I can't ride a bike, never learned and can't learn

>>1003511
Just learn to ride you pussy. Even children can do it

knees together, eyes ahead and just go fast you fagget
what horrible parents one must have to miss out on learning how to ride a bike

>>1003516
>what horrible parents one must have to miss out on learning how to ride a bike

You got that right. Not a day goes by when I don't pray for their death.

>>1003517
Looks like they have an equally terrible son

>>1003520
That's very mature of you

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How to use a bike. Some stupid faggots guide.

1. Mount the bicycle. Unless you are a queer there will be a saddle. Sit on it so that the two bones in your arse are on the saddle.

2. Put one foot on a pedal. Push with that foot and you will begin to move. When moving put your other foot on the other pedal.

3.Do it faster. When you want to stop gently push in the things on the end of your handlebar. These are your brakes.

Congratulations, now you know how to ride a bike. [spoiler] Kill your parents, they're shit. [/spoiler]

>>1003511
In the interests of public safety, you have two choices and two choices only:

1. Put the e-bike aside, get a normal pedal bike, and become proficient at riding it, BEFORE you try to ride something powered.

2. Go take a motorcycle riders' safety course.

Otherwise you're literally an accident waiting to happen. Don't think for a moment that since it's an e-bike that it's any less dangerous than a motorcycle, either. Also consider how much shit you'll be in, if you get in an accident on the thing and damage someone's property (and get sued, because you have no insurance) or injure someone else (and get sued for everything you'll ever make the rest of your life, because you don't have insurance).

Now, all that reasonable, responsible stuff being said:
Get rid of the e-bike and just ride a normal bike instead anyway. E-bikes are Cancerous. Everyone is too fat, weak, and lazy as-is, you need to just pedal a normal bike, and not be fat, weak, and lazy. It's good for you, it builds character, you should do it.

>>1003520
..and then I read this.
Quit being a cunt.

>>1003518
Shitty people tend to raise shitty children

>>1003520
That's what you get for asking how to ride a fucking bicycle you uncoordinated waste of space. Grow some balls.

But the bike literally balances itself.

>>1003511
>can't ever learn to ride a bike

Not with that fuckin' attitude, that's for sure

>bought an ebike

Wait - you're concinced that you can't learn to ride a bike, so you thought that adding some horsepower to the mix would make it /easier/?

You're fucking retarded and a danger to everyone around you.

>>1003543 knows what's up

Declaring "I'm just too old to learn" is basically stating "I'm already dead inside, my body just hasn't figured it out yet". Man up and actually try for once in your life, or give up and commit suicide already. Nobody wants to listen to whiney moping.

>>1003516
>what horrible parents one must have to miss out on learning how to ride a bike

I didn't learn how to ride a bike until I was upper elementary/high school.

I remember a Dutch guy on >>>/pol/ talking about how an early childhood infection fucked his balance for life, so he can't ride a bike. Ever.

>>1003511
go to the top of a hill and ride down it ffs. that's how i learned and i was a dumbass child

>>1003620
literally easier than walking

>>1003687
Are you like a person that never left the city or something?
I grew up in the countryside and I could ride a bike with no training wheels by the time I was five if not a bit earlier and I have not met a person who could not ride a bike until I went to high school like two cities over and it was a guy with an ailment much like the one of that guy you described.

>>1003511
Your best bet is to sell the e-bike, and put that money towards an e-trike.
I wish you the best of luck with this.

>>1003687
Wew, and I thought it was embarrassing that I didn't learn to ride until age 7.

>>1003709
>Are you like a person that never left the city or something?

I guess. My parents were probably scared that I get fucked up on the roads. So we were restricted to mostly a ~2 km long multi-use path, even after we learnt how to ride. Later, a cycling bridge was built to allow to another multi-use path, but after getting a bad case of swamp ass, I resolved to stop until I could find some "cycling pants"; but I never got any, so I didn't cycle for a decade afterwards (BTW, I still don't have any yet).

Still I restrict myself to any cycle paths and lanes to this day and almost always wear a helmet. I don't think I could really go ride on any of the busy roads like some of the people I seen. Luckily, having taken the hobby up again, there is a decent bike path network out there, connecting me to various parks, stores and shopping malls and the downtown and a few town outside of the region.

Speaking of getting fucked up the roads.

>>1005058
>>1005060

WTF happened here?

>>1003511
Follow this 3-step guide and you'll learn how to ride a bike in a day.

1 - Get a dildo, and put it on the frame where the seat should be

2 - Get on bicycle, making sure said dildo is firmly up your ass (lube optional)

3 - Move up and down on said dildo, and it will propel the bike forward, while keeping perfect balance.


>>1003538
>implying OP isn't a fag
>ever

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>>1003511
,,,,, BLIMP BIKE.

>>1003511
Go find an empty car park and keep trying. Slower is harder to balance. 10mpg-16km/h.

>>1005444
you win this thread

>>1003517
Edgy

>>1005444
Bacon! Where have you been?