>Americans have to "come out" as atheists to their

File: 1478642841216.jpg (61KB, 543x452px) Image search: [Google]

61KB, 543x452px

>Americans have to "come out" as atheists to their parents

>Americans must obtain a so-called "fancy booze licence" from their local sheriff to consume any alcohol other than Coors, Budweiser or Miller

>Americans are encouraged to become obese, as the extra fat serves as protection from gunfire

>Americans are implanted with a special microchip at birth which sends a moderate electric shock through their bodies every time they acknowledge that they lost in Vietnam

>Americans refer to the metric system as "The Forbidden Knowledge"

>Americans are shot dead by North Korean border guards in their dozens annually during attempted guerilla attacks waged with the intention of "getting revenge for Pearl Harbour"

>Americans who find themselves in the presence of Israeli Jews must perform a "submission hoedown." This involves a highly choreographed dancing performance demonstrating the American's subordinate position to the Israeli. The hoedown ends with the American loudly proclaiming "YOU DA BOSS, YEE-HAW!!"

>Americans refer to Type 2 Diabetes as "The Burden of Manifest Destiny"

>Americans visiting Auschwitz are frequently reprimanded for attempting to restart the ovens for usage with their reheatable Holocaust-themed packed lunches

>American babies are "vaccinated" with shrapnel in order to ward off mass shootings

>Americans have formally petitioned the Oxford English Dictionary to change their definition of snow to "God's refutation of the falsehood of global warming."

>American children are required to undergo the "McDonald's Initiation Ceremony" on their fifth birthday, where they are taken to their local McDonald's and must ritualistically consume every item on the menu before reciting all the advertising slogans in chronological order