Are these lyrics any good or just cringe Feel free to post your

>>74236029
stop caring what other people think of your art

>>74236051
This OP.

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>>74236051
u cant tell me what to do

stripped of individuality, world of duality
cure-less malady, embrace insanity
mindless urbanity, culture of vanity
when did we lose the humanity?

>>74236029
literally linkin park tier edge shit
>>74236051
""""art""""

>>74236110
Too much rhyming tbf

>>74236139
it's rap

>>74236176
Most rappers dont rhyme every other word tho

>>74236110
>>74236212
https://youtu.be/fV3nflAQ99w

>>74236212
yeah fair enough. It might make more sense if I explain the phrasing. It's pretty much triplets.

Stripped - of - in di - vi - du - a - l - i - ty world - of du - a - li - ty etc.

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>>74236029

made me cringe halfway through, but i'll offer some constructive criticism. If you're trying to express suffering, maybe try being a bit more subtle and less explicit. Being this blunt makes it cringy, but if you attempt to connect with your readers/listeners on a personal level it'll bring them into your world rather than you forcing your world onto them. Also, the structure feels too rigid; vocab and syntax could be upgraded as well.

>>74236379
Thanks man

Hits the feels my friend. One suggestion I have would be to look into poetry a bit more. These lyrics are very blatant, and don't give the reader (or listener) the gift of uncovering the meaning in any eloquent way. Try writing some poetry and then come back to lyrics. The universe you create with your words doesn't have to obey the same rules as this universe at all - play around a bit. Keep your head up OP <3

Dead nigga, Boss nigga,
Gold plated cross nigga
Hangin' from my wrists, getting dissed, I still persist
Lynchin' without flinchin', no mo bitchin' or snitchin'
Rhymin on the mound, this pussy getting pound
These people will worship me, once they hear this sound.

>>74236029
>uncomf'terble

>>74236379
>>74236533
Listen to these boys OP

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>>74236029
This sounds like something Ian Curtis would write.

>>74237677
nice b8 faggot

How about these bad boys?

Be strong
Be hard
Resist temptation
Stick your hand in your eye
Clench your fist
Resist
Walk on this line
Flex your muscles
Come back for more
Come back
Be strong
Be hard
Flex your muscles
Be hard

>>74236029
Not bad but lower the edginess and make what you mean less obvious.

>>74237947
reminds me of that teeth band

>>74236223
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQi0mgnK0so

That face! Never forget. Never.

>>74236029
Would work as an emo song, but still could use some improvement. Third stanza in particular is where it goes wrong for me. I see what you're going for there but you don't quite pull it off

Wax the track four on the floor like a vinyl
Read the plaque with the motto "all sales final"
Nearly flew the coop, sun switch through the grotto
Cash blast on taxes better spent on local lotto

Here's a song I never got around to finishing. A little edgy, but whatever.

You never think
to bring a spare battery
for the search light, it always shined
all through the night, oh what a sight.

The sinking ship, and its marines
all looked like glass figurines
the sun shined down onto the bay
the captain said "when did the night turn to day?"

They all jumped off the burning boat
they were surprised, they could not float.
They screamed like birds, who'd lost their wings.
Those on the shore, could only sing
about the tide, and rolling waves.
"there's nothing left for us to save"
The mast now fell out of their sight,
the children yelled, the parents sighed.
They brought them close, said "listen please"
"That's why you don't go out to sea"

>>74236029
As others said, try and be a bit more subtle. I mean pretty much all my songs are about what you wrote, but you have to find other ways to express that or else it's just boring and cringey.

>>74236029
>rhyming "wasted" with "wasted"
10/10 triple platinum AOTY

>>74236029
>a young man's youth
that's like saying a child's childishness
>>74236110
maybe mudvayne or some other nu metal band could make this work
or limp bizkit

>>74236379
Nice advice

>>74236083
Enjoy your unfulfilling experience.

This beat is nuttier than my pants at an open casket
Coffin up blood
Poppin down pills
Just gotta decide
What bitch I wanna kill

I hate ridin' the wheels
give me my processed meal
shutting my self again
like always don't bother

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>>74237677
No not really
>>74237950
>>74238124
>>74238255
>>74238415
Thanks a bunch for the advice lads

>>74238478
>>74238827
bad

are mine ok?

i wrote a song for you.. a
string of tones arranged
like black and lustreless beads on a rosary
in my sleep you're hunched over away from me
scrubbing the muscles and flesh from your wrists
i look away in shame
the shock of losing you still there each morning.
i feel like the arteries and tissue around my heart
have been replaced by thick, rough rope.

>>74240012
You're not a 19th romantic century poet. Stop writing like one.

>>74240104
>You're not a 19th romantic century poet
says who?

>>74240012
not bad, trying tweaking the somewhat cliche shock of losing you line and the phrase hunched over away from me which is ugly

>>74240148
The superior Donna, Moira Kelly.

>>74240172
yeah i agree. moira is god-tier
i wish they would've snapped her up for the return.
>>74240163
thank you for feedback my man, xo

>>74239878
bad