>"Hey buddy, I'm giving out Shimjobs in the bathroom

>>29852606
For the millionth time, Sunset, I'm not into you.

>>29852606
How is she even gonna get all the items necessary for a shimjob for 20 bucks? I smell a trap.

>>29852606
>shimjob
>affordable
Suspension of disbelief lost.

I want footjob pls
>inb4 no hooves Xd

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>>29852676
It's likely a trap. She's just gonna use you for your own desires then leave with all of your possessions and pride

>>29852606
yes

please let me chew on your hair bacon horsegirl

>>29852692
no hooves Xd

>>29852606
>Shimjob
First, there's no way you can pull one of those off in the bathroom. Too messy, too dangerous, and that's overlooking how the hell you're going to get the horses in there. Second, Shimjobs are illegal in this state, and I would never, EVER do one in a public setting—secure private residential/clinical locations only. The fines and potential damage to one's reputation are, suffice to say, severe.

>>29852606
The fuck is a shimjob?

>>29852969
Information is limited. Thus far has been speculated:
http://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/29214060/#29222331
http://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/29312882/#29313932

>>29852606
"Are the showerhead detachable?"

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>>29852606
Sounds great, only one problem though. You aren't real.

>>29852606
>shimjob
>in a place with floor tiles and light bulbs
Yeah that's not a good idea.

Can't even give your brother a discount?

>>29852606
>giving out
>twenty bucks
Well which is it.

>>29852969
Nobody knows

In the bathroom?
You dumb bitch if we are doing a shimjob the cars are int the parking lot, and I charge 40 bucks.
I will use the slim jim to get in and you are lookout.

>>29852969
People who get one can always only remember a few aspects.
What we have pieced together so far is that it involves at least 6 mares and 3 stallions, a squirrel, an industrial sized vat of lube, a trip to an abbotior, autofelatio, a trip through the horse portal, teen titans go, a 2 on 1 team battle with bowser in super smash brothers brawp with no items except pokeballs and smash balls and a condom to small for your penis if you do not have a penis a penis will be provided for you, it is not yet known how the size of the penis is determined but it has ranged from 3 inches to 10 possibly going further in both directions as most cannot remember the size.


That last bit is the only part everybody remembers always a penis and always a condom to small for it .

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>>29852606
>bathroom
Don't you need an open sky for a shimjob?

>>29852606
why is ugly twilight #2 so popular amongst you faggots? why do you like such a bland character?

>>29855017
But we don't like glimmer anon.

>>29854653
You're missing some key pieces here, you need a cement mixer and at least one trebuchet.

>>29852957
>>29853205
>>29854565
>>29855012
You retards. She will be staring the shimjob in the bathroom she will not stay there the whole time.

>>29855155
damn it, anon ! Go with this shit to /x/ i almost had hearthattack !

>>29852905
>then leave with all of your possessions and pride
Well then... i have bad news for her

>>29855122
Right, and how is she supposed to get the piano out of the bathroom?

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Does a shim job include shimming?

bump for further shimjob investigations

>>29855222
Is Sunset 2spooky4 kids?

>>29852606
>shimjobs

Christ

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"So, uh...Sunset. How much a shimjob go for these days?"
>"HUH?! Oh... No, Anon. That...that's not me anymore..."
"What? Oh, come on, Sunset! Those are legendary! No one else can pull 'em off!"
>"Anon, no. Those days are behind me..."
"But you're sooooo good at it."
>"No, I, I really don't... Not anymore."
"It's a skill. It's a frickin' skill. It's *your* skill."
>"No."
"Shimmy. Shimsham. Don't let me down, girl. You're a professional, girl."
>"Anon, please..."

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>>29857193
Fulfill your destiny
Be the semen demon you were meant to be

>>29857210
>semen demon

Christ

>>29857221
>>29857104
Christ can't save you from a semen demon Shimjob

>>29857733
You're absolutely right.
That's why I'm an atheist.

>>29855500
Magic.

>>29857978
That only works on regular pianos.

>>29852606
i want to cum inside you shimmbers

MOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR

But I'm your teacher, Sunset

>>29858512
Fuck you are right.

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"Not interested, sorry."
>You attempt to leave but Sunset grabs you and places a chloroform rag on your mouth
>When you awake, you are tied up in a dimly lit room and see Sunset in the nude
>"We could've done this the easy way, but the hard way is more fun"

>>29859378
Come on shimmer we both know a shimjob does not work without consent.

>>29859642
It does if you use mayonnaise instead of motor oil.

>>29859642
Then I guess you better start begging for it

>>29852606

>>29859642
This. There are certain actions required for a shimjob you simply can't force people to do, it has to be consensual.

>>29855623
What is shimming?

>>29852606
"What the fuck is a Shimjob?"

>>29863570

>Shimmy gives you a sly smirk, as she turns and heads towards a conviniently empty janitori's cupboard, beckoning you with her slender finger
>"Why don't you come with me, and find out?"
>Confused, curious, and horny, you follow Shimmy into the cupboard

>20 minutes later
>You stumble out of the cupboard, sweating and breathing hard, as you try to buckle and belt up your jeans
>Shimmy follows you out, also looking out of breath, but keeping her cool as she smoothes out her crumpled shirt
>"So, whacha think? Worth the 20 bucks I ask for?"
>Wordlessly, you pull out and drop 2 tens on the floor in front of her, and shambled off, never to speak about what went on that cupboard for the rest of your life
>Some other guy just came up to Shimmy, after seeing you shambling down the school corridor
>"What's up with him?"
>Shimmy is counting her money
>"Want to find out, baby?"
>The guy just gives her a weird look
>"Err...Sure?"
>Shimmy pulls the guy into the janitor's cupboard, and closes the door again

>>29863746
Unrealistic.
1. A Shimjob could never be done in such a small space and in only 20 minutes
2. The typical receiver of a Shimjob goes blind for an hour afterwards, if they survive

>>29863746
>"....Oh God..."
>The guy is literally paralysed, his entire body frozen into place as his mind undergoes a complete and total sanity meltdown
>It's a little tricky to explain, but simple put...
>Shimmy is a gifted contortionist...and a fucking freak
>Shimmy's trick is actually two in one
>The first trick is sticking the guy's hard cock between her silken gazelle shins, where she moves her legs back and forth whilst standing upside down on her hands
>The second trick is bending herself forwards and up, so her face is pressing against the guy's buttocks, whilst thrusting her tongue into his asshole
>The sight, combined with the alien experience of being stroked off and tongue fucked at the same time is enough to blow anyone's mind
>And so, the end result was that the guy blew his wad, dropped his twenty, and stumbled out the cupboard, half running, half shuffling with his pants still wrapped around his ankles, traumatised behind any psychiatric help
>Shimmy is licking her lips, stepping out of the cupboard as she counts the accumulating notes in her hand
>"Hey, what's up with that guy?"
>Shimmy grins, and without a word pulls the third guy into the cupboard...

END

>>29863785
Are you sure about that?

>>29863746
Nice idea but no mortal has enough energy to walk after a shimjob. I also doubt anon was wearing a kilt at the time , and you can't do it without one.

>>29863801
Please, that's nothing compared to a real shimjob.