RGRE Reverse Gender Roles Equestria

Repostan
>>30672636
they get ancient style tribal tattoos depending what culture they hail from, not those mostly meaningless tattoos we have now.

they woulds show what you do for a living, where you've been born, your greatest achievement thus far and how many things you've kill and how dangerous they were

>>30672774
i assume that because you started a new thread with a trip i can expect some new green from you, right?

>>30672796
Maybe late in this thread. Depends on how fast I write.

>>30672791
> Be Anon, going to Twilight for some career counseling
> When you first came here, you thought you had dodged the tattoo plague
> So you worked odd jobs and put clothes on slowly at the local bar whenever you ran low on bits
> But no, the tattoo plague got you too
"I'm thinking it's like the old tribal tattoos we used to have. All those bugs and rolled up newspaper, that sort of nebulous thing coming out of that guy's head, probably his hopes and dreams, all are things that I've killed."
> Twilight shivers
> "That's terrible."
"No, you're racist. But that's not the point. See that pole stuck in a pile of crap?"
> You helpfully point to the image on your hip
> Twilight nods
"It's an ancient human symbol for making things up to make other people angry, and possibly laugh. According to the horse magic here, that means that's my special talent, right?"
> She nods again
> "Anonymous, I would appreciate it if you would stop using whore's as a descriptor for everything you find unfamiliar. But you are correct, that does seem to be your cutie mark."
> You pull your pants back up, and she blushes
"Right. So, the question is, is there a job somewhere where I can do that? Like, at a newspaper or something?"
> Twilight chews her lip, glancing discreetly while you buckle your belt
> "W-well, I imagine there may be some gossip magazines that would hire you, or the army could use you as a pre-battle taunter. Are you sure that's what it means?"
> You nod seriously
"I'm sure. Thanks for the advice, princess. See you at the bar tonight? Rarity made me a long scarf, and I'm going to work it into my routine."
> She blushes even harder
> "You don't have to do that, Anon, I could sup-"
> You close your hand around her muzzle
> Her wings slowly start to extend
"I like doing it. You mares are so cute when you're hot and bothered."
> You let go of her muzzle and turn to leave
> "I'm cute?"
> You turn and wink
"Very cute."
> She tips over, steam rising from her head

>>30672832
>>30672832
>a pole stuck on a pile of shit

>my sides are in orbit

>>30672803
they would probably just be whatever has the greatest percentage

>>30672832
>professional shitposter
either a political cartoonist, satirist, tabloid writer, or perhaps the inventor and patent-owner of propaganda leaflets to drop on equestria's enemies. he could get paid to literally drop memes on people.

>>30673183
Celestia's new assistant, on Raven's days off.

Or when she gives Raven a paid day-off so she can use Anon's talent to cause a shit-storm, for her own amusement.

>>30673194
>Anon wolf-whistles.
>"Damn, Princess: your Niece has it on!"
>You choke on your wine, laughing, though part of you wants to whack him with your wing.
>Cadence, however, despite being a married mare, couldn't help but trot a little taller after hearing that compliment.
>Anon may be an ass, but he was your family's ass.
>...
>Luna still can't look at him without blushing.
>"Damn fine full moon" indeed, Sister.

>>30672832
>pre-battle taunter
>Anon uses his shitposting abilities to make the Equestrian army ever so slightly absolutely fucking livid and froth at the mouth with unyielding rage as hey charge the enemy lines
I didn't know how much I needed this

>>30673424
pretty sure it means he taunts the enemy until they're so angry they get sloppy

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>>30673442

>>30673424
>Breaking news: Alien ape bitten to death by 100'000 angry little ponies, more at six.

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>>30672311

>You've become a large chunk of alien, Equestrian matter merely following the genetic blueprints of the Earthling that arrived here over half a decade ago

>>30672832
>All those bugs and rolled up newspaper, that sort of nebulous thing coming out of that guy's head, probably his hopes and dreams, all are things that I've killed."
NOTABLE things, Anon. Not everything, only NOTABLE things.

Also that sounds fucking terrible.

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>>30673207
>>Luna still can't look at him without blushing.
>>"Damn fine full moon" indeed, Sister.
It would be too fun teasing and flustering Luna.

>>30673815
There's one thing to do
Fug the moon

Does anyone have that story about chirping pegasi? It was facemelting levels of cute.

>>30674108
Is that the one with the faulty smoke detector, if so I really hope somebody still has it.

>>30674136
There was also a short one where Spitfire was worried Anon would eat the foal, and the foal chirped like a bird.

>>30674230
That sounds fucking aorable.

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>>30674230
>>30674259
I would want nothing but pegasus foals. A dozen of them, a dozen cute little feathery fluffballs.

I found the thread with the smoke detector story, brandnewwritefag wrote it.
https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/29173599/#29179026

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>>30674404
>>30674259
>>30674230
>>30674136
>>30674108
>Your pegasi foals will never perpetually snuggle within your clothing.

>>30674230
I too wish to reread that one

>>30674481
Thanks, that was good to read again.
> Marshmallow waifu fusion blanket
Incredible. It was like some weird dream sequence.

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>>30673762

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Dear Princess Celestia:
Reply to this scroll or your dad will die in his sleep tonight :^))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

>>30674999
sheeeeeeit

>>30674964
usually i find this comic funny, but being this stupid about the function of sleep, or the continuity of consciousness is just... stupid

>>30675099
It's not supposed to be scientifically accurate, Anon.

>>30673762
A stranger in a strange land.

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>>30674999

>>30674999
ayo

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The green about kidanon hitting puberty has me imagining his teenage years, and being a little shit who thinks he knows better than his immortal horse mom.

>Sunshine, there's one thing young mares are after. I would know; I was one!

>>30674136
>>30674108
That would be me, and that would be this story:

https://pastebin.com/qnxcbm3Y

>>30674999
Jokes on you my dad's already dead

>>30674999
Fuck off I have no dad

>>30675405
kek
"It sounds aggressive, okay!?"

>>30675158
it's not yet the season, but i would be interested in a story about a couple of mares competing for anon's attendance to their hearth's warming morning, or even just the foibles of mares dealing with convincing stallions to join them in opening gifts.

>>30675382
>>Sunshine, there's one thing young mares are after. I would know; I was one!
"Yeah, like, a literal million years ago."

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>>30675382
>tfw your horse mommy will never lovingly swallow your first load
>she will never tell you how proud she is of her big strong stallion
>she will never kiss you good night afterwards
Fuck all of you for making me feel this

>>30676425
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gd9OhYroLN0

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>>30676314
>Celestia is at her wits end trying to get the "don't be an easily preyed on slut" talk through your head.
>Luna insists her sister should make you understand the horrors of being forcefully dragged into a mare's chambers and ravished endlessly.
>By forcefully dragging you into her chambers and ravishing you endlessly.
>To her horror, Celestia almost thinks it's a good idea, appealing even.
>Horse apples, maybe she and Luna really are that that old.

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>>30674999

>>30676554
>Auntie Luna is gonna drag you in
>You concentrate, Searching deep within your DNA, a memory carved by your people.
>HCB+B
>PREDICTABLE
>She squeaks in surprise when you slap her hoof, grab her then slam her into the ground.
>Even your mom was surprised with the sudden violence
>Luna is gobsmacked and before she could say anything you drag her into your room
>You hang a don't disturb sign on your door before closing it.

>>30676680
>>30676554
It's easy to molest your horse aunty and horse mommy when you're an angry monkey twice their size with scary teeth and immune to most kinds of magics.

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More Diplomacy when, LaP?

>>30676680
kek

nice

>>30672810
Hey shuk, you still working on that 'Anon is a pet in anthroland' story?

I also want to know if you plan to continue the 'Anon produces miraculous bodily secretions' story.

>>30677182
Yes, though progress is slow. No, I don't have any plans for more Anons body makes drugs story.

>>30677215
Cool. Really enjoying it so far, keep up the good work. Also I knew from the first time we met Jack that he was a piece of shit, so now I'm just waiting for him to rape/murder Mia.

Try not to drag out the "anons allergies are unknown why is he so unfriendly to furs" thing for too long, by the way. It'll start to get grating soon and become one of those things where you just want to scream at the characters for being retards.

>>30676634
>Anon draws a puppy and appends that text at the bottom
>Ponies genuinely believe in it
>Anon makes a killing selling protection charms
>He made the first one as a joke, but she took it seriously
>He tried to explain that it was a joke and didn't work
>He didn't want to be a swindler
>Up until a malevolent spirit shows up at his home, arms crossed and tapping its feet
>Anon has made unlife very hard for him

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>>30677545
>>30676634
> Orks subconsciously generate a mild psychic field, its strength directly proportional to the amount of "boyz" present, so if enough Orks believe in something then reality is given a swift kick in the balls and told to follow the proper, Orky way of doing things. Ork belief that "da red ones go fasta" really does make vehicles painted red move slightly faster, and because Orks believe that the biggest Ork is in charge an Ork will actually grow in response to other Orks following him, and while Orks can't make a stick fire bullets, their powers are able to make a lot of things that shouldn't work shoot bullets. Most of their "shootaz" are little more than boxes filled with gears and bullets that are in the general shapes of guns, and Orks have been known to make ships without fuel fly across solar systems.

>>30677593
mares are orks green when?

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>>30677593
>ponies are actually an orkoid subspecies

FUCK

>>30677667
Dammit, that means we have to glass their entire planet.

>>30677545
>anon brings the power of memes to equestria
>refuses to use this power responsibly

>>30677639
>roving warbands of mares try to take anons horse virginity

>>30677712
But he's da biggest and da strongest, so they inevitably end up making him the leader.

>>30677735
>implying he can even compete with Celeistag Firecookah or Loona Dreambraka.

>>30677748
>implying any mare can compete with the Hymensmasha

>>30677593
Jesus that takes me back. Quality mukking about

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/17580591

>>30677679
>memes
>responsibility

its less refusal, and more that they are the antithesis to each other

>>30678448
Anon becomes the meme spiderman

>>30678693
>How do I shot web?

>>30674999
But I'mma nigger

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>Anon ends up RGRE a few years before the show starts
>is hired by Spoiled Rich and Filthy Rich as a live in nanny to look after infant Diamond Tiara
>Anon practically raises her because her parents are often busy with their jobs and out of the house for weeks at a time
>Diamond sees him as a second father, doing all the things her parents typically were supposed to do
>he feeds her, he bathes her, he takes her to and from school, he plays with her, he helps her with homework, etc...
>However, what Diamond's parents have failed to noticed is that Anon's human gender roles have rubbed off on her a bit
>That changes when Spoiled Rich walks in on Diamond playing dress up with Anon
>She's angry, and not wanting her daughter to grow up to be a dyke, fires Anon.
>Diamond is heartbroken
>her parents hire a new nanny, who Diamond hates because he's not Anon
>Plus, Spoiled Rich spends more time at home now to stomp out the 'colty' behaviors Anon taught her
>This leads to her bitter and bullying personality in canon
>However, occassionally Diamond can sneak away from her family for a few hours and hang out at Anon's house, where she can be herself

>>30678919
chances are that he's already dead, then.

