My Loyal Ponies: Submission Is Mandatory #92

let this thread die and don't post a new one until there's actual fucking content, dipshit

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How long will MrNameless be on hiatus? I loved reading his story

>>28754479
>bumping a death thread
He's been on "hiatus" for almost two years now. He's dead, gone, quit the story a long time ago...as have almost every other writefag.

>>28754495
Damn, I was hoping he actually did something in between these years. I only just came back to /mlp/ today to see what's up.
Do you know how any decent ones that have been released that are lengthy, or still being created?

>>28754512
Proportional Punishment and Broken Bluebird are still ongoing and pretty much our main stories at this point (and were just updated right before the last thread died.. I actually still need to read both..).

Lots of good stuff depending on how long you've been away, mostly by Escapade and Olibird.

>>28754551
I've been away for about 1 year and a half.
Thanks for getting me updated anon.

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>>28752923

I really think we should let this one die, it's barely been anytime since the last thread and both of the writefags just dumped near the end of the last thread so it'll be a long time until there's any content bumps.

>>28756371
Unless some creative person wishes to start a new story.

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>>28756371
Why?

This comes up like every thread. If you don't wanna bump don't, but at long as a few people don't mind keeping it alive.. who cares.

Personally I'm inclined to keep it up at least as long as PP and BB are still going.

If we get to a point where we don't have any active stories then yeah, maybe it's time to let it die for awhile .. but for now I vote status quo.

>both of the writefags just dumped near the end of the last thread

Which left very little time for feedback. I still need to read PP and ideally would be nice if there was a place to post feedback on both.

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>>28736655
When Anon started being nice to Luna, I was afraid he would try to pussy out like he did with Celestia "Noooo I can't abuse her when she's not actively pissing me off!" but Anon did not, and the ending was a both surprising and surprisingly brutal. Loved it!

>what do
First she needs to get a reward for being a good girl (on a side note, I think that Anon calling her "girl" is way more humiliating to her than if he was calling her "slave", so stick to that). I don't remember Anon ever giving her anything to eat or drink, so now would be a good time.

Don't let her talk though. She's way cuter when she can barely to communicate the general idea of what she wants, and has no way to argue or negotiate about the little details. Really underlines her submission and desperation.

After that, well... I still support the idea that Anon should train her to think that the only way she gets to have any social interaction with anyone is by lifting her tail. So put her back in sensory deprivation (without the stress position this time) and tell her that Anon'll come back when he wants to use her again. Maybe promise she'll get to have a visit if she doesn't whine too much. There's so much fun we could have with Anon bringing fake Celestia, and telling Luna she will first have to have sex with him in front of her sister, if she wants him to allow her to actually /see/ her.

Also, I vaguely remember something about Anon promising he wouldn't use Hope as a pillow nor compare her to her mother, and then doing exactly that. So after he's done with Luna, I suggest spending some good family time with her, and doing something she actually likes, preferably without lying or betraying her for once.

>>28756604

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>>28756278

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>>28757815

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>>28758417

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>>28759047

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>>28759518

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>>28762931

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>>28763500

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>>28764678

So are these stories ponies being forced into submission?
Or ponies wanting to be submissive?
My heart is already being torn out by the slave thread so I want to know if I'm in for more heartache

>>28756604
>and the ending was a both surprising and surprisingly brutal. Loved it!
This is why everyone thinks you guys are all underage edgefags.

>>28736587
we can use Luna as leverage against Celestia. Find a way to show her what kind of a fucked place Tatarus is once she's properly obedient. Her testimony will do more to persuade Celly and will add to her feeling of guilt, making her easier to control. She's already shown obvious signs of wanting to punish herself for her past, this just adds to it. You cant ask more than for a pony who thinks she deserves everything that's coming her way.
Hopefully that'll help persuade Cadence to be obedient too.

>>28765570
Mostly the first, but sometimes the latter.

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>>28765170

What pony would you like to see wearing a collar? Maybe I'll draw something, let's say, 9 decides?

Is there any actual new content or do you just endlessly bump your threads starting from post 2 as you wish for someone to magically do the work for you all?

What is the point even?

>>28771902
As is

>>28771879
your oc

>>28771879
Starlight Glimmer

>>28771879
Trixie wearing a collar that has Twilight's cutie mark, offering a collar that looks the same to Starlight Glimmer.

>>28756385
if I could just get off my lazy ass...

>>28771879
you are the 9, so you decide

>>28771879
Starlight Glimmer. Bonus points if she looks really worn out, and the collar says "useless whore" or something like that.

>>28771902
>do you just endlessly bump your threads
Pretty much, yes.

>What is the point even?
We're keeping the bed warm and cozy for whenever the writefags or the artfag decide to show up.

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>>28770727

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>>28773714

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This counts, right?

>>28774995
sure

>>28774995
That disproportionately small torso is weirding me out, she looks like ant... Yay for paddles though!

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>>28774995

page 10 safe

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>>28774299

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>>28780414

>>28781851

Page 8 ain't great.

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>>28781189

>>28784551
Full version does it for me on some weird level..

Just that facial expression..

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>>28784551

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>>28785626

So I promised a repost/response in the next thread.

> The first thing that sets your suspicions tingling is a comm call.
> It comes as you are coasting back down into the atmosphere, another run of new components up to the Obstinance.
> Perhaps more importantly, it comes from Twilight's comm unit.
> Or, the one in Ponyville anyhow.
> Had Twilight somehow managed to slip back in without being noticed?
> If so, for what purpose?
> There's a fair degree of trepidation boiling in your stomach as you reach out and open the comm line.
> It is not the Element of Magic's voice that comes through, however, but Generosity's:
> "Anonymous?"
"Ah, Miss Rarity. Hello - I'm sorry I cannot speak to you face-to-face, but it's something of a bad moment."
> "That is - quite alright, I suppose. Ah, I've been asked to pass on a message to you, however."
"Oh?"
> "Yes, from Princess Celestia via Spike. She asks - Spike, dear, do you have the scroll? Yes, here - she urgently asks if you have been part of any other secret negotiations as of late, particularly regarding Chrysalis or her Changelings."
> Chrysalis?
> What was Celestia doing with that roach now?
> Cadance's warning that Celestia was playing a long game against Chrysalis floats in the back of your head.
> Was this a new step in it?
"...no. I've not heard from Chrysalis as of late."
> Though you cannot hear the scratching of a pen over the shuttle's engines, you're quite certain the little lizard was taking down your words.
"And for that matter, you can add in that if a problem is developing, I'd really rather know about it than be caught by surprise. Put that in, too."
> "...Spike, could you please - yes, thank you."
"Thank you, Miss Rarity. If that is all?"
> "It is, thank you."
> Such a brief conversation, and yet you can't put it out of mind through the rest of the hour-long descent.

>>28787213

> Dash is waiting for you the moment you emerge into the house itself after landing, though, and her presence at least puts some comfort in your mind.
> As long as you were with her and the Obstinance was still in orbit, your safety - your double-measure of security - was still in place.
> Still, though, your mind is not settled.
> And Dash can see it.
> The moment she is close enough, Dash is reared up - one hoof on your chest and the other hovering a short distance from your cheek.
> "Master? What's wrong?"
"Something... is afoot, Dash. Someone else is making a next big move in their plot, and I don't know who yet. And it's... worrying me."
> Her cheek brushes against your leg as she drops down.
> "What's wrong, Sir...?"
"Everyone's playing games."
> Moving further up, you climb the stairs to the second floor - stepping out into the balcony and slumping down against the outside wall.
> Dash is at your side a moment later, cautiously nuzzling into your side.
> After a moment you reach over, scratching between her ears.
"Do you know what the irony is about this, Dash?"
> She doesn't respond, instead laying her head down on your thigh.
"If I were back home, I could figure out exactly what was going on here. It wouldn't be hard. I could reliably expect everyone to be looking out for themselves, and themselves alone. Here - here, everyone's trying to do the 'right' thing. Makes things... complicated."
> "I know what I'll be doing."
"Oh?"
> Dash doesn't raise her head - or even open her eyebrows - apparently enjoying the touch of your fingers while she answers.
> "I"ll be backing you up. That's the right thing for me to do."
> Chuckling softly, you run a hand along her muzzle.
"At least there's one soul on this planet looking out for me."
> Lapsing into silence, you're caught off-guard when Dash suddenly raises her head.
> "Master - you have to let me go talk to Celestia."
> Your brows knit, a small frown creeping on to your face.
"This again, Dash?"

>>28787217

> "I - I know you told me no-"
> And there is real fear flickering in her eyes at the prospect of violating your orders.
> "-but please: I am the only pony in the world that she'll listen to."
> Dash pauses; when no punishment or rebuke is immediately forthcoming, she goes on:
> "Let me go to Canterlot. I - Twilight's insistent about planning everything. She wouldn't plan anything without a way to contact home; if I go there she'll hear about it, and-"
"You're awfully eager to leave me, Dash."
> The fire within her fades, her entire body seeming to deflate at the remark.
> "I - I didn't..."
"I know you don't mean to run away. You had your chance at that... but I'm curious. You were so worried about my leaving; why are you so eager go from me now?"
> After a moment Dash lifts her eyes to meet yours again, and in those eyes you see an ironclad determination:
> "Because I know that if I do go, I won't ever stop trying to come back. I'm ready to fight - to do anything - to get back here!"
> You chuckle gently.
"Would you fly a shuttle to get back to me?"
> "I-"
> Dash halts, her muzzle wrinkling in a little scrunch that brings a grin.
> "That's no fair! I don't have any idea of how to fly one of those."
"I know."
> Leaning over, you rest your cheek against Dash's mane.
> When you lean back, she follows - leaning up against you to tuck her head into your shoulder.
> A moment later, she adds more softly:
> "But I'd fly for you. Y'know, with my own wings."
"Would you?"
> "Uh-huh. Absolutely. I'd fly the whole Equestria - nopony could catch me!"
> Her body language betrays no strong confidence, no sense of the cocksure flyer she'd once been.
> But her voice, though...
> There is an ironclad absoluteness, an immutable certainty.
"You would, wouldn't you? And you could find your way back too."
> Drawing the compass-watch still anchored to her collar, you tap the button on the back - causing the hands to swirl around.

