I'm sad /mlp/ please help cheer me up

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>>29573351
you have an above average penis and your personal hygiene is adequate.

>>29573351
Santa Claus isn't real

>>29573366
oh why thank you, I also thought my penis was something special *chuckle*

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>>29573351
Your father is secretly disappointed in you and your inability to get a girlfriend means you should commit suicide.

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>>29573391

>>29573391
I personally don't think he cares, also the kys joke was funny xD

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>>29573351

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>>29573424
2spooky4me

>>29573429
thanks anon!

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>>29573351

>>29573451
that's true

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>>29573391
Not OP, but I've always known that. Since middle school, I devoted the vast majority (if not, complete fucking entirety) of my time to maintaining their expectation/fetish of constantly maintaining a 3.7+ GPA. On top of that, I managed to start college in my junior year of high school (it was a state program, pretty fucking cool one too) and graduate with both a high school degree and an associates degree. And yet they still find ways to be fucking disappointed in my efforts.

I guess I can't really blame them, keeping up with their standards forced me to recede from any activities outside of school. Thus putting the nail in the coffin for having 3dpd friends or girlfriends. The only thing that separates me from the average "cringe worthy" neet is the fact that I'm not obese (rather, severely under weight) and that I'm actually perusing a career.

The good news is that I'm never too far away from the good ol fashioned kys option, its always been on my mind for as long as I can remember. I think a .22LR birdshot pointblank would be able to turn my brain into a pretty good consistency of literal liquid shit. The pellets would be able to enter, but wouldn't have the velocity to escape. Its also a relatively clean way to go if your brains aren't flying out onto the opposite side of the wall. But in the mean time, I think I'll just stick with watching colorful talking horses and pretending everythings okay.

Sorry for the excessively long shitpost, once I get going on this train of thought I can't seem to stop.

>>29573578
Before you take the exit card make sure you eat a bunch of really unhealthy food, wait an hour and take a bottle of laxatives and then check out.

>>29573578
too long didn't read, but thanks

>>29573583
I don't eat that much

>>29573351

>Midnight in Equestria.
>You're snuggled up next to your pony girl Dash during an amazing camping trip.
>You feel her body against you as she breaths in and out in a cycle, sound asleep.
>You on the other hand just can't do it, your mind racing a mile a minute just thinking about all the fun shit you two are going to do tomorrow.
>The only thing you can hear other than her breathing is the crickets and cicadas outside.
>That is until you feel her tail shift slightly.
>*Bppptttt*
>Did she just?
>*Bpt*
>Yes she did.
>And that was definitely loud and strong enough to be herd through the think sleeping bag.
>Rise and shine my little buddy!
>You feel your dick start to get a little cramped as you think about the stink that's hiding away in the bag with your bodies.
>Almost as if handling fine china, you delicatly lift the top of the sleeping bag up, leaning forward and taking a big whiff of the scents hidden away.
>Sooooo gooooood.
>You feel her tail shift again.
>*BPPPPT*
>Holy shit, this can't get any better.
>You take another loud whiff of what's just been shot into the sleeping bag, not feeling the shifting against you.
>"Anon? What are you doing?"

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>>29573595

>>29573615

>Lifting up the tail, you move your nose towards the small closed hole in front of your face, lightly pressing your nose against it.
"Please Dash, show me how much I matter to you," you say almost begging.
>You hear here grunt slightly and the hole quiver slightly as it opens up, a small push of air hitting your nose and some moving up your nostril.
>You take a big sniff, the scent intoxicating.
>Feeling like you're the only one benefiting from this right now, you decide to put your mouth to good use.
>One light light along the lips to make it a little wetter and your push your nose against her anus and your mouth against her lower lips, your tongue diving into her lightly traversing around.
>A few small licks along her most sensitive bump makes her release another toot into your face, losing slight control over her bodily functions.
>You greedily take another large sniff making sure to capture as much as possible while making sure not to neglect your partner as your tongue dives into her wiggling slightly.
>Pulling it out, you messily lick all about her, another few toots being released and your hand moving to your cock.
>"Hhhhmmmfff, Anon..." she lets out a small moan as you continue your work, your hand motions getting faster as you wildly lick.
>"Please, Anonymous..." she says in an almost strain.
>No way your stopping now.
>When your tongue dives back in, it's held in place, her insides spasming around it.
>"I'm going to -"
>*BBRRRRTTTTTT!*
>The wind blows across your face as she releases a long fart taking you over the edge as you start to cum, the cum shooting up and onto her skin/fur.
>The liquid that was flowing slowly from her explodes, flooding your mouth slightly.

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>>29573578
>.22lr
>birdshot

That's probably rat-shot and would fail to do anything to a human, fun to remove garden pests though.

>>29573624
That shit would still likely be able to penatrate the skull at point blank range. I find it difficult to believe that it couldn't kill someone if you pressed your gun into their forehead and fired.

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>>29573623
after that post, I might use that bullet >>29573624

>>29573650
It wouldn't kill you.

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>>29573653
well in that case I'll need a lot of bullets, making it slow and painful

>>29573636
Prove it bitch.

>>29573623
Moar???

>>29573653
>pic related wont kill you
Even if its a fucking pellet, its still traveling at 1000fps directly into your skull. Tell me how it wouldn't kill you.

OP if you are going to remove yourself don't use a gun.
...Unless you cover yourself in pony merch and charge at a cop with a gun.

>>29573661
I'd rather not get a free escape pass and entry to hell instead I'll suffer slowly, please give me moar!

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>>29573669
that would be too easy, I think I'll skip the gun and just bang my head against my desk

>>29573678
No dammit, you need to be one of those crazed bronies on the news that tried to attack a cop.

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>>29573682
can't you do it, as an act?
you just need to buy some merch, glue some of those cheap figurines on your naked body and there you go, if you want to go the fast route that is your choice dawg

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>>29573668
Keep telling yourself that pal.
Whatever helps you sleep at night asshead.
I'm pretty sure at that velocity it would completely break apart before leaving the barrel leaving nothing but dust to escape.
You are telling me that common household dust and dander will pierce the human skull at those speeds? Fat chance.

>>29573351
You happy yet. Are you not entertained?

>>29573682
#BronyLivesMatter

>>29573692
actually, this made my day thank you

>>29573690
I'm not the suicidal faggot known as OP.
I just want to watch from the sidelines with some popcorn.

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>>29573708

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autism is a hell of a drug

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>>29573772
you said it

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>>29573777