>"Now wait just one minute! I do believe we have never

>>28345365
Fuck, I'm a programmer so I have no idea what I'd do in Equestria. Probably join the royal guard or an ambassador

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>>28345365
I get in where I fit in, Disfag.

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>>28345365
Cleaning service!
Male prostitute.

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>>28345365
Im just a nigga with a rocket-launcher

>>28345365
"I've been selling my services to Lyra Heartstrings, she has certain 'needs' that only my hands can satisfy."
>the ponies look at each other awestruck, blushing at the thoughts of what Lyra could possibly have you do with your hands.
>"A-and what pray tell could she need you for when she has a perfectly working horn?"
"Belly rubs and ear scratches."

>>28346357
Watch it this December
coming to a theater near you

Nigger with a rocket launcher

>>28346569
>When a young, black male finds the portal to Equestria, he finds adventure, he finds excitement, but all he wants to be...
>is a nigga with a rocket launcher

>>28346789
Staring
Terry Crews as The Nigga
Katt Williams as the voice of the rocket luncher
Narrated by
Morgan Freeman
Music by
50 Cent.

Also featuring
Taira Stong
Randy Orton

>>28347205
>Black screen
>Only background voice can be heard
>"Thats all I am.. *laughing*. Thats all I am."

>>28345365
"STOP OPPRESSING MEEEEEEEEE."

>>28345365
In all seriousness, if I had that kind of opportunity to start over in their world, I'd be a treasure hunter. Worst case, what, I die?

>>28345365
> Mechanical engineer here, with a hefty science background and a fuckton of knowledge about how assorted machines generally work.
"I've been busy launching Equestria into its next industrial revolution. How about you girls?"

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>>28347265
Who needs a job? I'd stay in the Everfree hunting and shit. Try to scare ponies and become a legend.

>>28347282
>destroying Equestria by industrializing it
>creating a world where ponies have factory worker cutie marks
Honestly if I ever made it to the promised horsie land I would keep all my tech knowledge to myself and try to make a living as an explorer/treasure hunter/mercenary.
Making a living is easy. Making a living while enjoying it is hard.

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>>28345365
>The ponies stare at you expectantly, Discord leaning his head on his paws; feigning mock interest
>You'd kill him for this
"Uh, right" you stammer "My, uh, my job is that I..."
>"Oh Anon, you card, you!" cries Discord, laughing profusely
>"You don't have to be ashamed to admit it. We're all friends here" he continues, drawing his arms around the mares present, much their discomfort
"Uh"
>"Anon here has been working for your's truly for months now" he grins, gesturing towards himself before reappearing beside you as a Steve Jobs lookalike
>The ponies gathered look gobsmacked
>"I'm beginning to wish I hadn't asked" mutters Rarity tacitly
>Twilight is the first to compose herself
>"You... 'work' for HIM" she asks, pointing towards the draconequus, casually examining his claws
"Well I-"
>"Well of COURSE he does!" interrupts Discord, slapping a paw over your mouth "Best worker I've ever had"
>"Or as we in the business say, Employee of the Year" he grins, holding up a framed portrait of you
>You didn't even remember having that picture taken
>Fluttershy frowns before raising a hoof to speak
>"Wait a second" she asks "How come I've never heard of this 'business' of yours? You practically live with me"
>"Why Fluttershy!" cries Discord, raising a paw to his forehead in mock hurt "You wound me!"
>"I have a life outside of you, you know" he continues, dabbing at his eyes with a hankerchief
>"Coulda fooled me" grunts Applejack, folding her forelegs over her chest

>>28347565
LURKING

>>28347282
>industrial revolution through technological innovation

That's all very nice, but the economic conditions in Equestria are wrong for an industrial revolution. The Chinese discovered the steam engine before Europeans, but because the other conditions were wrong, nothing came of it. Before your job can exist, an economist like me would have to create banks, paper money, etcetera, moving the Equestrian economy from the 16th to the 19th century. Otherwise you can show the ponies many wonderful human inventions, but they simply won't be used for industrialization. That's why they have a coal-fueled train but no factories.

>>28345365
I eat moss I scrape off the bricks of the Castle of the Two Sisters in the Everfree. I drink from the pond by the castle. My job is to preach the good word to those who will listen. Ave, True to Celestia. I do not need money.

>>28347565
>>28347623
This is my fetish

>>28345365
Apprentice Contracting and construction.

Equestria has some... Very different building standards and materials than home.

Even more confusing is that the tools are exactly the same.

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>>28347732
Those sisters have some hardcore fetishes.

>>28347692
Most importantly, the laws of physics are apparently not quite the same. And even if many are similar in principle, having different constants can completely fuck with viability of stuff. Not the mention that there's magic and shit, so there might be big differences.


I'd probably try my luck at math, depending on how advanced they are. That shit stays pretty much the same regardless of in which universe you are.

>>28347732
You misinterpret Celestia's will, you must blow yourself up to realize her true, glorious plan. CELESTHU ACKBAR

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>>28345365
>Well... explaining this is going to be very Awkward.

>You don't answer
>You can't answer
>You've been locked away, strapped up inside a fully-padded room for the year in question
>None of them are real
>None of this is real
>The pain continues

>>28347692
It's not just that, actually. Despite my answer, the truth is I probably wouldn't be able to get ponies to start a national industrial revolution even if the economic background was laid first:

The entire cutie mark-talent dynamic makes standardization and replication - core principles of production and systems engineering - a fucking nightmare. Ponies aren't just better at their talents, but actually struggle at things unrelated to their talents. If I can't find a ton of ponies with exactly the right talent to fit the roles I need them to fill, I can forget about having highly skilled laborers to act as department managers, troubleshooters, and secondary engineers working under me.

It'd be a waiting game of "build a small operation with what few talented ponies I can find, wait a few years and hope it inspires the next generation of foals to get their cutie marks in shit I can use, expand with them". That's a development cycle measured in generations, though, which really means the industrial revolution wouldn't be happening in my lifetime.

>>28347859
You could tell them, but then you would have to kill them.

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>>28345365
I'm a guide

>>28347898
>The entire cutie mark-talent dynamic makes standardization and replication - core principles of production and systems engineering - a fucking nightmare. Ponies aren't just better at their talents, but actually struggle at things unrelated to their talents. If I can't find a ton of ponies with exactly the right talent to fit the roles I need them to fill, I can forget about having highly skilled laborers

But mein freund, that is the same problem that occurred in the actual industrial revolution.

>>28347953
Whoops, hit post button too early. To continue, skilled labor isn't required in a factory setting. You just need to create a series of simple, discrete tasks, that when performed in sequence end in the assembly of the product.

>>28347898

THIS >>28347969

Assembly lines, machines that have levers, very basic rudimentary tasks that require allot of people, but produce a shitton of cheap product.

>>28345365
>Doing hit man jobs for Celestia to take out political targets.
>A pony didn't do it so the equestrian government has plausible deniability and the Princesses would personally send their condolences after the tragic and heinous death.
>It's dirty work, but it gets the bills payed and live a life of luxury.

>>28348205
but do you get the pussy?

>>28348219
By life of luxury I would assume so.

>>28345365
I'm a writer. It's hard, but I manage pretty fucking well considering.

What I want to know is how the fuck Rarity runs a boutique in a town where hardly anyone wears clothes.

>>28345365
I sell my semen it's very delicious and nutritious I can give you a free sample
spoiler I trick them into sucking my dick

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>>28345365
>tfw I work in shipping and mail
>tfw get to work with Derp horse
>tfw finally have a colleague who's less competent than me but also a qt mare
Aw yiss

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"I had no choice but to seek employment in construction. Thankfully it and some additional exercise sculpted my physique into this near perfect specimen you see before you."
>You flex your arms and your shirt tears into several pieces.
>The mares gasp and bite their lips, Rarity fanning herself.
"I also invested heavily in the mop industry as a result."
>You place several little cards on the table and smile.
"Feel free to use these coupons to purchase some mops and clean up after yourselfs."

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>>28348367
I read it in his voice.

>>28348205
I need a green of this.
>You will never lie to the main six about your job saying you work as textile sales manager thats why you have to take business trips.
>You poisoned the Minotaur diplomat's drink.
>You strangled the Yak prince.
>After nearly two years from getting a contract from Celestia you get one saying you have to go to the Crystal Empire to kill Shining Armor, Princess Cadence and the baby.
>Her reasoning is that they know too much and threatened her to expose her for all the murders that the Equestrian government has done.
>You go to the Crystal Empire at night and murder the prince and princess in their sleep painlessly.
>You snap a guard's next and head towards the royal baby's room.
>To your surprise she wasn't sleeping instead she looked at you with her big eyes and started giggling.
>Wat do?

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>>28345365
they're not detectives so i'll just say i'm super rich, handsome, and great at negroball.

>>28348417
Stick my dick in that baby and piledrive its ass onto the concrete before I climax....job well done.jpg

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>>28345365
Carpentry and plumbing mostly.

I remove kebab for a living. If you are ever in needings of kebab remove, my phone number is 1-800-CYKABLYAT.

>>28347969
Yep, and with a skilled overseer (myself and/or what other few ponies with relevant talents I could find) it could theoretically function the same. But for an industrial revolution to take off on a national scale, I'd have to find a metric fuckton of ponies with relevant talents to act as the highly skilled overseers, management, and specialists.