>>30679081
Hnnnggg worthy but im betting it'll attract a lot of autism

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poppedAnon when? I need my fix of cute fillies.

>>30679138
Popped at least sound off so we know you're still alive

>>30679101

This entire board is autism to begin with.

>>30679157
pardon
more so than usual

>>30679081
meh, i prefer stories where anon is scootaloo's dad where, through some contrivance of the plot, he winds up the guardian of scootaloo and de-facto dad. queue the CMC picking out a special somepony for anon that would also be a good mommy while trying to be discrete.

>>30679180
I still prefer the headcanon that Spitfire is Scootaloos mom, but due to work she can't stay with her often, and relies on sitters. It makes the best non-sexual love triangle ever, since Dash loves/respects/idolizes Spitfire, who loves Scootaloo, who loves her mom and idolizes Rainbow Dash

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>>30679156
Not dead, nearly have the chapter where I want it.
Only thing taking so long is deciding how I want the test to be performed; generic shot or magical bullshit.

If I need to take a break, hiatus, or die for any reason outside of actual death, I'll be sure to leave notice.

>>30679253
>dying
>for any reason

the ride never ends

you just turn into a lich

>>30679253
Forgot name, but whatever. I'm not cool enough to imitate yet.

>>30679253
well, just keep writing what you want. don't let the thread hype create unrealistic expectations or set unreachable goals to make it completely and utterly perfect.

>>30679099
Truu

>>30679253
This is the Starswirl Gland test, right? To see how their magic will be? I'd assume the magic bullshit would be better, since I don't see how a shot would really help with checking that.
I also expect there to be some sort of magic bullshit x-ray so they can see the reaction is real time.

>>30679323
they could do it with both. inject crystal powder (ground to nanometer-size or so) that are "thaumaturgically magnetic," wrap him in a blanket filled with something magically resistant for a few minutes to isolate his own magic, then run a scan to see how the powder collects and reacts.
it would definitely be nicer than using a scientology-style e-meter that other writers like to use to quantify magic power (instead of keeping it a mystical "magic potential") and drown in power-level contests.

>>30674999
nice trips, fag

>>30679343
So like the barium x-ray test, but an injection?
Interesting idea.

>>30679833
it would have to be an injection, preferably just before he feeds again, so his body isn't full of his mother's magic, whatever that may be. a pill or other oral administration would have to wait for his body to process it, while injection would be the fastest way to put it into his bloodstream and get it spread throughout his body the fastest.

>>30679253
>2900 words
you are like baby

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>>30679884
>a pill or other oral administration would have to wait for his body to process it

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>Teen Cadence can sense her cousin Anon has a crush on another mare
>For the first time in her life, she's trapped between wanting to fulfill her duty as princess of love, and wanting to steal a young stallion away from some beta mare.

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>>30681376
Slutdence needs to behave. Her cousing is still a kid and his crush is Teeny Twiggy Piggy.

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>>30681376
I'm imagining her just standing there, coldly staring at her 'competition' while casually licking her sucker making the other mare extremely uncomfortable as she spies Cadance out of the corner of her eye.

>>30681860
Twist:
Turns out [insert crush here] would actually be the "best fit" for Anon via love magic rating.
Would Cadence still try and snatch him away from her?
Does Cadence think she's a better match than a 100% rating by her own magic?

>>30681932
GOOD THING HERDS ARE A THING IN RGRE AND CADENCE CAN JUST BE ANON'S SIDEFUCK

>>30681945
>Herds
>In RGRE
What bizzaro /mlp/ have I stumbled into?
Also, thinking a princess would settle for being a sidefuck/not alpha.

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>>30682184
this may be the first time you've stumbled into this thread, friend. Maybe check the google doc and start reading through some of the stories? Herds can be a thing here, they don't elicit the same REEEs like fetishes such as hoof-holding do

>>30682369
It was supposed to be a joke Anon.
It went over your head.
To prove I'm not trying to backpedal, LaP has some new stuff coming soon. Pretty long, as well. Edited it tonight.

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>>30682463
he'd better not be shitting on mai waifu again

>>30682601
She's not even in it. That's the only other bit of info I'll give. I don't even know if saying he has stuff is okay if I'm editing it. There were never any ground rules.

>>30682634
oh please. wherever LaP is, he must write. we'd be more concerned if he stopped altogether.

>>30682369
i need some love for the best daughteroo

>>30682601
She's still worst horse, but only marginally worse than purple smart

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It's true. RGRE is kill and I never even got more moonpony green.

>>30682959
>but only marginally worse than purple smart

Damn, RGRE is slow today.

>30682184
There's a fic out there that I hope doesn't die where Anon has to herd with 7 mares. I've got a rose-tinted headcanon version that Princess Twilight eventually joins but she is not the Alpha because everyone knows she tends to go OCD over things.

>>30683383
Might be that one Hawkeye is writing, but it's for the /Herd/ thread that shows up every month or two, and isn't RGRE. You can find it over at /gtpone/ on the eightchins

>>30683392
He was linking it here before he got reee'd out for posting herd content.

>>30683392
Thanks Anon. It seemed RGRE enough for me. The mares; Rose and Lyra in particular, seemed to insist Anon take it easy and let them care for him. He just wasn't comfortable letting them.

>>30683437
Eh, even the author says it isn't intended to be RGRE, it just seems like it sorta fits because of the herding thing.

>>30674999
I would be surprised if celestia's dad was still alive

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>"Wait, you're serious? Trixie? Trixie Lulamoon?"
>You take the sucker out of your mouth and nod with a smile.
>Anonymous looks like he just saw a ghost.
"Yeeeep. I heard her talking to one of her friends in the bathroom today. She wants you BAD."
>The human looks down at the ground and rubs his head.
>Why is it so fun to tease him?
>Probably because he's so cute when he's confused.
>But this is actually pretty funny.
>Trixie is probably the biggest beta-mare at school.
>How could she think she has a chance with one of the most popular males at Canterlot High?
>"Gee, Cadence... What do you think I should do?"
>You chuckle and give him a playful push.
"Go get her, tiger."
>He rubs his head again, "Well I think she's in my art class. I can sit beside her tomorrow... Do you know what kind of stuff she's into?"
>You freeze with your sucker in front of your mouth.
"What?"
>Anon shrugs, "Well if she's interested in me, I think I should at least try to learn some things about her."
>Several alarms are going off in your head.
"A-Anon, you can't be serious? I was just teasing you!"

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>>30683581

>He looks disappointed.
>"So she doesn't like me?"
"No, she does, but you CAN'T be serious about going after her, right?"
>His brow furrows, "Why not? I'm single and she's pretty cute."
>Trixie is cute?
>You want to laugh.
"She's like the biggest beta-mare I know!"
>"Beta-mare?"
"You know outside of school, she wears a sunhat? An actual sunhat!"
>Anon shrugs, "What's wrong with sunhats?"
>Oh Celestia, he doesn't know...
"She also once gave a speech in front of the whole class about how mares are evil and take advantage of stallions every chance they get. She thought it would actually make stallions sympathize an sleep with her or something!"
>Anon is now silent.
"You can NOT show this girl any interest, trust me. She's SUPER creepy."
>Anon shakes his head.
>"I don't know about any of that, but I'm going to talk to her. I think she's pretty cute. I'll see you tomorrow, Cadence."
>You stand in stunned silence as Anon walks back to his house.
>Your sucker falls from your hoof and into the dirt.
>What just happened?
>How could a male actually be interested in... In HER?!
>An un-ironic sunhat wearer?
>A sudden rage fills you.
>A jealous rage.
>Beta-mares are a filthy pest in society.
>And no sweaty beta-mare is going to put her hooves on Anonymous.
>You will make sure of that.

Kek

>>30683591
wew
some princess of love she is

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>>30683591
so are sun-hats the fedoras of RGRE?

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>>30683608
The hate alpha-mares feel for beta-mares is curiously strong and venomous.

>>30683609
Absolutely
>tfw seeing a mare wearing one un-ironically
>tfw seeing Rarity (beta-mare maximus) actually MAKING sunhats to wear

>>30683617
>tiggy casts a spell to turn one of her sunhats into a magic beam weapon
>it shoots a laser when she puts a hoof on the left side of the brim a tips

>>30683677
if fedoras could shoot combat lasers , it wouldn't matter how much fedora tippers liked them, who wouldn't wear them?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlxfDvSyPKA

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>>30683677
>Twilight princess sun hat magical girl transformation scene

>>30683686
I mean, it worked in the Matt Damon movie "The Adjustment Bureau". Fedora's (among other hats) gave people (and I use the term loosely) the ability to instantly travel around the world via passively magic'ing simple, every day doors.

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Does Celestia get a pass on sunhat wearing? Is it like the "if you're Humphrey Bogart, you can wear a Fedora" exception?

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>>30683755
Celestia is adorable in anything she wears.

>>30683755
Of course.

>>30683591
I like this.

You guy should read this.

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/225702/1/the-breakup/summer-breeze

>>30683864
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QsHuV3Aj1os

>>30683864
wait wait wait! what the fuck. i have so many question.

How big this pony size?
How long they fuck?
IS THIS EVEN LEGAL?!

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Mares are stealing all the good males on Earth.
They are also stealing all the marely jobs.

>>30683910
>good males on Earth
You mean horse?

>>30674999
..

>>30674999
Fuck.

>>30674999
Immunity dog protects but...dem trips

>>30681376
>>30681860
>>30683581
>>30683591
>Yandere Cousin is just... just... beautiful!

Next thread be Jealous Cousin Cadence or Jealous Family edition?

>>30684159
I think, perhaps, we have made a mistake with the prompt collection pastebin. no longer do people post and discuss prompts in the thread, but simply browse the promptbin instead.

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>>30684540
The person you are replying to replied to a story from a prompt that was literally given and discussed in this thread.

>>30683591
>Fuck.
>...
>FUCK.
>You know what?
>This is why you're the princess of LOVE, not the princess of tricking stallion so that you can get into their horsepants.

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>>30683581
>>30683591
Now I want to read about Anon trying to ask out a shy, awkward "beta mare" Trixie. She wouldn't know what to do with all that attention, and the more awkward she'd feel, the more loudly 'great and powerful' she'd behave.

>>30684581
four posts over 15 hours, and the thread slid to page seven. this thread used to cycle in two days, and now we're not even halfway to bump limit in the same amount of time.

