i'm car retarded and you guys helped me fix my girlfriend's

You're going to have to drive a stake through it's engine, and cut the hood off.

>>15631910
you're better off spending the money it's gonna take to get one of those jellybean shits not working buying napalm and burning it like the witch it is.

>>15631926
i knew this would be the first response

>that can't start when it is in direct sunlight

dodge porphyria

Don't gas it up after midnight?

>>15631939
>>15631946

direct sunlight meaning its really hot when i go to start it. it was sitting in a parking garage for a few hours and was able to start fine after the first time it died. when i took it out of the garage and had it sitting in a parking lot it wasn't able to start again.

LOL

This thread is gold

>>15631910
Have you tried smacking the top of the dash by the gauges? (no joke)

What can cause this is broken solder joints on the circuit board behind the gauges. The shit lead free solder everybody has to use these days gets brittle and breaks free from the board.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OwrhVOHe1Y

>>15631910
Flush the radiator with holy water

>>15631986
Totally. If it works for my wife and kids, works for my car. If it ain't working, smack the hell out of it.

>>15631986
I will try this, but its kinda of pointless if I can't get the engine running :(

Do you think it might be the battery?

>>15632080
Does the battery have a shadow?

>>15632119
It is raining outside right now so under the hood isn't terribly hot anymore. It was able to turn on just fine now. I'm thinking it might be the battery but once again I'm a car retard sooooo

>>15631910

does it start at all now? if it doesnt start at all the timing belt might have broken judging by the pop and no tach. if it still starts its not the timing belt

but the other guy is correct that gen of Caravan is known for gauge cluster issues but that shouldnt cause a no start, distributor that is failing can cause a no-start in the heat. that can cause popping as well, if youve got some spare cash to throw a dart i would get a distributor from the junkyard for $30 and swap it in, make sure you mark its angle/the way the rotor is pointing to keep it in time

>>15632132
It can cause a no-start because the anti theft stuff goes through the harness to the cluster like the guy mentions in the video I posted.
But usually what happens is it'll start and run for a second or so and then die because the PCM shuts off the fuel pump.

>>15632150

yeah Chryslers will run for about 3 seconds of the anti theft dicks up, i still think best guess is distributor if its heat related

>>15632150
>>15632132
I'm able to drive it now since it has cooled off. Earlier when it was really hot outside it wasn't able to turn over but I could use all of my accessories. I parked it in a garage and it was able to turn on after sitting in the garage. I parked it in the sun and after a while it wasn't able to turn on hence all the fucking vampire memes.

>>15632132
Also the tach and speedometer are working again randomly

>>15631953
Never gas it up after midnight..
also, keep it dry

>>15631910
The heat is causing something to expand and break connection. Get the battery tested to be sure it's ok. Could be a connection under the dash or something. When it's cool you could take a hair dryer and blow on the dash in certain spots (careful so you don't mess up the plastic) and see if it no longer starts.

>>15632903
I took it to AutoZone and explained how retarded I am and showed them this thread. They kept making vampire jokes and had me pull it around front. The guy said that he didn't want the other cars to get bitten and infected.

Turns out the battery had a dead cell so a replacement fixed it up.

>>15632944
This has to be a joke.

File: van.jpg (207KB, 1055x1069px) Image search: [Google]

207KB, 1055x1069px

>>15631910

>>15632944
M9

>>15631910
>>15631964
>>15632080
>>15632131
>>15632164
FUEL PUMP MAIN RELAY
Seriously you need to locate it and replace it. I'll bet you it will start fine after that. It's a little electrical box that is usually under the dash on the passenger or driver side near the kick panel.

ITT: Memes

>>15633083
This really isn't a joke.

>>15633168
You must have missed where I said it was fixed with a new battery

>>15633111

yes that album cover has a comparable minivan on the cover

wow aren't you insightful