It's not so easy as 'break it down into little bits'. Someone still has to be sitting on the top of the whole mess, knowing how it's done. Those are the ponies that are going to be troublesome to find.

Sure, I can probably find a few - enough to tide over a handful of locations. But not on a national level - not yet.

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>>28348498
You are not of kebab removal, if you were of removing kebabs you would be of having kebab removal papers!

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>>28347565
>A few rounds of questioning later and the mares present seem satisfied
>Suspicious, but satisfied
>"It's probably nothing concerning" reassures Rarity as she trots alongside her friends "Anon has been hard pressed for work for some time now. Perhaps Discord was trying to, dare I say, do something nice for him?"
>"Well whatever it is, I don't like it" declares Rainbow Dash, leisurely flapping above them
>Twilight and Fluttershy share worried glances
>"Whatever he's planning, all we can do is wait and see. Can you keep an eye on them Fluttershy?"
>"Mmhmm" she nods, her eyes full of concern
>"Oh, oooh the suspense is killing me!" cries Pinkie Pie, dragging her hooves down her face "Maybe Anon is Discord's bodyguard, no, his tailor! Oh wait, a lawyer. Oh, hmm no that's too evil... I've got it, his stockbroker-"
>Behind the friends, what looked to be an ear connected to a trailing appendage began to slither away

>Back at the restaurant, Discord's ear retreats back into his head with a resounding *SLAP*
>"Oh my" he giggles "Our friends have quite a few question about our little menage a deux"
"Well, this has been a great prank and I appreciate you covering for me" you say, shaking his paw "But I have to be off, daylight's burning"
>With that you excuse yourself and move to leave
>"Anon, I was being serious"
>You stop and turn
>"I really do wish to offer you a job" he says evenly, his face unusually devoid of emotion
>He was actually being serious for once
>Your hand instinctively slides down to your pocket, conspicuously devoid of bits
"How much are you offering?"
>The grin he sports almost splits his face in two
>"We'll talk" he says, grabbing you by the cuff of your shirt "But not here"
>Before you can protest he snaps his fingers and you feel yourself stretched into infinity

>>28348934
I'm interested

>>28347282
Th Industrial Revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race.
Why would you want to inflict such a thing on innocent ponies?

>>28349218
>DISASTER?!?!?!
NIGGA I LOVE MY PLASMA TV!

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>>28348417

>>28349218
>He says on a computer.
Go on and play with rocks ya hippie.

>>28345365
Probably just doing day-to-day chores for ponies who need it.

>>28346357
>>28346569
>>28346789
>>28347205
>>28347236
I love this board.

>>28347325
No man is an island. Realistically, could you see yourself living your days alone till you die?

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>>28348934
>"All in all I think it's quite a good deal, if I do say so myself" the draconequus concludes
>He turns and notices your quivering form curled up on the floor
>"Oh!" he scoffs, rolling his eyes at his futile lecture "You mortals are such fragile creatures. It's just inter dimensional travel bending the fabric of reality. Child's play, really"
>You nod dumbly
>His expression softens and a floating blanket draps around you
>"Hmph, well, I suppose I can give you a moment. You are my guest after all" he relents
>"Please, make yourself at home" he says, directing you towards his sofa
>*Ding*
>"My brownies!" he gasps and disappears into the kitchen
>You steady yourself, gripping the arm of the couch as though you would be swept away if you let go
>Through the windows of the otherwise normal house you spy the maelstrom raging outside
>The fear wasn't particularly unfounded
>Discord returns from the kitchen, brownies in hand and clad in the guise of an elderly grandmother
>"Care to try one, Anon?" he offers "I've worked very hard on them you know"
>You shake your head feebly
>"Oh, but really" he presses "You won't try one of your grandmother's brownies?"
"Just get on with it" you say firmly "What's your offer?"
>His eyes glint and he tears off the costume
>"That's what I like to see" he remarks darkly
>"Now then" he begins "As I'm sure you know, my powers were once more... unrestricted than they are"
>You nod
>"Well it's been an interesting experience being" he swallows "'Good'. And Fluttershy is a wonderful friend. But..."
>"Oh I'm practically starved of fun!" he moans, falling to the floor and thrashing about
>"Those ponies, especially that Twilight Sparkle and her friends, love to talk about harmony and order, but they cause half of their problems themselves!"
>He takes a deep breath
>"The world needs chaos, Anon. I need chaos. Nothing much, just enough to have some fun"
>"And that" he says, jabbing a claw toward you "Is where you come in"

>>28347692
Economy was not the only factor dividing Asia and Europe, in fact, the Revolution itself had more impact on the economy than the other way around. It was a whole different level of philosophy, culture, and technological needs; the Chinese sat at the top of progress in their region, the Britons were submerged in constant wars with all their neighbors every few years.
The crusades, the Renaissance, the french revolution; banks and paper money are what has let economy evolve into the half-dormant disaster that it is today.

>>28349234
>Plasma
>not LED

>>28349234
Only because it helps distract you from how shit everything is.

>>28348934
I love you anon you turned what couldve been seen as a shitpost into a writing prompt

Keep going my dood

>>28349381
All shitpost are writing prompts you no talent gimp.

>>28345365
"I'm an accountant. I work woth bits, investments, and charities."
>"... O-Oh, err, yes! How interesting. Well, now that that's settled, how about we discuss-"
"You thought I was unemployed and wanted to make me feel embarrassed in front of everyone, didn't you?"
>"Whaaaat?! No! I would nev-"
>"He did."
>"Fluttershy!"
"You're an asshole sometimes, you know that, Discord? Thanks, Fluttershy."
>"Why?! I thought we were friends!"
>"Friends don't let friends lie to friends."
"..."
>"Uh, what?"
>"You heard me."

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>>28349402
>Accountant
Anon shekelberg at your service.

>>28349346
This is good.

You are doing good.

Keep doing good.

Don't rush, no pressure b.

>>28349346
This is rousing my interest

>>28345365
I'm an assistant mason. In Equestria, there's probably teams of unicorns that could build better than me, so I'd probably stick to any manual labor I could get my hands on. Maybe I'd do part time in the schools to help spread some human knowledge.

>>28349346
I was expecting forced prostitution, but this is better.
Please continue.

>>28349411
>Anon makes the bits
>He-a gives-a the bits to the investors
>Makes the more bits
>Gives-a the extra bits to charities for orphans and animals and hospitals
>Mares get-a wet for the big heart and big bits
Sometimes it pays to get that circumcision.

>>28346357
I shouldn't have laughed too hard

>>28349346
Anon BETTER get a brownie.

>>28349487
I prefer cut penises
Uncut penises are a breeding ground for disease

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>>28349346
>"I want you to be my agent"
"Your agent?"
>"That's right" he beams and shoots up off the sofa in excitement "My agent of Chaos"
>"I want you to add some excitement to these ponies' lives" he declares giddily "Not that I want you to harm them, of course" he adds
>Slipping on some glasses he begins to recite from memory
>"Because hurting ponies is wrong and ponies don't like being hurt. Also Discord can you please clean the dishes? It's been three days now"
>You frown
"So you... want me to just go around wrecking stuff? I'll be arrested in a second" you protest
>"Oh no, no" he reassures you "It won't be like that. I'll give you all the bits you need to survive and from time to time I might ask you to perform certain tasks, say... Oh I don't know, hiding a whoopie cushion in Celestia's bedchamber or switching all the covers of Ms Sparkle's books"
>"I'll even guide you through all these tasks" he adds "Sure it will require some skill on your part but *snort* who would suspect the human?"
>"It's the perfect plan" he declares, more to himself than to you
"And what if I refuse?" you inquire warily
>His eyes shoot open in surprise
>"Refuse?" he seems almost hurt before his expression changes to one of indifference
>"Well I suppose if you want to go hungry, to continue your jobless existence. I'm trying to offer you a way out. How long until your friends find out too? What will you do then, hmm?"
>You glower at the creature and he stares back smugly
>That was low
>But he was right
>In the time you'd lived in Equestria you'd run from odd job to odd job, barely surviving from week to week
>In fact, the only time you got a decent meal was with your friends
>You had no doubts they suspected something, but you couldn't tell them
>They wouldn't take being lied to for so long well
>But even worse, you couldn't stand to be pitied
"I accept" you finally decide
>"Wonderful!" Discord beams "You won't regret this Anon"
>"You and I are going to have a lot of fun together"

I'm an untrained 00010

So basically worthless.

>>28349574
I'll come back later. I've got a few things to do

>>28349571
For someone who doesnt shower maybe.

>>28345365
I'm a student Researcher!

>>28349761
Get back here you rodent kissing daisy sucker. I'll pick on you like a twelth grade level butcher, you shoe sniffing bum hole of a but head, or my name is not Yaweh.

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>>28345365

>How has ya broke ass been surviving in Equestria?

I have hands and can use tools without gripping them in my mouth and moving my head around.

And I've been selling coke to Rarity.

>>28349992
>can use tools without gripping them in my mouth and moving my head around
So you're like a crappy version of a unicorn.

>>28349312
Realistically? No, I don't see how anyone can make it through a whole lifetime without interaction. However, that's essentially what's happening now with my current life, not including this image board.