>>30684627
RG** meme used to derail threads, as it guarantees everyone will just post stupid replies instead of talking about the topic and story.

>>30684642
yeah, i can't wait until we're just like the other general greentext threads, with half the posts being single-word variations of "bump"

>>30684642
>More trash dumb storys? when is this shit going to stop

>>30679081
Does she slip up sometimes and call him "dad"? Because that's adorable.

>>30684651
>with half the posts being single-word variations of "bump"
S-Stop.

>>30684627
24 hour threads always run out of things to talk about. Honestly, how many variations can realistically be done on this one theme?

>>30683523
>Celestia's dad
>Anon is Celestia's dad
>Despite being much younger than her
>And no, this isn't some kind of time fuckery where he was in the distant past or something like that
>There is absolutely no biological relation or even any interaction at all that occurred more than five years ago between him and 'Lestia.
>Anon checked.
>Yet the sun horse keeps insisting he is her father.
>Tries to take him on family outings.
>So far Anon has conflicted feelings about this.
>On one hand, it's not nice to take advantage of the mentally ill.
>On the other hand, the princess is very happy to ensure her beloved father has a comfortable suite in the palace.
>On the other other hand, living near her means more disturbances and attempts at eating dinner together as a family.
>Anon still does not know the actual cause of this behavior.
>The leading hypotheses are 'Faking it' ,'Senile as all fuck', 'Being taller than a pony makes you their horseancestor', and 'Changeling plot'.

>>30683591
I am amuse.
Keep going.

>>30679081
>Diamond 'being herself' means pantsing up as a drag king

>>30676554
Old horses a silly.

>>30675382
>"They're after your rare pepes. No mare over the age of six would just let a defenceless stallion like you walk away with as many as you have."
>"You'd be lying on the ground dememed after being hit with dubs, dubdubs, and even trips before you got three blocks."

>>30673207
>>30672832
Do more.

>>30684738
More than we've had so far.

>>30684627
it must ascend faster then that f we wish to reach equestria... equestria is /trash/
T R I G G E R

>>30684747
>>Anon is Celestia's dad
>you will never have celestia forcibly make you her dad.

>>30683523
>>30684747
>Celestia's dad
Or she believes that her dad's 'soul' has been reincarnated within Anon.

>>30683581
>>30683591
I liked thing.
And also the one where Anon thinks Cadance is crushing on Shining.

>>30683915
wot

>>30684627
I don't know about y'all, but school started this week down here.

>>30683910
I really like all the little details on this one

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>>30685349
I like how cute the mare looks.

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>>30685371
We're all in it for the cute and pretty mares.

>>30685212
>school started this week down
I didn't know you go nursery school?

>>30674999
Fuck you

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>>30685521

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>>30684747
>>On one hand
>>On the other hand
>>On the other hand
why does Anon have three hands?

>>30685894
> THEREISNOOTHERHAND.tevye

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>>30685810
I wanna pet her

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>“—And I know that I said I wouldn’t give Amethyst the time of day, but she came over with a bouquet of flowers and those little Canterlot chocolates—you know, the small ones in that purple box with the bow around it? I’m sure Caramel remembers, since he was the one that ate most of them—and you know the second she opened the box I [i]had[/i] to at least talk with her for a minute or two. It would have been rude otherwise, right?”
>It was another wonderful day in Ponyville, which was made even more wonderful by the fact that it was the weekend. For the next two days you’d be free to do whatever you wanted. And, like you usually did on your Saturdays, you had met up with some of your male horse friends at the local café.
>The place, honestly, wasn’t really your cup of tea. You didn’t really like coffee all that much in the first place, and seeing teenage ponies with wood in their ears and piercings all over your body really brought out the old man in you. Usually, you’d have gone out of your way to avoid such a place, or at the very least gotten in and out of it as quickly and efficiently as possible. But, after coming here almost every week for the past few months, you had actually found something in this hippy camp that you actually liked. Namely, your friends, and their wonderfully insistent bitching.
>It didn’t matter if they had the best week of their lives. It didn’t matter if their horse god had come down from the heavens themselves and offered to grant them whatever they desired. Caramel, Thunderlane, and Dr. Hooves would find something to complain about.
>They bitched about the weather. They bitched about mares ogling them when they were out and about in their brand-new outfits. They’d even bitch about themselves if you gave them a chance.

>>30686215
>Now, it didn’t matter if the weather was scheduled months in advance. It also didn’t matter that your friends bought their horse pants a size or two too small so mares couldn’t help but stare as they walked past.
>No, none of your horse buddies paid any of that trivial nonsense any mind. They bitched for the sport of it, to refine their craft so that they were nothing less than masters at the art. And, while you never partook in the bitching yourself—just sitting in your tiny horse chair sipping your black coffee because it was the only thing that was really drinkable in this shithole—you really did enjoy watching them go at it.
>There was something almost therapeutic about it, like watching clouds form around a mountaintop, or seeing a half-ton of snow fall from the branches of a tree.
>Thunderlane shook his head as he took a sip of whatever the hell he was drinking. “Caramel, you know she’s just trying to butter you up like she always does. First it’s chocolates, then you go to her house, and then you’re sitting here for three weeks crying your eyes out because she’s ignoring you after she got you to rut her.”
>Caramel puffed his cheeks out. “It’s not going to be like that this time,” he said, leaning over to take a long sip of his drink.
>Just like Thunderlane’s drink, as well as everyone at your table but you, it was some kind of unholy concoction made from the mind of a madman. You didn’t even know if it was really coffee, but what you did know that any sane person shouldn’t be putting it into their bodies, much less pay six bits for it.
>“I know her tricks now,” Caramel continued. “She’s not gonna get me this time boys! And you know what? I think I might be able to change her!”
>The two other stallions at the table groaned.
>“Caramel, for Celestia’s sake…” Hooves said, placing his head in his hooves.

>>30686219
>“This is gonna bite you in the rump like it always does, Car. You know that as much as I do,” Thunderlane said.
>Caramel’s nose scrunched up as he looked at both of his friends. You could see the frustration, as well as irritation, on his face. It was an expression that you all were very familiar with. It was the same one he wore after he had said pretty much the same thing about Amethyst last time she had brought him flowers and a box of chocolates. And the time before that. And the time before that.
>“What about you, Anon?” the earth pony asked, a hopeful spark in his eyes as he looked over at you. “You know I can make that mare change, right?”
>You stared down at your little horse friend. A smile came to your face, and you were forced to take a sip of your coffee to hide it.
“Well, you know what they say about doing something over and over again expecting a different result,” you said.
>Caramel’s hopeful expression shattered to a million pieces right before your eyes. Outrage and betrayal replaced it as his face scrunched hard.
>“But I [i]can[/i] change her this time!” he said, wiggling in his little horse chair angrily. “I know I can!”
>Thunderlane and Hooves just groaned again. You chuckled, reaching over the table and giving Caramel’s shoulder a pat.
“Crazy or not, your persistence really is a helluva thing to witness, buddy.”
>Caramel’s nose scrunched up even harder. You all watched as he leaned forward, took in a deep breath, and opened his mouth. Hooves and Thunderlane leaned back in their chairs, bracing for the verbal assault that was upon you all. You just leaned forward, gripping the edge of the table excitedly.
>“I can’t [i]believe[/i] you—”
>Before Caramel could properly begin his tirade, a horn boomed out, making you all jump.

>>30686227
>The horn let out a single very deep, very loud single note. The sound seemed to come from all around you. In fact, you almost swore you could see the air shaking the longer the horn blew. But, while it was indeed very loud, it wasn’t so loud that it hurt your ears. This was both confusing and just a bit disconcerting because of the whole you-could-see-the-fucking-air-shaking thing.
>For about a minute and a half the horn blew until, just as suddenly as it had begun, it stopped. The second that it did you looked around to see if anyone was as concerned as you that someone was blowing what sounded like [i]war horns[/i] somewhere in town.
>You half expected your usually skittish friends and neighbors to be running around screaming their heads off. At the very least you thought you’d see a stallion or two out cold on the ground from fright. But there was none of that.
>Looking out into the market, you could see ponies walking about like everything was normal. Sure, a few mares had their ears perked, and you could see that a stallion or two were now sporting frowns, but it was nowhere near the reaction you were expecting.
>Huh…
>Frowning gently, you turned your attention back toward your friends. Just like all of the other tiny marshmallow horses, none of them seemed be all that alarmed or scared. Thunderlane and Hooves just looked kind of bored, while Caramel looked irritated.
>You looked at each of them in turn, drumming your fingers against the table. You waited for someone to say something, maybe explain what the hell was going on, but no one seemed to be in the explaining mood. Finally, you could take it no more.
“Um, guys? You mind explaining what that was please?” you asked.
>All three stallions turned their attention toward you.
>“That horn signals that it’s Penis Inspection Month,” Hooves said, like that was just a normal, everyday thing to say.

>>30686241
>You opened your mouth to say something but no words came out. Your brow furrowed, and you looked at the stallion hard to see if he was messing with you. To your ever-mounting confusion, he looked like he was completely serious.
“…Penis Inspection Month?” you asked very slowly.
>All three stallions nodded.
>“Yep. Once a year all stallions have to have their genitalia inspected to check for any injury or abnormalities,” Thunderlane said. “I thought it was supposed to be next month, but I guess I must have mixed up the dates.”
You scratched your chin, milling over the stallion’s words. “And why have I never heard of this before?” you asked.
>“I think you came to Equestria right after last year’s inspection?” Hooves said.
>“Why? Didn’t you have the same thing back on your world, Anon?” Thunderlane asked, cocking his head to the side.
“No. No we do not,” you said, putting your coffee down so that you could try and fully process what had just been dropped into your lap.
>You, of course, failed spectacularly.
>Caramel snorted. “Yeah, well, we shouldn’t have it here either,” he said. “This whole thing is just an excuse for mares to eye rape us.”
>“Hey now, you know that the procedure is important, Car,” Hooves said. “It’s used to make sure that a stallion is fit and healthy.”
>“Yeah, well, it makes me feel like some kind of animal…”
>“It might, but you won’t be complaining at all if the doctors find something that could be a lot of trouble down the line early.”
>Caramel snorted, leaning back into his chair and crossing his fore legs. “You know that I’m perfectly healthy.”
>“You might [i]look[/i] like it, but that doesn’t mean you are,” Hooves said, leaning across the table to nudge his friend.
>You slowly nodded your head, though honestly you were still were trying to wrap your head around the whole “Penis Inspection” thing.

