Reversed Gender Roles Equestria

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>no dong ring
The dong shall rise again!

>>27391199
Dongers

>>27391175
First for "It's not RGRE enough"

>>27391199
nice meme

> Anon is a tragic widower living in the old house
> Adults speak of him in hushed, pitying tones
> Foals dare each other to knock on his door
> Anon just really misses his computer and all the pictures of his waifu

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>no dong ring AGAIN
Well I guess I might as well fucking kill myself then.

>>27391428
Please do.

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>>27391504
I no longer want to, just to spite you.

>>27391554
Just drink the bleach, anon.

Get a room, you two.

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>>27391175

Green? Green.

>Be Anon
>You munch on some trail mix while sitting in the castle garden as you run the title through your head
>"Royal Cuddler"
>Yeah, apparently that's a thing
>Job hunting kind of sucks when you're the fairer sex here, so you just asked the princesses to get you one
>And this is the best they can give you
>Whatever, it's not like you can complain
>You get housing, access to most of the castle, and even FREE healthcare!
>All that for just snuggling with the castle staff whenever they need it?
>That's pretty awesome, brah
>There's just a few things that are shady here and there, though
>One, your room is always dimly lit, and there's no way that you can turn it brighter than one of those fancy restaurants
>And two, all the clothing they give you are kind of...risque
>Like, every shirt you have is cut short, reaching only barely above your navel
>Each one of them have some weird euphemism written on the front, like "Raspberry King", which you are wearing right now
>Not to mention that yoga pants are the only thing you have to pair with them
>You're not even gonna go into the undergarments, but you have to admit that laced boxers do feel great on you

>>27392265

>Crap, you dropped something
>You peer down, and notice that it's just a cranberry
>Eh, it's not like anyone ever eats the dried fruits in these
>"Ahem."
>Oh look, it's one of the maids here
>Quick, Anon! How do you address other people?
"Hai."
>GREAT WORK, A+ JOB THERE
>"You're the one that gives cuddles, right?"
>You look around yourself, causing her to turn her head to see what you're focused on before turning back to you
"Well, I don't see any other humans than myself, soooo yeah."
>"Umm," she gets up to you and whispers in a hushed tone "It's my break right now. Can you just come with me to my room?"
>She begins to sweat
>Poor thing; those dresses must be really stuffy, especially at this time
"Snuggles?"
>She blushes and nods
"Why not just do it here?"
>"WHAT?! Other ponies will see us! J-Just come with me, OK?"
>Aww, she must be shy about being affectionate in public

-----

"I like your room."
>"Thanks, I guess."
"Hey, what do you wanna do?"
>"What do you mean?"
"Well, it's my first time doing this, so you gotta show me what you want from me, y'know?"
>"...It's your first time?"
"Mhmm, why?"
>She pumps a hoof into the air and you hear her say "Yesss" under her breath
>"Nothing. Just get on the bed and let me change out of this."

>>27392282

>You climb onto the mattress, the frame groaning under your weight as you sink into the cushion
>In a few moments, she comes out...undressed?
>Can you call it undressed if it's a species consisting mostly of nudists?
>Her breathing became labored, and she crawls up next to you
>"I hope I'm not too disappointing to you."
>You take a good look at her, and she looks fairly normal, at least, by your standards
>A bit of chub here and there, but hey, that just means she'll make for a good pillow
"Nonsense, you are adorable in my book."
>She crosses her hooves and huffs, "I-I'm plenty marely, though."
>HNNNGH
>WHERE'S YOUR INSULIN POUCH, THERE'S A CLASS 7 K.Y.O.O.T. HERE
"Augh," you grip your chest "Let's just start with hugs."
>"O-Ok."
>The two you you turn to your sides as you wrap your arms around her waist, herself pressing her back against you
"Hows this?"
>"Mmn, can you try rubbing my belly?"
"Alright."
>You free an arm and begin running your palm across her soft, soft, wow REALLY soft tummy
>You were right, her extra chub gives her an almost jelly-like feel
>Slowly making circle patterns, you note that, if given the opportunity, you could potentially caress this tummy all day
>"Ahh~ Now, nibble on my ear."
>Making sure to not use your teeth, you put the the tip of an ear into your mouth, slowly nomming on the bit
>"Yeeaaah~" she moans through a series of pants and groans "C-Call me a pretty filly!"
>You free your lips and press your cheek against her's, slowly nuzzling it
"I don't need to be told to know that you're a pretty filly. Cutie."
>"Ohhhh BUCK!"
>And with that, she's all tuckered up, hooves kicking every once in a while and giggling
>Welp, that was fun
>And you can most certainly get used to this

I liked writing this. Thoughts?