>>28347565
>>28348934
Oh shit, it was lucky the whole time

I work at the Abattoir in griffonstone.

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>>28350679
>remembering writefags

>>28349761
I want to die.

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>>28349574
>"So you're his, could ya repeat that?" asks Applejack
>The rest of the mares present lean inward, Twilight and Fluttershy in particular
>It was your weekly get together with your friends and they were very interested in just what Discord had meant last week
"I'm Discord's agent" you repeat
>"Aww shoot!" whines Pinkie, revealing a list which rolls across the table "I never would've guessed that"
>"Hmph. Me neither" agrees Applejack
>"Yeah" adds Rainbow Dash "What does a guy like Discord need an agent for anyway? Most ponies know him, that's why most don't like him!"
>She cackles and laughs at her own joke, holding her hoof out for any of her friends to bump
>"Am I right? Anypony?" she asks, moving her hoof back and forth between them
>None of them return the gesture and she blows a raspberry in frustration before crossing her forelegs behind her head, thoroughly peeved
>"I must agree with Rainbow" says Rarity, rolling her eyes at the rainbow mare's antics "I'm quite up to date with up and coming ponies and I can safely say that Discord of all, erm, draconequus' is not likely to be 'In' anytime soon"
>The unicorn frowns for a moment
>"Unless of course there's something you're not telling us, dear?"
>All eyes fall on you and you stifle a gulp
"I can honestly say" you begin, choosing your words very carefully "That I am Discord's agent. It pays well and I like doing it"
>An almost imperceptible nod is exchanged between Applejack and Twilight and, thankfully, the conversation changes tact
>You breathe a sigh of relief
>You weren't out of the frying pan yet
>But unlike a certain few million you'd avoided the oven

>inb4 deleted for "roleplaying"

>>28345365
Tabletops confirmed. I'd do what I do for a living, which is illustrate for them. If not the porn industry doesn't seem to be a thing there and I don't mind drawing it.

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>>28350969
"Discord, I really don't think this is a good idea" you protest, quivering at the site of the gaping cave maw sitting in front of you
>A trail of green slime oozes down from the cave roof and lands a few feet from you
>The site had long been avoided by ponies and was now rumored to be the hideout of a certain Changeling Queen
>Or so Discord had told you, in any case
>"Nonsense Anon!" says Discord, flying buzzing around you in the guise of a butterfly
>"Just use that lucky human charm of yours" he teases, jabbing with his elbow knowingly
"I was talking about a cereal!" you hiss
>He shrugs
>"Well you humans really ought to be more clear in how you name things. I'm chaotic, but not silly!"
>Covering you ears as he continues his tirade, you begin the trek into the tepid cave system

>"And THAT'S the difference between chaos and disorganization. Now, the difference between chaos and anarchy-"
>You're about to finally snap when you suddenly find yourself on the receiving end of half a dozen spears
>Butterfly Discord zooms onto the refuge of your shoulder
>"I'll tell you later" he squeaks as one of the figures steps forward
>She stood taller than her brethren, who growled and frothed beside her
>"Who enters the lair of I; Queen Chrysalis, Matriarch, Brood Mother, Slayer of Thousands, Mother of Conquerors, Shadow of-"
>The Changeling Queen seems lost for a moment and raises her hoof to her chin in thought
>"Shadow of..."
>"Death!" comes the cry from the gathering crowd
>"Equestria!"
>"I'll get it, I'll get it!" she insists, hushing them with a hoof
>"Shadow of... Shadow of- The Shadow!" she decides, resuming her fearsome appearance
>"And for what reason" she demands, thrusting her face towards yours "Have you decided to throw away your life today?"
>"Alright Anon, phase one of the plan. Go!" whispers Discord
"To-"
>The Changeling Queen tilts her head
>"To, to"
>"Yes? Speak up! I can't wait around all day to kill you"
"To ask you out on a date"
>"Excuse me?"

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>>28345365
>How has ya broke ass been surviving in Equestria?
>What do ya tell these niggas?

Nothing because I'm not a wage slave.

>>28351058
they don't have welfare in Equestria.
It wasn't a thing in medieval pre-industrial revolution society.

You can't fake being disabled for cash, sorry.

>>28348257
>how the fuck Rarity runs a boutique in a town where hardly anyone wears clothes.
Thats a good question.

>>28348417
>Wat do?
Take her on as your apprentice.

>>28349571
>he fell for the cut is healthier meme.

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>>28351056
"Yeah" you continue "I'd heard stories about your, erm, beauty, and wanted to see for myself"
"So, yeah, I'd like to take you out" you finish lamely
>Silence permeates the cave, only the sound of dripping water could be heard
>"Let me kill him, my Queen" growls one of the changelings "Let me at him!"
>"Tiberius, please" she chides, sliding a hoof across the changeling's chest "It is not so often that we're able to come across such a willing mea- subject so easily"
>"Tell me young man, what is your name" she asks, grinning seductively, dangerously almost

>"And then I realized he'd been dead the whole time!" the mare across from you gushes and leaps into uproarious laughter
>Ponies at nearby tables stare in discomfort and move their tables away a few feet
>You laugh feebly in response and refill the mare's wine glass
>Chrysalis, in disguise as a local crystal pony, steadies herself before leaning across the table
>"I must admit Anon" she hiccups "This is the most fun I've had in some time"
"Yeah, yeah" you agree absentmindedly, scanning your surroundings for the dozenth time
>She was supposed to be here now. Discord said she'd be here
>Princess Mi Amora Cadenza
>Almost right on cue you see a flash of pink as a familiar pink alicorn steps through the restaurant doors, followed by her husband, Shining Armor
>You lean towards a conspicuous looking bread stick on your table
"She's here, Discord she's here!" you whisper
>"Make sure she sees!" he whispers back, motioning towards Chrysalis as best a bread stick could
>The queen, who had finished her 8th glass, now seemed very interested in seeing how well she could balance it on her hoof
>Her interest outranked her coordination, however, and the glass crashes to the floor with a resounding *SMASH*
>A gasp rings out through the restaurant as all eyes turn towards the source of the sound, including the Princess
>She and Chrysalis lock eyes and you see the mare across from you stiffen in recognition

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>>28351121
>"You!" Chrysalis barks, pointing a hoof towards the princess and drunkenly stumbling out of her seat
>She succeeds, albeit unwittingly dragging the tablecloth with her
>"I have a bone to pick with you prin-*hic*cesh" and steadies herself
>Looks like the wine had hit her at last
>The princess and her prince-consort are taken aback
>They were almost universally beloved throughout Equestria, let alone the Crystal Empire
>"I-I'm sorry" she says, holding out a hoof "I don't believe we've met"
>"Save it princesh" Chrysalis snaps, slapping the friendly hoof away "I don' need the sympathy of some frumpy old hag!"
>"Ex-CUSE me?"
>"You heard me me!" she maintains "More like Mi Am-WHORE Cadenz-aaaaaaaaaah"
>The Changeling queen temporarily loses consciousness and sags forward, steadying herself on the Princess' shoulders
>"Hash one kid and thing you're sho big. I've had hundresh and shtill look bedder than you" she mumbles to herself
>Cadence looks at her assailant with a mixture of disgust and pity
>"Oh waiter, you're here" exclaims Chrysalis, looking up at the princess and gesturing towards your table
>"Can we get anoth' bottle of champagne sen' to our table? Oh and make sure ish actually from the region, otherwishe is' jus sparklin' whine"
>"I don't" Cadence looks back at her husband who shrugs uselessly "I don't.. we"
>"Oh I ged it! Too royal to help ou' the common mare" she spits, trotting past her and toward her husband
>Before either of them can react the mare pulls his head down to her own and kisses him
>"Call me" she grins as the poor stallion is left reeling
>"One more thang" the mare says to the princess, now frozen in disbelief, "Your butt'sh too big and everyteng you're inshecurr abou is true!"
>With that, the mare drapes the tablecloth across her midsection and stumbles out the door
>"Alwaysh a bridesmaid, never a bride" she sings tearfully; her drunken hoofsteps slowly receding
>"Cancel this evening's entertainment" whispers the manager to his staff

>>28351162
And were back

>>28351121
Im enjoying this story not a huge fan of the way it skips over things in between the main action but im guessing thats just this writefags style.

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>>28351162
"Bwahahahahaha! Did you see this headline Anon?"
>Before you can respond the draconequus slaps the paper across your face
>Grumbling angrily, you peel the paper off of you and read the headline aloud
>"Mare tells Princess Mi Amore 'No Mor-e'"
>"Marvelous, wonderful!" he cheers, clapping his paws together
"Twilight" you warn, noticing the approaching mare
>Discord stifles his laughter as best he can as a concerned Twilight approaches the two of you
>"Hiya Anon" she smiles warmly at you and you smile in return
>"Discord" she greets him coolly
>*Snort* "Princess" he affirms, straining to maintain his composure
>Oh! You two heard what happened to Cadence? she asks, noticing the paper in your hands
>"Oh it's terrible." she sighs "Shining tells me she hasn't left the palace in two days"
>With that Discord's laughter breaks free
>Throwing subtlety to the wind, the draconequus indulges in a few moments of careless mirth
>Upon seeing the murderous glint in Twilight's eyes, however, he composes himself
>"Oh, I'm ever so sorry" he concedes "It's a tragedy what has happened to our, poor, poor Cadence, just awful."
>"But, feeling bad about it won't make us feel any better, right?"
>Twilight scowls and begrudgingly grunts in affirmation
>"So" he continues, drawing an arm around her "Isn't it best if we laugh about it, instead of feeling sad?"
>"Well..."
>"Especially when it's just so funny!"
>Before he can stop himself, the creature breaks into another fit
>"Discord..." warns Twilight
>"What?" he asks "I certainly wasn't responsible for this. Why shouldn't I laugh about it?"
>His face warps into a smug smile
>Twilight merely narrows her eyes before briskly trotting away

Alright that's all for now.

