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I am very happy. All of my analyses, theories... everything. I was able to give it to him in a packet and he said he's going to read it. For as long as I've been obsessed with Kendrick Lamar, I have felt isolated from other people. He would be all I would think about. He's predominantly all of the music I listen to. I know all of his lyrics by heart... I was proud of it at one point but there were times where when I would post things on Reddit, people would say dismissive, unkind things.
Conversely, though, people told me really awesome things. One guy said it was "weaponized Autism" and I found that to be hilarious. A few people have called me "the main character from a Beautiful Mind" (John Nash, Economist/Mathematician). In some weird way, I'm proud of the label because I'm being praised for something I really care about. I also am a mathematician and being compared to the likes of John Nash is quite flattering, admittedly.
I've also been called manic bipolar - an official diagnosis. That what I was doing, was me being manic. For a while I believed it and I took the corresponding medications just to end up a lot worse. It wasn't until I embraced my Aspergers that I really stopped trying to fix myself. I have been the happiest I've been in a long time.
One of my stims is moving around when I'm feeling an emotion. So I pace back and forth a lot, I dance when I'm listening to music, I can't sit still if I'm really excited and I walk a couple miles a day. When I listen to Kendrick Lamar, it's like another part of me feels the music and it's awkward, erratic and odd. I was so anxious about this that I tried to take medications to calm me down. Now I'm not taking any medications and I think I'm better off.
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>>74354694
>I would post things on Reddit,
Stopped readingright there, fuck off m88
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>>74354694
sometimes I feel like I actually have autism but then along comes an actual autist who posts something like this and makes me feel normal again
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But anyway, I'm rambling. My Aspergers diagnosis let me be free. I stopped being afraid of overthinking, writing too much, doing too much, or being "too much." My neurologist told me, "You get obsessions. That's the beauty of your disorder."
I've obsessed so much that I want to make Kendrick Lamar my career. I am working on writing a dissertation that will help me get into another program so that I can begin my work as "Kendrick Lamar Academic." I'm very passionate about teaching and if I was able to teach Kendrick Lamar I think my entire life would be made. I have never felt such a strong desire to pursue something like this since mathematics (I'm currently in a Math PhD program).
Okay, I have to stop talking. I'm just very happy.
I have a link to the paper on my reddit profile. You can follow as a live-update it when I have more things to add, if you want. It's kind of long though, so getting anyone to read it is a hassle.
Kendrick told me that he would read it. I have wanted people to follow my theories and dive right in for months but now I have the eyes and ears of the writer himself. I'm so thankful for this opportunity.
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>>74354712
I think this post is somehow worse than OP
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if you're real, that's honestly pretty cool, I'm glad you feel happy and wish you well
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