>>28787226
> Red to home, blue to you, yellow as the compass needle.
> Dash tips her head down to watch it as well, nodding.
> "Yeah... I'd get back. Somehow, I know I'd get back."
> In the past, you'd have suspected this to be a ploy by Dash to get you to allow her free.
> Now, though, you knew she was being truthful.
"You want to?"
> "Want to what?"
> She doesn't understand.
> It's not sarcasm; you've denied her flight for so long that she can't even imagine you'd be offering it to her now.
"Fly. For me."
> Dash pulls her head from beneath your chin, peering up with eyebrows knitted.
> "What, you mean like in the house?"
"No. Here - outside, right now. Just fly around a bit. You want to? I know you won't try and flee on me."
> "..."
> Mind trickling slowly towards realization, Dash opens and closes her mouth fish-like as she struggles to comprehend your question.
> "...you mean it?"
"No tricks, no catches. Just come back to me at the end."
> "You..."
> Tears glimmer in the corners of her eyes, wings making an excited little shimmy.
> Shifting to kneel on one knee, you turn her to face the hills surrounding your home.
"Go on, Dash. Enjoy yourself. At this far... you've earned it."
> An ecstatic grin on her face, Dash steps the edge.
> Her wings spread, tail flicking as she prepares herself.
> One hoof rizes, body dropping into a crouch; her wings make a couple initial beats, and then-
> She stops.
> "I... can't."
"Don't worry about me, Dash."
> Reaching out, you place a soft hand on her rump.
"I'm not going to stop you."
> "I-It's not you..."
> Dash crumples back to the balcony floor, wings laid flat out to either side of her.
> "I can't. I just can't... I'm..."
> She trails off, as if unable to ever admit it - incapable of coming to terms with the fact that the offer she'd just made couldn't be fulfilled.
> With being barred off from her most basic nature.
> Seating yourself again, you give a small, low tug on her collar that brings Dash back to your lap.

>>28787233
> There she collapses, draping herself limply over you.
> "I'm sorry, Master. You asked me to, and I..."
"It's okay, Dash. I didn't ask, I offered."
> Lightly rubbing her back, you can't help but take notice of the strongly-corded muscles just beneath her skin.
> Dash had certainly kept herself fit even in the depths of her captivity, so it wasn't for fear of being unable to perform that stilled her wings.
> Nor had she shown any sign of hesitation when you'd told her to be ready to flee Fillydelphia if anything had been tried there.
> Perhaps that was the difference?
> Was it that she was lacking a reason, a purpose for flying?
> Certainly you'd stripped away the self-confidence and drive that'd once fueled her.
> Maybe then-
> A comm line's ping pulls you from your rumination.
> The comp pad is flashing - another incoming call.
> Twilight's comm unit again.
> Yet when you open the line, this time with full video, it is not Twilight or even any of the other elements that greets you.
> Celestia's visage - worn and downcast, as if a tremendous weight had suddenly been laid on her - fills the screen.
> You're unable to prevent your eyebrows from rising.
"Your Highness?"
> "Anonymous, I..."
> She glances to the side for just a split second.
> Something flickers in her eyes, but it dies in an instant.
> "...I need your help. Desperately. Immediately."
> Her tone is subdued, cracking.
> Rising, you turn and head for your downstairs office - Dash close on your heels.
"Explain."
> "I have made an - an awful mistake. Your drones - they reached Fillydelphia quickly, yes?"
> Your eyebrows knit.
> Couldn't she have asked the mayor that?
"Yes, reasonably quickly."
> Faster than merely 'quickly' - they'd pushed themselves to sustained cruise speeds that no pony could hope to match, barring teleportation.
> "Could they reach Cloudsdale, in the same time?"
> What?
"At this point, Your Highness, I must ask what is going -"

>>28787247
> "There is no time for talk! Chrysalis has betrayed her agreement. I expected this, but - listen, every moment we speak my ponies are at risk. As much as we have argued, as deeply as we are divided - I see I must call on your aid now. I need your drone weapons, Anonymous."
> It is a trap.
> It is almost certainly a trap.
> It has to be a trap.
> There is no reason for it to be anything but a trap.
"No. You declare me a criminal, persona non grata in Equestria, force me to fight tooth and claw for every victory and every inch I claim from you - then land begging at my feet for my drones to come assist you? I expected something better of you than this obvious ruse, frankly."
> Your hand is halfway to turning the screen off when she cries out:
> "Please, Anonymous! I am begging you - please!"
> Why are you hesitating?
> The whole thing is blindly clear.
> But, at the same time...
> Celestia had done many things before, but never outright begged for your assistance.
> Could you make use of this?
> Evade her inevitable trap?
"Explain."
> "I... gambled that Chrysalis would act on her hatred of my niece, attack the Crystal Empire where my forces would be prepared and ready to meet her. I was wrong."
> Celestia's head falls again, wings drooping and mane even seeming to flow flatter.
> "She's less impulsive than I realized. Chrysalis has lead her army - fresh, fed, and rested from months feeding on the Crystal Heart as part of their accord - south, to Cloudsdale. The guard there - I depleted it, moving them off to hidden garrisons around the Crysal Empire."
"So move them back south."
> "It will be too late!"
> Gaze snapping up, the first glimmers of tears appear in the corners of Celestia's eyes.
> "The city will be taken, the ponies who live their bent and mesmerized to serve the Changelings, new fortifications built - she does not need to hold the city forever, Anonymous! Just long enough to withhold our weather until we starve!"

>>28787266

> That was right - Cloudsdale did hold most of Equestria's weather production, didn't it?
> You'd never totally understood the arcane mechanics behind their harnessing the atmosphere itself, but the implications were clear enough.
> Seeing the understanding in your eyes, Celestia goes on:
> "She may even coerce the pegasi there into sending ponies out rogue storms to ruin our crops."
"And you somehow don't think you can take it back?"
> "Chrysalis knows my weakness now, Anonymous. She will play on my reluctance to put my captive ponies in danger. And I do not think she will hesitate for a second to drain them beyond recovery if she thinks the city is lost!"
> Of course.
> Hostages - the very same tactic you'd been keeping Celestia from turning your own home into a pool of bubbling lava.
> How ironic you'd possibly given Chrysalis the key to launching her own attack.
"So you want my drones to attack the city instead."
> "I want your drones to defend the city, Anonymous. There are still precious hours left until she arrives. It will be days for me to mobilize the Royal Guard in sufficient force to head off her swarm - but your drones, they can be there in hours!"
"You're asking me a tremendous risk, Celestia. You're going to have to do better than just saying please. I'm going to bring the Obstinance into a closer orbit, do a reconnaisance pass to check for this swarm. If you're telling the truth-"
> "You will see the swarm, Anonymous, but by then it will be too late! By the time you can bring it around and then launch your drones-"
> Abruptly Dash appears - launching herself in a cat-like leap to land perched on an arm of your chair.
> One hoof drops to the seat to steady herself, but another rises to point at the screen.
> "Promise me. Swear to me - no tricks, no traps, no spies. Swear to me that you're not trying to do anything. Because if you do, if you try and get at Anonymous-"

>>28787277
"I swear, Rainbow Dash. As Princess of Equestria, by my throne and the sun I bear, I swear to you that there is no ill will in this request. I swear no soldier, prince, or princess of Equestria use misuse this."
> The solidity and dedication in her voice - a stark contrast to the shakiness she'd shown when speaking to you - seems to satisfy Dash.
> She nods, looking up to you.
> "...I think the Princess means it, Master."
"Hmm."
> Rubbing your chin, you struggle to hide the feelings churning in your stomach.
> It was, even with that oath, a staggering risk.
> Just because Celestia swore her honest didn't mean no one else would exploit the opportunity.
> But on the other hand - a faked crisis had won you Fillydelphia.
> A real one could win you all of Equestria's respect.
> "Anonymous-"
"I am bringing the Obstinance into a lower orbit anyhow. If you try anything-"
> "I swear it to you, Anonymous - on my sister's life, if that will satisfy you."
"The drones will be there. Expect a few hours' travel time to reach Cloudsdale."
> Bowing her head, Celestia sweeps into a bow - an unabashed, unashamed bow of, as best you can tell, genuine gratitude.
> "Thank you, Anonymous. Thank you... I know we've hardly been in a position to earn your trust, but from the depths of my heart I thank you."
"Thank me when this is done."
> You're barely paying attention, already vectoring your drones to begin launch activities.
> A few had been on standbye already, but most would take a few minute to prepare and depart.
> Somewhere far above, too, the Obstinance would be firing its engines - swinging itself into a closer, proximal orbit.
> Just in case, you set a shuttle to begin preparing as well.
> "I - I will. I am going to see to the guard's readiness; they will still need to prepare to face the swarm as well."
"Understood. I recommend you remain close to where you are, or take the comm unit with you. I will send a message when the drones are nearing Cloudsdale."

>>28787298
> Celestia does not reply, shutting the device off.
> On some level, you can't help but feel a slight twinge of satisfaction.
> For all she had fought with you, seeing Celestia bowed and pleading was a deeply welcome sight.
> A vindication, at last.
> Yet, you cannot silence the whispers at the back of your mind warning for traps.
> Nor would you; those instincts had kept you up for far too long.
> Picking nervously at the stubble on your chin, you hiss softly.
> If it was a trap, what could she be getting at...?
> The Princesses were hours north in Ponyville or Canterlot, even by their incredible flight, and heading only further north.
> Even should she betray you and attack the drones, it would be hours before she could arrive here - and the remaining lesser drones would hold the Royal Guard at bay.
> Not to mention you still had your ace in the hole in the form of the Obstinance.
> Twilight could not touch it - the force she had exerted would require the powers of many alicorns working together.
> Switching to an external view, you watch the drones taking off now - quartets leaping into the distant sky, sonic booms cracking in the distance as they accelerated to cruise speed.
> "Master...?"
> Ah, Dash.
> You'd almost forgotten her.
> It seemed bizarre enough that you could - especially as she was still reared up halfway onto your seat.
"Hey, Dash. Thank you for that."
> "You're welcome, master. Um, though - should we be staying here if it's really that risky...?"
"Perhaps not. But, the fabrication equipment in the tunnel works below is simply worth too much. If she comes for it, I'll be forced to commit the Obstinance's warheads... and then I won't have anything left to hold over her. She'd come for me anyhow, wherever I set down next. It's here, or nowhere."
> Dash doesn't look satisfied by that, and you offer her a reassuring smile - running your hand through the coat over her chest.