>>28351227
Very nice writefag.

Keep up the good work.

>>28351226
Still i enjoy everything else about the writing got a pastebin?

>>28351227
This is much more refreshing than 'Anon fucks X waifu green 210444728992'. Keep going senpai.

>>28351227
I'm enjoying this alot

>>28345365

I traffic guns and sell slav girls

>>28349218
Spotted the gomminist

>>28352247
Communists love technology because they mistakenly believe that technique will free the working class rather than merely enslaving and dehumanizing him further.

>>28352290
Actually, technique free people of work
Stop being a retarded anti-communist and think for yourself

>Cameraman for local news.

Well they have still-cameras
Guess I could hold down a job with whatever newspaper they got going.
SLRs aren't the end of the world.

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>>28352393
Technology has been uncontrollably worming its way into every aspect of our lives for hundreds of years, continuously uttering millenarian promises of a future without work or want, and yet the workers are still toiling away the best years of their lives, isolated from their families (if they have families), doing repetitive labor supervising the machines that stole their jobs.
If religion is the opiate of the masses, Communism is the religion of technique, lying to workers that if they stop smashing stocking frames and allow themselves to be broken and reshaped to suit technique's ends, that eventually things will somehow get better.
Read "The Technological Society" by Jacques Ellul, it explains everything and is surprisingly accessible.

>>28346357
You cunt I was using those sides

>>28349574
>>28350969
>>28351056
>>28351121
>>28351162
>>28351227
Back to Dadonequus general faggot

>>28352625
in what sense is this Dadonequus green
1/10 got me to reply

>>28345365
I work at the Gay Bathhouse, you want to follow me?

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>>28345365
I'm just a guy who is a hero for the fun of it.

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>>28345365
I'm a computer service technician in real life so I guess I'd be changing out burned out vacuum tubes on mainframes like this one since Feeling Pinkie Keen established Equestria's computer technology is still in the 1940s.

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>>28345385
Equestria has vacuum tube computers. You'd just have to figure out how to program computers with stacks of pic related like they did in your granddaddy's time.

>>28349571
>>28349924
>>28351119
People have been practicing circumcision for thousands of years, far beyond the invention of Judaism. It is a practice that has extended across the world, even when communication to such cultures was not available.

>>28353665
>he doesn't know about the Kabbalist time travel magic

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>>28345365
I've been eating leftover food out of the bins behind restaurants! Just let me go home!

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>>28352625
that was k

>>28352625
The fuck this has to do with dadonequus

>>28353665
Oh yeah im not going to claim circumcision is only a jewish thing but its still retarded.

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>>28353370
You're never going to get a challenge out of these lame villains.

10

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>>28351058

>>28354433
Not to mention that it became so common in the US only because the guy who invented Kellogg's cereal thought it would stop guys from committing the sin of masturbation.

>>28355175
Being in and out of jobs I can agree having a job is 100% better. Especially since I'm a loner, so it was the only thing getting me out of the house

>>28345365
>"Hi I'm Anon, and I cum inside things. Professionally"
>"If you need cum inside anything, just let me know, and I'll take care of it."

>>28351227
Good stuff

>>28355238
>I'm a loner

No, you're lonely.

>>28355175
Whoever made this knows way more about NEEThood than work. Fuck sake he might as well said this guy goes to work in the business factory making business. Clearly only meant for shitposting.

>>28355175
This would be 100% true *if* every scene on the wageslave side included "Wageslave contemplates suicide"

>>28345365
"I've just been eating shit I find off the ground."

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>>28356071
probably not the best idea

>>28347732
I'm on my way to Blighttown, can I buy some of your moss?

>>28355175
I can't picture a single word of this being written by someone who works a regular job.

>>28351056
>>"Nonsense Anon!" says Discord, flying buzzing around you in the guise of a butterfly
>>"Just use that lucky human charm of yours" he teases, jabbing with his elbow knowingly
>"I was talking about a cereal!" you hiss
I laughed.

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>>28351227
I actually feel sorry for bugbutt.

>>28356101
>floor ice cream gives you health

Genuine leather products.

>>28355175
Get a load of this wage cuck.

How many can say to have that life? 1 in 10.000?

>>28356101
>that tweet
For the first time in 4 years, I can truthfully say I'm glad Faust is not on the show anymore.

>>28355175
As someone who has lived the wageslave life and the NEET life, I can honestly say that being a "Wageslave" is much more fulfilling and leaves me with a greater sense of accomplishment and being at the end of each day. The NEET life is a terrible life. If you truly enjoy it and would rather live it than live a life of responsibility and labor, then you're a disgrace to yourself and your family.

>>28345365
>You let a short silence permeate the air as you narrow your eyes at the assembled pones.
"I own a restaurant, this restaurant, you shits are sitting at a table in my restaurant."
>They look around, seeming to just now notice their surroundings.
"Order something or get the fuck out, I ain't got all day."
>They all exchange uncomfortable looks before getting up and leaving.
>Discord sits there and shifts back and forth.
>He seems to have expected this to have gone somewhere.
>What a cunt.
>You head back to the kitchen.

>>28356950
It's not like that sort of thing would ever come up in the actual show. It's basically just her weird opinion either way.
Meanwhile, lacking an auteur with a coherent philosophy of MLP:FIM to drive the show in a consistent direction, the show has degenerated into what it is now. Personally, I would rather have notionally-canon public defecation.

>>28356950
that's irony, my man

>>28345365

"I work down at the Ponyville train station. Before I lived in Equestria, my job was getting people around a big, crowded city with buses, trains, and even ridesharing on the human kind of carriages so the roads would be less crowded. Bikes too! Helping everyone find their way across the Equestrian rail system and getting them the right kinds of tickets for the trips they want to take is actually a lot easier than some of the rush hours I had to deal with before, and I get enough time for a good book or two in between!"

I help people get through the second largest transit system in the US and the dozen or so subsidary local systems that connect to it, national and international riders alike from all over the country and the world. Light rail, subway, buses, carpooling, even city bike rentals.

>>28348257

Considering some of the A+ visitors she gets for fittings, it's likely she actually sold some of her work to out-of-towners on a regular basis.

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>>28351058
>>28355175
>mfw i have my life describet in the "NEET" section even though i work at Amazon
>mfw i get the worst from both section, i waste majority of week working and waste free time doing nothing productive with myself nor having a gf

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I sell boomstick and boomstick accessories

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>>28355175
I prefer the wageslave life because
a) i cant affort to live by myself without a job
b) i would feel ashamed at family gatherings when someone asked me if ia have a job
c) im somewhat independant and can afford my instant noodles and steam games

But yeah, generally the side of wageslave isnt that great, its just somehwat better than being NEET, unless you like being a NEET while making career on you tube.
It doesn't change the fact that im a cucked flutterfag, tho.

>>28350310
see >>28346513

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>>28345365
I'm just a lone Hunter that seeks a Challenge.

>>28353516
This. Finally someone shares my headcanon.

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>>28347898
I had an idea for a fanfic where an industrial revolution in Equestria is pushed by a new Regime taking over that has the ability to reassign/make cutie marks.

So the state can get an exact amount of x workers who all are extremely proficient in their jobs, since it's their Special Talent, and are happy with their lot in life since it's their 'purpose'. The state can also of course keep reassigning ponies cutiemarks.

So say, war breaks out, they can instantly switch to a war time economy and all their drafted recruits will have the combat skills of a Veteran since its their talent and 'life purpose' now.

Of course there would be some dissidents and people who don't like such a regime, and that's where the focus of the story would be.

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>>28358363
It's not a headcanon. Twilight is revealed to have had such a computer in her basement laboratory in Feeling Pinkie Keen.

>>28359157
I like floppy disks
They're just as good as CDs, they just don't hold as much

>>28359643
They're better than CDs because the storage medium is protected from the outside world.
With a floopy you can let your dog chew on it or use it as a coaster and it would be fine, but with a CD you have to treat it super gently or it'll get scratched beyond recognition in short order.

>>28359732
This. I used to use porn floppies as shims to keep a table level.

>>28350969
>>But unlike a certain few million you'd avoided the oven
I spit my drink out

>>28358453
>all their drafted recruits will have the combat skills of a Veteran
That's not how Cutie Mark stat bonuses work.
An actual veteran would still be way better at fighting than a baker or librarian who just got their Cutie Mark.
N.b. "Magical Mystery Cure" and "Bloom & Gloom"; none of the Cutie Mark-swapped M6 were any good at their new "talents", or happy in their new careers, and Apple Bloom's dream in shich she needs to learn about her new pest control Cutie Mark via an apprenticeship is presumably based on how knowledge of trades is passed on in reality.