>>30686254
>How was such a thing carried out? How was it legal? Did you have to get your junk inspected too, or was this just more pony nonsense?
Standing up, you looked at Hooves. “Hey Hooves, you’re a doctor, right?”
>The stallion nodded. “I am,” he said, taking a sip of his drink.
“So, do you know anything about this Penis Inspection thing?”
>“I do. In fact, starting Monday I’m going to be at the hospital examining stallions.”
Your brow furrowed just a bit harder. “So, this thing is at the hospital then?”
>“Of course, Anon. What, do you think we do it in the middle of the street?” Hooves asked with a snort.
>Your eyes narrowed down to slit, and you found yourself licking your lips. As surreal and crazy as something called “Penis Inspection Month” was, you could feel something building up inside of you. Curiosity? Amusement? Outrage? You honestly didn’t know, but what you did know was that you were going to see what the hell all of this nonsense was about. Today preferably.
>Giving your cheek a scratch, you turned toward the direction of Ponyville’s hospital, or horsepital as you liked to call it.
“Do these examinations start Monday or can you go right in and get it done now?” you asked.
>“The examinations can start today, but most ponies prefer having it done later,” Hooves said.
>“A lot of us try to do it on the weekdays, since we get a free paid day off to get it done,” Thunderlane added.
“Would it be busy if we go right now?”
>“It might be. Some stallions like to get it out of the way as soon as possible, and if I remember correctly Hale Heart is the only male stallion in duty. That and a lot of the male aides hate coming in on the weekends if they don’t have to.”
Nodding once again, you looked at each of the stallions. “I think I’m gonna go see what all of this is about,” you said.

>>30686258
>“I’ll come with you then,” Hooves said, standing up. “I’d rather get this done sooner than later, and I probably could get Hale Heart to get us done right away if I ask nicely.”
>Finishing his drink, Thunderlane stood up as well. “I may as well, since you can get us in and out pretty quick, Hooves.”
>Caramel let out a harrumph. “Well I’m staying here. I have better things to do today that sit around in some gross hospital.”
>You, Thunderlane, and Hooves rolled your eyes.
>“You know, you might want to get checked out, Car,” Thunderlane said. “I’m sure Amethyst would want to know that you're clean before you can start [i]changing[/i] her.”
>Caramel’s ears perked up before he frowned so hard that you half expected his mouth to fall from his face. The earth pony stared at the pegasus very hard for a few seconds, before, with a sigh, he finished his drink and stood up.
>“…Fine, but I swear to Celestia if any of you give me guff about Amethyst again I’m going to boop you so hard your nose won’t unscrunch for a [i]month[/i]!”


~_~_~_~_~_~


>The walk to the horsepital was a relatively short one, and all four of you eventually found yourselves standing in front of it. Already you could see stallions of all ages making their way in and out of the big, white building.
“Looks like it’s already busy around here, huh?” you said.
>“Like I said, it’ll be busier in a couple of days,” Hooves said with a shrug. “Especially since Ponyville has the only hospital till you reach Canterlot. Now come on, let’s get inside before there’s an even bigger crowd.”
>You all did as he suggested, making your way into the building. Like most hospitals, horse or not, the scent of some very powerful cleaner was in the air. The smell made your nose scrunch up as you looked around the lobby.

>>30686264
>The relatively small waiting room was packed with stallions. The counter, where a bored looking stallion with a magazine sat chewing bubble gum, was crowded. There was also a steady flow of stallions going into and coming out of a room that had a sign that read “PIR” right above the door. Next to that room was a similar room with the same sign over the door, though unlike the other one no stallions seemed to be coming in or out of it.
“PIR? What’s that?”
>“It stands for Penis Inspection room,” Hooves said. “Now come on. Let’s get signed in before anypony else comes.”
>He made his way toward the counter. After a moment or two of hesitation, the rest of you followed. The stallion behind the counter looked at each of you with the same bored expression before his gaze settled on Hooves. He then immediately tensed, his eyes narrowing down to slits. Hooves’s eyes narrowed as well, his tail flicking side to side as if he were trying to beat away a swarm of flies.
>“Hello Sign,” Hooves said, his voice gaining an edge.
>“Hello Dr. Hooves,” the stallion said, his tone chilly even though you could tell that he was doing his best to be polite. “Are you here for your inspection today?”
>“I am,” Hooves said with a stiff nod. “And I was wondering if you could call Hale Heart. I’d like to talk to him about something.”
>The stallion smiled a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Even though I’d [i]love[/i] to help you, Doctor Hale Heart is very busy at the moment, as I’m sure you can see by looking at the waiting room,” he said.
>“Well, did management manage to get any other stallion to come in today then?” Hooves asked, frowning gently.
>“No, they did not,” the stallion said, blowing a big bubble and popping it with his tongue. “I’m sorry, but it looks like you’ll have to wait just like everypony else. Unless you want to have Redheart examine you that is.”

>>30686275
>Hooves’s nose scrunched hard. “I’d rather a [i]stallion[/i] examine me, thank you very much,” he said.
>“Then I guess you’ll going to have to take a seat then,” the stallion replied. “If you can get a seat that is.”
You looked toward the door where no one was coming out of. “So, we could just go and get our junk inspected by this Redheart?”
>“Yes you could, but I’m not sure you’d want to do that, sweetie,” the stallion said, looking back down at his magazine. “Doctor Redheart is a mare.”
You frowned. “So? What’s that matter?”
>“What’s the matter is that you have some mare you don’t know handling your penis, Anon,” Caramel said. “They can do whatever they want to you because they have some fancy-schmancy diploma.”
>You almost threw up your hands. What the hell did that matter? You’d rather be molested by some tiny horse a thousand times over rather than just sit around all day in a cramped waiting room.
Placing your hands on the counter, you looked down at the stallion. “So, you’re saying that if I go into the room with the female examiners I can get seen right now?”
>“If you want,” the stallion replied with a shrug.
“Great,” you said, slapping the counter. “I’d like to do that then please.”
>Caramel, looking alarmed, grabbed you by the pant leg. “Anon, don’t,” he said. “That mare could take advantage of you!”
You snorted. “Car, I’m three times your guys’ size. I don’t think anyone in this hospital is gonna take advantage of me.”
>You waited for Hooves or the lobby stallion to tell you that there was nothing to worry about, but looking at them both you could see them staring back at you with bitten lips.
This time you couldn’t quite stop yourself from throwing the ol’ arms up. “Look, I just want to see what all of the fuss is about, and I’m not gonna be waiting here all day.”

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>>30686241
>>“That horn signals that it’s Penis Inspection Month,”
Fuck this mene

>>30686280
>Without another word, you made your way over to the door and knocked on it twice. There was a pause, before you could hear a voice from the other side.
>“Come in.”
>Smiling, you looked back at your buddies before opening the door and stepping inside.
>The room was a small one, barely able to fit a small table and one of those weird hospital half-beds with the wax sheet over it. Stethoscopes and all other manner of objects sat in little clear pouches stuck to the wall. Next to that was the same picture of a skeleton that all hospitals were required to have in each room, though unlike the ones back home this skeleton was pony-shaped. To the left of the picture was another door that led to parts unknown.
>But that wasn’t all. Along with all of the little knick-knacks that were to be found in a hospital room, there were two mares. One, a white mare wearing an equally white lab coat, was sitting on top of the table with her muzzle buried in a clipboard. Her pink mane was neatly tied up in a tight ponytail. The other mare, a yellow earth pony with blue curly hair that was partially hidden under a nurse’s cap, was lying on the half-bed thing staring up at the ceiling while she balanced a tongue compressor on the tip of her nose.
>“What do you need this time, Hale Heart?” the mare in the lab coat asked, sounding painfully bored. “More gloves? Or maybe alcohol pads?”
You cleared your throat. “Actually, I was here to see about this whole penis inspection thing.”
>Both mares immediately perked up. Their eyes snapped over to you and they stared for several moments before springing to action.

>>30686296
>The mare wearing the nurse’s cap shot into the air, somehow managing to land on her hooves. The mare in the lab coat, wide-eyed and looking more than a little panicked, hopped off the table. Both earth ponies scrambled around the room, tidying up, ripping the wax off the half-bed and getting a new one, cleaning up all of the nonexistent dust on the table. After about a minute of this frantic, frenzied activity both mares stood before you, looking as professional as they could given the circumstances.
>“G-Good afternoon!” the pony in the lab coat said. “Sorry about that, it’s been a little slow today for the two of us.”
>The other mare giggled as she quickly adjusted the cap on her head. “Yeah, hospital lags and all of that junk!”
“I gotcha,” you said, trying your very hardest not to laugh.
>The mare in the lab coat flipped through a few pages on her clipboard. “Yes, well, I’m Doctor Redheart and this is my assistant for the day, Nurse Coldheart,” she said, gesturing to the mare right next to her. “And you said that you came in here for your examination?”
>“You didn’t get lost going to the bathroom or anything like that?” Coldheart asked, hope glimmering in her eyes.
“Yeah, I heard about the penis inspection thing like an hour ago and I figured that I may as well come on over here and get it done,” you said. “And I figured, since the line for the other guy was way too long, I’d come and get checked up with you girls.”
>Both mares tensed. The nurse started wagging her tail like a happy puppy dog while the doctor bounced in place. You could tell that the two of them were trying their very hardest to hide their excitement.
>“So you’re not gonna be bothered by the fact we’re mares then?” Redheart asked. “Because if you are just know that neither of would be offended. The procedure is a very personal one after all, and we wouldn’t want you to be uncomfortable."

>>30686303
uncomfortable.”
“To be honest, I actually have no idea what this whole procedure entails, but I’m not gonna have a problem with you two looking me over,” you said, walking over to the half-bed and taking a seat. “The two of you are both probably really professional little horses, so I doubt you’ll try anything inappropriate.”>And even if they did you weren’t particularly worried. The two were just tiny little horses after all, and not even the ones that could use magic or fly either.
>Both the doctor and nurse smiled.
>“Thank you very much for placing your confidence in us, Mr…”
“Anon’s fine.”
>“Mr. Anon. It means a lot to both myself and my assistant that you’d be willing to give us a chance.”
>“Yeah, thanks a bunch for finally giving us something to do,” Coldheart said, and was immediately nudged in the ribs and given a dirty look by the doctor.
>“I promise you that both the nurse and I will do our best to make sure that you’re as comfortable as possible,” Redheart said. “We’ll explain each thing we do, and we’ll do our best to make sure you feel safe and comfortable. Coldheart, could you please get the gloves?”
>With a smile, Coldheart trotted over to the table and grabbed the small box of rubber gloves sitting on it. She offered the box to Redheart, who quickly took two gloves and put them on. Then nurse herself then took two gloves and pulled them on.
>“Now, if you could please remove your clothing, we can begin,” Redheart said.
You nodded, quickly pulling off your shoes and socks. Your pants were next, then finally your underwear, so that your lower body was completely bare.
>Doctor Redheart didn’t bat an eye at your sudden nudity, though the nurse raised an eyebrow and let out a low whistle.
>“Whoo, I’ve never seen one like that bef—OW!”