>>27392299
I think
I like this storyline. I'd like to see more snuggles, though. You can never have enough snuggles.
But you know it seems like the princesses would be miffed about the hired help horning in on their official royal cuddler.

>>27392299
i liked it. 8/10 would read again

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>>27392299
mares are such cuddlesluts

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>>27391199
>>27391428

Reminder that Nyanthrlopthet (The Lovecraftian shapeshift god-thing) takes forms that drive lesser beings insane. In one story he's in a form of a human.
Incidentally, ponies are driven insane by anon's eldritch for
What's that form, you ask? It's unshaven, just-woke-up Anon

>>27392686
it drives them insane,
for belly-rubs

>/rgre/ - Eldritch Abominations & Elder Gods

>>27392886
Just because we're an ethnic restaurant doesn't mean we can't make the menu seasonal.

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>>27392251

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>>27392886
Also changelings and teat twisting.

>>27392886
EAEG? Sounds like something you say when you get electrocuted.

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>>27391236
Land sakes, are you /still/ on about that? That was /months/ ago.

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What is stopping me in RGRE from just abducting little mares at my leisure and using them as my personal cuddle-pets for the evening?

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>>27392251
>>27392935
It's odd to really be able to pinpoint the moment that someone's creative career went up in flames like this.

This is a great example of the backlash people had against trying to forcibly insert cheap emotional manipulation into what people used to (probably) go to for light fun. It was a sort of proto-sjw "now that I'm part of this group, I'm going to make the subject about whatever I want it to be about, no matter how badly it fits!" idea.

Why haven't we had similar backlash against other people who try to turn shenanigans into srs bidness?

>>27393272
A hoof to the face. They might be taught not to hurt stalliones, but every mare has her limits.

>>27392886
It really rolls right off the tongue, doesn't it?

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>>27393282
>A hoof to the face.
What's so painful about a big marshmallow?

>>27393311
The force of the blow and the thick, horny keratin covering on the leg.

>>27393281
I only understand the first sentence of your comment, what the hell is that other stuff about? You're replying to a picture and an empty comment that links to that picture, I don't even the whole

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>>27393282
>thinking they can attack once disabled by petting

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>>27393338
Are you sure you're not talking about real horses here?
Because I'm talking abut little magic ponies here.

>>27393351
I replied to the comic page and to one of the responses to the comic page. Images contain information and can count as a response all on their own. You may have heard of the expression "a picture is worth a thousand words".

But alright, I'll say this the long way. Just for you.

- - - - -

"Loss", from the webcomic Ctrl-Alt-Delete, was the page that basically drive that webcomic into the ground immediately from the backlash.

Normally, things just fade out instead of exploding spectacularly in a way that leaves a mark like this.

This is unusual.

It failed hard because the comic writer forced emotional bullshit where it didn't belong, and the audience punished it.

We are people who know a thing or two about internet culture, so we are part of that audience, or we're at least a current analogue of the audience of webcomics.

SJWs ruin things by making otherwise fun shenanigans all about their pet issues. This is a lot like what happened with the Loss comic from the webcomic Ctrl-Alt-Delete, which is the source image from which all these memes are derived.

We fucked up that comic back then, and made it a symbol of stupidity.

SJWs are doing essentially the same thing with how they poison everything they touch.

Why aren't we fucking their shit up just as badly?

>>27393414
Not that anon, but the difference is loss wasn't pushing some agenda. It was 100% needless drama for the sake of being "deep" . Stupid in its own way, but not the same as SJW shenanigans.

>Metal Anon in equestria
>He sings about stepping on flowers, and stealing ponies' mail
>His dark, dangerous lyrics attract outcasts and the downtrodden
>Eventually a sugar-addicted fan splashes him with a water balloon during a concert
>Some ponies mourn, others smile self-righteously at his well-deserved fate
>Anon continues the tour, since he has multiple shirts
>This one is waterproof

