Music for when you feel like such a horrible disgusting failure

Please help me /mu/ I'm a fucking mess right now everything feels like it's racing 400 miles an hour and I can't even cope with it

I just feel like such a fucking mess I don't even know how to calm down and just deal with this I feel like I've been trying to suppress all this too long and something just snapped and I'm a fucking wreck

Jesus OP take some drugs please

I don't even know how stuff just stays bottled up like this and then just comes out like an emotional avalanche, it's like all the bad feelings I've had for months all at once, I didn't even feel this bad when I was in the mental hospital

Joy division, sounds like you've lost control lol

You call the fucking crisis hotline because they're supposed to be able to help shit like this when you just feel horrible about yourself but then they have so many people calling they just have to put you on hold and it's even worse if you try to use the online chat it's so backed up they've got like 12 people ahead of you and they just can't help everybody at once even when you're really stressed

Shut up you faggot. Write this shit in your fucking diary.

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Anything by the Murderburguers
It's like upbeat pop-punk that will make you want to end your life because there's no point to anything

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4KOOVXyP120

Their newest album the 12 habits of highly defective people is amazingly depressive while being catchy at the same time.

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Come on come on come on, I don't even know how you get to this point at 28 and you're not even a real adult you're just on the peripherary of adulthood viewing things like some kind of alien spectator while normal people are doing things like getting married and buying houses and shit and it's almost 2 AM and you're just an emotional wreck and you're obviously not getting a house any time soon and certainly not getting married because you're just a disgusting monster and the fucking crisis chat is too fucking busy when you actually need it

>>72401372
Look at those fucking chairs

I feel like that guy in that chair except for he's all alone not watching anyone, I feel like I'm just standing off to the side and then there are 12 people in those chairs and I'm watching them and they're living their lives and everything seems normal to them and I'm just invisible on the periphery I will listen to this song though anon thanks for trying to help

>>72401387
I started listening, this song is not what I was hoping it would be this is not the right kind of song for this mood at all, I'm sorry but I gave it a chance and I'm glad you're trying to help but this really isn't for me right now

>>72401347
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PtvIr2oiaE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3x9bxtt0mE

Get better anon, if you like this then check out the rest of the album. If you don't then just say so and I'll link you something else.

>>72401347
That's the fucking problem with Joy Division it's like some guy everyone thought was normal but he was seriously emotionally distressed and then all of a sudden he was dead, but at least he accomplished something with his life

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nR3ClrHU6g

you're having a panic attack/existential crisis, cool off a min pal

>>72401394
I've already heard this song before, honestly I feel like Joy Division was just a stepping stone for New Order in a lot of ways - New Order was the better band really although there are some kind of cool songs on Joy Division but ultimately I think it's an overrated album I still feel bad though but I am glad that Ian had people who cared about him

>>72401347
New Order better than Joy Division? Come on. Jolly pop songs better than post punk?

>>72401408
>cool off a min pal
I've been trying to cool off all night it started at 9 PM or something I think - after work i went straight to bed to take a nap because I was exhausted from the night before when I was up late with stress and and it's like it just doesn't cool off it just keeps going and going like you try to put on the brakes but the car is going 500 miles an hour it just keeps going faster and faster and I don't know how anyone deals with going this fast, there's no way to slow the train down it's just an avalanche of negative feelings and they just keep building and snowballing it's just a fucking spiral

>>72401458
I'd keep trying on those phone lines man

>>72401448
Come on man I am just not that much of a post-punk guy I like the synthesizers and stuff ok, just give me a break I'm trying to cool off here I already tried going for a run and tried taking an ice bath and I just can't fucking feel better ok

>>72401468
>>72401458
yo chill the fuck out you fucking pussy, i hate myself as much as anyone but i know when i see some overdramatic pussy-ass bitch. just call your parents or a fucking hotline or your stupid friends you idiot.

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>>72401463
I hung up because they won;t fucking answer because too many people are calling it's no good I don't even know why they bother operating them if nobody can call and then the fucking online is still stuck at 14 I think something is wrong with it or something I want to refresh but then I'd lose my place in line if nothing is wrong with it like I honestly don't know what to do here why can't they just answer the phone or something

>>72401487
what the fuck is wrong with you I'm not calling my parents because they will call an ambulance again i don't need that shit in my life I just need to calm down or something but it's so fucking hard to do I think I'm feeling better for a few weeks or even months, but it just builds up and comes out and it's just a fucking mess and it makes me so upset

>>72401458
i've had panic disorder all my life, at its worst i was in the emergency room - i had convinced myself i was having a heart attack because my chest muscles were contracting so bad. you need to find a way to subdue it or power through, running to the point of exhaustion, breathing exercises, or even stupid mental exercises. find one thing that helps you.