>>30686310
>The doctor flashed you another pleasant smile as her associate rubbed her side. “Very good. Now if you’ll just fold up your clothes and place them on the table.”
>For the next ten minutes, what you experienced was just a standard medical procedure. Both mares only touched you when they needed to, explained everything that they were doing just like they said they would, and only stared at your junk as long as they absolutely needed to while they wrote down this and that.
>Every once in a while, you were given instructions or asked questions. Have you been feeling any discomfort or pain anywhere? Was your urine cloudy or an odd color? Could you get erect consistently, and if you could was there any pain while doing so?
>There were also quite a few questions on your basic anatomy since, from what the mare told you, your junk was a bit different than what they were used to. Some of it was touch and go, and more than one they stopped what they were doing to check and see they were hurting you, but even so the two of them chugged right along with their examination until, after almost twenty minutes, doctor Redheart moved away and began pulling her gloves off.
>“Alrighty. You seem to be perfectly healthy, Mr. Anon,” she said. “Now we’ll just need a urine and sperm sample and you can be on your way.”
“Sperm? What do you need that for?” you asked.
>The doctor’s small smile turned slightly sheepish. “We need check your sperm count, see if your sperm is healthy and without deformities, things like that,” she told you. “Don’t worry, there’s no need to be nervous about that. Nurse Coldheart will bring in a specialized pump to help you, um, [i]relieve[/i] yourself. Neither of us will touch you; in fact, we’ll be out of the room so that you’ll have all the privacy you need.”

>>30686314
>Though you had somehow managed to keep ol’ Yeller from getting hard while two very cute horses were running their hooves up and down your lower body, your cock couldn’t help but stir.
“So you’re hooking me up to some kind of milking machine?” you asked.
>Doctor Redheart flinched while the nurse, pulling her gloves off and tossing them into a trash can, giggled to herself.
>“I wouldn’t [i]exactly[/i] call it a milking machine, but yes, we need you to use the pump so that you give us a large enough sample,” Redheart said.
>“It won’t hurt a bit,” Coldheart assured. “In fact, I’ve heard that most stallions really enjoy it. We might have a bit of trouble finding one large enough to fit you when you get hard th—”
>“Nurse! Could you please go and get the pump?” Redheart interrupted, starting at her hard.
>The nurse rolled her eyes, giving you a wink before making her way toward the door, opening it up a crack, and slipping through it.
>The second that she closed the door behind her, Redheart let out a sigh. “I’m very sorry about my assistant, Mr. Anon. She always gets a bit too… talkative when she’s around stallions.”
You chuckled. “There’s nothing to worry about, doc. Now, how about we go ahead and get that pee sample before we get to the big stuff, huh?”
>Redheart, giving you a smile, walked over to the table and opened one of the cupboards, reaching in and grabbing a small plastic cup. “Here you go. If you’d like to put your clothes back on there’s a bathroom down the hall you can use. Nurse Coldheart should be back with the pump and we both should have it set up before you’re finished. And please, if you could, try to fill up that cup up to the black line.”

>>30686321
>You nodded, taking the cup from her hoof and rising to your feet. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see the doctor trying her hardest not to stare as you slipped your underwear back on, deciding that that would be good enough for decency sake.
>With cup in hand, you made your way toward the door, opening it up and stepping through it back into the lobby. Checking to see if your friends were waiting in the lobby, you made your way toward the bathroom, quickly filling the little cup you were given and washing your hands before stepping back outside and making your way back toward the examination room. You grabbed the doorknob, and were about to open the door, but paused when you heard two voices on the other side arguing.
>“What the buck are we gonna do?”
>“Are you sure we don’t have any different sizes?”
>“Yes, I’m sure! I checked our entire stock of pumps! Now what are we gonna do?”

>>30686280
man
zero self respect there

>>30686329
>You nodded, taking the cup from her hoof and rising to your feet. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see the doctor trying her hardest not to stare as you slipped your underwear back on, deciding that that would be good enough for decency sake.
>With cup in hand, you made your way toward the door, opening it up and stepping through it back into the lobby. Checking to see if your friends were waiting in the lobby, you made your way toward the bathroom, quickly filling the little cup you were given and washing your hands before stepping back outside and making your way back toward the examination room. You grabbed the doorknob, and were about to open the door, but paused when you heard two voices on the other side arguing.
>“What the buck are we gonna do?”
>“Are you sure we don’t have any different sizes?”
>“Yes, I’m sure! I checked our entire stock of pumps! Now what are we gonna do?”
>“Maybe we could call the supply clerk? She might have something somewhere we could use.”
>“You know that lazy feather brain never bucking comes in on the weekends!”
>“Then what do you bucking suggest we do, Coldheart?”
>“I don’t bucking know, I’m not the one that decided to get all high and mighty and get her doctorate!”
>“Oh, don’t you start with that horse apples now!”
>While a part of you wanted to step away for a minute or two and let the nurse and the doctor settle their little argument, you [i]did[/i] have a cupful of warm piss in your hand. So, twisting the doorknob, you opened the door and stepped back inside.
>Both Redheart and Coldheart jumped when they saw you enter. Their eyes widened and you could see their ears pinning against their skulls. Beside the two of them was a small machine with a hose on the end of it.
You stared at the machine for a few moments, raising an eyebrow at how complicated the thing looked, before staring at both mares. “Is everything alright in here, ladies? I heard some arguing outside"

>>30686337
>Both mares tensed. They quickly looked at each other, before looking at you. Finally, after clearing her throat, Redheart took a step toward you and spoke.
>“W-Well, you see, Mr. Anon, there might be a problem with the pump.”
>Coldheart took a step as well, so she was side by side with the doctor. “Not a problem with the [i]machine[/i] exactly. It’s more a problem with the attachments to the pump.”
>Grabbing a long plastic tube from the machine, she showed it to you
>“These things here are placed on your stallionhood to funnel your sperm into the machine, as well as give the you the pleasure needed to ejaculate. In most cases, we have a size for pretty much everypony. But the doctor and I have a sneaking suspicion that because of your unique anatomy that won’t have a size that fits you properly.” She looked down at your groin. “You are a very [i]big[/i] colt after all, and we wouldn’t want one of these to break.”
>A bit of pride couldn’t help but fill you. You smiled, puffing your chest out just a little bit.
>“Usually, in cases like this, we’d call the company that supplies us with these tubes and have them sent to the hospital, but I have absolutely no idea if we’ll be able to get it in time,” Redheart said, fidgeting. “They [i]might[/i] have something for you, but the company really doesn’t make these for any other species besides ponies and gryphons.”
>“And you’re not gonna be fitting in gryphon tubes,” Coldheart added, placing the tube carefully back into the machine. “And I’d bet you a thousand bits that the hospital isn’t gonna special order one tube.”
>Redheart bit her lip. “Exactly…”
You looked at the doctor and the nurse, your brow furrowing. “So, what are we gonna do then?” you asked. “Am I just going to have to do the ejaculating myself then?”

>>30686345
>“No. We need a specific amount of sperm to run all of our tests, and stallions are shown not to release enough when they do it t-themselves,” Redheart said, a blush coloring her cheeks.
>Walking over to the machine, you looked over the half dozen tubes arrayed out for you. Eyeing them carefully, you picked each of them up. With each one you looked at, you realized that the nurse was right, you could tell without even taking off your pants that you wouldn’t fit in any of these. They were either too small, or too thin, or shaped too oddly.
You clicked your tongue as you put down the last tube. “How much trouble would I get in if I just didn’t finish this whole Penis inspection thing?”
>“You’d probably get a fine,” Redheart said, refusing to look at you. “If we spoke out for you I’d be a relatively small one, but you’d still be fined.”
“And how small is a small fine exactly?”
>“About five hundred bits.”
You grimaced. “Yeah, I’d rather not have to pay that,” you said, walking over to the half-bed and sitting down. “That’s a [i]lot[/i] of money.”
>You stared up at the ceiling, thinking hard. You didn’t have five hundred bits, and you really had no desire to save up that much money to pay a fine for something as stupid as this.
“Is there [i]something[/i] we can do? Anything at all?”
>Redheart said nothing, just staring at the ground. Coldheart, however, let out a thoughtful hum as she scratched her chin.
>“Well, if we really needed to you and me could just do it, Red.”
>Doctor Redheart’s head shot up. She looked over at Coldheart like the mare had just grown a second head. “Coldheart!” she hissed, her blush deepening.
>“What? You know the crown is about getting stallions checked out,” Coldheart said with a shrug. “No matter what we tell them they’re gonna fine Anon here a boatload of bits, and if we try to okay him without a sperm sample we’d both lose our licenses.”

>>30686349
>“And we couldn’t lose our licenses by acting inappropriately with a stallion during work?!”
>A blush began working its way onto the nurse’s face as she puffed out her cheeks. “Hey, I’m not saying that we force him to bend us over the table or anything! All we gotta do is give him a hoofjob or something like that!”
>Redheart’s gaze snapped from you to the nurse. She took a few steps backward toward the door as she chewed her lip. “I can’t lose my license, Coldheart. I just became a doctor!”
>“Anon’s not gonna say anything!” Coldheart said. “And if he doesn’t want to do it then he doesn’t have to!”
>“He’s not going to have to decide anything because we’re not doing [i]that[/i]!”
>“It’ll take like five minutes!”
>“I don’t care if it would just take two seconds! We took an oath to help ponies, not take advantage of them like some sexual deviants!”
>“We’re not taking a—”
Seeing that the mares were getting louder and louder the longer that bickered, you quickly cleared your throat. “Ladies.”
>Both mares looked over toward you so quickly that you heard their necks cracked.
>Wincing, you leaned forward in your chair and gave them your best reassuring smile. You couldn’t help but feel more than a little grateful that these two mares were actually considering “helping” you out even though it could cost them their jobs. It was sweet and, to be honest, not that bad of an idea.
>It had been a while since you had seen any action, and you weren’t too proud to admit that you thought both mares were very attractive. And you had never been the type of guy to say no to free sex by a couple of cute ponies.
“Look, girls, why don’t we calm down for a second and really explore this avenue?”
>Redheart and Coldheart looked at you like you had just grown a second head.
>“What?” they both said at the same time.