>a salvo of laser beams shoots past your window
>the couch beneath your butt quakes three times in succession
>a cry echoes through the air that makes your bones cry blood
>yep, one of those days in Ponyville
>you dare take a peek outside, want to make sure your lawn is safe
>damnit, something took a big bite out of it
>assessing the damage on your prime daffodils, you turn to the center of your town
>a huge mass of raw flesh, covered in squirming tentacles and sharp toothed maws is fighting against six non-descript ponies
>just glad this is none of your business... or is it?
>someone is going to pay you reparations for the lawn
>if it was an accident, you have insurance
>but if it was vandalism, they have to pay for it
>you brush past fleeing ponies
>they scream in terror as if this wouldn't be happening every other weekend
>eventually you arrive on the scene of battle
>the meaty blob is truly gargantuan, easily as tall as the city hall and many times its diameter
>the tentacles whip everything to smithereens what they can't grab
>you try to suppress your pthd
>post-traumatic-hentai-disorder
>ok, that was a terrible joke, but the tentacles are real
>an international flag of the gay is flying straight in your direction
>she lands with a pomf =3 "Waah, Anon! This isn't a place for stallions! Run!" dodging a lashing tentacle, she jumps back into the fray
>you look directly into an eye on the fleshy mountain, and are rewarded with an aching headache
>t-thanks obama
>you wave at it, but there is no reaction
>"Anon!" you hear Twilight shouting from behind "Run! It's going to destroy everything!"
>she attempts to pull you away with magic
"Stop it."
>she increases her efforts "I don't need to deal with a moody stallion now of all times!"

>>27393502
>for a second the world around you becomes quiet, the tentacles stop their flailing
>the maws open and speak as one "G͙̲͇̪̗̳o͖͚̖̰̺k̩̙a̢̞̠͕͙̳̜̦ ͙͚͕͕c̵-̬̝̫b̺͚̘͙̰̕ͅt̙̲h̥͓n͏̳̝̯̳͓k̞̕ ͚͔̭g̞̦͖̻o̺͍͍̙̜̻̤͞f͖'̰͇̩̤̫̲n͖̹̪n͇͈̹̰,̝̲ ̳̦̫̹̥̺̮h̴̦̻̬̗u̹̤ͅp̡̙͔a̳̮̠̞̜̠̝͜d͙̻ͅg̩͓͕̥̞̜̙h͎̻̹̭-̙͖̰̺og̭̪͇̦͚͞ ̞̖̭f͙̦-̭̰́g̰͖r̬a̹̳̜̘̖̣h͉̙͈͙'͖͖n̫̮͖̠̘̗̖ ̩̫ͅf̩̪͔h̵̻̠͖̮ạ̙l҉̮̲͇͖̘̫͓m͙̠͈͇̯͢ͅͅa̶̪̦͎̠͉̣̫."
>the guttural language hurts in your ears, Twilight is clutching hers, desperation written on her features
>you turn back to 'it'
>the tentacles hover, as if it was waiting for an answer
"Uln'ai phlegeth insurance information, sgn'wahl hai."
>the tentacles go full apeshit "M̫̬̙̙̰͡n͎͇̣a̠̘h̵̖n͕͖͔̫̗'̷̼r͖o͏̰̹̙͕͈͔ͅn̪̣,͈͖͉͎ ̫̖̳̘̭̯̯y̗̼̘̕-͎̥ś͉͎͕g̢̟̪̰n̡͇'̹̤̞͎͈̦̫͞w͚͓͙͇̰͝a͓͖̺̠̬̲ͅh͟l͕̙͟ ͕̦̪̜͙̰s̬h̵̦̣̰͎̪̜̫t̵̻̮̳̳̻ͅú͓̯̯̮͕͔̟n̷̞͙g̷̙͖̣̗̙g͍̫͖͕l͚͚̟̝̬̗̥i̛͓̯̤͍̩ ͝p̣h͔̗̤̫͝ͅ'̸-͚͉̰̟ͅǹ͙͉̝̼͍̥g̪l̴̝u͍̺͙̺͝ͅi̖̬̫̫̞ ú̳̲̣̞͉̫̞h̯̞͍̦'̥̘̼̫̝͇e͖̲̮͇̪̫̦!"
>can you believe this guy?
"Look, if you can't pa-"
>Twilight yanks you away from the horror-terror, and around a corner