>>28345365
I work as a nurse. I'd be pretty much screwed in Equestria, but maybe I can get a job in horsesurgery

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Untrained handyman

work under-the-table for cheap, since I was fortunate enough to get a lot of my supplies from a retired electrician I worked for who didn't need them anymore

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>>28356287
Yeah, like I know the prank is on Cadance, but I hope Bugbutt had a good time and wants another date with anon unrelated to the pranks.

>>28360986
this.

>>28360835
How hard do you think it would be to find a doctor to get bossed around by? You'd be fine.

>>28353516
>turns out it's just like a regular computer, but with horse puns instead of 1s and 0s

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>>28351227
>A few weeks had passed since the incident in the Crystal Empire you and Discord had orchestrated
>From what you'd heard Cadence had recovered from it well enough, but the scandal was a field day for the Empire's burgeoning gossip colomnists
>Overnight; article upon article cropped up as the Crystal Ponies, though still in awe of their rulers, no longer saw them as untouchable as they once did
>And as far as the gossips viewed it, that made them fair game
>In essence it was chaos. Just as Discord had wanted
>Unfortunate for Cadence and her family, but ultimately harmless
>You only hoped it remained that way
>For your own part it seemed you'd made waves of your own with Chrysalis
>Every day you received another letter from her
>The most recent of which included your name written a love heart, drawn with a mysterious green goo
>You didn't even want to know what that was
>And so, with these burdens in mind, it was no wonder that you sought comfort in your weekly walk with Fluttershy
>Words generally weren't exchanged during these walks - hence why you both relished them
>You enjoyed the opportunity to clear you head in good company
>And for Fluttershy's part, you imagine she just appreciated the quiet
>That's why you were so surprised when she broke this ritual
>"Discord seems very busy lately" she says airily as she trots beside you
>Your breath catches in your throat and you stumble

oh shid ids luggy

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>>28363609
>>The most recent of which included your name written a love heart, drawn with a mysterious green goo
That's adorable.

>inb4 anon and discord just unwittingly set chrysalis on the path of redemption and reformation

>>28363609
>You didn't even want to know what that was
some sort of secreted resin

>>28363739
It's changeling honey. She thought maybe he'd like something sweet.

>>28363609
>You didn't even want to know what that was

What a pussy.

Man up and FUG THE BUG

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>>28363609
"Yeah, well, he's a busy guy I suppose" you offer
>Fluttershy tilts her head in confusion
>"I know that" she begins "But, oh he hardly ever visits me anymore" she pouts, plopping her behind to the ground with a soft *thud*
>"I mean I know that I should be happy for him" she continues "The few times that I've managed to talk to him he's gushed over how much he enjoys working with you"
>You shift uncomfortably
>"But, oh I admit it" she concedes, resting her head in between her hooves "I miss him, just a little bit"
>A pang of guilt hits you
>You move to comfort the mare when a screech comes from below you
>"Ouch! I'm the boss, you're not supposed to walk over me!"
>The voice starts laughing at its own joke
>Looking down, you're shocked to see a pair of yellow eyes jutting out from the cobblestone below you
"Discord? What are you-"
>"Anon! So glad I'm found you" the draconequus gushes, reverting back to his original form and grasping your arm
"Hey buddy" you reply, leaning away from the overeager creature "Erm, you know Fluttershy's here too?" you ask, trying to include the yellow pegasus
>Fluttershy stands and smiles politely at her erstwhile friend
>"Fluttershy! What a pleasure" says Discord, scooping his friend up in his arms "You simply must tell me all about your day"
>Fluttershy beams
>"Well, actually I haven't really-"
>"Yes, yes, very interesting" interrupts Discord, dropping the mare "But if you wouldn't mind, Fluttershy, I'm afraid Anon and I have some business matters to discuss"
>"I'm sure you understand, no?" he asks the tearful pegasus
>"I understand" she mumbles
>Your heart breaks as the dejected mare turns and plods away

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>>28364071
aww

>>28364071
Fluttershy a shit, but I still feel bad for her.

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>>28364071
>Before you can go after her, Discord teleports in front of you
>"I have another plan, Anon" he chortles in excitement "At first I thought we ought to simply spread chaos everywhere. To any pony!"
>The draconequus apparates a stool and sits upon it, pipe in hand
>"But that's just inefficient, especially after I realized we can cause so much more delightful chaos by pranking the head honchos, not the small fry"
>"And so I thought, after how much fun we had embarrassing one princess, why not go after another?"
>You shift nervously
"Who are you thinking?"
>"It's getting dark soon" he grins

>You are Princess Luna
>You let loose a sigh of deep-seated contentment as you glide from dream to dream; bestowing sweet dreams upon your subjects
>Suddenly you feel something graze your hoof
>Reflextively drawing your hoof closer, you dart your head to and fro; searching for the culprit
>You let loose a giggle as you feel the sensation again
"W-what's going on here?" you demand as the tickling returns and assails all of your hooves
>Unable to help yourself, you throw you head back and laugh, darting your legs around in a vain attempt to avoid whatever was causing this
>"S-Stop! Bwahaha, Stop!" you cry, tears streaming from your eyes

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>>28360827
Really? If anything Bloom and Gloom along with a lot of other episodes on Cutie Marks seem to contradict MMCs portrayal of Cutie Mark swap.

First off, MMC got the M6's cutie marks horribly wrong. Like why was Rarity trying to take over the weather team when Dash's talent in no way relates to her skill as a weatherpony. Its about going fast and muh wonderbolts if anything, she has no real passion for the weather.

Why is Fluttershy trying to preform for a crowd of ponies like she's a comedian? Shouldn't she be throwing a really shitty party instead? This is even worse because Pinkie is actually shown to be really bad at public performances, like how her 'You gotta share' show caused the situation to escalate. So why would Pinkie's Cutie Mark be telling Fluttershy to do something that Pinkie herself kinda fucking sucks at?

Also there's Cutie Pox, Bloom and Gloom, and Cutie Map that directly contradict it. In Cutie Pox, AB immediately becomes proficient in all the Cutie Marks she gets. To the point that she learns French by just getting a fancy cutie mark.

Also in Bloom and Gloom, AB is given extremely minimal training before her mentor retires and says she can take it from there for the rest of her life. And she also seems to immediately forget all her so called 'training' after her mark is removed.

And the equalized ponies in Our Town seem to again lean towards the Cutie Pox theory, where the ponies still vaguely remember their old talents. Sugar Star also is somehow physically incapable of baking anything edible, even though cooking is actually pretty easy. Its just following some steps on a checklist.

Now, there's one objection to Our Town example that can be raised: MA Larson wrote both eps, so why would he contradict himself?

Well, MMC was re-written heavily by McCarthy to be crammed into one ep, so it's possible that the whole amnesia/mind control thing would have been explained differently...or well explained at all.

>>28364660
Also just remembered another fuck up from MMC: Throwing parties isn't actually Pinkie's job. She doesn't get paid for throwing parties, she works as a Baker. Meanwhile all the others are doing the rest of the mane 6's actual physical jobs they have to make a living. All of which line up okay with their special talent's except Dash.

But then why the fuck is Fluttershy not doing Pinkies actual job? Sure, it aligns with Pinkie's real talent more, but then why the fuck did they make Rarity fuck with the weather instead of changing it to fit with her actual talent like they did with Flutters? It makes no fucking sense. It's like they somehow couldn't figure out which approach was better and just decided to do both at the same time.

So that's why I disregard MMC stance on CMs. The episode can't even make up its own mind over how they work, so why should I accept it a legit part of the lore?

It's like Gut's having sex with hookers in the Black Swordsman Arc. After Golden Age it makes no sense whatsoever for Guts to fuck prostitutes, so its best to just regard it as non-canon or retconned.

Bj nip

>>28364708
>Gut's having sex with hookers in the Black Swordsman Arc
When the fuck did that happen?

Is writefriend kill?

>>28363609
>Chrysalis will never send you a love letter written with her insect/mare juices.

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>>28345365

I suck dicks for cash

>>28356966
>He seems to have expected this to have gone somewhere.
Heh.

>>28364071
Dam discord thats cold.

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>>28356101
D E S I G N A T E D

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>>28347859
Prepare to breach, we're Oscar Meyer.

>>28365782
S H I T T I N G

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>be Anon A. Anonymous
>from born in USA to a moderately wealthy family (not dirt poor, but definitely no mansion), c. 1913
>live ordinary life, go to college on Carnegie scholarship, graduate with MS in electrical engineering in 1934
>Hired by CWA
>well-qualified, moderately successful electrical engineer here on Earth by the time of the invasion of Poland
>ff to 1942, selected for Manhattan Project
>testing moved from New York to Los Alamos
>tasked by Oppenheimer to develop a more-efficient method of routing power to to the fissile material delivery system
>ff to July, 1945
>task force's work amalgamated in the wiring of the Trinity bomb
>July 16, 1945, 05:00
>making final preparations for testing
>notice weird power fluxing when testing wiring
>within tolerances, so I give the green light
>05:28, final countdown begins
>05:30, detonation
>officially, the test went exactly as planned, with a successful detonation and no damage to personnel or inhabited structures.
>unofficially, the intense energy of the blast focused on a single point caused a small gravitational collapse, just large enough to swallow a person, which lasted roughly six hours before evaporating.
>six scientists, including myself, charged with inspecting the blast site were swallowed by this portal
>of the six, I was the only survivor that I know of.

