>Your waifu has been sent to spy on you >What does she

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>>29339812
>"..OH! He's finally moving from his chair!"
>"-To throw that soiled pair of boxers into the hamper...again."
>"Skies above, does this creature LIVE on processed junk and nicotine?"

>>29339825
/thread

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>>29339812
>"....that a pillow with my face on it."
>"With your cum."
>"..."
>"This is not school-appropriate."

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>>29339812
>"By Celestia's beard!"
>"He can read!?"

>>29339849
Kek

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>"He needs to create more, when he puts his heart onto the screen, it shows."
>"Far out, he made a thread for me."

I wonder how ponies would react to my cock vore fetish...

>>29340360
It will become a matter of national security.

>>29340754
Really?

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>>29339812
Realistically, she might be a bit dissapointed with my sedentary lifestyle, but it's unlikely she's find anything too out of the ordinary besides the occasional break to snuggle my tulpa.

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>>29339812
Well, today I went to work retard wrangling at the local school district and then came home and jerked it to horse pussy. Then I drank too much.

So with any luck it'll leave a mostly good impression? I hope. After all, I do it for the chilluns. Chicks like that kinda shit, right?

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>I appreciate this guy's dedication to his studies
>But good grief, he needs to go outside for once

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>>29339812
>"You call that a run? Shoot, you might as well take a seat because you don't look like you're breaking a sweat out there."
>"There he goes again scribbling on that digital thingymobob- And mah rear ain't that big!"
>"For Celestia sake you think a guy with kick for an ass he'd go out and get some."
>"Or at least go out and talk to ya friends, ain't talked to them in months.

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>>29339812
>"........"

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>>29339812
≥" he doesn't seem to do anything aside from work and mope...."

>>29339849
High quality.

>>29339812
>Rainbow and Twilight have been camping outside his house since Celestia gave them the order to watch him.
>"I don't get it, you said he eats meat, right? So when's he gonna go out and hunt for some?"
>"I don't know Dash, he could be waiting for night to catch something while it sleeps."
>After a few hours of sitting outside the window, and watching this ape thing Rainbow is starting to get bored.
>"Come on Twi, we can probably go now, all he does is sit there and use his greasy claws to play with himself."
>"But Dash, look at how long he's been at it."
>"Twi? Are you..."
>Shlick shlick slick
>"Awe gross! Not you too!"
>"But dash, look, he's been at it this whole time, and he hasn't finished once."
>Dash blinks then loos through the window again.
>"Holy Celestia, you're right... he's a monster..."
>Rainbow sits beside Twilight, and joins her in stroking herself while watching the ape to continue beating his meat.

>>29339812
That depends on how long she's been watching me. Has she seen me at work? She thinks I'm a good guy who's funny and relatable and works hard. Has she seen me at home? She thinks I'm a sleezy, perverted, porn addicted degenerate.

>>29341854
/thread

>>29341722
Are you me?

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> twilight discovers I read fanfiction about her
I hope she's flattered but she's probably weirded out.

>>29341619
>RAPE

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>>29341480
>I went to work retard wrangling at the local school district
Details please.

>>29341825
The real reason Anon is being watched.

Probably not good...

>>29342604
Dang it! This edit always get's me.

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>>29344169
Green when?

>>29342604
http://vocaroo.com/i/s0jXCYvEpPZA

>>29339812
>be fluttershy
>be assigned to follow weird human anon for Celestia to gather intelligence
>he's kinda cute in an exotic way, but...
>day one: set up camp outside anon's apartment with binocular's and snacks
>wtf, he sits in front of this weird box all day doing nothing
>he also is just constantly drinking this weird golden liquid and inhaling smoke
>that must be his medicine; maybe he's sick
>i mean, he certainly looks kind of sick, because otherwise why would he be on the couch all day wearing dirty clothing?
>and he's not even really eating anything, the poor dear
>and the place that he's living in is a mess! he must not have the energy to clean it. If I weren't under cover I would help him!
>that weird black box that he's in front of must be pretty special. I wonder what it does.
>hmm... he seems to be... taking off his pants now?
>and he's kneeling in front of the box and... touching himself
>oh my, he seems to be in some kind of distress? Is he having a fit?
>poor anon, i should go over there and help him!
>oh wait... okay he got up to get some kleenex and is now cleaning his hands
>and now... oh god is he crying now?!!
>that strange fit he had must have hurt him!
>i wish I could help, but I can't because I can't blow my cover
>i'll have to file my report with Celestia right away
>humans sure are weird...

>>29340352
Treehugger always best waifu.

>>29344329
>fluttershy didn't know what anon was doing

So I guess she's never worked with monkeys or apes? Because they do that kind of thing often.

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>>29341596
Why must you hurt me applepone....

>>29339825
/thread

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>>29339812
>"That game sure must be interesting, he's been playing on it all day. I wonder if he'd let me have a go?!"
>"Awww! He has a kitty! Two kitties! Cute!"
>"Ooooh! Cartoons! I LOVE cartoons! What a cute little bird, he's so nice!"
>"Man, he looks tired. Is he sick? That's too bad."
>"Huh, humans sleep naked? Weird. Oh wait, I do that too, heehee!"
>"Well that day sure wasn't too interesting. I wonder if he'll ever go outside? Maybe tomorrow. Or the next day maybe? Oh, oh! Definitely the day after that!"