>>27393518
>awfully aggressive, almost like a playful kitten
>her upper lip rises in a display of disgust "Where did you learn that?!" she snarls
>she puffs out her chest-fluff and flares her wings in an attempt to appear bigger than she is
>you rub the back of your neck, awkward silence ensuring
>a few months ago you went into her library to get a book
>she wasn't there so you just took it
>Pride and Prejudice
>when you opened it, you realized that it was a false cover
>inside was Cthuvian for Dummies
"Umm, promise you won't yell at me."
>her pupils shrink to the size of pinpricks "There is a giant monster, that may or may not be my uncle, destroying Ponyville and eventually the world as we know it, and you're worried that I yell at you?!"
>she's yelling
"Well, you can be pretty scary at times."
>wait, uncle?
>the ground quakes again and you stumble
>Twilight tchs "Tch, we have no time. You need to act as an interpreter for now. Can you do it?"
>you nod
>the two of you approach the monster and stop just out of tentacle's reach
>Purple drank mare begins "Hi, it's me, Twilight. Who are you?" she talks slow, like you're both retarded
>the monster crosses its tentacles
>all of them
>you translate
>it was all a misunderstanding
>Eldritch horror is nice
>ponies get cuddles
>the end

>>27393527
BUT WHAT ABOUT ANON'S LAWN

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>>27391175
Love the OP.

>>27393545
>Anon's garden was ruined by the fighting
>Magic laser beans torched half his lawn
>Razor sharp crystalline-magic throwing-stars the size of hubcaps are embedded in his driveway
>Anon files a report with the ponice
>No pony is above the law, not even a protagonist one
>Twilight has to spend every weekend for the next few months fixing the damage to Anon's garden

>>27393374
So how does it feel, being such a massive faggot?

>>27393922
>She has to do it in sexy lingerie
>Anon didn't agree to anything less
>He has beer and a show every week

>>27393502
> =3
*Denko flashbacks*

>>27393931
>twilight and other ponies notice he enjoys the show
>they think it's hot

Anon is basically that hot milf, because ponies mature at a younger age or some shit, you see all the time in anime to them.

"Ara ara."

>>27391175
So, that's why she's retarded...

>>27394031
No, it's hereditary.

>>27394031
No, but that's why she's physically misshapen. Mares without any ass were birthed from mares who refused to stop working. Fetal flat-ass syndrome effects 1 in 4 ponies, and is a silent boner killer throughout Equestria.

>>27394190
>This message is brought to you by the Sturdy Equestrian Rump association

>>27393482
On top of that, the "emotional depth" was really stupid in its own right, with the news post accompanying the Loss comic in which Tim Buckley tells his readers how he broke up with his ex-girlfriend because she had a miscarriage.

>>27394020
I always enjoy the CMC crushing on a DILF Anon stories.

>>27393933
>"What are we gonna do in the garden?"

>>27394714
not using the "pomf" as they fall onto the grass

Complimenting stallions: Is "handsome" still a man compliment in rgre? Or are mares going around calling colts "beautiful" and "pretty"?

I think there was a moondancer fic where Anon exposes himself in front of her becasue sex, and she tells him that he's the most handsome thing she's ever seen/

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>>27394833

>Or are mares going around calling colts "beautiful" and "pretty"?

>No one will ever call you pretty

>>27394869
Excuse me, SIR. I'll have you know I'm a very pretty boy.

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>>27394869

What the fuck, that's not the picture I picked.

>>27392566
It was a ring from the episode. The artist implied that Daring Do confesses to Ahuizotl. Its meant to be shipping.

>>27394908
It's a dong ring, ya dingus.

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Message to this >>27392020 Anon.
Here's your sauce
https://derpiboo.ru/1007711
I saw your post only now. Timezones are shit.

>>27395003
This pone needs more bone.

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>>27395067

She's nothing but bone look at this skinny bitch

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>>27395318

>>27395318
But when you bone the pone, you leave a new pone forming inside her, which will help her put meat on her bones.

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>>27395347
You have to eat all of the salad.

>>27395374

The egg salad?

>>27395318
>not wanting to watch her lithe, taut form distend when you enter her
>not wanting to run her athletic, perfectly formed body to the point of exhaustion
>not wanting to go on shoot with her, and smile knowingly when she's hounded for details of her new workout routine
>not wanting to simultaneously ruin and improve the highest class non Royal pone in all Equestria
You have forgotten the face of your father.

>>27395401
Whatever feeds the baby.

>>27395499
>>27395347
>>27395374
>>27395067
>>27395318
>>27395326
>>27395003

More Trophy Husband Anon WHEN?!

what ever happend to eldritch abomonation anon?
i wanna see their reacton when they realize their dealing with a skelanon

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>>27395003
>>27395318
>>27395326
>>27395374

>>27395804
Nothing like wressling with your mare.

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>>27395809
WRASSLIN

>>27395499
I just want to rut her ass until she can't form coherent words and falls into a sex coma.