>>28787303

"Don't think I'm dismissing your idea. It's a measure of how much you've grown that you even suggest that, Dash."
> "I... thank you."
"I'm serious. From the pony who impulsively leapt out to attack me, to this?"
> "I've..."
> Her head ducks, words mumbled softly.
> "That didn't exactly work out real well, did it? I've had to face that every day since then."
"Hmm."

--------

> To say that waiting for the drones to make the trip was nerve-wracking was an understatement.
> Some fifty minutes in, though, the Obstinance had made its first pass overhead.
> The data transmitted from its radar at least verified that there was a very, very large mass of pony-sized objects making a beeline south for Cloudsdale.
> That, in turn, was repeated as it crept around in a second orbit some ninety minutes later.
> For whatever reason, Chrysalis had decided to make her move.
> Why was beyond you - surely she had to understand that you couldn't afford to let her take this victory.
> A land ruled by Changelings would be, from rumors you'd heard and scraps of evidence seen, utterly unsuitable for your business.
> What did she possibly hope to gain from this...?
> You'd left a trio of messages on the comm unit you'd sent to her, demanding an explanation in the strongest terms you could muster.
> Of course, there'd been no response.
> She'd probably left the comm unit in her abandoned new hive.
> As the Obstinance slips away, carried off by its orbital path, the familiar nervousness returns.
> It'd be slightly over an hour before you could get any kind of information feed again.
> When at last the first streams of data come in from the drones themselves, you spit a low curse at what they depict.
> The Changelings had already reached the outskirts of the city, a roiling cloud of black chitin that seems to move like a single living thing.

>>28787307
> Already their swarm had broken into smaller clusters that were skirmishing with - and overwhelming - the few groups of ponies from city's guard who'd taken flight to oppose them.
> Quickly you shoot out a new message to Celestia, but she had apparently set out herself as no one answers Twilight's comm unit.
> Your drones waste no time waiting for a reply, diving straight into a first pass with their weapons chattering.
> Dozens of black-shelled forms tumble from the sky, and the swarm scatters - erupting, as one, with emerald flame as they took on disguises.
> Yet they were wary too.
> Falling back in the face of the casualties even that first pass had handed them, the Changelings fail to charge the city - fail to allow themselves to mix with the ponies, to exploit their shifted bodies in any way that might have protect them from your drones.
> Instead the regroup, pulling back at a distance and forming as a cluster while your drones circle for another attack.
> In that time, the chimed tone of an incoming comms call pulls your attention:
> Twilight's unit, which probably meant it was from Celestia.
> Sure enough, the solar alicorn fills the camera; yet, her appearance is a far reach from the desperate, bedraggled appearance she'd held the last time you saw her.
> Instead she is now clad in gleaming golden armor from head to hoof; clouds drift in the background.
> "Anonymous! I am on my way with the first of the Royal Guard. Are your drones-"
"Already there and fighting."
> "And the city's guards-"
"I've set them to not attack the ponies, but if those Changelings can mix with them-"
> Precious moments had already been lost as they set up their second attack run.
> In those few seconds, the Changelings had come to the same conclusion you had - that the only way to survive was to scatter themselves among the ponies regardless of what it cost them.

>>28787314
> As a single, desperate formation they charged the city, heedless of the beleaguered Royal Guards that grappled and tore individual Changelings from the sky.
> Somewhere in the background Celestia was chanting a whispered 'thankyou', but it is barely registered with how narrow your focus is.
> Another oath flies from your lips - Celestia winces at the language, but you barely notice - and you adjust the drones' course.
> The only way to stop them from reaching the city would be to put your drones straight in their path - try to make them hestitate and fall again.
> And so the drones do so, skimming so close to the city's edge that some of the clouds which form it evaporate like the ephemeral vapor they are under the drones' fusion-heated thruster exhaust.
> Spinning, thrusters firing wildly, they turn their tails to the city and take aim -
> And all at once the Cloudsdale seems to erupt, clouds disintegrating as they burst open to hurl hundreds, perhaps even thousands of golden-armored forms skyward.
> The Royal Guard - Celestia's reinforcements, supposedly so many miles away in the north.
> You freeze, paralyzed by the shock of the eruption.
> How had they not been detected - some kind of ward, or illusion that the drones could not see through?
> Dash is screaming, but the thunder in your ears overwhelms her words.
> Time flows in a sluggish haze; you're only able to watch as the drones - oblivious to the rising threat, programmed specifically to not attack royal guard - ignore the rising forms.
> For a moment your imagination is filled with images of the drones being torn from the sky by lances of magic, but the Guard, too, ignores the drones - charging out to meet the Changelings head on.
> When they are but a few short tens of meters away, again the swarm is consumed by emerald flame.
> This time what emerges from it is a cloud of yet more Royal Guard - false, obviously.

>>28787320
> Yet instead of the expected bloodbath, the true guards turn on a dime and - Pegasi, chariots, and all - converge into a single shifting mass that lurches towards the city.
> And towards your drones.
> Only then does the meaning of this plan become clear to you, as your worst visions become reality:
> The drones, unable to distinguish between friend and foe as the two forces mixed, had dumbly ceased functioning - cruising straight, slow, and steady; awaiting new orders from a human operator.
> No doubt a deliberate choice by whoever had originally coded the things' AI - a way to prevent them from mindlessly gunning down innocents a target might flee into.
> But a fatal one now as it left them perfect targets as the combined force tears into them with magic and pegasus-storm and chitinous hoof.
> The efforts must surely be taxing the users to their limits, but that is a small cost to pay for the savaging they inflict on the drones' ranks.
> Even as the magical fields sputter and flare before collapsing out and a handful more limp forms tumble from the sky, they do their job:
> Shearing wings and crumpling fuselages where the drones plow through them.
> Signal lost, signal lost, signal lost - one after another the drones' lines go silent.
> Of all the possible traps and snares you'd imagined Celestia inventing for you, never once had you considered the possibility of Chyrsalis' cooperation.
> The hatred ran far too deep, every word the Changeling monarch spoke of the ponies' leadership dripping in vitriol and disgust.
> Or so you'd thought, anyhow.
> And at last you regain control of yourself, adrenaline sending your heart into a wildly thumping overdrive.
> Words - curses, questions, incoherent bellows of rage - fill your throat, ready to be unleashed.
> Ultimately, however, only one rises to be screamed from your lips.
> The name of the one creature that could be responsible for this, bellowed out as equal parts swear and challenge:
"Celestia!"

>>28787329
Feedback and stuff now:

>>28726067
>And for celestia to betray dash in such a way...
Implying any of this is as simple as it seems

>>28726015
> Oh boy is this where Anon turns the drone's to attack everything or gets them to self destruct causing untold damage to the royal guard and changelings or will he swing it the political way "Celestia joins changelings to attack national hero".
> Or will Anon snap and we end up with the bad/MAD end where Equestria is left as a wasteland due to bombardment, Anon is dead/captures and Dash is a broken husk due to the previous death/capture of Anon.
The answer is close, but none of these.

>>28726036
>That act might have been fake but the desperation is real. The size of this deception is insane. It could have gone so wrong for Celestia. Anon's drones could have managed to kill the guard and changelings or the changelings could have pulled a double cross. What the hell did Celestia promise Chrysalis to basically leave her subjects at the mercy of Anon's drones even for a little bit? All of this just to get at one short-tempered man with warheads? I wonder if Twilight is cooperating with this plan. Forget winning over Dash now.

Yes, it's rather surprising for Celestia to risk those lives on what seemed to have been a stable situation, isn't it? Hint hint.

>>28731747
>In the middle i assumed that celestia faked the attack and dressed up a few guards to lurk away the drones and attack anon.
...and now I realize this would have made infinitely more sense than what really is happening. Oh well, here we go!

>>28787329
>inb4 crysalis disguised as celestia to make it look like anon was attacking cloudsdale

And dash is betraying anon

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>>28786378

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>>28788496

>>28755724

>>28789805

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>>28790508

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>>28789035

>>28791372

Don't have my pic collection with me to include, unfortunately.

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>>28792544

>>28787329
The entire premise of this story is unbelievably retarded.

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>>28795189

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>>28795859

>>28796414
this

>>28797415

>>28795220
Can you clarify? I'm not pissed, just curious - I'm always looking to know what people find wrong with it/how to improve.

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>>28797024

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>>28799256

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>>28800869

Boop.

>>28802003
Boop Nr.2

>>28802753
3!

PAGE 10 EMERGENCY BUMP!

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>>28801404

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>>28771879
>>28772095
>>28772403
>>28773140
>>28773122
No 9s but the majority says Starlight, sorry for the late delivery but I've just been so hooked on Titanfall 2.

Have you read some of the new BDSM-centric stories that popped up on Fimfiction? Any thoughts?

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/352169/teachers-pet
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/352059/sweet-apple-disciplinehttp://www.fimfiction.net/story/352191/a-bit-of-roleplay

>>28806939
thank you, that looks great

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>>28806939
Coloured.

>>28806939
>>28808052
Yessss... this will do very nicely. Thank you.

>>28808052
now I can fap in peace

>>28808052
>Write up post asking for colored version
>Forget to hit the post button
>Colored version appears 10 minutes later
Are you psychic?

