>scaruffi googles 'the doors review' >finds christgau's

scaruffi invites his endless list of friends to come and help

>'jim morrison sounds like an asshole'

remind me again why we listen to music critics?

>>69748451
Didn't Christgau once beat James Chance up? I'd go with him

>>69748487
>critics

they are memes to us remember

>>69748451
>that little girl in the back of Scaruffi's photo

every fucking time

scruffy's p fit, i'd bet on him

Jim Morrison WAS an asshole. Asshole with a great singing voice and about 2 good songs per album.

>>69748972
>(not true, by the way)

>>69748451
I don't know but Scaruffi's taste is WAY better than Chirstgau's

>>69748483

fpbp

>>69748483
>this punch has won several international awards

>>69748451
bump

>>69748451

Scaruffi seems pretty fit based on his love of hiking. Christgau is pretty old and frail. I'd go with scaruffi.

>>69749193
Cuckgau's taste is so fucking hilarious
>unironically loving the beatles and the new york dolls

>>69751334
but the beatles are the greatest, most significant and most influential rock band ever.

>>69751869
The

>>69748483
This. Scaruffi will pull a Z fighters

>>69751334
Scaruffi gave the Dolls an 8 and 2 7s

>>69751938
and put them on the top of his 'best of glam rock' list

Piero scowled into Bob's eyes and mumbled: "We have a lot in common, you and I". Bob responded with an impish smile and rearranged his glasses with an idiosyncratic movement of his hand. "For example? I am the the dean of American Rock Critics. You don't even possess a shade of my talents. You just attempt to convince everyone for your crude opinions. Where have you been when rap struggled during its beginning? Or when Big Black were disbanding? You were in your chamber, discussing with your books."

"Not everyone can be as obnoxious omnipresent as you. But... we both have an unlikely talent à la pissing off the media-controlled minions of mainstream rock critics" answered Piero with his thick Italian accent while his eye was pulsating from the hit of Bob's verbal gonzo fist. "Join me, and we will end the critics' war once and forever. The combinated forces of your subjective eye, whit and my peerless intellectual understanding will set us both above any other rock critic of all times."

1/?

>>69753191
Bob smiled again. "You simply don't understand. I won't stand up and insult fans of rock music as stupid. Everyone's taste is perfect for himself, why don't you understand this!" Piero bursted in laughter and yelled at Bob: "NO! It's you who doesn't understand! Do you want to be compared to the conventional media-controlled rock critics for the rest of your life? Hah, stupid Robert - I made you an offer, but you refused... now you have to deal with the consequences of your ignorance..." Bob's face went from a confident smile to an unsure and irritated expression. "What do you mean..."


Piero's eyes shot furious red sparkles. "I will use some of the magic I've learnt during my trips all over the world... some Black magic from Haïti... some spells from the aborigines... to summon my most precious beast..." Bob cried out "No, Piero, it will destroy us both!" "It's too late you fool! I will be known as the greatest rock critic of all times and erase your stupid gonzo journalism from the map!"

The earth opened and Piero's beast appeared while he casted his spell and repeated his mantra "The fact that so many books, the fact that so many books, the fact that so many books..." And indeed, the incarnate Captain Beefheart appeared from the abyss of hell. "B-but I like Beefheart too when I'm angry" yelled Bob, but it was too late. The captain began to growl and the earth was shaking as if a third world war was about to happen.

2/?

>>69753218

Minutes later the dust was gone and Piero looked down on Bob who struggled with his dying breath. "So that's the dean of American rock critics? Ridiculous. From now on I will be known as Piero Scaruffi, the Italian Stallion."

Bob coughed. "You're too confidential, Piero" and opened his jacked. A huge bomb was tatooed on his chest and before Piero realized the situation, Bob exploded and the people will say the battle was the Dud of the Month.

3/3

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>>69753191
>we both have an unlikely talent à la pissing off the media-controlled minions of mainstream rock critics

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>>69753191
>>69753218
>>69753234