>>27395499
Oh yes

>>27395950
I want her to hold me close and tell me she loves me. Sorry if that's a bit too lewd for rgre

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>>27396060

>>27395941
T-that's l-lewd anon. I don't feel comfortable now

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>>27396085
Don't you wanna WRASTLE?

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One of you fuckers needs to stop telling people I'm dead. I'm not dead, and the court date has been set for June 14th.

>>27396379
RIP

>>27396379
Sorry for your loss.

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>>27396384
STOP THAT

>>27396379
Remember Amphetanon? It was a tragic accident that took him from us, wasn't it?

>>27396379
when were you when amphe non dies?

i was on chan posting shit words when amphe post

'i'm not dead'

'no'

and you????????

>>27396379
Did he OD?

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>>27396379
Alas, poor Writefag! I knew him, Anon: a fellow
of infinite keks, of most excellent horsefuckery: he hath
borne me on his memes a thousand times; and now, how
idle my my fapping is! my cock flags at
it. Hung now with despair and not concerned with horsepussy
as was. Where be your lewd now? your
fetishes? your jests? your flashes of breeding,
that were wont to set my lance erupting? No one
now, to mock me with your posting? quite shit-posted?
Now get you to your word processor, and write now, let
words flow fast, to favour my lust and
thirst; make me fap at that. Prithee, Writefag, anon write Anon

>>27394988
anon you are committed

>>27396458
>>word processor
>Not typing directly into pastebin
Shame

>>27387692
Sorry dude, no fucking clue who did them, they are old as fuck ideas from aie, someone over there may know, at least the futa celestia one, the other is one i have never seen recommended so it may actually be forgotten.

--------

Fun question time.
Is discord male or female?
All evidence points to male, but a being of chaos may mean it is female just to fuck with expectations.
Or would discord be futa, just to add to the ambiguity?

>>27396801
>Or would discord be futa
please no

>>27396801
They identify as chocolate milk

>>27396801
Sadly, I think the correct term would be gender fluid, since he would be whichever he felt like at a given time. But male seems to be his preference.

>>27396879
However, being of chaos power and loves to fuck with people, I could easily see the male discord is really a female and the Eris is a male.

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>>27396879
stop

>>27396879
Discord's genitals are a constantly mutating, roiling, fleshy mass of dicks, vaginas, mouths, and eyeballs.

But he doesn't call attention to it. He's not a pervert or something, jeez.

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>>27396978
>thinking about discords mutating genitals

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>>27396879
>I think the correct term would be gender fluid
>gender fluid

>>27396978
This seems the most in-character.

>>27396379
>court date
wut

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>>27396879
>gender fluid

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>>27396879
>>27397177
>>27397230
>gender fluid
Is that like how mares are messy eaters? 'Cause mares are a gender and they get fluids on them?

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>tfw you'll never greet your waifu as she comes home from work while cooking dinner

>>27397270
I think they are referring to the fluids that come out of genders

>>27397177
>>27397230
>>27397270
Hey, I'm not happy a made up Tumblr definition actually applies in the case of exactly one shapeshifting chaos god, but there it is.
Perhaps it is better to say, Discord would be genderfuck.

>>27397301
Discords race, gender, genus, and species are all the same thing: reality warper. I woulda Eris, though. I woulda so hard.

>>27397320

>You will never be Eris' play thing for the next era or so

>>27397292
>>27397270
>tfw you'll never greet your waifu with a face-full of cum as she comes home from work while cooking dinner

>Twilight's new experiment creates a sound unheard to ponies but annoying as fuck to human perception.
>Grows in intensity over days.
>Anon becomes increasingly erratic.
>Anon ends up going crazy from the pain; hallucinations, violent, pissing, vomiting, and shitting, crying, etcetera, and goes on a rampage.
>Other Princesses rush there because a newly-revealed Abomination, a male at that, is going berserk.
>They try to calm him down like he were just a hysterical stallion, while another Princess does damage-control (normal ponies, the environment, etcetera, because of caustic, hallucinogenic, corrosive, and the like, various body-fluids).
>Eventually calm him down ('bring him down') after he tries to claw off his own face.
>Injuries reveal tendons and bone, which freak out the Cthuloid Princesses.
>Anon was just tripping balls, like a bad LSD trip.
>Anon's bad LSD trip symptoms were worse than reality/Princess Abominations; when he describes what he had experienced, he horrifies them.

