Honestly, I can only feel pity for anyone reading. This is because

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Honestly, I can only feel pity for anyone reading. This is because the “music” you listen to objectively releases a tenth of the amount dopamine in your brain compared to my music tastes.

I’m a classically trained musician, and started learning how to truly listen to noise when I was about 5. At around 11 years old, I fully committed myself to the art of listening and developing my music tastes, up to 4 hours a day of appreciating different train horns. At the age of 15, I was able to split up different audio tracks in my head, identify key changes heard in turbulent piss streams, and reveal exactly who passed gas in a detection range of up to 20 metres away. In my mind, an old, wise Chinese zen-master is humming mantras in my head. I close my eyes and taste a whole kaleidoscope of tones and timbres.

The music I listen to can be proven mathematically to be objectively better than what you listen to. For example, right now I’m listening to Captain Beefheart’s album Trout mask replica, which is the audio equivalent of Starry Starry Night (a painting by Vincent Van Gogh), it shows 100% musical turbulence and it stirs me deep within. Of course, you may have listened to the beginning of Frownland and decided that Captain Beefheart sucks, but that’s simply because your brain is fucking retarded, and isn’t as trained as mine is. I’ve been practising this so long that I became a synesthete, and I can tell you right now Frownland’s composition is visually represented exactly like the Fibonacci spiral.

I can’t imagine what it would be like to be one of you less educated folk, it must really suck for you guys, but you wouldn’t understand as you haven’t had the maximum possible amount of pleasure from music. I have tasted a piece of god, and I can never look back. Eat shit, losers.