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>>28367120
>wake up in a forest clearing at night
>extremely sore from spaghettification, interdimensional travel via wormhole, and compression
>no idea how I'm alive
>no idea where I am
>no provisions for survival, save for a pocket knife
>full moon, but still dark af because the trees >watch dial is phosphorescent, thankfully. says 00:45
>decide to wait it out until sunrise, begin walking around to stretch
>stumble on a log in the dark, decide to make a fire with it via the "rub two sticks together" method
>fire started at 01:15
>five hours till sunrise

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>>28367120
>>28367256
go on

The most optimal job for a human in Equestria would be a masseur.

Just think about it. Hands are soft and precise, plus if ponies are anything like dogs they'll love belly rubs.

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>>28367256
>wake up in broad daylight
>check watch, 07:14
"Must have dozed off," I thought to myself, chuckling slightly
>looking around, I notice that I'm surrounded by deciduous trees
>I also notice that the "clearing" I was in was, in fact, a dirt road.
"I wonder if I'm near Ruidoso?" I ask myself.
>The road goes both to my left and to my right for miles
>Which way to go?
>left?
>right?
>right.
>I walk down the road for a few hours, sustaining myself on some blackberries I had found and water from a nearby stream.
>watch reads 10:23.
>Just when I feel as though I'm going to die in these woods, I spot a dwelling built into a tree, adorned with ceremonial masks
"What kind of Indians live in that?"
>Upon closer inspection, I realize that the masks do not follow the traditional patterns of any local Native American tribe, but looked more African in origin.
>As far as I could tell, I was not in Africa.
>I also come to the conclusion that I'm nowhere near Ruidoso.
"Who the hell lives here?" I wondered
>Noticing smoke billowing out of the chimney and the acrid odor of boiling organic matter, I decided to find out.
>To be honest, I was expecting either some sort of heroine addict or some Cecil Rhodes type to open the door
>I was taken aback when a female voice answered
"Who is there? State your name and you can browse my wares."
"My name is Anon Anonymous. I only need directions to..."
>Suddenly, and to my shock, a zebra opens the door, adorned in a rather exorbitant amount of gold jewelry to be living in the forest.
>She gasped upon looking at me
"What in Celestia's name are you? And what with my directions do you plan to do?"
"Please, miss?"
"Zecora is my name, and play with me no games."
"Miss Zecora, I am merely asking for directions to the nearest town so that I may get a decent meal and hopefully directions on how to get home."
"And just where do you call home, if it is in Equestria, getting directions should not be so irksome."

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>>28369039
"Equestria?"
"That is the land in which you stand?"
"I've never heard of it. I live in a place called Los Alamos....Do have any kind of map?"
"I have a map that you can see, if to cause no mischief, you agree."
"I assure you I mean no harm."
>she shows me a map with the position of her dwelling clearly marked.
>I notice that an area labeled as Ponyville is only a mile or so off.
"Thank you for the directions," I tell her.
"It was a pleasure to assist, but now you are dismissed. I would have liked to show you the way, but with my brew, I must stay," she said, gesturing to the pot over the fire.
>my watch read 11:13
>I finished the remaining berries my the time I had made it to the outskirts of the town.
>along the road, I passed by a small cottage where a yellow pegasus with a pale pink mane was tending to some chickens.
"Good morning!" I shouted in what I considered a friendly manner.
>she let out a small yelp and ducked behind a small wheelbarrow
>I shrugged and continued down the road.
>As I entered the town, I realized that it was entirely populated by various ponies, the majority looking like quarter horses with fluorecent coats and manes and large, round eyes. There were a few pegasi and unicorns among them.
>Despite their physiological variance, they all sported the same frightened stare as I passed.
>A few even ducked into buildings.
>I walked into the nearest eatery, looking for some nourishment
>I waited in the queue while the ponies all shared uneasy whispers
>Finally at the front, I placed an order for a bowl of oatmeal, which seemed the most appetizing among the various other grass- and grain-based dishes.
"T-that will be five bits, s-sir," the cashier stated uneasily.
"Bits?"
>I had no idea what bits were
"Yes, five bits."
>I pull some money out of my pocket and placed them on the counter. It amounted to $5.02
"Will this cover it?"
"I-I'm afraid not. I don't know what you're expecting to buy with these pieces of paper."

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>>28364071
Any creature who makes Fluttershy sad deserve to suffer. Especially if she shares feelings for him.

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>>28355175
Wakes up at 6 and goes to bed at midnight? Fuck that.

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>>28364660
Cutie Pox is explicitly a freak magical illness that doesn't work the same way as real Cutie Marks do. Normally, ponies can't get more than one Cutie Mark, so why would one assume that instant proficiency was normal Cutie Mark behavior?

Bloom & Gloom's perfunctory apprenticeship can easily be dismissed as dream logic; presumably, real apprenticeships work the same way they do IRL, and even if they don't the fact that one is needed at all is a nail in the Cutie Pox instant proficiency idea's coffin.

The fact that the equalized ponies in Our Town have general understandings of their special talents even without their Cutie Marks is actually another point indicating that ponies still need to actually learn how to perform Cutie Mark-related skills the normal way, and that the Mark itself just gives them a bonus to their ability checks. Sugar Belle Sugar Star is Bad Dragon's ponyvag toy had to rely on her actual, learned understanding of baking rather than relying on the magic of her Cutie Mark, with predictable results.

The fact that Magical Mystery Cure is a badly-written mess is irrelevant; Pinkie Pie's actual, literal special talent might be throwing parties, but baking and performing arts fall under her skill penumbra, and the original argument (that one could magically graft arbitrary Cutie Marks onto ponies to give them specific skillsets in accordance with state planning) falls apart in light of the events of MMC, regardless of whether you're going by the episode as written or the episode as intended. The M6's destinies/jobs/Cutie Marks were swapped, and the skills related thereunto were not. Period.

>>28355445
You want to be my friend?

>>28369325
Anon seems to be taking this whole pony thing in stride.

>>28369532
>Any creature who makes Fluttershy sad deserve to suffer. Especially if she shares feelings for him.

I wouldn't mind tying up Fluttershy and gagging her, then raping her until she passes out unconscious from a combination of pain and pleasure.

>>28369325
>I don't know what you're expecting to buy with these pieces of paper."
Why did i laugh so hard at this.

Im enjoying this story its a little rough but horrible rhyme aside its fairly good.

>>28371086
I was about to say the same

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>>28371086
>>28371394

I choose a stride than same shit:
>"Where I am?!" "WTF! OMG!" "HURSES TALKING!!!1!1!"

Like every whimpy MC of every history/fiction, no all the people acts like a lost lamb asking every line what is happening.

That shit slow the history a lot.

>>28372437
Not saying it's opposite is better, it's just odd that he accepted it that quick

>>28372447
Well maybe (but not can't be 100%) because being a scientist, objectivity and all.

Far-fetched and streched? Maybe, but can work.

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>>28371305
>horrible rhyme aside
Like the show's rhymes are any better.

>>28372437
That's cool.

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>>28373490
>pic
it took me a second

>>28345365
I'd probably help Applejack on the farm it's simple honest work, and something I can do

>>28373490
She is the savior of the ziggers because she found a rhyme for one of the forbidden words

>>28374475
Yeah, I'd want some physical labor.

>>28374756
>oiling door hinges is a microaggression

>>28345365
>equestria is full of mythological monsters
I'm a witcher, bitches.

>>28374475
Plus after you do it long enough, you'll be applejacked from all the tree-kicking and bushel-carrying.

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>>28374756

>tfw the writefags are dead

Why are you faggots still hear?
I literally did made this thread as a joke!
.......or maybe......maybe the joke was on me the whole time.....

>>28377014
Geralt what are you of doings in my Equestria?
Get the pierdol out of here you white-haired kurwa.

>>28379659
Joke's on you, we had some nice greens here.

>>28346357
This got me to laugh way too hard.

>>28379217
I don't get this
Is she kidnapped just to be verbally abused?

>>28345444
It is a crime that no one has checked these trips

I'm the royal therapist. By the way, let me ask you: did any of you fucking ponies think it was a good idea to leave your civilization in the hands of one princess who was brainwashed into performing all kinds of terrible things, and her sister who threw her in prison? There's all kinds of guilt issues there. Not to mention centuries of buried grief, stress, PTSD, the lack of any real family other than their own dysfunctional relationship, and to top it off you lot haven't developed any sort of psychological study beyond "friendship solves everything". Oh yes, please tell me how friendship can cure schizophrenia. You fucking cunts.

Bump for ww2 anon and chaos anon

Really nice stuff in this thread

>>28379884
I believe you wanted to say 'Spierdalaj, ty białowłosa kurwo.'

>>28381476
Dziękuję, pan Grzegorz.

>>28380769
Your job is to rape the princesses?

>>28380703
She drank too much ayahuasca tea and acheived a direct spiritual link to /mlp/.