>>27397399
>"Anon, I'm home!"
"Kitchen."
>You hear the steady clopping of your ponewife, as she makes her way through your not so humble abode to stand by your side.
>"Will dinner be long? Work was unbelievable and I'm famished."
"Another hour, probably. But, if you're hungry, I’ve been snacking on celery and melons all day long. Help yourself."
>This little routine was why you ate the way you ate, and why you always made sure dinner was never quite ready when she came home.
>She understood, hell, she started it, and played her part to a tee.
>”Why thank you, so considerate.”
>Buttons are undone and you feel the cool air of the kitchen, but only for a moment.
>Languid wet warmth replaces that previous coolness, and your shared ritual begins in earnest.
>Long distracting minutes later, your balls are empty, her stomach is full and you’re both leaning against the counter watching water boil.
>”Someone was pent up.”
“More where that came from, too.”
>She laughs, burps a little and then clops her way to the living room where she’ll read until dinners ready.
>Standing in your kitchen, cock out and freshly blown, you remark to yourself, not for the first time, that life in Equestria doesn’t blow.

>>27396801
Finally some else thinks that, personally I like the idea of discord going around convincing everyone hes male and just have female parts

>>27397508
Bready good green, but I was picturing more:
>"Anon, I'm ho-AAH ANON WHAT IS-"
>Ponywaifu's too busy coughing on your load of cum to scold you.
>You giggle like a child and run away, naked.
>You'd kept yourself on edge for nearly twenty minutes waiting for her by the front door.

I think I like yours more.

>>27397638
>It was actually the mailmare, late as usual
>Anon then commits adultery with Derpy

>>27394239
Personally, best time to do it if the relationship was just because of the kid, I may be the asshole here but I don't need to deal with the baggage of someone else because she couldn't take the pill.

>>27393414
From what I remember in the comic, they had many stories like this that went on for a while, most light hearted, some more serious. This was one that took the "seriousness" up to 11 and then tried to go to 12.

I didn't like it, but the comic didn't dwell on it for too long, so fuck it, I take more issue with how it ended then this part.

>>27397908
Same. I thought the storyline was dumb, but it was just a webcomic so I didn't really care all that much. I went back to reading a week later.

>>27397934
At best it made me laugh in under 30 seconds at worst I mehed, I don't get the hate that ctrl+alt+del got before the storyline ending.

>>27396879
God I want to kill you

>>27396379
so what's going on?
will we get more anon is twis dad or is irl bullshit to much for you to make even small updates?

>>27397499
You know, always been partial to luna dream walking in on anons dreams of home with a sense of wonder, possibly a nightmare inspired by a horror movie and anon not being able to wake up with the princess to freaked out to remember 'its just a dream stupid, you control this shit' but anon just being anon scaring candy coated abominations is close enough.

>>27398012
Well, lets be fair, if he identifies as chocolate milk he is technically gender fluid.

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>>27398280
CARLOS!

>>27398280
Carlos, if you try and pull that shit again, I will wring you 8-year-old child neck.

>>27396879
Discord sexually identifies as semen, and wants anon/others to refer to them as semen, semination, and/or inseminated.

>>27398280
if this wasn't a chaos being, I would be mad.

>>27398471
>"Excuse me shitlady, my gender pronouns are cake/rains/fartself. Stop raping me by acknowledging my presence."

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THICK
H
I
C
K

>>27398520
Yes that is a thick piece of shit

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>>27398520

>>27398520
I'd fuck it

>>27398653
I lot of us would.

>>27392686
I know this is kinda late, but I had to stop my day to to tell you that it's spelled Nyarlathotep, not what you said.

>>27398520
And this is a prime example of thick done right

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>>27398520
>Anthro Eris.
>Not spaghetti Eris.
Please.

