I'm unspooked as fuck. I see myself living in a meaningless

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I'm unspooked as fuck. I see myself living in a meaningless world. I see people as disgusting. My jealousy comes out of nowhere and it disgusts me.

>see guy with his gf
>get madly jealous and randomly the thought, "the best revenge is a life well lived" goes through my mind
>realise as I'm thinking it how pathetic and spooky it is, the coping mechanism of a genetically deficient organism

>see someone reading a maths book
>feel hatred for them because they might think they're smarter than me

Guys I'm not going to lie, being unspooked is tough as fuck. I worry that marketers and advertisers are trying to take advantage of me.

I have no life philosophy. Work on many things? Work on one thing? Do what I enjoy? Do what others say is important? I have no clue. I want to do 50 things at once. I see all sides. I started reading more recently and worry about "reading myself stupid". I try to remember what I read when sitting on the train and although I know the condensed outline, and see this as enough, I get annoyed for not remembering perfectly.

I am an ugly beta male who has never had female attention, even at the age of 26, has had no social life since 18, and became the ugly loser loner that nobody talks to within two days at work. Seeing attractive women everywhere is torture when I know they have lives on easy mode, consider me a disgusting non chad, as have 50999 tinder matches.

I trust my intellect and taste but I am always abused by the pseudo intellectuals who claim I need to suspend these and worship and spend my money. If I spent all my time doing all the shit I'm supposed to do, I'd have no time for anything. Everyone else is a fraud. Everyone else is either a woman who gets everything handed to them or a normie who glides through institutions while being judged by their clones.

My spiritual malaise is entrenched and I refuse to sprinkle Christian (or any other) droplets on it like the low IQers, pseudo intellectuals, and the frauds.