Closest Object on your right is your only weapon to defend yourself

>My drawing tablet.
I can draw the conclusion she doesn't want to hurt me.

>>28964065
>Right
A school binder
>Left
Coffee mug
Fuck

>>28964065
im laying in bed on my left side
there is literally nothing to my right
fuck

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>>28964065
>Right
A door, and a damn flimsy one at that.
>Left
A Golden Peak™ tea bottle.

Hopefully she'll be nice and put it in top first.

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>>28964065
>Defense
My MTG deck

>Anal annihilation
My biq square wallet.

>mfw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oow-bEiJVuY

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>>28964065
> On my right
A small fan.

> on my left
An office chair

>pic related

>>28964065
>right
Singin' in the rain poster in a large frame. Kinda hefty but it's probably easy to dodge.

>left
Rolling luggage bag as big as I am

Yep. I'm fucked.

Right: a dull katana
Left: an unbrella

>>28964065
What if I don't want to defend myself from Molly?

>>28964065
>Right
Phone
>Left
My full size ATX gaming desktop.

>>28964065
Right: Full roll of toilet roll, alternatively, bleach (Similar distance)
Left: Empty roll of toilet roll

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>right
a random assortment of shit to throw at her
>left
MY BED
>mfw

>SKS

Oh dear.

>>28964065
>Right
Cz75
>Left
Can of Arnold Palmer

I'm feeling confident, but I really hope I don't fuck up.

>>28964117
Hey, me too.

>>28964065
>Mio Energy Wicked Blue Citrus water enhancer bottle.
I can squirt it in her eyes and run away. The citric acid will ensure that her eyes will be burning for quite a while.
>USB hub
That is not going to be fun.

A letter opener
A knife
This can only end with someone being stabbed

>>28964065
>My weapon is a bowl
>The thing being shoved up my ass is my 3DS

Well it could be worse I suppose, at least 3DS is nice and round only problem is it's an XL.

Right: bathtub
Left: toothbrush
For once, reading 4chan on a mobile device while taking a dump pays off.

>>28964065
>right
some clothes i just finished ironing

>left
my deodorant

FEAR THE POWER OF COMFY CLOTHES!!!

>>28964065
Regular knife
Thick blue pencil
It could be worse

>>2896406
The wall to my right and a 7ft book shelf. Kill me now please

>>28964065
HUGE laptop on my right
A cloth for glasses on my left.

idk, I probably don't want to smash my laptop and the cloth is pretty small...

Right: coffee mug
Left: dinner plate
Well, it was nice knowing u

To my right: ironing board
To my left: a random business card

This is the only time I'm replying to one of these threads because holy cow I'm one lucky guy. One of the best defenses in the thread so far, and worst case scenario I can get a papercut up my ass.

>>28964065
that's awkward, because if it were the other way around it would make more sense
on the right is a bottle, on the left is a plate.

>>28964065
sewage pipe for defense, pillow up ass
not too shabby

>>28964065
>right
nearly emty box of flavor blasted goldfish
>left
anal vibrater. nice.

im fucked quick nicely thank you.

Scissors to the right, a pen to the left.
I think I'll let her have her way with me.

>>28964065
All these faggots who actually want to fight her off. Come and get me, Princess.

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>>28964065
>Right

Spike Plush

>Left

Hair brush

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>toilet paper

I guess I'm in for a shitty time

>>28964065
>Right
A wall
>Left
Uni class of almost only guys

Im in for a gang rape it seems.

God damm niggers.

>Right:

small folding knife

>Left:

a roll of blueprints at least 6" in diameter

I'm going for the jugular boys

>>28964065
>A school desk
W-well...
>A school chair
W-WEW...
At least the guy that sits on my left is missing today...

>right
a huge row of pencils and a table as well as a sword
lucky me
>left

a pillow and a plank


well seems I'm safe if molestia comes back.

I have a large crowbar to defend myself from getting a small box of trash shoved up my ass.

>>28964065

Right: a vase

Left: a couch

If I put the vase over her horn, the magic disabling should give me should give me enou tome to >rape and defeat her before she can get it off with slipper hooves

>weapon
small phone
>inserted object
couch

i use the phone to call the police then run like hell

>>28964065
>Right
My TV, nice
>Left
A statue of Buddha, fuck

>right
My phone
>left
...a wall?