>>27398520
>>27398903
>inb4 no hooves 3dpd

https://www.instagram.com/missmiafit/?hl=en

"Mmmmmm...."
>"Aaaahhh..."
>"Oh! Oh... oh horseapples~"
>As one the three of you sigh, sinking into the hot tub
"Wow. Caramel, Big Mac, I gotta say - thanks for forcing me to join you-"
>"No problem...hah, Anon. Oh, this just always works out the kinks..."
>"Eyup~" Big Mac agrees, sliding further into the tub until just his face sticks out
>Heh
>You gently send a wave over to him, and he huffs, giving you the stink eye
>Grinning, you slide down too
"Yeah... yeah...I didn't even know there was a private area-"
>"Well, it's mostly a colt's area. Allows us to have some privacy, yanno?"
"Er... sure."
>You're not going to admit that your bathroom window faces the schoolhouse
>You're DEFINITELY not going to admit that you time your steamy showers timed during their recess
>....you wanna be the DILF, ok?
"Yeah, I'm... not really ok with the nude sharing-"
>"Yeah, what's up with that?"
"Eh. Human hangup."
>"Ah well. Sorry, you were saying?" Caramel continues, splashing his hooves idly in the water
"-eh. Just that I usually bathe alone, yanno? So when in a group, wear pants."
>"Oh."
>"Hm."
>.....
"What?"
>"N-nothing! Just, other cultures, right Macky?"
>You see Mac shift underwater, and Caramel suddenly gets tipped
>"H-hey!"
>"Ah hate that nickname!"
"Oh, there's a story there~"
>"Welllll I won't say nothin-" An intense underwater hoof fight is happening - you can only assume, given the now-choppy water "-but a certain SOMECOLT-"
>"Ah SWEAR, Caramel, I'll tell Ahnon about the bubblegum inciden-"
>Laughing like a man who does not fear death, Caramel turns to you. "SOMECOLT was caught kissin Cheerilee at his prom... AND THEN being hoofed over to Blossomforth!"
>You whistle appreciatively
"Wow, Mac. That's impressiv-"
>"W-They said they wanted tah herd with me!" Mac almost squeals, sending a massive wave to swamp Carmel
>Caramel gives you the hoofs up as he slowly sinks beneath the wave
>You salute
"Well, aren't you still seeing Cheerilee?"
>"Th-that's not the point!" Mac cries

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>>27399030
>Soundown's proportions are unrealistic.

>>27399046
thats the point

>>27399075
I think his point is that based off of >>27399030 they're not.

>>27399037
"Then what is?"
>"It's... it's just, uuughhh-" Mac sighs, rolling his eyes. "It just... for a few years, mares thought I was easy, so - I just... had to withdraw....for a while." Mac mumbles out the rest, and you 'ah' softly
>"Blblblblblblbl-"
>Reaching over, you lift up Caramel
>"Gah! Anywaayyy~. The bubblegum incident was basically... just... don't french a pony while chewing gum. Just don't."
"Gotcha. And that makes a lot of sense, Mac. I'm sorry that happened to ya."
>"Meh....It's all in the past now. Besides, Cheerilee stayed."
"Yeah, what happened to Blossomforth?"
>"AJ."
"Aaaahh..."
>Farmer's daughter? You can only imagine.
>"So, Anyway, did you colts see the new Daring Doo movie?"
* * *
>You wave goodbye to Anon, and start walking back to the orchard with Mac
>For you are Caramel
>And you're the handsomest pony of the three
>Bless their little hearts, they try, but...
>You sway your hips just cause you can
>"Ah don't like it."
"Hmm?"
>"Didja hear? Ahnon bathes alone!"
"Hmm... yeah, but I didn't want to PRESS it-"
>"Ah know, but still." Mac purses his lips. "Bathin' together is a rarity for him? Ah shudder to think - what if he also eats alone?"
"Mac, I'm sure he's not-"
>He rounds to look at you, eyes wide. "What if he SLEEPS alone?!"
"Mac. This is Anon we're talking about-"
>"He kin legally buy salt."
"Ok, but still-"
>"He boops new mares he meets on the street!"
"....surely he-"
>"He hangs his boxers out to dry in the FRONT YARD."
"....oh Celestia. If that's not a cry for help..."
>Mac nods, sagely
>Internally, you sigh. You might be the cute one, but Mac was always sharp as a tack
"....well. We're good friends - we're gonna fix that!"
>You and Mac hoofbump, nodding
>Yeah! Colt power!
>Anon won't ever be alone again!
* * *
That's it for right now. Suddenly got tired.

HELLO BNW

>>27399269
Hello, friend.

>>27399206
Truly this will only lead to hell.

>>27399206
>>27399434
>Not sure if gay bathhouse hell or just normal hell.
>Sure that do not want gay bathouse hell.

>>27399434
>>27399501
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCbfMkh940Q

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>>27399206
>"....well. We're good friends - we're gonna fix that!"
oooh shit

>>27399037
>I wanna be The DILF
I would like a story in this vein pls

>>27399770
As in, Anon failing to be a DILF or him actually being a DILF and is fully aware of it?

>>27399874
Maybe he's a DILF and is completely unaware.

>>27399953
But Anon, the prompt here is "I wanna be the DILF", so that is completely out of the question.

>>27399874
I personally vote for Anon being aware of it. I'd read the SHIT out of a bunch of school fillies peepin' on Anon while he's in the shower. Preferably with Miss Cheerilee not chasing them away until AFTER they caught a glimpse of something.