Anyway, that's some top unf work right there. I'm not a fan of Glimglam, and I'd still wreck her right here. There's just the right balance of reluctance and shame on her face, but her horn isn't suppressed and she's unbound so it's obviously very much consensual. Only thing that looks a little weird is the complete lack of nostrils. I know it's something that you don't normally include in your style and most of the time I don't even notice it, but this time it just seems a bit off.

As an aside, I love how you put little fuzzy tufts on your ponies. I don't know why, but it makes them adorable even as the situations they find themselves in are hot as hell.

>>28809034

>>28809868
9 again?

>>28810622
yes

>>28811490
hmmmm

>>28808052
Yes!!

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>>28806154

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>>28813112

Anything else anyone wants drawn? Just throw ideas at me, no guarantee on any draws.

>>28814223
some intense bondage with a totally helpless mare, doesn't need to be >rape

>>28814223
What I'd love to see drawn the most is some scene from PP or BB.

>>28813112
>>28814223
Aryanne dresses as a maid

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>>28813776

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>>28816190

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>>28816894

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>>28752923
>"Come on Anon, you know I'm good for it, just lend me the bits!"
>The blue mare pleaded as she leaped across the table to grab your coat.
"I just do not believe that giving you a loan would be within the best interests of Equestrian National.
>"Not within the best interests of the bank, or not within your interests?"
>"hmph!"
>She pouted as she released her grip and sat back into her seat.
>Crossing her arms and looking away.
>You always hated these kinds of clients.
>They always felt like you owed them something.
>But you always used your classic go-to line whenever that came up.
"It is the duty of the crown to ensure the wellbeing of its citizens, as it is my duty to ensure the wellbeing of Equestrian National."
>You fix your glasses
"Perhaps you should take your problem up with Equestrian Urban development and simply default on your loan for the home."
>"You mean declare bankruptcy? Anon! That would ruin me! I'd be the biggest loser in all of Ponyville!"
"Well, we are not charity, we are a for-profit institution that is very much in the business of profit..."
"let's be frank, this meeting is a formality. Had you not been an element of harmony, you'd be talking to a low-level banker."
>She begins to tear up.
"And he'd be telling you the exact same thing I'm telling you now."
>"Please Anon, there has to be something you can do."
>She said, beginning to cry.
>"I'm....I'm desperate here...."
>That's what you were hoping to hear.
>You pull from your desk, a dusty old tome, with broad golden text across the front reading.
>Ye old Equestrian Laws.
"Well...there is something you could do for me personally, and perhaps I might be willing to buy the loan myself from the Peguese Union."
>"R-Really?"
>She muttered only half assured
>You flip through the pages and push the book towards her
>Pointing directly at a page in the book.
"Civil Code Section 22.2, if you'd be so kind and read it aloud for me?"
"You can read can't you?"

>>28818295
>"Y-yea, I can...it says..."
>"Should an Equestrian citizen, be they of equine, minotaur or other decent, have the legal and freely given consent of the party involved, that party not needing to be of Equestrian citizenry, then they may issue a legally binding contract with aforementioned person that puts them fully indisposed to the contractor until a specified time so long as compensation of some kind is provided."
>You pull the book away from her
"Yes, yes, yes, and the contractor can terminate the contract at anytime yadda yadda yadda.."
>You say as you place the book into your desk and pull a pen and paper from your desk
>And begin to scribble away at it.
"Now, what does that mean to you?"
>"I...I don't know..."
"Of course you don't, your an idiot, but luckily for you I'm not."
>You finish up your last sentence on the paper.
>And pass the paper to her with the pen.
"Now, if you really want to save your home, you'll read this and sign it."
>"I-I don't know Anon...this is all kind of happening very fast."
"Fine"
>You begin to pull the paper away.
>"W-wait!"
>"I'll sign it give it here!"
>She said as she frantically grabbed the paper and scribbled away her name on the dotted line.
>You examine the paper once more and place it into your desk
>And extend your hand to Rainbow Dash.
"Congratulations Rainbow Dash, you are now under my employ for the next ten years."
>"WHAT?!?!"
"Well I mean you did read the law, and you did sign the paper, your now an indentured servant."
>"I-I didn't read the paper, I didn't know what I was signing honest!"
"But you did read the law didn't you?"
>"But I didn't understand it!"
"Nowhere in the civic code does it say that you must understand it, only that you willingly sign the contract."
>"Y-you tricked me!"
"No I didn't, I only said I'd pay your debt in exchange for ten years of unpaid labor, of which I would provide home and sustenance on the contract."
"You chose not to read it, and you chose to willingly sign it."

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>>28818488
>You press a button hidden beneath your desk
>"You can't do this Anon! It isn't right!"
"It's already done."
>"I won't honor it then."
"Then I'll have you thrown in prison and sue you for violating a legally binding contract."
>The once defeated mare is now enraged
>And she begins to climb your desk to lunge at you.
>"Give me the contract you dweeb!"
>As she begins to jump at you, she is slammed onto your desk by two stallions. Both wearing your corporate blue security guard outfits
>She struggles violently swinging her hooves at the guards.
>"I have rights Anon, this is assault!"
"Not only is this not assault, but even if it was, you've been stripped of your rights by me."
>You lean back into your chair
"I can do whatever I want to you."
>"Buck you Anon you greedy little troll!"
"Put her in the back, we'll have a heart to heart later when she's calmed down."
>Your guards drag her from the room and she curses your name.
"Oh and Rainbow Dash!"
>She glares at you as your guards hold her at the door.
"I'll purchase the debt on your home right now. Wouldn't want to be in breach of my contract after all."
>You wave the guards away and you begin to write another letter....

>>28818595
Well this is new and more definitely welcome!

Bring on the rape!

>>28818757
I will continue....but I have too do some work first.

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>>28818595
>Hours come and hours pass
>And you have your secretary carry your day to day letters to the post office, that and the newly signed contract with Rainbow Dash.
>It was a busy day.
>But you got a very precious pawn for this game of chess you were playing.
>You check the clock in your office and see the time to be around 10pm-ish.
>Another late night.
>You worked hard for these miserable creatures.
>These undeserving self-righteous wretches...always expecting handouts....
>But your getting lost in thought again.
>You leave your office and enter "the back room"
>To see Rainbow Dash, locked in a cell and being watched by a withered old guard.
>He's dozed off and she still shakes the cell door hoping in vain to break free.
"Shake it some more, I'm sure you'll break it this time."
>She stops and turns her attention to you.
>"Let me go, this is kidnapping!"
"No it isn't, I'm detaining my violent servant. It is within my right."
>You say as you walk towards the sleeping guard
>You tap him on the shoulder
"Why don't you call my carriage driver, and head home."
>"R-Really Mr. Anon, but...who will guard the bank?"
"Oh we'll survive one night without a watchmen."
>You say as you help the tired old stallion to his feet.
"Your getting old Sammy, you outta retire. Spend more time with your grand foals."
>"Oh, after everything you've done for me, the least I could do is stay on the payroll."
>You place your hand on his shoulder
"You're a good guard Sammy, you've been here since the beginning, I hope you'll stay with us for many more years."
>He smiles at this and you respond
"Now go get my fucking carriage and go home, that was an order."
>"Oh, r-right away Mr.Anon!"
>He scampers out of the room.
>And you lock the door.
>You grab a chair and pull it up in front of Rainbow Dash's cell and sit on it.
>She glares at you, and you stare back unblinking.

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>>28819498
>"You gonna say something?"
>You pause for a moment longer.
"You ever love someone?"
>You stand and walk towards the cell
"I mean like really love someone?"
>You place your arms on the cell door, elbows just above your head and lean into the bars till your face to face with her.
"So much that you can barely breath when you're around them?"
>"Is this the part where you tell me you have crush on me?"
>You slip your arms between the bars and grab her head.
>Then slam her face into the bars.
>"Ahhh!"
>She screamed as she fell back in pain.
>You open the cell door and enter.
>She regained her composer and yells
>"You little twerp!"
>As she flew towards you
>But you plant your fist into her muzzle midflight.
>Effectivly close lining her from the air.
>Her body slams onto the cold hard concrete floor.
>And you get on top of her
>She flails her hooves at you and you slap them aside and pin them.
"Do you have any idea how that feels?"
>"W-what are you doing?"
"When they stay in your mind and become an itch you just can't scratch?"
"It can be just so frustrating!"
>You say as you punch her on her side
>She wheezes
"Day in and day out to see her come and go."
>"C-calm down Anon, I-I didn't do anything!"
>She stuttered
>You exhale and look into her eyes
>They're full of terror and she's too scared to maintain eye contact.
"No...no I guess you didn't."
>You lean on to her, bringing your face closer to hers
>She turns away, her eyes beginning to tear up.
>and she starts to shake
"You ever take a ride in a carriage before?"
>"N~na, na"
>You slap her
"Out with it."
>"No."
"No what?"
>"No sir."
"Good..."
>You grab her by the scruff of her neck
>and shove her out of the cell.
>Your carriage driver wait just outside
>Door open
>You force her into your carriage
>And enter
>Then leave into the night.
>You say nothing to her the entire ride and just stare out the window.
>And she does her best to sit as far away from you as possible.

>>28819765
The plot is kinda simple, but it's not a problem, as it brings us quickly to the part of the story that we really want to see. I did enjoy the lawyer talk at the beginning. Anon actually /doing/ bakery stuff makes him different from all the other generic richfag-Anons, and I hope to see more of ti int he future.

>"You can read can't you?"
>"Shake it some more, I'm sure you'll break it this time."
I like the snarky, irritating behavior. But overall I'm confused with what Anon's personality is. At point it looked like he is a shady businessman, but at the end, cursing at the loyal employee, beating dash even though he knows that his carriage driver will see her in a moment...It's like he completely lost any kind of self-control. It doesn't feel right.