Find a bunch of pictures of nasty shit like gore/rotting genitals/etc. Show it to her and hope she doesn't have a fetish for that kind of thing

>right
mouse
>left
fap tissue

Defence: A computer
Obeject I Will Lose My Backdoor Virginity to: A B.C Rich Warlock

>>28964065
A pillow to my right
My room's key to my left
Welp,that ain't as bad as i thought

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>>28964397

>>28964065
>Right: my handkerchief
>Left: my ashtray
Welp

>>28966386
>not having taken it up the arse before
cock in your arse feels 3 times as good as cock in your vagina

>>28964065
>backpack
>but it has my tiny French books today and not my heavy anatomy books

>>28966476
>French books
Absoluement noble

>>28964065
>My right.
>A box of Campbell's Organic soup.

I don't think this is going to end well.

>My left.
>A CRT computer monitor and a sledgehammer.

Now I KNOW this isn't going to end well.

Yeah, I'm fucked like Chuck.

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>>28964065
>Right
Pinkie Pie plush
>Left
Telescope

>>28964065

>Right
bottle of beer
>Left
Chapstick

Meh, I'll drink and let her buttfuck me for a bit.

>>28964065
>Anon valiantly tries to defend himself with a computer mouse.
>It's actually more effective than one might think.
>If swung right, it acts kind of like a flai--oh shit the cord broke.
>"Looks like you just ran out of luck."
"That's what you might think, but I have THIS too!"
>The green man brandishes the wrapper of a protein bar he had recently devoured.
>Molestia only smiles as it is enveloped in a golden haze and floats away from him.
>"You were saying?"
"It was just a prank?"
>And then Anon had to walk around all day with a wrapper up his ass.
>It crinkled whenever he sit and made a horrible noise if a foul wind blew past it.
>Sure, he could just take it out, but Molestia had made a promise to him.
>"If you remove that before the end of the day, the next thing going up your ass will be the bar."
>Gotta know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em.

>>28965678
Do you know how devastating a cut can be in the ass? Not on, but in. We're talking infections that can very quickly lead to death. That is, if you don;t bleed out first because there are a LOT of blood vessels in your digestive tract. You better hope that ironing board is enough to defend you from a magical horse rapist, because otherwise you're going to have a very bad day.

>>28964065
>My cat
Sorry Jacque, use one of those 9 lives maybe?

>Right
Empty beer bottle.
>Left
Empty beer bottle.

I guess we will be circling each other waiting for the right moment to shove a beer bottle up each others ass.

>>28964065
>On my mobile
>right a decorative basket of pumpkins and other gourds
>left the fucking refrigerator

>>28964065
>right: pixel c
>left: pixel xl
Well I guess it could be worse, my medium Tucker is about the same size as my phone anyway.

>>28964065
>Right
My backpack
>Left
Laptop charger
I'm fugged she has magic and shit.

>>28964065
Right: cellphone
So I'm calling for help.
Left: beat headphones
Hopefully they get here before I'm blasting music through my ass.

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>>28964065
Well I'm fucked.

>>28964065
>Right
half a quetip
>Left
vape

i deserve it for being a faggot anyways

>>28967662
Just offer her the cellphone in return for your anal sanctity. Show her how much porn she can view with it. She'll probably let you off the hook.

>>28964065
>Right
A big rock
>Left
A bigger rock

I knew I'd regret having a rock collection one day.

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>>28967803
>Iplying she wouldn't sit on his face while browsing internet, looking for any deviant acts she can perform on him.

>>28967844
Sounds like a sweet deal to me. Let's fuckin do it man.

>>28964065
>right
A random girl on the bus
>left
A backpack

>>28966436
...
Oh don't fucking tell me...

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>>28967810

>>28967857
Should be the other way around.

>>28967906
Mmmm pussy

>>28967906
Oh I'll give her a rock alright * insert Lenny face here *

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>>28964065
Defense: A fat American student

Anal annihilation: A skinny but tall Asian student.

I'm fucked.

>>28967969
Why are you posting during an orgy?

