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1. Start the video by laughing. coughing, or make some noise like a fucking retard, gotta give instant sound and movement to your infant minded audience. Sometimes bring act as your other character to bring an unprecedented level of pandering and DUDE IRONY LMAO
2. Hi everyone, "Inserthony Unfunnymemetano here" internet's biggest cum gargling waste of space
3. Give a long and unnecessary exposition of the artist history and take up at least 30% of the video talking about wikipedia found information. It's pure filler
4. Talk about general information about the sonic qualities that the album has
5a. "Analyze" each track. On instrumentals, use unnecessary adjectives to describe what is being played ("blistering keyboard progressions", "fish oiled coated high hats"), it sounds smart and no one will point out your pretentious way of speaking. Also, point out obvious things about the record.
5b. On song meanings, just rephrase what the lyrics are saying, ("In this song, Johnny Cash talks about how he falls in to a burning ring of fire, and he went down, and the flames went higher, and that he burns") and pretend as if it counts as analysis or what the song actually means.
6. Give your final opinion and overview of the record, and describe your listening experiences of it. Compare the album with past albums and talk about the future. Talk about unoriginal viewpoints and obvious expectations.
7. Give a final score, which is only what the viewers care about. Even though it's in the description, and people spend a hardy 3 seconds on the video because of it. Sometimes you'll write, "watchthevideodudegivememoney/10" if it is a video on a popular artist and want people to gruelingly sit through your 8-22 minutes of bullshit. Then again they can skip to the end. Sometimes when the album is a hot meme off the grill, you'll write "le maymay/10" or "poop/10" or "pandering/10" for your comedic quality.
Faaaaaart!
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OK Freude boy
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>someone actually took the time to type this
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>>72620154
I liked it
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>>72620129
7/10 post
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>>72620129
you sure showed him !
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>>72620129
*hi hats
Excuse me, sorry
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u sure burned him
check these digits
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>>72620194
you sound upset
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>>72620235
Pathetic
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>>72620129
HNNNG
Hi Everyone, Schooltony Shootano here, the internet's busiest gun nut and it's time for a review of the new Umpqua Community College album "The Shooting".
Umpqua Community College is a black metal band from Roseburg, Oregon. Mainly known for their headman Chris Harper. This is the bands brand new debut album which was all recorded in a single day, October the 1st, 2015.
The album itself really blew me away right on the first listen. From the rattling gunshots to the gritty blood splatter samples, this album is one hell of a ride.
Im feeling a 10 to decent 13 death count
Tran
sition
What did you think of the victims? Did you love them? Did you hate them? Why? Tell me where you think I should shoot next
Anthony Fantano
Forever
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>>72620129
wtf I hate anthony fantano now
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leave melon alone
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>>72620129
Pretty accurate
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>>72620129
what did anthony do to you that make you so full of hate? leave /ourguy/ alone
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>>72621495
he's a chainsmokers fan
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I already unsubscribed
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>>72620129
>unoriginal opinions
he has countless reviews that disagree with the general consensus. And his "pretentious" way of speaking is a lot of times very descriptive and specific to the album or song he's talking about.
I guarantee the best critique you could give an album is ,"wow this is excellently crafted. It's so GOOD, it's just a masterpiece. It's cohesive. The lyrics are good too."
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>>72620129
How would you do an album review?
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>>72620129
Literally best thing I read on /mu/ since two years or so, chapeau anon
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>ELSEQ IS TOO LONG! I CAN'T LISTEN TO ALL THAT!
>DUDE TRAP MIXTAPES LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO r/hiphopheads WHERE WE AT!?!?
fuck melon
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>>72620129
8. Tran-
-sition.
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>>72620129
Well done. You've figured out how reviews work.
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>>72620129
>Faaaaaart!
What did he mean by this?
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bump because that thing deserve attention
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>>72620129
So this is what weaponized autism looks like
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>>72620235
I checked and there was nothing there but it's ok I found them for you
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>>72620154
read the filename. it literally is a kid.
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>>72622520
nice
checked
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>>72620235
lmao you fuckin suck
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>>72620129
anthony is a faggot but if you think I'm going to read all that shit you are sorely mistaken
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>>72620129
>fish oil coated hi hats
Has anyone ever tried this? Sounds interesting
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>>72620129
>GRRR FANDANGO SURE MAKES ME MAD IT'S SO HARD TO AVOID HIM I AM LITERALLY FORCED TO WATCH HIS VIDEOS!
t. OP
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I truly don't understand the watch for the rating and dip. If you don't like hearing the bullshit the guy talks about, then why even care about his rating?
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Jesus fucking Christ
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>>72620129
a lot of reviews do some variation of this which is why I don't bother looking for music reviews
I can understand paying attention to game reviewers because you don't want to blow $60 on a game to find out it's shit but there's so many easy ways to listen to music for free that it makes most music 'reviewers' redundant
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>>72623332
it's for the stupid highschool kids who don't have the attention span to listen through anything and also thing there's an objective standard in music
Thread posts: 37
Thread images: 7
Thread images: 7