I would enjoy a sociopath anon that is a snarky businessman by day, and a violent rapist in the secrecy of his basement. But I'd really expect him to be GOOD at hiding that stuff. How else would he make it so far in his career? Right now he does what the plot needs him to do, rather than the plot revolving around the choices his character makes. That's not a good thing.

Dash is a solid choice for a pony, and she's par for the course. Brash, careless, breaks easily... maybe add a bit more snarkines of her own but otherwise, I don't have anything to complain about.

Overall, I'm glad to see a new writefag pop up. The story has problems with the details, but it's going the right direction. And I can't wait to see what I assume will be Anon's mansion with a slave-ready dungeon in the basement. (Though a penthouse and couple chains would do the job as well.)

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>>28817466

>>28819498
I meant to respond to this last night, but forgot - which kind of turned out to be a good thing since you answered a ton of my questions with later posts.

So, we've finally got a bit of characterization for him. I get the feeling this is a man on the very edge of self-control - standing on the tipping point where he finally snaps and acts violent towards those around him after keeping it down for so long. I'm hoping to see a bit more of that, especially depending on exactly how much Rainbow turns out to resist him.

I'm actually curious just how violent Anonymous is going to be here. Like, if he is actually that obsessed with Rainbow, might he actually only resort to violence as a last measure and treat her 'lovingly' (but still like a pet or slave, rather than a lover). Or she might be the thing that kicks him past his limit and gets him to resort to open violence... I wonder how that'd affect his thoughts?

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>>28820857

>>28820157
>>28821489
I love honest criticism, and I'm glad you guys gave it. It helps me consider how to move forward.

One of you has Anon half right. He is a business man and some other details but....Who said Anon cared about Dash?

I'll continue later tonight.

>>28822553
>That spoiler
Oooooo. Now you've got me interested.

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>>28822160

>>28823418

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>>28823941

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>>28825564

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I didn't think Silfoe did lewds anymore, but then I ran across this.

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>>28826216

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>>28827745

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>>28828134

>>28755724

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>>28828332

>>28755724

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>>28829386

>>28755724

>>28755724

ohh shit bump

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>>28830606

>>28822553
A-Are you still there, writefag?

>>28834108
Yes but i'm really bad at keeping up with shit. I have a little written but I should really edit it and continue adding to it before posting.

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>>28833603

Meep bump

a story from the starlight glimmer thread that might fit here: http://pastebin.com/qsArUNJn
doesn't contain abuse if you are worried

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>>28835625

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>>28836800

>>28752923
Who is that in the OP, and why is her tongue out?

>>28838235
>Who is that
An OC. Name is 'Mona' judging by the DB tags.
>and why is her tongue out
Because uncensored version makes sense.

>>28838764

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>>28837473

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>>28840618

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>>28840618

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>>28842546

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>>28843130

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>>28843928

>>28847727
>>28842546

Okay picture question time:
What would you string up your pegapet as a
Reward for them so they can enjoy some sexy time on their own.
As a punishment sexually as part of hatesex
As an actual punishment for doing something genuinely wrong IE chains, thorns, itching plants around the wings sort of stuff while in a public shaming square, actual criminal punishment stuff.

>>28841708

Figures she would be right at home in slavery.

>>28829386

What's the comic called?

>>28847785
>Reward for them so they can enjoy some sexy time on their own.
I have a massive chastity fetish, so this one is simply not happening, ever.

>As a punishment sexually as part of hatesex
I'd use a remote controlled vibrator and make them perform their tasks as usual. Then punish all their mistakes they make because of the distraction, with slaps and spankings.

>As an actual punishment for doing something genuinely wrong
Not very intense, but extremely long punishment (tabasco on genitals, bastinado, electro shocks), combined with bondage furniture. To give them nothing else to do than to feel their punishment, and let them realize how much they miss their regular enslavement experience.

>>28847785
Is this asking for which one we'd prefer, or submitting ideas for each category?

>>28848359
>I have a massive chastity fetish, so this one is simply not happening, ever.
>slaps and spankings
>nothing else to do than to feel their punishment

you got some pretty good unf's there

>>28848845
Each category.

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>>28847727

>>28847846
It's not a comic. There's just one extra page. https://derpibooru.org/1249401

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>>28849389

>>28848881
Ah, in that case...

>>28847785
>Pegapet
Best pet!

>Reward for them so they can enjoy some sexy time on their own.
Boy, she must've done something really good to earn some fun without me involved. Doesn't mean she's going to have it easy, though; I'm always a fan of of leave them seated on something that denies them the ability to get away. She'll have all the sexy time they can handle and more, denied every sense except for the toys in her driving orgasm after orgasm to through her body until her mind is nothing but a haze of overstimulated pleasure.

You know what else they don't get? Their wings - those are staying bound to the barrel by a body-length strap. Can't have them thinking they get everything without me being around, after all.

>As a punishment sexually as part of hatesex
Absolutely orgasm denial. Forelegs shackled close together, but a good-size spreader between the hind ones lifted with a chain, leaving their rump in the air and exposed for me to toy with. I'll be playing them up and down from the edge until they need, need, NEED that release - even as much as they hate to beg me for anything. Perhaps I'll even pluck one of their own feathers and use it to tease their winking clit.

> As an actual punishment for doing something genuinely wrong
First off - nothing public. Being out in public with me is a reward, not a punishment; if we do that, she'll have a much fancier getup to be presentable.

Now, there are two options here.

One, for more minor punishments, is to be made a thing - bound to the point of complete immobility, then used and moved solely by me. Pillow, leg-warmer, fucktoy - her control is completely absent. I'm not thinking one bit about her pleasure; she's reduced to an object for my benefit.

For more serious infractions - you know what the interesting thing about teats is? You can run an electric current across them without any risk (as humans have) of it crossing the heart. She's going to be feeling that shock.

>>28752923
Oh my.

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>>28850791

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>>28853479

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>>28853943

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>>28854658

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>>28855427

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Any news on next bluebird update?

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>>28855998

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>>28859231

>>28855998
Ooohhh goodness

>Screw you guy!
>"ah..Ah.. Huh?"
"LET FUCK!"
>"nuuu..."
>Anon rape bump again
>She smell like bump

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>>28859670

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>>28861276

>>28862008
They just really love gravy with their mashed potatoes.

>>28754495
isnt dead as long as there is on of us left

>>28754495
I want to write but I just have no idea what sort of story is supposed to fit in a medeival sexual dominance obssessed society while maintaining court order and approval from knights.

Give me constraints and ideas then.

>>28863102
Nightmare Moon sends guards that fucked up to be "trained" by Anon

>>28863102
>medeival sexual dominance obssessed society while maintaining court order and approval from knights
How about a story about a preacher/revolutionary who comes to ponyville to indoctrinate the population and teach a new set of morals to create a new and better society... based around the /complete/ submission to authority.

Could work in the NMM verse, or it could be a what if story where Starlight comes to a pre-Twilight ponyville.

>>28863102
I'd just like a simple one shot where a mare gets slapped around, degraded, humiliated and ends up having her brain fucked out of her head.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against stories about political intrigue, societal changes, or the morality of extreme corporal punishment and it's effects on human psyche. I like those too, but sometimes I just want to see a pony choke on a dick.

>>28863653
I can relate to this entirely.

I kinda miss the simple "pony gets dominated for reasons" type green. No complex characters, no twisting plots, just get anon near a pony and let shit happen.

I love that proportional punishment has taken an almost 180 in the last few updates from being ridiculously hesitant of any lewd to "ah fuck it, >rape time!"

>>28865963
>no nostrils
>gagged
How long do you think she's going to last before she suffocates?

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>>28862008

>>28755724

>>28757412

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>>28867420

>>28755724
the most popular bump ever

>>28798172
Ponk submission headcannon's been ruined for me. Looking at that pic, I still feel like she's luring you into a false sense of security, as if she'd escape midway through and domme the fuck out of you, using your own toys on you.

>>28870083
>The arm bands are actually just elastic cargo netting for fruits.
>Her ball gag is actually a magically enhanced never ending lollipop
>You roll her over and find she has a good sized dildo held in with the rope.
>Find it all well and good.
>Start to run a wing along her face, gently talking about some small things at work in the Rainbow Factory
>How you fell into a vat of green paint
flyingishardyowhenyou'reaplainsapeinanotherlife.tif
>She just giggles at your new color
>Wraps her forelegs around you and lets go.
>Cargo netting flipped inside out and now pins your wings tight and pulls your legs back suddenly
>You fall muzzle down ass up in this and are a bit surprised
>She just keeps sucking on her gag enjoying the strwberry cheescake flavor
>Takes to walking around you, various props and toys appearing and disapearing to some long winded story she is telling but the gag kind of ruins it all.
>Finished she returns to your shapely rump pushing at the sides as she makes them perk.
>THe room goes fairly quiet now, you can hear the vibrator is on through her bulged stomach.
>Except it wasn't on just a little bit ago or making quite such a racket
>She puts it to your muzzle, pressing gently on your lips with it.
>You open to respond and she pushes it in all the way.
That'snotavibrator
Itsamagicstallion
Throat now bulging you realize you've been had, you're going to have sex with ponk tonight, but she is fucking you!
>Gently a hoof returns to your rear and begins tracing around your ponut, tip tracing down to your clit and teasing the inside folds

>>28870195
>She just keeps tracing and dipping, stretching and warming you up from the unexpected nature of all this
>You just deal with your wings flexing against the netting and keep sucking cock
>You're anon, you fucking love sucking dick
>Suddenly you feel something push into your maregina
>Pinkie is giggling loudly now as it suddenly pops inside of you and pushes itself into a new home.
Anon, I'm having creampie for dinner, want to help me make it?

>>28755724
whooowheyyyhhweyy

I'm a dirty nigger on the internet who doesn't keep his promises and you can't stop me faggots!

Imma paste some shit right quick....and you gonna tell me why and if it's shit....