>>28968164
He's in school you undereducated pleb.

>>28964065
>right

A wall

>left

A full roll of toilet paper

Fuck.

>>28964065
>Right
Lube
>Left
Dildo

Looks like this turned into a party.

>>28964065
Right: My Smith & Wesson M&P 40c
Left: a tall floor fan

Good luck sunbut

>>28964065
>Right
Hair brush

>Left
Wash Cloth

I feel pretty safe then why would I turn down sex?

>>28964065
>to the right: air pump
>to the left: stack of paper
Having a bike is something.

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>>28964065
>My dick
woop-dee-fucking-doo I'm set

>>28964065
>On toilet.
She tires to shove a newspaper up my ass. Instead, I shove a plunger up hers. And I'm not putting the handle in first.

I shit you not, she's in for a wild ride.

>an empty TaB can
>an empty TaB can

I may have a problem.

>>28964065
Coffee mug, and a pile of small 6-sided dice with friendly rounded edges.

Sounds like a fun evening.

>>28964065
>my left
>a medical container full of my piss, because I'm in a cast

I think that'll make her want me more...

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>>28964065
Well fuck

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>right: xbone controller
>Left: my mouse
xbone controllers can fucking hurt

>>28964065
> a pack of Camel 99's
Take my sweet boipussy I fucking guess

>>28964065
Why is everyone taking a shit at the same time?

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>>28967454
>>28967065

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>>28969877
>>28969890
hold the fuck up

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>>28969865
>Negates all resistances
You mean all my safety cat images are useless?

>>28964065
>AR-15 on my right.
>Sunset Shimmer Mini on my left.
Whelp.

>>28964065
some dangling network and power cords
>left
nothing but the door to the bathroom
I'm boned

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>>28964065
>Right
My CC gun. Loaded with +p xtream defender.
>Left
A door knob.

I'm okay with my chances.

>>28964065
>ThinkPad T420 to my right
The magnesium rollcage will protect me
>Koss Pro/4AA headphones
I wasn't really prepared for that, nor will my asshole be :(

>>28969865
You're an asshole, and you're getting the largest object you own shoved up your ass.

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>Defense
Cord to charge my phone
>Rape
A plastic jar big enough to deal some serious damage.
>Mfw I attack with the cord and she gets turned on by it

>>28969865
>immunity pets says they can't be negated
Eat shit, faggot. Any nigger who can't count to 3 cannot possibly comprehend the power of immunity cat and immunity dog.

>right
A tiny lamp table thing

>left
A pillow

Welp this will be fun

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Well, at least I'll put up a challenge.

>Right
A plate with a cold peice of pizza on it
>Left
an assortment of pill bottles or my wallet and keys

Maybe she'll like cold pepperoni pizza? Hell, she could take my wallet and car too if she wanted.

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>>28964065
>Right
Steel coffee mug
>Left
200 lose pills of xanax
>Fucked?
yes vary much so

>>28970127
why do you have that much xanax next to you?

>>28970127
i was gonna put them in one bottle so i emptied them on to my desk then got lazy.

>>28970180
i might of had a few.

>Right
A drinking mug. It's quite stout.
>Left
A black sharpie

Who knew being on 4chan would ever be considered training.

>>28964065
>right
A heavy, steel thermos of water. That'd hurt real bad.
>left
A big pillow. R.I.P. Anon's Anus.

>left
Gamecube
>right
Hourglass

I guess thats one way to "pass the time"

>>28970309
hipster/10

>>28964065
>Right
Air freshener

>Left
Air freshener

...I am going to cry now.

>>28964065
>Left
My alarm
>Right
My cum towel

Let's get funky, yo

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>>28967906
Hell yeah, that's fucking awesome.
Thanks m8.

>>28967939
>>28967949
Autism. Pure autism.

Laying in bed right now.
>Right
My cat
>Left
My dog.
fuck.

>>28964065
>Defense
A half-empty can of Surge
>Up my ass
A stuffed penguin

>>28969827
i f*cking love tab!!!

>>28964065
>Right
Pencil case full of pens
>Left
Tag off an old shirt

I'm feeling pretty good about this one

>>28965786
Carlos I swear to god I will find a way to kill you