Here's my first EQG fanfic, "Bath Time With The Pi

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>>29434535
Fuck off you stupid faggot

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>>29434541
Ah yes, I'm not surprised. Figured I'd at least get one of you cunts in here. =)

>>29434535
I ain't clicking that shit nigga

>>29434535

>greentext format

Ugh. Don't let this site's autism drag down your writing skills. Just write normally dog.

>>29434643
neither you cvck

>>29434535
Kill yourself

Giving it a chance

>>29435836
wew rude

>>29434535
>>>/a/

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>>29434535
Will read it later and tell you what I think.

>>29434535
I admit the title alone makes me interested.

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>>29436203
>>29434535
You write a cute Pinkie, and your Anon is neither a huge chad nor a spaghettimancer, which is nice.

There's definitely some issues though.
Line 203
>She just looked at you with the biggest troll face
You mixed up your tenses here, as well as in some other lines in this part. Your story is present tense for the most part, but here we get some unwarranted past simples.

On the subject of Pinkie's dad, I've got an issue with how quickly Anon gets used to him.
Anon starts out worried (rightfully so, he's having some turbulent feelings for the guy's daughter), but after one joke he's quite comfortable. Also, that fist bump at the end feels really off for Igneous. I realise this isn't show canon, but a fist bumping Igenous Rock Pie, Son of Feldspar Granite Pie, is odd, especially since he's giving manly, traditional vibes before that.

There's that little bit of memery in line 24 that I personally dislike, but I suppose that's highly subjective.

line 337 would make more sense before Ponks starts tickling since it explains his lack of reaction (which I personally immediately wondered about).

Lastly, Pinkie grabbing Nonny's dick was very sudden. Since this is only the first chapter and you didn't spend a whole lot of time on exposition, it's very possible to make it believable as we see more of Pinkie's behaviour, but when reading just this first bit, it feels rushed.


Anyway, I hope this feedback helps you some.

>>29434535
Reading it

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>>29436218
>>29434535
I liked it anon.
Though I don't think I can give you better constructive criticism than >>29436422