>>30686352
“You guys don’t have anything that’ll fit me, I’m not allowed to use my own hands, and I [i]really[/i] don’t want to spend all that money, so I really don’t know if we have another option,” you said.
>Coldheart perked up, a surprised yet happy smile on her face. Meanwhile, Redheart looked like you had just run over a puppy.
>“Mr. A-Anon, we really can’t do something like that!” she said. “I-It’s unethical! Wrong!”
>“It’s only wrong if you force me to do anything,” you said. “And as far as I can see the two of you would just be helping me out.”
>You spread your legs just a bit. Even though you could tell that they were trying really hard not to look, their gaze nevertheless settled on your slowly tenting underwear.
>Coldheart grinned. “See? He’s completely fine with it. So all we need to do is make sure the doors are locked, get a cup to put the sample in after we’ve finished him off, and it’ll be fine!”
>Redheart dryly swallowed. “I, um, well…” She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths before reopening them and looking up at you. “Are you [i]positive[/i] that you’d be fine with us stimulating you ourselves?”
“If I wasn’t fine with it I wouldn’t have asked you,” you replied.
>“But are you sure-sure?”
“Yep.”
>“Completely, one hundred percent, unequivocally sure?”
>Both Coldheart and Redheart took a step toward you. Coldheart pulled off her nurse’s cap and tossed it into the table, letting her mane fall around her shoulders with a few tosses of her head. Redheart slowly began to unbutton her lab coat. The mare kept her shifting her gaze from your face to the floor as she bit her lip.
You found yourself grinning as you spread your legs a little wider. “I’m as serious as a heart attack.”

>>30686354
>Coldheart grinned, rushing over and placing her hooves on your thighs. You twitched at the sudden contact but the earth pony seemed to barely notice it as she pressed her muzzle against your semi-hard length and inhaled deeply.
>“I’ve [i]always[/i] wanted to do it with a stallion in this bucking building,” she whispered, planting a kiss on your cloth-covered cock.
>You gasped, your knees reflexively trying to come together. Coldheart pressed them back apart, nuzzling you with more and more force. Redheart watched the nurse with wide eyes and a red face as she let out a quiet groan. You let out a groan yourself, pressing your back against the wall and placing a hand on the mare’s head.
>“Sweet Celestia, I can’t wait to see just how hard this thing gets,” Coldheart said, giving the outline of your cock a lick. “I bet it’ll rip these pants right off~”
>A shudder ran through her as she reached up and grabbed the hem of your underwear. She gave your length another teasing lick as she started pulling them down, revealing more and more skin.
>As you let out another groan, lifting your hips to help the mare along, Redheart seemed to come out of her stupor. Her nervous, slightly embarrassed expression transformed into one of stern resolve. She marched over toward you and Coldheart, grabbing the mare by the tail and giving it a hard yank just as she was about to reveal your Johnson.
>“No! We’re doing this to help our patient, not for self-gratification, Coldheart,” Redheart snapped.
>“What? I’m just trying to get the big colt ready to go! What’s wrong with that?” Coldheart said, giving her flank a rub.
>“What’s the problem is that you’re not being professional about this. If we’re going to get Mr. Anon here o-off it needs to be done as quickly and as efficiently as possible.”
>Coldheart opened her mouth to say something, only for the doctor to clamp a hoof over her muzzle.

>>30686365
>“I don’t want to hear it! Now go lock the doors so that we may begin. And get one of those plastic containers under the table so we can get our sample.”
>Grumbling to herself, Coldheart slapped Redheart’s hoof away. She looked at you over her shoulder and gave you a wink, lifting her tail and giving you an eyeful before making her way toward one of the doors.
>Redheart shook her head, trotting over to you and smiled. “I’m very sorry about that, Anon. Now, I’d appreciate it if you took off your undergarments so that we can begin.” Her smile wavered for a moment. “Though, if you’re feeling uncomfortable about this, we can stop immediately...”
>You gave her a wink as you slipped your thumbs through your waistband and slowly began pulling your underwear down. Coldheart let out a whistle at the sight and Redheart blushed just a little bit harder, but even so she didn’t look away even as your dick was revealed.
>“T-Thank you very much,” the doctor said, now just a bit breathless. “Now if you could just f-fold them up and spread your legs please.”
>Redheart shifted her weight as you did as she asked. The mare took a half-step toward you, then another, then another. She was about to take that one last step but hesitated.
>“Are you s-sure you want to do this, Anon?” she asked quietly.
>Sitting up, you leaned toward the mare, cupping her cheek with a hand. Redheart twitched at his touch but didn’t shy away.
“Doctor Redheart. I can honestly tell you that I’m hundred percent sure that I’d very much like it if you and your assistant were to collect a sperm sample from me,” you said with a grin. “As I’m sure any other sane guy would.”
>Redheart smiled shyly, taking that last step and placing a hoof on your leg. “A-Alrighty then. I guess we should s-start then, huh?”
>“Aw yeah! Here we go!” Coldheart said, pumping a hoof into the air as she walked over to you with an empty cup in hoof.

>>30686376
>Setting the cup right next to you, the mare wiggled between your thighs right next to the doctor. Smiling, she grabbed the base of your cock and gave it a few pumps.
>“So how are we gonna do this doc?” she asked as you let out a sigh.
>Redheart looked back at the doors before looking at your dick. “W-Well, I suppose we should go ahead and get him completely hard.”
>“On it,” Coldheart said, saluting with her free hoof before using it to give your balls a gentle squeeze.
>The nurse’s hooves were soft, and what she lacked in skill and more than made up in eagerness. In no time at all, you found yourself fully hardened and throbbing. A spurt of precum leaked from your tip down to your shaft. Coldheart was just to use that as lubrication.
>“There we go,” she said. “Let’s this big, fat thing leaking…”
>She took a deep breath, giving her backside a wiggle. “Sweet Celestia… You smell that Red?”
>Redheart, whose eyes were glued to your cock, nodded. “Y-Yes. It’s very… potent, isn’t it?”
>Coldheart let out a hum, using the tip of her hood to tease your crown. “Strong enough to get this filly’s head spinning,” she said, licking her lips as she leaned forward just a bit more.
>Redheart leaned forward as well, reaching up with a hoof to cup your balls. You let out another groan spurting another dollop.
>“It looks like he likes that, Red,” Coldheart said, reaching up with her over hoof so that both were pumping your cock.
>Redheart’s nostrils flared. She lifted your sack, giving your balls a few gentle squeezes. The earth pony then licked her lips, looking back up at you.
>“D-Does that feel nice, Anon?” she asked.
“Yes,” you grunted, running your fingers through Coldheart’s mane as she began jerking you a little faster.

>>30686381
>Coldheart cooed, leaning forward and giving your tip a lick when Redheart wasn’t watching. Your cock jumped in her hooves. She giggled, collecting the pre around your head before pulling back.
>“Do you want in on some of this action, Red, or are you just gonna sit there like some little filly,” she said, nudging the doctor.
>Redheart bristled. “I-I am doing something!” she said, giving your balls another few squeezes.
>While it felt nice, just like the stroking, it was nowhere near enough. If the two mares wanted you to cum sometime soon they were going to have to do a bit more.
>Coldheart seemed to notice this because she gave you a wink. “Come on, Red. We’re gonna be here all day if we don’t start a little more than giving him a hoofjob.”
>She wrapped a dirty hoof around the doctor’s shoulder and leaned her forward so that both of their muzzles were nearly touching your shaft. Then nurse, still stroking you, stuck her tongue out and gave the space between your cock and balls a lick.
>Redheart’s blush crept down her neck and toward her chest. “C-Coldheart, you stop that r-right now,” she said. “We’re p-professionals, and we can’t t-take advantage of a s-stallion like—”
>Whatever else the doctor wanted to say transformed into a gasp as Coldheart began lightly slapping your cock against the tip of her muzzle. Redheart twitched with each slap but she stayed right where she was.
>“Come on, Red, stop being such a stick in the mud and enjoy yourself a little,” Coldheart said, rubbing her tongue up the underside of your cock before finishing it off with a kiss on the tip. “We have a cute stallion all to ourselves to do whatever we want~”
>She slapped Redheart’s muzzle a few more times. The doctor’s eyes glazed over, and once or twice you swear you felt her pucker her lips and kiss your cock.
>“I-I… I mean, we r-really need to…” she said, before a few more slaps caused her to trail off.

>>30686393
>“What we need to do is help our patient here and make him cum, Ms. big, important doctor,” Coldheart said. “So let’s help him, huh?”
>Placing a hoof under Redheart’s chin, she lifted the earth pony’s head up. She then placed your tip against the mare’s lips before nudging her forward.
>Redheart struggled a bit, wiggling in place as she pursed her lips, but Coldheart was insistent. She pushed the mare with more and more force until your cock head found its way past the mare’s lips.
“Fucccccck,” you groaned, gripping the edges of the half-bed.
>You fired a spurt of pre into the mare’s mouth. Redheart’s eyes widened to the size of dinner plates as she tasted it. A low, long groan escaped her, and just like that whatever resistance she had crumbled.
>The mare’s body went slack. Her eyes became half-lidded and cloudy. Taking a few deep breaths through her nose to take in more of your scent, she began sucking your tip like a pacifier. Her tongue began to lap around your sensitive head, making you buck your hips, your other hand finding its way onto her head.
>“Atta girl,” Coldheart said, slowly making her way down toward your balls. “I knew you’d be into this.”
>The nurse gave Redheart a kiss on the cheek, then the chin. Redheart let out another groan and started bobbing her head while Coldheart, blowing you a kiss, took one of your balls into her mouth and started to suckle.
You twitched again, firing another spurt of cum into the warm, wet mouth of the doctor fellating you. “That’s it,” you said, running through fingers through both ponies manes. “Just like that… just like that…”
>Coldheart, after bathing your ball in spit, released it with a pop before switching to the other one. Redheart’s bobs grew deeper and deeper, the mare’s spit dripping down your cock as she sucked and licked.

>>30686402
>In no time at all, you began squirming in your seat. With each little suckle or tease with the tongue you had to bite your lip to keep yourself from moaning. You know that if you made too much noise someone might get curious, and then it’d be over for these cute little mares.
>While such a thought should have worried you, it only managed to work you up even more. The thrill of being caught, knowing that your friends weren’t a hundred feet away with just a door and thin walls separating you had your heart pounding and you panting like a dog.
>Coldheart, releasing your ball, lifted her head up so that her cheek was pressing up against Redheart’s. “Come on, Red, give me a little taste,” she said, licking her lips.
>Redheart bobbed her head a few more times, her long, thick pony tongue swirling around your shaft, before she rose off of you with a pop. The doctor did her best to catch her breath as Coldheart eagerly took her place, gagging on your member as she forced half of your cock into her maw.
>“That was… t-that was… oh sweet Celestia,” Redheart said, wiping the spit from her chin as she let out a breathless groan.
>As quick as a whip, the doctor made her way down to your balls and started sucking and licking as one of her hooves made its way between her legs.
>Both mares continued to do their best to bring you to your finish. Once in awhile they would switch, Redheart shoving Coldheart off of you before opening her mouth as wide as she could and forcing herself down your length. Other times the mares would lap at your shaft, using their tongues to tease your head. Spit and pre had, by now, covered the table, your legs, and the mare’s faces and necks. The smell of sex was ripe in the air. Each little suck, lick, kiss, and nuzzle chipped off just a little bit more of your stamina.