>>72401512
>i don't use punctuation because i have a panic attack
I'll let you know that i have one of the worst anxiety disorders known to man. You know what I don't do when I feel that way? Going on 4chan and complain about it. You have no idea about the reality of illness. Just reach out to anyone you love; you don't have to talk about the negative feelings too much, just something that will make you feel less lonely. And now shut the fuck up.

>>72401512
Call one of your friends or something

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>>72401512
I understand that you're feeling pretty bad right now, but I don't think this is the best place to talk through these things. I think you should find some other outlets. I know there are tons of different hotlines.

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>tfw having a long internal struggle with accepting a God and subconscious viciously fighting back

I just can't fucking cool off it just all builds up and doesn't stop, it's awful I'm here and crying alone in my apartment at 2 AM, sitting in my fucking twin bed

I'm 28 and still have a twin bed - nobody with their life together has a twin bed

My mom sent me some sheets for my birthday - they were the wrong size though she assumed I had a queen bed - I think people always want to assume the best in others I guess even it it means blinding themselves to disappointment

How does anyone even do it?

I don't even see how anyone does it

I want to blind myself to my own flaws and maybe then I can slow down

>>72401569
To what degree are you comparing yourself to someone who 'has their life together,' because honestly every person who has an anxiety disorder like this will move the fucking goal posts for themselves no matter how well their life is going. A twin bed (wtf) isn't the problem, the entire way you gauge your life is.

>>72401554
I haven't even gotten a text message in weeks I don't think I can just pick up the phone and start dialing them

>>72401546
Listen you it's just just anxiety it's something else it's like just a flood of emotions or something I mean there's anxiety with it but it doesn't feel the same as a panic attack

I mean if you checked my vital signs I bet it would look like a panic attack my heart rate is extremely fast and I think my blood pressure is pretty high although I can't sit still to put the cuff on and check it, really though I feel like the space launch when it's all the high G forces and the intense speed and it's like that but just unrelenting and it's internalized from trying to bottle it all up

anxiety is a bitch op
i got super drunk this saturday and my abusive ex found out, came over and took advantage of me being unable to make decisions and i feel so fucking violated right now
been playing this on repeat since
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n8cdAsbSyRo
hope everything works out for you man

>>72401607
It's not even about comparisons it's about stability and I just feel so unstable like a queen bed represents stability

It's not about the bed at all it's about the representation of the bed- although honestly I should buy a new bed because this mattress is fucked up and also the frame is busted so I had to prop it up on some old books

Not even a good story about how the fucking mattress got all busted up on the springs and shit

Two years ago I was living in my apartment and the heat went out so I took the mattress into the kitchen next to the fucking stove and just turned on the oven for some nice heat and had a toasty night

But then there was no way to walk into the house and through to the bathroom and stuff if you didn't step on the mattress

So I left it in my kitchen for weeks even after the heat was fixed, I'd just walk all over it

well you know why parents say not to jump on the bed? well the mattress springs are all hard and lumpy and fucked up because I was walking on it and it's my fault for doing something so dumb and I don't even know if I should get a new mattress because honestly this mattress is sleepable and Imight feel even lonlier with a bigger bed

It's not like this bed is all that great though and if I got a new bed I could use the sheets these sheets are my 8 year old sheets from college and they're pretty worn down at this point really

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>>72401294
Been vibing to these guys recently, they're a good up and comer emo band.

OP have you tried jacking off? That usually relaxes me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4x2sch-_FuM

I'm sorry guys I just don't think music is the right thing for this type of situation maybe I'll slow down tonight I just want to go to bed but I'm just going too fast I feel so exhausted right now but at the same time it's like I drank a gallon of coffee so there's no way to just sleep and put all these feelings off for a few hours

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Listen man. LISTEN. Idk if you went to bed yet but if u haven't LISTEN TO THIS SHIT RIGHT NOW. This album is perfect for those in any situation where life seems out of control. It is the soundtrack to the world collapsing around you. This album is so fucking loud and angry that even when I was apathetic about anything, I couldn't feel strongly about even music anymore, THIS FUCKING ALBUM is so fucking loud it DEMANDED my attention.

You're welcome anon. I hope it helps you as much as it helped me.

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Knowing this board as well as I do, you're most likely very new here and take everything posted way too seriously or you're reply baiting. Either way, listen to this album and laugh at "your relationship issues" I would presume.