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>>28819765
>After several moments pass...As time seems to elude you
>The carriage inevitably stops.
>The door opens and you have arrived at the Anon Mansion.
>A three story tall and 5000 by 5000 square feet victorian themed eyesore.
>Although it was larger than anything dash had lived in before, you knew it was a cozier sized mansion compared to what the elite could afford.
>It had begun to rain during your travel so the air was cold.
>"Wow this is a real nice place and all b-but maybe I should get going...."
>You raise your hand to stop her from finishing her thought.
"Its best that we begin your training now rather than later. Helps prevent misunderstandings."
>"T-training?"
>Shivering at the thought.
"It is important for you to learn that as of today, my life is worth more then your life. As such, you must ensure that my passage to my home is as comfortable as possible."
>"okay..."
"I suppose I wasn't clear enough. It is raining Rainbow Dash and I cannot be asked to hold my umbrella."
>you say as you point to the umbrella hanging just on the wall of the carriage.
>"it's a little small isn't it?"
"Its big enough for what I need it to do. Now take the umbrella and wait for your master outside the carriage."
>she takes the umbrella and leaves the carriage.
>You can tell there was some resentment but it did not matter to you.
>The umbrella was open and waiting for you just outside the carriage
>as a cold and shivering dash held it in place.
>Though there was one problem with this, she held it at her height level.
>This would never do.
>As you leave the carriage you jerk the umbrella upwards.
>forcing dash onto her hind legs and she stumbles about, trying to maintain her balance.
>Water seeps from the sides and splashes onto her the face
>"A-anon! I can't cover both of us like this!"
"Then you'll just have to cover me."
>With water soaked fur she grumbled but you ignored it.
>As you begin to walk directly to the left of your mansion.

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>>28871100
>"Where you going? The doors right there!"
"I don't feel like heading home yet."
"It's been months since I've seen my garden, I want to see how my peaches are growing."
>"In the pouring rain?"
"Nows as good a time as any."
>Dash grits her teeth and grumbles louder.
>but you ignore her again and begin your stroll to your family garden
>And dash hops on her hind legs trying to maintain her balance while keeping the umbrella just above your head.
>When out of the corner of your eye, you spot something shiny on the floor.
>Stoping abruptly you cause dash to stumble forward.
>And she nearly falls to the ground
>and you and rummaged through the dirt.
>"What, what's happening?"
"I think I see a bit on the ground."
>"Are you kidding me Anon? One lousy bit?!?!"
>"It's pouring rain, just leave it!"
>You wave your finger at her and say
"Mind the penny's Dash."
>As you rummage through the dirt, you find that it was in fact....a shiny rock.
"Darn, well better luck next time right?"
>"ERRR!!!"
>Dash's anger boils over and she quickly closes the umbrella and smacks you in the back of the head with it.
>The pain is sharp and stingy and you grasp your head.
>When you turn to face your assailant, you find that she has flown off into the distance.
>You really weren't sure what you were expecting....but you didn't care as you walked back into your mansion.
>You enter the foyer of the Anon mansion.
>With redwood floors and white walls decorated with many portraits of your forefathers, some serious, some smiling, some....just plain ugly.
>Waiting in the foyer was a small ivory unicorn, adorned in a black maids outfit and carrying your change of clothes.
>She was carrying your comfy red smoking coat and silk sweat pants.
>You disrobe and she looks away, and floats the respective garments to you as you call for them.
>And you begin to walk to your parlor and the ivory mare follows.

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>>28871136
>"Would monsieur like some cocoa this evening?"
"No, but prepare some anyways, were going to have a new guest joining us shortly curie."
>"Right away monsieur"
>She replied as she scampered off with your wet clothes.
>Curie, was a good mare. That is to say that your maid who is named Curie. She always knew her place, never overstaying her welcome or giving her opinion when it wasn't asked.
>She always did precisely what you asked of her...whatever it was.
>And you treasured her for this because respect and obedience was all that mattered to you.
>You enter your parlor, a massive room, with wooden shelves that reached the ceiling, covered in books, complete with a roaring fireplace in the rooms center, and a single red cushy chair with a single coffee table waiting just for you.
>You take your seat by your fireplace, and remove your glasses placing them on the table....and wait
>Before too long you begin to hear the familiar mulling of a not so obedient mare.
>"Let me go you psychos!"
>Tumbles and crashes could be heard in the hallways.
>"Ahh! The bitch bite me!"
>Screamed a stallion in the distance.
>Though the voices were getting louder but you maintained eye contact with your fire.
>"Help me! Somepony help me, anypony!"
>And at last tumbling into your room where two large pegasus wrestling a mud covered Rainbow Dash.
>They continue to scuffle
>And you hear what sounds like flesh being smacked
>Dash screamed in pain
>And you
>Well you hoped that none of your families portraits were damaged in this nonsense, but Curie would restore them should the need arise.

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>>28871184
>The finally drag her before you, and she's forced to sit on the floor by your guards
>You finally lose interest in your fire and make eye contact with Dash.
>Her nose had begun to bleed again and your guards had bruised her eye.
>After several seconds you felt it was time to speak
"You know, you have got quite a temper."
>"I've got a temper? Buck you! You're a freaking psychopath!"
"Dash, I'm hurt, really I am. I thought that we were beginning to have some kind of understanding back there."
>You lazily sit back into your chair and say
"But I guess I jumped the gun on this one, well it can't be helped."
>You make eye contact with one of your guards and he nods at you
>He then swiftly bashes dash on her cheek forcing her to fall onto the ground.
>Your guards force her back into a sitting position and you continue
"I'm just curious really, what was your plan?"
"You know I legally own you right?"
>"Go to hell Anon! You just wait until I tell Celestia about this, you can kiss your butt goodbye!"
"Was that your plan?"
"Who do you think received a copy of your contract?"
"Well that and Ponyvilles court but that's beside the point."
"What part of civil code did you not understand?"
>"I already told you none of it!"
"But surely the reality of your situation should have sunk in by now?"
"I mean, I thought that it was pretty clear back at the bank."
>"You just sucker punched me and kicked the shit out of me?"
"It was a display of dominance."
>"It looked like you were insane!"
>You sigh
"Figures..."
>You wave your guards away and they shove her to the floor as they walk out of the room.
>Dash remains on the ground, head down, and she curls up, you hear faint sobbing and you continue to stare at her.
>Curie enters the room with a damp towel, a cup of cocoa and more importantly a copy of today's newspaper.

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>>28871217
>>28871217
>She places the cocoa and the newspaper on the table
>And then attempts to clean dash.
>Dash, recoils at her touch and shoves her
>"D-don't touch me! N-nooo!"
"I didn't realize you were so fond of dirt."
"I suppose it does suit you, but regardless, I dislike dirty things."
>You snap your fingers and Curie jumps to Attention.
>"Oui!"
"Curie, if Dash resists you again, I want you to break her wings...slowly."
>"Oui mon capitaine!
>Dash says nothing, but begins to sob visible now.
>The mare was mess
>Just a fireball of emotions
>First she's angry, then she's sad, and sometimes she doesn't even want say anything at all.
>You can't seem to wrap your head around this
>You watch her tears dribble down her cheeks.
>And you watch fall onto the ground.
>None of it made sense to you, and you didn't care.
>You felt nothing anyways
>You watched as Curie began to scrub away the dirt even cleaning Dash's nose
>And before too long dash was clean again
>Though her nose continued to bleed
>But curie gave her a handkerchief
>And forced dash to press it against her nose.
>"Monsieur detests messes, it makes him so violently angry, please keep this in place manquer"
>She complied but had the same sad look on her face refusing to say anything.
>Curie turns to you when the deed is done
>and you say
"That's all for now Curie, leave us, we have much to discuss."
>"I shall prepare dinner monsieur"
>You wave her away and she scampers off into the hallway

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>>28871260
"And then there were two."
>"Why are you doing this..."
>Dash whispered softly
>You decide to pause for a moment, letting silence fill the room.
>You then stare at the portrait of your father just over the fireplace.
>Letting quite gestate for an entire minute.
>before giving your response
"Because I think, that you can help me get something I want."
"Something...that's been just out of my reach for years now."
"Though, with your help, I figure....this little plan of mine may bare fruit."
>You grab the coco from the table and place it on the ground before her
>And push it towards her
"I figure it's only fare that you help me after all, I mean I did help you."
>She grabs the cup with her hooves and stares at it.
"Don't throw that at me, it's hot."
>"Why? So you can sick one of your goons on me again?"
>She grumbled as she took her first sip.
"Curie does make good cocoa, don't you agree?."
>"This isn't cocoa Anon it's chocolat milk."
"No it isn't, it's cocoa, I just prefer it with milk."
>"Cocoa is made with water Anon..."
"Look, I don't wanna talk about what is or isn't cocoa, I just wanted to know if you liked it."
>She glares at you and grumbles.
>"I've had worse..."
"And I've had better guest, but we can't always get what we want can we now?"
and now I must study, I shall add this to my pastebin and my pile of in progress stories
PasteBin To Story: http://pastebin.com/iYu3Bjg2

So I actually think I should post this story i'm writing in the slave pony thread, because I wanna do like, slavery and sex and like other shit that may not be okay for submission. I don't know the difference, but If one guy.... anyone says I should continue posting on this thread I'll just post on both.

If someone get's upset I'll do it anyways.

The only way to ensure I stop is to ignore me.

>>28871616
I've been lurking this thread for a while, and your story definitely seems like SiM material to me.

If you want to post in SPG, go for it. That being said, I don't know if it will be received well over there. I haven't visited the thread in a while, but last I checked they tended to treat their slaves a bit more kindly than you're described. Still, the thread may be different now than when it first popped up.

>>28871925
Oh i'm posting on both now, they are extremely butt blasted man.

I'm loving it.

Though I understand that allot of people lurk without commenting and that's fine, im that way too. I know people are reading it.

I'll keep the story going both for the intended board, and the board with people who are Anally annihilated.

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>>28869573

>>28871969
I've just had a scroll though of SPG and that one upset guy was pretty amusing.

Also you said you failed in trying to make anon a Patrick Bateman like character but I don't think you did; that was one of my first thoughts when I finished your initial dump.