>>30686405
>You could feel your pleasure concentrating in your belly, burning hotter and hotter until it felt like it was boiling. You muffled groans became louder and louder. Each time one of the mare’s took you into their mouths you bucked your hips more forcefully, forcing them both to gag and choke on your maleness. You could feel yourself twitching harder and harder. Your cock head began to swell, and the pre you were leaking came at a steady stream.
>Both mares seemed to noticed, because they let out almost drunken giggles.
>“It looks like big boy here’s almost ready to pop, Red,” Coldheart said, running her tongue up the side of your shaft.
>Redheart hummed, slapping your cock against her forehead as she lapped at your sack. “Make sure… to get that… container ready…”
>Coldheart let out another drunken giggle, her gaze snapping up to you. “You better give us enough to test, otherwise we’ll have to do this again,” she said, giving your tip a loving kiss. “Or don’t. I won’t mind sitting here all day pumping this big, fat thing for samples~”
>She wiggled as she grabbed your shaft with her hoof and started stroking. You let out a hiss, bucking your hips in time with the mare’s jerks.
>“Maybe for the first load you could just paint our faces?” Coldheart suggested. “I don’t know about Red here, but I’ve always wanted to walk around this hospital smelling like cum, and I bet your scent would be on me for [i]weeks[/i].”
>She leaned forward a bit and gave your head a quick lick. Your toes curled and you closed your eyes.
>“Or maybe we could have you finish somewhere else? I wouldn’t mind walking out of here leaking from both holes.”
>You throbbed, and a spurt of pre fired out of your tip. Coldheart was quick to catch it in the container, grinning like a mad mare.

>>30686413
>“You know, It’s too bad that I’m not in heat right now. I’d be happy to see if this monster could put a couple of foals in me. How would that sound, big guy? Rutting me until we have a couple kids running around? You waking up every day with me taking care of this before I go to work? I’m sure we could get Red here in on it if you really—”
>That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Shutting your eyes as tightly as you could, you brought a hand to your mouth, bit your knuckle, and came.
>The first shot soared above Coldheart’s container to land across Redheart’s back. The nurse let out curse—though she still giggled with delight at seeing you pop— before angling your cock so that your loads would hit their mark.
>“Red, got your flank up here,” Coldheart said, as you fired again and again, quickly filling the container. “It looks like the big guy is gonna overflow this thing!”
>Redheart lifted her head just as your cock twitched again, the size of your load threatening to overflow the cup.
>“Hurry up and try to grab another container or something. It’s gonna be hard enough to mask the smell in this room, but if we get cum anywhere we’ll—”
>Before Coldheart could finished her sentence, Redheart reached up with a hoof and gently, but firmly, pushed the cum-filled cup out of the way. Then, without warning, she opened her mouth and swallowed your cock.
“F-Fuck!” you groaned, jerking in your seat as the mare began sucking you hard.
>The next load hit the back of her throat with such force that the mare gagged around your cock. She managed to swallow the next one, and in no time at all she was milking the remainder of your seed with steady gulps.
>Coldheart frowned as she watched the doctor release your now spent cock with a pop, her cheeks bulging with your sperm. “What the hay, Red? If I knew you weren’t gonna give me grief about that I’d have just done that myself!”

>>30686349
>forced, government mandated medical checkups
Suddenly Equestria sounds like a despotic shithole.

>>30686424
>The mare opened her mouth to say more, but before she could Redheart grabbed the mare of her mane and forced her into a kiss. Coldheart’s eyes went wide as Redheart shared the cum in her mouth. The mare let out a groan, her eyes fluttering.
>When you had finally regained the ability to open your eyes once more, the first thing that you saw were the mare’s desperately holding onto each other, their tongues battle one another as they fought over your cum. You let out one final groan, closing your eyes once more and letting yourself go limp in your seat.
“Best… doctors examine… ever…”


~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~
>“Anon! There you are! We were worried sick about you!”
>You made your way toward your little horse friends, your clothes a little bit messy, but with a big smile on your face.
>“You were in there forever, Anon,” Thunderlane said. “They thought something had happened to you.”
>“Are you alright, Anon?” Hooves asked, looking as concerned as the other two.
“I’m fantastic,” you said with a grin, showing them the little paper in your hand. “The doc and her nurse were able to get me all sorted out and now I don’t have to do this again until next year.”
>“So those dirty mares didn’t take advantage of you then?” Caramel asked.
“They were wonderful,” you replied, slipping the piece of paper into your back pocket.

>>30686430
>All three stallions breathed a sigh of relief.
>“See? I told you two that Anon could take care of himself,” Hooves said with a small smile.
>That smile diminished somewhat when he looked down at your other hand. “Anon? What’s that other paper for?”
You looked down at said paper, your smiling growing just a hair. “Home addresses.”

>>30686435
Alright, I'm done. It's been awhile since I've posted something this big, hope you liked the cute nurse horses. I may do another chapter or two of them if I feel like it

>>30686428
>be stallion
>go to hospital for mandatory checkup
>get raped
>die to undiagnosed tumor

such is life in equestria

>>30686441
PIM is a horrible absurd premise, but I still liked this.

Was cool to have Redheart be an actual doctor for once, makes it more RGRE.

>>30686441
that was really contrived fampai

>>30686430
>“Best… doctors examine… ever…”
Should be examination.
>>30686435
>You looked down at said paper, your smiling growing just a hair.
Smile, not smiling in this case.

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>>30686441
I've been sat here for the past 10 ish minutes trying to think of a more eloquent way to put this, but i failed.
I am going to fap to this story.
A lot.

>The idea of a mandatory checkup tickles my dom/sub fetish.
>The juxtaposition of cold/redheart's demeanor at the start.
>The act of breaking down said ponies professionalism.
>The METHOD of breaking down her resolve.
>The enthusiam they both have for the whole thing.
>The dialogue leading up to the climax
>Their tongue battle at the end.

>>30686441
Agree the premise was a bit suspect, but still enjoyed the story. Definitely liked the cute medical pones.

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>>30686551
>>The idea of a mandatory checkup tickles my dom/sub fetish.

>>30686495
>>30686607
I partially agree with these anons. But there is an easier way of getting the same scenario.
Yearly, mandatory physicals. You would still have an examination leading up to some intimate touching.

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>>30686650
I think the premise with everything else being played straight diminishes how well the rest of the story is written. Don't get me wrong, I did like the story and I understand that it's supposed to be an outlandish thing that ponies go through, but if it's supposed to be outlandish then I think it should have been cranked up further. Kind of like pic related.

>>30686441
Weak premise or no. I LOVED IT!!! That was some top quality smut that I too will probably be rubbing one out with. You haven't disappointed me yet LaP. Thank you very much.

>more you say?
oh, buck yes. please yes.

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>>30686645
I'm more on the "Being told what to do" side of things rather than "Abuse"
Lets please not start this argument.

>>30686694
Reading all that in spongebob's voice will always destroy my sides.

>>30686441
So where's the part where they form a herd?

>>30686720
this

>>30686286
>Fuck this meme
It's a shit one for sure, but what are we going to do about it? Write some greentext about fighting and killing a meme?

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>>30684159
The Strawberry Sunrise oneshot LaP did a few threads back had a similar theme.
https://pastebin.com/QFitt2U8
I really liked that one.

>>30685212
Starting in two days where I am, thank gods! I'm a newfag. I just started lurking /mlp/ around October last year. This was my first time experiencing 4chan during the summer.

>pours a drink out on to the floor
For the many good threads that died.

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>>30686873
>>pours a drink out on to the floor
Please tell me you did this on purpose

>>30686435
Oh boy

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>>30686873

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>>30686441
well, it's been three hours and I can't feel my dick anymore

> Anon makes a bunch of meat sandwiches for himself
> Girls think his finally going to the kitchen and made them sandwiches like a good colt
> They tell him it was delicious
> Anon says what was in them

How would they react?

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QUICK

POST YOUR IDEAL WAIFU AND IDEAL LIFE WITH YOUR IDEAL WAIFU

>>30687596
Sorry, I can't comply.
Even I would cringe if I saw it in text form.

>>30687624
Post it, Anon. Who is she?

>>30686441
Why didnt Anon just masturbate himself?

The dirty dog.

>>30687588
For some reason, I only see Rarity and Fluttershy being bothered by the meat aspect. Twilight would be mad, because you did so without asking, but ultimately grateful for the new experience.

>>30687664
they said it wouldn't produce enough.

>>30687730
Fluttershy is the least likely to have a problem with it.

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>>30687831

>>30687838
She wouldn't have a problem with others eating meat, but I can see her not being a fan when it comes to herself.

>>30687831
>>30687845
Yeah, it was pretty contrived. But I'm getting it was just a smut piece so hey.

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Enmaresculate the pone. It is good for everyone.

>Anon walks out of the shower.
>Cadence sees him walking around in a towel.
>Greets his cousin casually.
>She's family, after all.
>No awkwardness at all for him.
>Her, however...
>Splash.
>You sniff the air.
>A pleasant scent, not unlike bubblegum and ice-cream, carries on the room's soft-breeze.
"You smell that, Cuz?"
>She just twitches.
>You loved your cousin, but she could be as odd as shit, sometimes.

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>>30687913
I'd probably do it accidentally all the time without even realizing it. I wouldn't be able to help it, I'd want to baby and coddle them constantly.

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>>30687917
>she tries to convince him to go around naked all the time now, arguing that "it's natural" and "everypony does it"

>>30687917
>>30687948
I'd casually touch and cuddle cousin Candy just to see how flustered she gets.

>>30685965
>"B-but Papa!"
Ywn protect your pony daughters and village from imperialist scum

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>>30687596
Not exactly FROM the ideal life, but rather the start of it

Reading it again makes me sad because she isnt real and it will never happen ;_;

>>30687948
>>30687973
>Ponies are naturally a physically touchy-feelsy species.
>Although raised and adopted by Celestia, he still has the innate human desire of having personal space.
>This means physical contact, while not exactly rare, is all the more precious and meaningful coming from him.

>>30687624
Post it faggot.

I enjoy watching how much the teen cadence thing has snowballed.

>>30687948
Also this picture speaks to me. It tells me to write some rebellious teen Anon and cousin Cadence.

>>30688121
YOU

YOU ARE KILL

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>>30688121
>Darth Sidious weighs in.