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>>28345365
>So it's finally time

>Without reply, I instantly throw down a smoke bomb, all the ponies are thrown into disarray.

>I casually walk out, no one noticed a thing.

>They also didn't notice their bits, stolen.

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page 9 bump

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>>28356101
She was obviously drunk.

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>>28346513
I bet you hold hooves and make eye contact too you slut.

>>28380951

>>28386072
Is there an animated version of this?

>>28345365
Same thing as discord

>>28347692
>>28347791
>implying constants are constant in the magical land of Equestria

>>28348417
kill the baby

>>28351104
this

I'd read the fuck out of Anon raising and hiding her from Celestia, only for her to eventually find out what happened that fateful night, what happened to her parents and the role Celestia and Anon played in it.
Would Anon take his own life out of guilt? What would Twiggles make out of her teacher ordering to kill her brother's family? Where would the young Flurry go after avenging her parents?
This need to happen.

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>>28348417
>Anon the Divine Assassin
Aww yiss.

>>28389374
Would Flurry even want vengeance? I would think Twiggles would become a bigger problem.

You would also have Celestia pissed that Anon didn't finish the job, instead raising one of her innocent ponies into your line of work.

>>28389656
>Would Flurry even want vengeance?
Well it's not the princess of friendship raising her - Anon's an omnivore, hunter and predator and a royal assassin to boot
This would lead to more "aggressive" and "predatory" behavior that Flurry picks up from him. He's also a male, not in tumblr way, just that the lack of a sensitive motherly figure in her life will turn her into a full-blown tomboy.
I imagine, being raised like that, she would seek revenge or "justice", in one way or another.
>inb4: Flurry leads a rebellion against Sunbutt
Bonus points for V for Vendetta scale of happening.

>I would think Twiggles would become a bigger problem.
Twiggles would just freeze in place when she hears that her perfect tutor, whom she worshiped her entire life and whose lessons shaped her to become what she is now, turned out to be "not-so-perfect-after-all". Her entire world would collapse in an instant. Best she could muster would be stammering about "muh friendship"

>>28390180
>Celestia pissed that Anon didn't finish the job
I think she will be more concerned with the ramifications of princess of Crystal Empire being alive and knowing full well /what/ she did.
Especially with said young princess being familiar with the whole assassination trade.

I like to think that Anon would try to hide what he does for a living at first, hoping that he could protect Flurry from the harsh truth, that is until she discovers his hidden armory full of various means of ending one's life.
Reluctantly, Anon would reveal his true line of work and agree to be her mentor after being her guardian for years. It would be interesting to see Anon getting worried as he sees his adopted pony daughter getting better and better at the art of taking lives.

As a final scene, I'd have as young mare Flurry confronting Celestia, getting the shit beaten out of, saved by Anon and watching as he kills both Celestia and himself as a final penance and to prevent Flurry from going down the same road he did.
In the ending, we'd have Flurry sitting in the throne room, contemplating which path of life to take, now that she is free to build her own life after avenging her parents.
Too bad you can't have Gary Oldman being Celestia for the ultimate Leon feel.

>>28390180
I guess, my view on assassins have been kinda skewed since I read Villains By Necessity. In my head I was thinking that this Anon was more like Sam, the main character in that book, in that he was an assassin mostly because he was good at it and it payed the bills.

He wasn't a very aggressive person, in fact besides his profession he was pretty much a decent person and in general a bro.

I was sort of picturing like you suggested but with a few differences, Flurry having been raised by a loving assassin parent would place the blame on Celestia once she understood.

I like your idea for a finale a lot though, a young fledgling assassin in over her head for some semblance of revenge and Anon being forced to turn his blade on his employer.

>>28347265
It's a matter of how you would die that should be a bigger question. I mean, there's a whole world of difference between dying peacefully, and slowly dying in agony, lost in the wilderness with two broken legs and gangrene setting in.

>>28345365
>I shrug my shoulders, as I gently put my drink down
"Do you lot really want to know?"
>Your companions all nod there heads
>Except Discord, as the fucker sits there with a sly smirk on his features. He knows damn well what you do for a living, but he wants to see the look on the faces of these group of ponies drop when you tell them
"Well...I'm what you would call a...err...a Professional Finger-Banger"
>...
>You have to admit, it was pretty damn funny watching their expressions go from glee, then slowly to uncertainity, then to mild disgusted realisation, and finally to curious arousal
>The air is started to smell a little mare potang
>You take your drink in your hand, and take a sip, as you revel in the award silence
>"So sorry about this, my friends, but I have an important appointment that I must keep. Toodles!"
>And, like that the fucker takes off whilst holding onto a flying umbrella
>Finally, someone had the nerve to break the silence
>"...P...p...Professional...Finger-Banger?"
>Trust Twilight to ask the question that shouldn't be asked
>You put your drink back on the table, and with your right hand you form your trademarked Finger Banger that has earned you some serious money for over a year
"Yes, Twilight, that is what I do for a living. Since I'm the only sentient being on this planet with this kind of appendage, I have put my unique traits to good use. For a small, modest fee, I have finger banged many mares that need to relieve that certain...err...itch...If you girls know what I'm saying?"
>They start to slowly nod their heads, their faces now a bright crimson colour, and a couple of them began to shift uncomfortably in their seats
>Damn, that mare potang is really getting strong now!
>"...R...Really? They pay you to...ease their suffering?"
>Despite her wriggling in her seat the most, Rarity knows how to stay classy under such trying times
>You give them all a sly smirk

>>28390515
"Yes, Rarity. In fact, I've just had the honour of easing the suffering of Princess Luna early this morning, just as she was finishing her night shift"
>You lick your small finger, making delicious yummy sounds as you do
>Oh yes, Anon's finger banger is formed by holding the thumb and second finger from the pinkie in, as opposed to the middle finger, since after all ponies prefer to be fucked whilst on four legs, instead of on their backs
>It takes some doing, working your fingers in such an award position, but possible
>Rarity is barely breathing, whilst Applejack has her forehoof moving around under the table
"Well, thanks to Discord, I have no choice to offer my services to you fine ladies as well..."
>"Uuuuggggghhhhh..."
>Applejack groaned out suddenly, almost jumping out of her seat, panting breathessly from her orgasm
>But, no one paid any attention to her
"So, how about it? Want to be a part of the in-crowd that got finger banged by the mighty Finger Banger?"
>"How much?"
"Well, Rainbow, it wouldn't feel right if I were to charge my friends. However, I do want something in return..."
>"Finger fuck me, and I'll blow you..."
>When she's not an arrogant fucker, Rainbow can surprise you when she want to
"Really?"
>"I'll blow you and gobble down your spunk like its fine fucking wine. Just get over here and bang me fucking stupid..."
>You give a nonchalant shrug, as you pull away from the table
"Well, when you put it like that..."

>>28390403
>He wasn't a very aggressive person, in fact besides his profession he was pretty much a decent person and in general a bro.
Well, I meant aggressive relative to the technicolor pastel horse land, where even normal human behavior could sometimes be considered aggressive.
>Flurry having been raised by a loving assassin parent would place the blame on Celestia once she understood
Well while getting warm and fuzzy feelies, I find it far more entertaining to see Flurry dealing with an internal conflict, where part of her wants to make Anon pay for killing her parents, while the other seek to forgive him for his kindness and the remorse he feels every time he looks at her. Not that it means Celly getting off the hook though.
>a young fledgling assassin in over her head for some semblance of revenge and Anon being forced to turn his blade on his employer
I prefer straying closer to Leon in a sense that the death of Anon and Celestia takes away the revenge as a purpose of life, meaning that Flurry, who haven't killed anyone yet, can now live her life in peace, free from violence, at least for a while.
In conclusion we could see her moving in Twilight's castle, partially because it's the only family she has, partially because she needs to see the other, good, side of life and learn to trust someone again.
With nobility in turmoil, nation in great uncertainty, with Luna claiming the golden throne and placing someone she and Twilight can trust as a regent in Crystal Empire, Equestria enters strange days, where nothing is what it seems and everything is possible.

>>28390592
>"YES! YES! OH SWEET CELESTIA!!!!! YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaahhhhh..."
>Damn, Twilight almost crushed your fingers in her twat, as she gysered her juices all over the mare-cum drenched floor
>Several mares are lying off to one side, panting breathlessly with big, stupid grins on their faces, their entire bodies drenched in sweat
>Twilight slowly slides off the table, and on very wobbly hind quarters makes her way to join the "I've-been-fucked-stupid-and-loved-it" group
>Word had got out about your "free" services, and a large line of eager mares was formed
>You stopped one momentarily with your cum-dripping hand
"One moment first please..."
>You look down, and see Rarity, Fluttershy and Applejack, all very satisfied customers, greedily slurping and gulping on your cock and balls
"Okay ladies, here cums dinner..."
>Press tightly together cheek-to-cheek, the three mares open their muzzles wide, with their forehooves placed underneath their chins, so as not to loss a single precious drop
>A few quick strokes and grunt you busted your nut all over their faces, loving how they moaned like whores as they caught your thick load on their tongues, in their mouths, and all over their faces and manes
>Technically, you'll be cumming dust by now. But, thanks to Discord and his special spell, you have the compacity and quantity to paint the whole of Equestria in jizz if you wanted to
>You let the trio lick your cock, as they saviour its unique flavour
"So, what do you girls say?"
>They grinned at you, licking off the salty goodness off their faces
>"Thank you!"
>They lopped off giddily to one side, as you finger crooked Twilight, Pinkie Pie, and another mare you didn't know to come and pay for your services
>Like a drunk trope they come over, and began giving sweet, sweet loving attention to Anon Jr.
"Hmmmm...Okay sweetheart, on the table now..."

