - even if all you tell them is "i once smoked weed, but didn't inhale".

In a nutshell: keep yourself to yourself, expect to be fucked over at every turn, prepare to be VERY bored, prepare to be beaten a few times, don't suck anyone's dick and, most importantly, stop breaking the law. Even if the law is unjust, you're fighting a force of nature. Fucking with the biggest, most corrupt and most terrifying 'gang' in your country (i.e your government) is not a good idea.

>>135526923
I sense a nigger

>>135538719
and what is this reply?

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Become a trap and live it up in the female prison.

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>>135527611
There aren't any black people in Tennessee, so you should be fine.

>>135526923
Are you Irish, black, or spic?

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>>135538746
Yes! It's much easier than you think to flee the country. Only serious felons with hard records can't leave. The fact that you can chat on 4chan shows you have some freedom. If it's a long way away, RUUUUUN! Also, some nogs in lock up taught me that it's rare that if you get caught in other states, that they will pay to bus you cross state lines. It has to be a big crime or it's not worth it for them. Start researching evading prison all together.

t. ex pat runaway (most foreigners abroad are some sort of criminals, and background checks are not even close to as thorough as you think)

JUUUST

>>135525661
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8A85cl5w3s
>1.Look for the first guy/guard assault them.
>2. Go to solitary
>3. Do squats situps and pushups till you can do 800squats 400 situps and 200 pushups at once
>4. Apologize to the warden
>5. Get out of solitary
>6. Mind your own business
What you shouldn't do
>1. Think you understand 14/88 because of /pol/
>2. Think white power gangs in prison give a shit about race, it's about Tattoos and being a dick not anything political
>3. Think the wardens give a fuck about you
People in prison will ignore you if you aren't an insufferable attention whore, they will fuck you if you are weak or annoying.

The reason why white men are the most raped demographic in the US is because white power gangs in prison will sell your ass for a pack of cigarettes.

TL;DR I gave you solid prison advice, but you should discard it because it's coming from a Commie flag.

>>135525661
Its not bad at all. Just keep to yourself and follow the unwritten rules. If you can, I would join a prison cliq. Like AB or just sit with Old timers and avoid ALL SEX OFFENDERS, Ask everyone for paper work before you do any trading of food or walking the yard with them.

>>135526923
>I didn't do anything wrong.
You had a shitty friend, that is enough to get you ass fucked into oblivion in prison.

Don't think you understand people, cause you don't, in prison a lack of mirror neurons is going to fuck you.

Try to mind your own business don't look for friends don't talk unless talked to, don't give answers longer than 7 words.

>>135540098
>and follow the unwritten rules.
He doesn't know the prison rules, best to learn them by observing. Every prison has different rules.

The rules in prison really come down to which prison he is entering, which gangs run the prison.

Massive difference between an AB prison, a MS prison or a crips prison.

Someone who asks for advice on /pol/ with how to deal with prison gangs is fucked. He needs to do squats, situps and pushups. And he needs the insane look in his eyes that 4 months of solitary give you.