>>30683184
im still working on it. I'm not dead, just swamped with work. There will more soon, I promise. It is nice though that someone remembers it.

>>30688132
Do it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-oNWtAKNfk

>>30688121
>Celestia tries to get Cadence to be a good influence on her rebellious son.
>Anon ends up showing her fun and being "bad".
>Horrified, Celestia watches as pseudo-incestual antics occur.

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>>30688137
SOON

>>30688150
Bad girl Cadence?
Yes please!

>>30683184
It's true, RGRE is kill and I never even got more reincarnated colt Anon green.

>>30688242
what was popped's cause of death? glue, soap, or all the kings horses and all the king's men?

>>30688263
Tragic boating accident.

>>30688263
Pincushion

>>30688267
Nah we have to make it MLP and equestria has airships so we'll just call his cause of death the Hindenburg.
...That made more sense in my head

>>30688276
Because it's a balloon and it popped, geddit?

I'll just see myself out

>>30676680
>"Anon, my sweet little pri-"
"PREDICTABO!"

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>>30688276
Tragic airship accident.

>>30688276
>>30688293
That sneaky fuckin' propeller.

>>30672774
>You are rarity for now
>Fluttershy asked you for a 'prench maid dress with a frilly' and she hoofquoted here '"As fuck" mini skirt'
>All to watch anon while he was sick
>Of all the times to try hitting on a guy, she picks now
>So here you are, flutters in toe, no dress, and you are going to explain to anon what was happening, and watch over fluttershy while she watches over him
*Knock knock*
"Anon darling, we are coming in, I know your sick so you don't have to get up"
>You open his door and the moment you do
>"AW HELL YEA, YOU FINISHED THE DRESS ALREADY RARITY, FLUTTERSHY GET IN HERE I HAVE TO SEE HOW YOU LOOK IN IT"
>Its at this moment you recall what twilight said about anons original world
>You look back to fluttershy who is deadpanning hard
>You may have screwed up a bit here.

I have a further idea for this that I have been thinking of. This will cross 2 off the list, i'll have 4, with a further 3 more

>>30688263
>>30688267
>>30688270
Good riddance.

>>30688394
No, I want moar reincarnated anon

>>30688360
Tell that high-society whore and the meek bear-blower to not come back until they've come on the lewdest maid outfits they can make.

>>30688491
Anon already threatened fluttershy to not stay in bed unless she gets said dress, going to threaten rarity to do it too

also thought something up for rainbow dash, but I got shit for applejack, she just doesn't work in the world I dump anons into.

>>30688512
Applejack is the traditional, well-intentioned sexist who only wants to protect her family and her conservative earth-pony values.

>>30688000
trips and dubs of truth pls

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More Zebrican anon in Eqg Rgre
>Pic is how I imagined him

>>30688533
well aware, but cant for the life of me figure out how to set her up to be first or first wave in an anon is ugly as fuck to ponies universe.

Fluttershy and rarity, not exactly hard, they are assumed lesbians, who while they won't turn a mare down outright, also hold little appeal to a stallion, so anon taking an interest, while being fairly butt fucking ugly, allows them to have a chance. Plus the whole town kind of knows anon is sick at this point, so 'anon was delerious of course we didn't buck him' is at least her get out of social stigma free card. already have a ponk and twiggy done with, I can think of a few ways for rarity to get a solo hook up, but her white knighting anon for flutters actions gets two done at once.

Already have rainbow dash's solo thought up, just not sure when I should set it, immediate aftermath or a recollection of the aftermath.

Also have an idea for quick celestia one, probably get that one done after I finish off the GGG idea and likely before anons charity auction, which also happens to be an anon is fucking ugly as shit world story, just need to find out how far I take that one, I mean with lines like "I think I hit rock fucking bottom" "My life may have been shitty" "she took to them like pinkie to cocaine" and "CELESTIA FUCKING DAMNIT DO MY PARENTS HAVE TO RUIN EVERYTHING I ENJOY" and I am still able ot laugh at the story a good week or so after getting most of it written out, I think its in good shape, format withstanding.

>>30686709
Nope, we are starting this, and your fetish is shit

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>>30683609
>>30683617
Many hats are.

>The mane six are constantly saving the day/town/world and going on awesome adventures.
>Still single due to their uncontrollable beta attributes

>>30688746
lel

>>30688746
Fantastic.

>>30688746
> tips sunhat

Fucking lost it

>>30686280
>“Then I guess you’ll going to have to take a seat then
you'll be*

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>>30688746
>>30688840
Be honest, could you turn down an adorable mare in a sunhat giving you a rose?

>>30686310
>.”>And even if they did you weren’t particularly worried. The two were just tiny little horses after all, and not even the ones that could use magic or fly either.
messed up a greenline
>uncomfortable.”
repeated last word of the previous post for no reason

>>30688850
none of us probably would unless you're that autistic

>>30686354
>“It’s only wrong if you force me to do anything,” you said. “And as far as I can see the two of you would just be helping me out.”
shouldn't be a greenline

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>>30688850
>hfw human males actually like the sweet things mares do for them
Beta mares finally win

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>>30688928
I imagine all mares would rejoice at that.

>>30688928
Would you actually like someone considered a betacuck orbiting around you every second of the day? You'd BOTH be a laughing stock and you could do so much better.

>>30689119
I'll take that into consideration, Chad, thanks.

>>30689119
>>30689128
Just throwing that out there mate, most betacucks wouldn't be too in shape either.

However, if you're betacuck mare was /fit/-tier betacuck. That's an entirely different story.

>She still can't get a stallion because she's to shy.
>The only stallions forward enough to show interest in her are landwhales.

>>30689170
Luckily, she's into thicc stallions. Which is why she's so receptive to Anon's advances.

>>30686709
Kill yourself you disgusting gay

>>30689170
>>30689222
>Anon thinks she's way out of his league because she can squat more than him.
>A landwhale wedged in a machine while drinking a "healthy fruit and veggie smoothie" caked in corn syrup and sugar calls Anon a skinny bitch.
>Mare awkwardly stands up for him while admitting what nice legs he has.
>Anon has to save her from drowning in a heap of lard.

>>30687730
Twiggles would be a bit put-off, but ultimately fine with it due to her science-y look at the facts.
RD would freak out, not about others eating meat, but that she accidentally ate something that had a face. Probably going on some sort of half-baked rant about how eating others is "NOT cool", and then apologizing for insulting her colt host in his own home.
Rara would be barely holding back vomit from exiting her lips after fully engulfing her mouth. Followed by ignoring all social protocol by bee-lining it for the bathroom.
Pinkie would have left it alone, knowing it was meat, but failing to mention it to her friends. This prompts the rest to question why she didn't warn them, to which she likely responds with "I thought you all knew and wanted to try it anyway."
Flutters squeeks, faints or feels ill, and starts a minor breakdown over having "wasted" the meat some poor innocent animal gave it's life for, because she didn't need it to survive like an omnivore or carnivore does.

>>30689334
And Best Background Pony would complain about the lack of apple-like meat.

>>30689345
AJ wouldn't have eaten it, because she would have sniffed it to ensure it was apple-y first.

Alright guys, it's me, the anon that only posted three times, back again after a six month break from /mlp/. What writefriends have died since then? The google doc says that shukaku is dead. Please tell me it ain't so

>>30689353
>She tastes it and likes it, believing it to be an apple product.
>Anon explains that it's meat.
>She's weirded out by it, but otherwise liked it.

>Weeks go by, she's craving for more meat.
>Won't betray apples again though.
>Accidentally overhears Anon call that male throat part an Adam's Apple.
>Everything is suddenly clear. Meat IS apples.
>She breaks through the door with one mighty kick and lunges, her teeth ripping into Anon's neck.

>>30685212
WTF? Where r u?

>>30689500
Going to take a wild guess and say Australia? Cause second semester of tertiary schooling is happening now.

>>30689372
AJ is the silliest pone

> Anon mentions to his marefriend that he misses the more challenging games from back home
> Marefriend scrunches at the implication that equestrian games are easy
> She sits him down and has him play Friendly Links
> He chooses stallion during character creation, which is to say, easy mode
> The tutorial is interacting with your family
> The first boss is becoming friends with the chatty stallion florist
> Marefriend can't believe the difficulty he had with that one
> But he navigates the silent guardsmare's social links flawlessly
> Marefriend begins to lose it when Anon deliberately ignores her husbando's questline
> He makes it worse by following the Trixie path right up to the altar
> All is forgiven when he dumps the Trixie then and there
> TwoSpecialSomeponiesPlay.crystalball

>>30690375
Is that a game all about decisions and dialogs, what is this, a visual novel?
What about games that require mechanics or team play? How would ponies be

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>>30687596
>Hit the gym with spitfire every morning before she goes to work
>Prepare a meal for her before she gets home
>Take a nice, long shower together
>Relax after dinner and massage out all the tightness in her muscles accumulated from a day of practicing/flying in a show/teaching at the academy
>Fug
>Cuddle in bed and go to sleep

I hate my life and I want to die.

>>30690531
What if she gets a day off?

>>30690574
>Wake up
>Cuddle fug
>Breakfast
>Cuddle fug
>Lunch
>anything
>Dinner
>BREED

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>>30690574
I see what you did there.

>>30690612
>BREED

Now reconsider your schedule given that you'll have numerous children of different ages running around, demanding your attention, hurting themselves, fighting, and making noise. Constantly.
Not much time left for cuddlefugs.

>>30689240
/fit/pone is best waifu.
I sure wish we had a story featuring her. But for some reason, even after all these years, it has yet to manifest.

>>30690714
>Now reconsider your schedule given that you'll have numerous children
what are you some sort of faggot?

>>30690494
Given the cultural differences, I could see visual novels and dating sims growing complexity and mechanics to the same degree that action games have on Earth.

> Team play
> Mares get together as a herd to woo virtual stallions
> You got the Muscle, who intimidates the other mares away
> The Tongue, to charm the stallion and introduce the other mares of the herd
> The Dyke, who goes with the stallion during shopping trips and bonds over colty stuff, often mediating between the stallion and the rest of the herd
> The Bank, who works long and hard at her job as the main financial pillar of the herd

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>>30691242
>get to the Dkye part
>immediately start imagining it's like playing support, and how no one wants to do it + healslut memes

>Why do we have four Muscles on our team? Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

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>>30691242
>>30691361
>Dating sim mmo.

>Entire herd of mares trying to complete a date with King Sparklebottom III.
>One mare holds his amora while the rest support her and prevent off various disasters.
>"Okay it's phase two so get ready for the jealous coltfriend, how's the second course coming?"
"Just waiting on the spices, the runner mistimed the patrol and had to-"
>"Buck, the chickens in the market got loose, thats a wipe girls."

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>>30690531
>>30690612
that sounds amazing