So I'm just going to go for it, not sure if it's against

>I saw last night you have less photos of us
memebook reference

DROPPED

>rhymes us with bus
D R O P P E D

>>70697127
Instagram but yeah.. too corny ?

>talk about how much we hate our mothers
absolutely degenerate. That's your mother!

DROPPED

>>70697133
Fuck, I'm trying lol

>>70697134
oh well if its Instagram thats ok. I jerk off to that thing all the time so I strongly support it.

>>70697161
That puts us in the same boat, glad I found a fan

>and now I feel like a yard with no fence
you make this sound like a negative. How is a yard without a fence a negative? What are you trying to hide? Holy shit was your fiance your beard?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I'm_OK_%E2%80%93_You're_OK

>>70697214
Damn, I actually used that line in reference to It's, you're okay by Bonjr. It was kinda my inspiration

>>70697202
I was trying to say I felt.. I dunno vulnerable I guess

you should rhyme goin' with slowin'

What are you, a commie?

>>70697170

They're alright OP but some of it is pretty corny, such as

>"I'm breaking down the walls that we built together but I don't have a hammer"

There are some good moments in there but it's not great. Look back on this in a week. You'll probably cringe but don't despair. What I do is reflect on what I wrote and pick out the lines I thought were great and work well. Eventually you'll narrow down your writing to the point where finding a line you don't like becomes a rarity. Goodluck.

>>70697259
Oh yeah, they just start slowin'. That's way better

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m88MfJN3vK0

I personally think lyrics that are too straightforward gets rid of thought provoknessssss

>>70697275
Yeah, I get that. Thank you.

>>70697290
Okay, I see what you mean. This one was kinda like straight up emotion. Usually I try to use more metaphors and things like that.

I wrote a song about self sabotage with lyrics "do i grow tired of the weight, breaking bottles of water just to bail them away" i think its a better way to put it across rather then " its always good until i ruin it"

>>70697286
That was good, what does it have to do with mine?

Here's one more, once again not great but just trying to start getting into writing raps.

There's beauty in broken window panes
Lodged inside my brain
Oh god I gotta refrain from the thoughts the follow me into my dreams
It seems
Like there's no end to this
Miss, can you help me please
Too late, her brains are on my sleeves
King Midas, everything I touch turns to gold
Every cigarette I smoke makes me old
I was told as a child never give up
Now here I am throwing my fingers up
It's empty, get me another cup
Liquor hits my liver quicker than I get sicker so I ain't gonna bicker looking for flicker inside of my empty mind
One of kind
Tone deaf and bad at rhymes
Flow dank like it's never seen the sunshine
My style kills like columbine