>>29339832
Kek

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>Why is Anon drinking apple cider all the time? You should drink water every now and then.
>His hands are touching his hair now.
>Awww. Anon has a puppy!
>He's now on a walk.
>He's getting robbed.
>Fuck.

It sucks ass bros. I got robbed yesterday like a bitch and all I ever wanted was just a quiet life but they come up and steal my money and amazon gift card.

>>29342604
Well, even retards have to go to school. Someone has to watch them, my man.

>>29347692
You should consider buying a gun for self defense. Also why did you have an Amazon gift card on you?

>>29339812
>he just sits there all day doing nothing
>at fiirst i thought he was sleeping but no, he sits doing nothing, he barely moves at all
>i think i heard him cry a couple times

>>29347722
What if he happens upon a nice pair of shoes in the window of the local Amazon?

>>29347735
Are U me nigga?

>>29341406
Is everyone here just shut in's?

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>I thought he was like most bronies, cause, ya know, he clops, but then out came the Flurryheart and Cake Twin pictures.....

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>>29339812
"oh dear, he's drinking again..."

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>>29349341
Nah bro, n-not even

Shit, t-this board doesn't even take up time for alot of us, with our lives, and gf's.

>>29347850
>Local amazon.
Is this a thing? Like I get it if he had it to give it to a friend or some shit. But do you wonder how much of a clusterfuck a amazon store would be? The mental image alone kills me.

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he has some unusual interests...

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>"will he EVER leave his bedroom?"
>"oh dear hes crying again, poor darling"

>Twiggy Piggy taking detailed field notes on my masturbatory and alternating sedentary and active days

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>You are Fluttershy
>Princess Celestia had entrusted the Anon surveillance mission to you, of all ponies, and you are currently three weeks into it.
>At home and work, Anon seems like a decent guy, if a little bit moody and stressed out.
>Only when he's alone at night, will he finally relax. With a bottle of some sort of alcohol.
>That's when the tears start.
>They don't stop until he finally falls asleep, alone as always.
>His pet cat, confirmed it to you, and was very concerned about him, though she didn't know why he was so upset- only that as long as she had been with Anon, this had been the nightly routine.
"Poor Anon, things will get better soon, I promise."

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>buy I can't seem to figure out what he does for work
>he never leaves his house, and usually stays in just one room for most of the day
>no I'd rather not explain what he does in there

>>29346927
Yep, sounds like her.

>>29339812
>He seems...sad.
>He's always talking about how he's worthless and dumb.
>He tries to play it off like a joke, but I don't think it is.
>Not to himself at least.
>When he's not sad, he's angry.
>It's like he goes out of his way to get himself upset.
>Maybe it's just a cover for more sadness?
>What ever the reason...I'm worried about him.
>No one should be that negative.

>>29341722
Stay strong, brother. I feel you.

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>>29350529
Because I forgot the pic related.

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> “Anonymous wanders his household, with minimal attention to other tenants. Despite this, he attends to the feline pet and their three dogs.”
> “We have found that he is confined to a walking stick, supposedly due to an injury to his left leg.”
> “It is often that he spends his time from afternoon to late morning, pining for the attention of someone whom is not there. It seems like he imagines responses, as we have witnessed coherent, one-sided conversations for hours on end.”
> “He often drinks from a brown bottle, if not multiple, deep within his sorrow for the waning morning hours— this is often accompanied by reading from four notebooks.”
> “Seeing him eat is a rare thing in itself— someone so inherently lithe and ill-seeming hurts us to monitor.”
> “As many bottles as he nurses, he also takes what would usually be an impressive amount of medication.”
> “We have found that Anonymous is a broken being, both physically and mentally. It is depressing to monitor him, in itself; if only to know what happened in his life to render him so jaded.”

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>>29349752

>>29350330
And then Anon fucked the cat

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>>29350330
>>29351464
oh /mlp/!

>>29341480
I too am a humble tard wrangler

>>29352427
Ah, a brother in arms. Alright. That's pretty cool, thought I'd be alone on this one. You're alright, Anon. Hell, I like you. You can come over to my house and fuck my waifu.

I was not ready for these feels.

>>29353472
What made you hurt the most, Anon?

>>29353536
It was all so Relatable.

>>29344329
That sounds pretty accurate in a sad way. I mean it is a kind of sickness.

>>29349675
>local amazon
I never go out so I wouldn't know but it would have been in the media I guess?

>>29351464

>>29350330 here, thanks for the keks, m8

>>29353956
>tfw you wouldn't notice if a new store chain opened up

>>29354510
T.Underage.

>>29355705
Because its edgy?

>>29355765
Yes

>>29355199
The biggest thing to happen to my town in years was a 7/11.

So, am I the only one with a wife and kids here?
Any pony watching me would get bored, or they would comment on the lack of fiber in my diet.

>>29358115
Same

>>29341825

>>29357127

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>Is he ever going to stop playing that video game? He's not even that good at it
>oh and now he's crying. Again. This is the third time!

why do you fuckers cry so much

>>29358853
Because life is pain without having your waifu be real. Oh, and I guess crippling depression and social anxiety might make some people here a bit sad.

>>29358874
crippling depression and social anxiety doesn't make you cry

>>29358881
But Her not being real does.

>>29358822
So much crying?
Why?

>>29356290
4u

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>>29339812
>"Can't he do anything other than masturbating all day?"
>"You'd think it would have fallen off by now."