>>28390781
>The mare quickly props herself onto the table, her tail raised high, as you position your hand towards her winking cunt, and holding her roughly down with the other
>Now, I suppose you lot are wondering why Anon is going to so much to finger-fuck the horsies, when it could have been so much easier to give them the hot monkey dick instead?
>Well, in that department, Anon is not that...well endowed. In fact, the last time he stuck it in a wet twat, the mare was actually asking him if he put it in yet!
>So, in humilation and rage, he pulled out and rammed his fist deep inside the cunt's cunt instead.
>And from that day forth, Anon the Mighty Finger Banger was born
>And, apart from the shit-load of gold he was making, Anon can also have all the mare potang he wants. And, as much sloppy blowjobs, his secret fetish by the way as humanely possible
>As Anon savagely bangs into the screaming mare on the table, whilst getting his cocked nommed and licked at, he thought that today is a good day to alive
>No regrets

It was going to be a story taken completely out of context. But, I couldn't be bothered and went with it. Hope you guys enjoyed it!

>>28390822
It sucked, stop portrying mane6 as brainless whores

I think I would start a jar opening business. Doing common tasks with my hands that ponies can do with their blunt hooves.

>>28391068
It's all they are anon

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>>28390515
>>28390592
>>28390664
>>28390781
>>28390822

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>>28391086
>that ponies can do with their blunt hooves.
So why would they pay you to do it?

>>28364534
We are so Dead if she catches on.

Bump.
Im lurkin' lucky.
You other writemons too.

>>28391086
>starting a business doing something so easy that even a feeble old lady like Hillary Clinton can do it

>>28350969
>But unlike a certain few million you'd avoided the oven
Took me a second
Also, this is good. Anon better learn some lesser chaos magic.

boop

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>>28364534
>You are Anon
>Feather in hand, you dart to and fro around the slumbering Princess Luna, tickling her exposed hooves
>Her forelegs kick and draw inward instinctively and a sharp whine escapes from her throat
>Seizing the opportunity, you raise the feather to her neck and trace down sharply
>The princess seizes up for a moment before breaking into a running motion, her legs flailing frantically
"What do you think she's dreaming of?" you snicker
>"Look at her. She's dreaming she's running!" coos Discord, a little too loudly, beside you before clamping a paw over his mouth and snapping his head in trepidation towards the bedroom door
>The two of you couldn't risk getting caught, not here
>Smiling cruelly, the draconequus motions for you to continue with the task at hand and you turn your attentions to the exposed wings now lying at the princess' side

>You are Princess Luna
>Laughing and gasping for breath, you gallop clumsily through the dreamscape, trying desperately to escape whatever monster was tormenting you
>You briefly consider seeking refuge in your subjects' dreams before deciding against the idea
>The dreamscape was a fragile ecosystem and needed to be kept in constant balance to ensure sweet dreams and a good night's rest for all Equestrians
>Any disturbance could spell terrible consequences for your subjects
>You grit your teeth and prepare to defend Equestria's dreams to the last when you you feel the dreaded tickling shift to your wings
>Your sensitive, sensitive wings!
>"L-loyalty is overrated!" you think aloud before casting a bolt of magic a few feet in front of you and leaping into the conjured portal

>>28397623
welcome back, we missed you

>>28397623
kek
well thats relatively harmless and adorable

>>28347898

There's also the fact that, based on the fact that there are only a few dozen villages and populated places in Equestria, the total population in the country can't be more than 10,000, and is probably closer to 5,000.

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>>28398011
I think your numbers are way too low.
Manehattan probably has a population of at least 10,000 by itself.

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>>28345365
I'm just a mercenary that pilots an AC (Armored core) unit who dose whatever he's payed to do... But I don't do assassination jobs though, That type of heartless shit is above my paygrade and I have standards to abide to.

>>28398245
I'd husbando an animal, if you know what I mean.

>>28397942
>relatively harmless
for now

>>28397623
Maybe this is just me having a dirty mind but when you wrote something about moving on to the wings I half-expected Anon to give Luna a wet dream.

Unrelated to that I appreciate you writing an original story, and I've added this thread to my watch list.
I especially like the way you write Discord; I could imagine him acting and talking like this in the actual show.

However, at least in my opinion you could have been more clear about what motivation Discord has to employ Anon.
I can see why Discord would need Anon for the Cadance thingie since Chrysalis would likely know of Discord and not go on a date with him.
However, for their plan with Luna Anon isn't required at all; Discord could just do the tickling himself without a problem.
Granted though, pranking is probably more fun if you have accomplices.

This is probably just me being nitpicky, but especially when Anon struggling to be of use to anyone is a major plotpoint I would have preferred it if Discord had presented an actual reason why he needs Anon, something like:
>"You see, I pinkie-promised to my dear friend Fluttershy that I wouldn't just go around spreading chaos whenever I feel like it, but I don't think you've made any such promises, have you?"

>>28401983
>"You see, I pinkie-promised to my dear friend Fluttershy that I wouldn't just go around spreading chaos whenever I feel like it
Isn't that almost literally what actually happened in the show?

>>28401983
>I half-expected Anon to give Luna a wet dream
Give him time.

>>28345365
I'm military so.

I create a Boogeyman for equestria to fight then after beating spread more fear of it throughout the public so I can keep live off the governments money while actually doing very little.
I also shuffle papers.

>>28345365
>You sigh
>"I am the Royal Hemmoroid, Boil and Pimple remover. I remove Hemmoroids, Boils and Pimples from the anuses of Royals."
>All the girls are grossed out, Discord keeps laughing.
>"Oh go on Anonymous. Tell them what you do."
>You sigh again.
>"I use my teeth to pop the pimples, I use my tongue to push the hemmoroids back in, and I suck the fluid from the boils."
>Rarity passes out in disgust as Applejack and Pinkie slowly pull their food away from you.
>"But that's not even the best part is it Anonymous?"
>You sigh again.
>"I also am task with shaving the Royal Undercarraige."
>Discord grabs the tablecloth.
>"With only my teeth."
>Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash vomit on the table.
>"AHAHAHAHAHAHA What a marvelous employment wouldn't you agree girls?"
>"Eh, He does a pretty good job." Twilight flatly states as she continues to drink her tea, giving you a high five.
>Discord frumps at looks at the camera.
>"Oh right, character development for toy sales."

THE END

>>28346357
Black skinned evil
Brave hearted hero
I am all... I am all... I am

I... I... I... I am

>>28345365
Shit, how'd I make money in Ponyville? Just sign me up as a florist. It's probably harder than I think it is, but especially in such a small-town atmosphere, it seems cozy as fuck.

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>>28345365

>employment ?
>huh yeah right

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKTNWI0eYJ4

>>28352290
>rather than merely enslaving and dehumanizing him further

Is it the products of technology which perform the dehumanization? Or is it in fact those who control capital who impose dehumanization?

Machines are not true free agents. They do not possess a will. They perform a task. The task they perform has been designed by humans, even in cases where it is not clear beforehand what particular sequence of instructions the machine may perform (machine learning). In that case, the actions of the machine are also affected by the particular training corpus applied to the machine.

However, regardless of whether or not the particular actions appear deterministic or not, those who create and maintain the machines are responsible for their behavior. If the machines cause the dehumanization of their supervisors, then that is the fault of the humans responsible for the machines, not of the machines themselves.

tl;dr: The machine is not oppressing you. Use that brain, learn about the machine and how it works, and it will lead you to the answer to the question of who is oppressing and dehumanizing you.

>>28404381
>the answer to the question of who is oppressing and dehumanizing you.
Who is it, then?
Is it the capitalist who has no choice but to exploit his capital as efficiently as he can, or else be driven out of business by those who do?
Is it the scientist who has no choice but to pursue research with concrete technical applications because there's no funding to be had for basic research?

>>28403059
tanks for you're cervix

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I'd be a writer.

I'd write entirely original material loosely based on novels I've read from earth. I'd also write music I've listened to on earth.

I'd credit the original authors and musicians of course. Or maybe I wouldn't. I dunno.

>>28403894

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>>28345365
I'd become a janitor.

>>28345365
I made rice.

>>28407328

>>28408222

>>28397623
Lucky, if you're going to take a break from writing could you please set up a pastebin or something so we can track your story even if the thread dies?

>>28409027

>>28410636
this was meant to >>28388631

>>28345365
I'm a sanitation worker, so I clean shit.

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>>28345365
I'm just a bounty hunter, I always get the job done as long as my contractor keeps his or her end of the deal.

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>>28345365
>"uuhhhh, i don't even remember my name. don't do drug ponies"

>>28410636
What a silly pony.

>>28409124
this

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>>28379217
>orange!, orange!

"I'm a handyman- anything for just ten bits. Anything."
>Song magic conveniently starts
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26wrvblgGP0