>>28870202
>>28870195
Is this how writing should go? And yes its a pegasister anon.

>>28872450
Thanks it means a lot to hear that.
I'm gonna have more and I've already thought of some ideas last night.

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>>28872348

>>28872348
Those wing hands are pretty creepy, considering he/she already has forelegs.

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>>28874161

>>28783377
yep

K I'm dumping today's contributions to the thread!

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>>28871373
>She continues to sip her Cocoa, and you refuse to think of it as anything else.
>She sits quietly
>It's almost cute really, this angry battered and beaten mare sipping away at cocoa, before a roaring fire in your parlor.
>But that wasn't important to you
"So Dash, what do you know about agriculture?"
>"Not much..."
"Do you even know what that word means hmm? Agriculture?"
>"Of course I do, it's got something to do with farming right?"
"Basically, but it's a little more grand than that."
>You let an awkward pause sit in the room for another minute.
>Dash sips her cocoa and the two of you maintain awkward eye contact, you had your same hawk-eyed gaze and unblinking eyes.
>Until Dash, eager to get whatever she thought this was, over with speaks up
>"So what about Agriculture interests you soo much Anon?"
>she groaned
"I'm glad you asked Dash"
>You say as you take the newspaper from the table flipping through the pages.
>Until you reach the Equestrian commodities section.
>You pass the paper to Dash and she stares at.
"As it stands today, the Equestrian commodities market is dominated not by Gold, or not by precious metals, but Algaculture"
>You sit up in your chair leaning forward so that you can be closer to dash
>To better emphasize your point
"Corn, Wheat, pears so on and so forth, trade for ridiculous amounts per contract."
"In the Free Cities where I hail from, futures in corn would cost you around $4.00 a bushel."
"Here, however, these prices are as high as 80 to 90. It's just insane."
>Rainbow Dash sips her cocoa some more.
>"I don't understand."
>You sigh
"Do you know what contracts are?"
>"Yea."
"Well these are like contracts, except their agreements between investors, factories, and producers."
"You following me so far?"
>"Well I guess so."
"Good, these agreements state that if the company wanted to mitigate it's risks, all it would need to do is buy a contract with an investor."
"These contracts have a locked in price to buy or sell a commodity."

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>>28876499
"What the agreement states is that if the price were to rise higher or lower, the investor would cover the loss or gain the profit as the company in question agreed to buy or sell at that set price. It's like insurance for companies."
>"You lost me."
"Never mind."
>You say as you lean back into your chair.
"Look, all I want to know is this."
"Have you ever been to Sweet Apple Acres?"
>She stops drinking her cocoa and becomes serious.
>Sternly she says
>"Why?"
>This was all the confirmation you needed.
>Her body language, and lack of tact betrayed her.
"Well, Equestrian National is not interested in investing in the commodities market.
"If that's what you think."
"Too volatile and the leverage is too high."
"But....the Incognito family has always been looking to experiment with a silly little idea in Equestria."
>"Why can you ever get to the point? You always wanna just dance around things."
"It's part of the game sweetheart, you approach every conversation like your assaulting a castle."
"You don't just charge head in and expect the best outcome."
"But if you want me to get to the point...You ever heard of factory farms Dash?"
>"You mean like a factory that grows corn?"
>"We already have those Anon, their just called farms."
"So you haven't, I'm not surprised. This is a secret from the Free Cities that's only been known by the incognito family."
>You gestured at book in the corner of the room
"Why don't you do me a favor and bring me that book on the wall labeled Miracula Magica Ipsum in red letters. Can't miss it."
>She scoffs
>"Don't you do anything yourself Anon?"
"I'm more of a thinker than a doer."
>She rolls her eyes and gets up to rummage through the shelf you pointed at.
>After around five minutes of rummaging she finds the large black book referred to.
>And places it on your lap
>"Here"

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>>28876511
>You flip through the pages and find the chapter containing diagrams, you pass the book to her and she looks at them.
>She sees images and diagrams depicting humans and magic ruins, she can't read the language of the book as it's in latin
>The de facto Free City's language.
>The pictures show humans using magical ruins and shoving them into the earth, the crops are growing
>The ruins also pull water from the air
>Dash is confused, but she continues flipping through the pages
>She sees more images of humans gathering the crops and storing them in silos also adorned in ruins.
>"So what, you wanna use magic to grow corn?"
"Why...yes, that's absolutely correct."
"Can you read latin?"
>"No, but the pictures make it pretty obvious."
>"It's not gonna work Anon, I've already asked a friend about this and she said it cost too much energy."
"Well, maybe for you ponies, but humans are incapable of biologically producing magic but...manufacturing it, that's a different story. All our magic comes in the form of ruins, blessed by our ancestors.
"These ruins are highly potent and capable of rivaling even an alicorn's magic."
"The drawback is that each ruin only performs one function."
"Likewise there are millions of different ruins."
>"So what's all this have to do with Sweet Apple Acres?"
"Well, I can't start a farm if I don't have land do I?"
"And sweet apple acres has plenty of space."
>You wait for a response
>And dash glares at you before replying
>"Applejack would never sell it Anon, especially not to a slimy grease ball like you."
"Well, with you by my side, I'm sure we can work something out."
>"Fat chance I'd ever help you."
>You Smile a toothy grin at her.
>and Curie enters the room
>"Monsieur, manquer!"
>"Dinner is served."
"Right, well that's enough fun for one night Dashie, why don't you go get some food and Curie will show you to your room."
"Rest up, we've got a big day ahead of us."

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>>28876519
>Curie and Dash leave the room together
>And as they walk through the winding redwood floors and white walled halls of the Anon mansion.
>Dash can't help but wonder.
"So what's the deal with you and Anon?"
>"I beg your pardon manquer, what do you mean?"
"I mean why do you work for him?"
"He's clearly not a good guy....but you and other ponies seem to be just....so loyal to him and I can't figure out why."
>"manquer, Anon...is a difficult man, with many less than flattering qualities sure....but you have to understand...he's not all bad."
"Sure seems like it."
>"Well, you have never worked for him."
>Curie stops in front of one of the many portraits in the hallway.
>"My family has served the Incognito family for generations, and every generation they have been generous to not only us but the kingdom as well."
>"They've paid for our foals schooling, they've covered debts, they've built roads for Equestria when the crown could not afford them"
>"Why they've even paid the guards salaries at one point to ensure that they did not form a coup d'etat."
>"You need only read one of their portraits of Anon's forefathers to see"
>She said as she pointed to a portrait
>Dash had never noticed before, but every portrait had words of wisdom from each Incognito.
>The Anon Curie was pointing to was named, John Ebaduser Incognito the 2nd.
>He was a slier looking man adorned in a hunters outfit complete with pointy mustache.
>In gold letters below it read
>A rising tide shall lift all boats, take care of those at the bottom and we shall all prosper.
>"Or manquer can read this one"
>Curie said as she pointed to the portrait just above that one
>This one read Fredrick Incognito 7th Serine Doge of the Free Citys, he was adorned in silk robes with a pointy hat holding a telescope
>No man rules alone was his only word of wisdom.

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>>28876529
>"All incognitos have treated their employees very well, with the firm belief that they are what makes the Incognitos great."
>"Why when my father broke his leg and could no longer serve Anon's Father, did he fire him and kick him to the curb like most ponies would?"
>"No, he offered him what he called a severance package and pension. These words were foreign to us, and knowing the Incognitos violent history we feared for his life."
>"But it was for nothing. Anon's father paid the medical bills and continued to give him full salary until the day he died."
>"How can you not love a man like that manquer ? How can you not forgive the evil in his heart?"
" but I saw him yell at one of his loyal employees for wanting to stay overtime."
>"Obedience and loyalty manquer is all they ask of you."
>"They shall do the rest as they say."
"Humans are weird..."
>"They are enigmas to be sure, none being entirely evil nor entirely good manquer , but Anon told me that in the free cities all that ever mattered was loyalty."
>"Everything else can be forgiven, all that is needed obedience they shall teach you the ways."
"What even is the Free Cities?"
>"Why, the human Trade republic."
>"It is a place where anyone may become noble regardless of race so long as they prove their worth to society."
"How come I've never heard of them?"
>"They are not on good terms with Celestia, and rather than allow Equestria to know of their existence, she believes it to be better to maintain a relationship of convenience."
>"Humans are to be thought of a weak and small race, and while the Free Cities is a series tiny Island off the coast of Gryfondom, the are hardly weak."
"Can't be all that tough if Celestia won't even acknowledge their existence."
>"One of the things you will learn from Anon manquer ...is that power comes in many forms."
>Dash scoffs at this, but Curie ignores her
>And they continued to walk down your massive halls

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>>28876542
>and you, well you have been sitting alone in your Parlor the entire time.
>Unaware of Dashes and Curies exchange.
>You'd turned on an old record player since they left
>And the old song echoed throughout the room
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BG-_ZDrypec
>You'd been drinking since they've left.
>Staring into the fire, thinking of God, thinking of your father, thinking of anything.
>You tried so hard to feel.
>But nothing came
>So you drank more
>You drank until you could feel something
>Until you could feel anything
>But it never came only blackness as you lost consciousness
>You'd pass out drunk again in front of the fire
>And Curie would clean up your mess
>This is how you lived...day in and day out of every day of every month of every year for thirty years of your life.

