>got home from my extremely low effort white collar job at

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>got home from my extremely low effort white collar job at 5.45 pm
>mindlessly browse internet for 3.5 hours
>going outside in to central London for no reason other than maybe eating junk food and browsing internet on phone
>aged 26
>zero social life, ugly loser beta no one talks to at work, never had female attention ever, can't give up junk food or coffee because they dull my ennui, tortured by the sight of Chads and Staceys everywhere, no passions, go to gym but too ugly to reap social rewards, read books mainly out of a feeling of being held hostage
>extremely blackpilled, know women get 500 tinder matches a day with Chads, society considers me a disposable battery, I'll never fit in with normies because of ugliness and lack of normieness
>make enough to save £200 a month after expenses yet know that higher paying jobs I apply to will fill my time with shit and I will look back on today with nostalgia and regret
>procrastinated learning programming and (more) maths for over 4 years

I can't believe I think this: Maybe staying completely non-Spooked all the time wasn't such a great idea after all. If this is "real life" then I need some sort of mentality or ideology that can help me.

Is Ayn Rand good?

My (rigorously) reductionist outlook leads me to see all philosophies as vacuous pep talks. I abhor theory. I have epiphanies in evenings about simple, all encompassing possible life philosophies for myself that I cold implement to find success ("Have constant challenges", "Focus on a few things", "Do what you enjoy"). I set reminders on my phone for this the next day yet always find myself seeing them as stupid. The underground man is like me. But I have to accept that "default me" may be a fucking zero motivation waste of a life.

If I followed my tastes and intuitions, I'd give up most books within 10 pages.