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>>28876549
>The next day she served breakfast to you and Dash
>And saw you both off as you rode away in your carriage once more.
>Inside the carriage Dash seemed beside herself.
>She kept staring at you then looking away.
>and it was getting on your nerves.
"What?"
>"Nothing..."
"Well don't look at me, I can't stand the sight of your beady eyes."
>"What's your deal man!"
>"Why do you have to be such a jerk all the time?"
"Nice people don't rule the world Dash."
>"Well Celestia does and she's one of the nicest people I know."
"Celly? You think the world is at her mercy?"
>You chuckle and look away from dash out the window.
>You see the farm approaching near by and you reach into your coat.
>Slipping a series of metal rings onto your fingers
>You see Dash looking out the window away from you, with a still bruised eye
"Hey Dash"
>"What?"
>You quickly pull your hand from your coat and swing your fist at her face.
>You'd carried brass knuckles with you for this particular deal.
>Dash is caught by surprise and her head bobs back from the impact slamming into the carriage wall
>and she collapses onto the seat in front of her, her body going limp after impact.
>You pull from underneath your seat some rope.
>And began to tie her up.
>By the time she regained consciousness
>She was completely restrained.
>"What the buck Anon?!?"
"Look I said you're gonna help me with a deal today, and now your helping."
>"I would have let you tie me up Anon, it's not like I'd have choice in the matter."
>"You didn't have to sucker punch me."
"I know, I just really don't like you."
>"See Anon this is what I'm talking about, just unnecessarily aggressive."
>You pull a handkerchief from your pocket and begin to shove it into her mouth
>She gags but you don't care
"Yea but I'm trying to sell a lifestyle her, now hold still I have some finishing touches to put on you"
>From your coat you pull a switchblade
>And dash pleads for mercy, though she does it in a muffled voice.
>"Mff mfff mmmmmmmmff!"

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>>28876561
>You begin to cut at her face
>Just little slashes here and there though.
>She squirms and screams
>And you hold her face down with your hand and her body with your knee
>And slice slowly but carefully above her head
>On her cheek and just below her eye
>Dash begins to cry
>She couldn't begin to understand the genius of this plan but you didn't care.
>You manage to draw blood without cutting too deep.
>This was for showmanship, it was nothing personal after all. You didn't want to scar her.
>Before long her face was covered in blood, not drenched mind you but blood leaking from the wounds slowly.
>Just enough to dampen her fur.
>The carriage pulls up to the main cottage
>And there's a sudden halt
>And you can hear the annoying squealing of a filthy mud horse.
>"Applejack, that monkey from the bank is back again!"
>An old more mature voice calls back and you open your door
>"Now if I ain't told you once Anon, I told you twice I wasn't interested in borrowing any bits from you!"
>You step out of the carriage and walk out
"Applejack! My friend, how are you doing?"
>"Cut the small talk fancy pants, I ain't interested in what your selling, I don't need no help buying equipment neither, we'll manage just fine."
"I don't know, last time I checked the market for your apples was pretty slim, and your output isn't so great either considering that your equipment's out of date too."
"Plus whose gonna take care of sweet old granny of yours when winter time comes around and you don't have the capital to survive?"
>You hunch over and say in nasally voice
"Ohh Apple jay, looks like were havin fritters for dinner again, it's that or no heat this winter dear."
>You thought this was funny as shit
>Applejack, on the other hand, was not amused
>And she began to march at towards you huffing and puffing
>She slams you against the carriage
>And your carriage drive begins to stand up
>but you wave him down

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>>28876570
"Look, it was in bad taste, I'm sorry okay."
>"I want you off my property Anon, I don't like you, and I sure as sugar don't trust you."
"Well at least have a look at what I have to offer this time?"
>You punch your window breaking the glass to reveal your cargo
>Rainbow Dash screams a little from the terror of glass shards landing on her
>"Wha, what?"
>"Why I outta!"
"You touch me, and my driver rides your friend off a cliff."
>You grab Apple Jacks hooves and slowly place them back on the floor then dust yourself off.
"Now I think, we can make some kind of deal here...that can make everyone happy?"
"Hmm?"
>"Give me one reason not to report you to the guards for this."
"Because even though you don't trust me, you know I'm not stupid."
"I wouldn't be here if I didn't think I could swing this."
>"Y'all got five minutes, then imma hog tie you and take my friend back myself."
>You open the carriage door and gesture to jack
"Best decision of your life AppleJack, I can assure you that Equestria National strives to serve it's potential clients to the fullest of its abilities.
>Applebloom speaks up worried and confused
>"Wah where ya going sis?"
>Apple jack turns to her and smiles reassuringly.
>"It'll be okay Applebloom, I'm just gonna have a chat with Anon here for a few minutes, and then I'll be back in a jiffy!"
>She enters your carriage and you whistle at your driver
>And the two of you begin to ride off.


and that's all I got, I need to study now for exams.

>>28876594
I'll be honest: At first I was interested in seeing where you were taking this story, but right now it's a pretty bad case of simultaneous edgefaggotry and stupidly-overpowered anons I've seen.

For starters, this Anonymous is some kind of awful blend of The Joker, Patrick Bateman, and that oil guy from There Will Be Blood, with none of their interesting traits. He's entirely unconvincing as a person and just plain unpleasant to read - and not in a good way. There's no payoff in seeing him be cruel; he just seems to be randomly brutal for no apparent reason except "because toughguy".

Then, I'm somehow supposed to believe that
> Anonymous casually entraps ponies into legal agreements they have no knowledge of, without legal council present
> He casually curses his employees just to get them moving
> Gives his employees orders like "break her wing slowly" (how the fuck do you slowly break a bone anyhow?) and they just think he's "rough, but an okay person"
> Cuts up the ponies he tricks into being his captives with knives "just to send a message"
> Neither the law nor the Princesses nor give a fuck about any of this
> There's some kind of entire human civilization out there that nobody knows about, yet they have alicorn-tier relics and Anonymous moves openly
> To top it all off there are a couple of random pegasi who can easily catch up to Rainbow fucking Dash
It's really starting to stretch thin.

I really, really suggest you go back and read the response posts to your first block of story. Someone suggested that it'd be interesting to see Anonymous as a slick businessman by day, vicious rapist by night... but right now, he's a vicious thug by day and the setting doesn't seem to care. Someone else described him as "a man on the edge of self control", but it seems like he doesn't have any self control because there's no need for him to do so.

>>28877684
Now, that said, do not despair. You can improve this - I still cringe at some of the open edgefaggotry and shittyness at the beginning of my greens - but you NEED to actually try to clean it up. Anonymous should play a role in the world, not have the world bend around him.

>>28877722
I suppose. Your right.

>>28877684
>>28877722
I wasn't balancing Anon enough!
I didn't make the world have consequences again!
I MISSED THE KIDS SENPAI!!!
I MISSED THE KIDS AGAIN!!!!

Okay, I do trust you, in hind sight I'm not world crafting properly. Anon is becoming too powerful for his own good. The world is at his mercy and he's not as a manipulative as I would like him to be.

I think I'll start over with a different Anon, or I'll keep flying through with this one. Not sure...

>>28877722
>>28877684
Again thanks for the criticism it helps me write better stories moving forward.

I'm gonna watch some movies and read more textbooks on business. I'll return with a stronger better Anon!

He'll have Hookers and Blackjack!
And maybe just forget Anon maybe I'll just buy some hookers and play blackjack!

Thanks again though, I do need to reevaluate the style.

>>28878512
>>28877722
>>28877684
I won't start over, there is at least one person who hates it or still likes it.

>>28871616
>slavery and sex and like other shit that may not be okay for submission.
the fuck? SiM practically IS slavery and sex.

>>28878593
also my best advice is write your story how you want it, take our shitposting not very seriously and as constructive advice.
most of my favourite clopfics have little to no logic.

also you replied 6 times to the one guy.
also you're a massive faggot.
also please continue the story and post it in SPG as well as here, I love seeing the butthurt whiteknight general mad.

>>28878997
All I've ever strived to be as a writefag is pure cancer.

It just so happens becoming a better writer is part of that journey.

I'll keep going senpai! I'll do it for you!

This current green is really bad. It's pretty much Fimfiction.net-first-time-writing-heres-my-fetish tier.

>>28879472
Well my offer of give me an outline to try writing still stands.

Even just a tag list would help.

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>>28875636

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>>28752923

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>>28752923
Add my story to your pastebin!
I've already written a shitton!

Name of the story is

Equestrian Monopoly
http://pastebin.com/iYu3Bjg2

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>>28880388

>>28755724

>>28882672

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bluebird anon pls respond

Next update when?

>>28884336
We have a broken blue bird story here?
Link it to me!

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>>28881714

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>>28885328

As a thought experiment, Celestia nd Luna each provide you with a pony.

Luna provides you with the pony you most love, and you must treat it as Celestia treated her, horribly, painfully and suffering.

Celestia provides you the pony you hate, the one you have fantasized about murdering just to make it go away. But Celestia wishes to show that it is possible to move past such hate. She wants to see if you can love the poner and treat it nicely, doing what Celestia has tried to do for Luna since her return.

You have been provided a royal unicorn who is proficient in a large number of spells to assist you, from simple healing and sleep spells, to more exotic morphing spells and conjuration. He will do whatever is asked of him, but will be unable to provide moral judgement on your actions, you are entirely running the show, but he can assist in causing great pleasure and pain as you wish.

>>28885892
Both suck. I don't think I could do either. I could definately not hurt the one i love so all that is left is the one i hate, well there is one issue, I wouldn't even know a pony i hate and if there was one...not sure what to do

>>28885892
>what do
First, bitchslap Luna for being such an edgelord and tell her to grow up.

Second, reforming a relationship with a pony I hate can't be done by force. So, use the royal magician to provide protection/healing spells in case the pone hates me too and wants to do harm, and then pull out some board games and start creating shared experiences, and let the magic of friendship take its course.

>>28884336
Hi. Sorry. I actually meant to respond to the last time this was asked.

Next update stands at roughly ~17,000 characters. Typical update length is ~20-25,000, but this one might stretch to 30,000+ as I want to deliver the remainder (minus epilogue) all in one go. It will probably be rolled out this weekend, though I want to have some time for proofreading/revising stuff before I do.

Also, regarding the idea of just doing a more straight clop story - once I am done with Bluebird, I might do that. I realize it's a bit far off at the pace I write at, but it's a thing that might happen.

>>28885892
But what happens if the pony I most love is Celestia? What if the pony I most love is Luna, for that matter?

>>28886279
We find out ponies do wear petards, and you can hoist them up by them. Bro you done be lifting here.