>>27399206
>bathes alone
>eats alone
>sleeps alone
Oohhh, THIS idea again, eh? Continue soon, you glorious bastard.

>Anon hasn't been in Equestria long enough to have ditched his cross-species problems
>Mares think he has problems

>Anon doesn't want to herd up
>Anon doesn't show much interest in mares period
>Mane 6 think he might be gay
>Introduce him to various stallions they THINK are gay and encourage them to hit it off
>And also maybe because colt-on-colt action is super-hot

>>27400061

>"Hey Anon. This is Butt Pirate. I'm totally not introducing him to you because I'm a filthy degenerate that thinks lowering numbers of future offsprings through promoting homosexuality among stallions is OK and watch gay porn in my spare time!"
"What the fuck Ponk-"
>"ByeandIhopeyougodivingforthatasssometimesoon!"

>>27400127
>Meanwhile Butt Pirate (middle name: Kickin') wonders why mares keep introducing him to gay aliens.
>Anon just wants to go on a high seas adventure to find buried treasure.

>>27399206
wow this is actually great!

>>27400187
>Implying BNW is a shit writer

>>27400187
I meant nothing of the sort!

please forgive my transgression BNW.

Mane 6 and Anon have never really gelled as friends, despite the 6's attempts.

He doesn't like they go on whacky adventures every day or so, and would rather keep clear of that shit. He also finds them annoying as fuck, despite the fact he gets on well with Mac, etcetera.

Anon ends up being casual friends with a few background pones, like Redheart.

He's also sweet on her, and they end up casually flirting.

Unfortunately, the 6 are trying to set up one of their number, or Celestia, with him, as they're 'friends'.

Anon is far from impressed.

BNW had a fucking second coming last month, but did BGW die in his place?

>>27400285
"Anon is boring" is one of my least favorite story prompts.

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>>27400285
>refusing the god princess of equestria and princess of the sun
I don't think so, Tim.

>>27400285
"Hey Anon, you look bored, wanna hook up with my sexually repressed goddess monarch mentor? I'll put in a good word for you."
>"Nah."
"Why not?"
>"I'm a shitty prompt, Twi. It's what I do."

>>27400285
>"Tell you what, colt. You bed this big ol' mare, and you get stuff like unlimited political power, food fit for a Princess from ALL across the world, a bed that has a sun-goddess in it, and the novelty of being able to say that you've fucked the sun and MEAN it."
"PFFT NAH FAG"

>>27400362
Is Celestia wearing clothes in that image? I wonder if she'd understand more than any other pony why Anon covers up all the time. She probably lived through a period of a couple hundreds of years where ponies wore clothes all the fucking time.

>>27400378
>Anon and Celestia secretly see each other for months.
>Anon finally puts out'.
>Anon ends up fucking Celestia into a coma.
>Ponies panic.
>Anon isn't suspected to be the cause because 'harmless stallion'.

>>27400163
They should become best friends.
Pone will be the Butt Kicker
Anon will take the name of Cunt Kicker
Brothers from different mothers
Together they fight __crime__

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>>27400483
>>Anon ends up fucking Celestia into a coma.
>sun doesn't come up in the morning
>"NIGHTMARE MOON HAS RETURNED!"
>Luna's face when she has to deal with panicking ponies AND she had to listen to her sister get railed into her bed all night
>all the way from the throne room

>>27400483
>Ponies suspect Anon
>Anon is genuinely panicking that he might have hurt Celestia
>Ponies see Anon as a distressed, somewhat hysterical colt and immediately dismiss him as a suspect

>>27400545
pffff
>Luna gets so bluebeaned that she considers becoming Nightmare Moon once more

>You are Luna.
>This is bullshit.
>Your sister gets the best fuck of her life, and YOU get to hear it ALL DAY SLASH NIGHT LONG.
>You also got some weird tingly feelings in your tummy from hearing your sister wailed like she was.
>You aren't sure what that means, but you don't like it.
>You ESPECIALLY don't like how the peasants keep SCREAMING about how the sun hasn't risen yet.
>>"Nightmare Moon is back!"
>You know what? Maybe she has.

page 8? you've fallen far rgre.

>>27400347
all depends on how you handle the story.
on paper, janitor anon was a boring anon story too, in practice far from it.

>>27400378
>>27400483
Celestia finds comfort in anons friendship, she needs someone to vent to and anon is fairly good about it.

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>>27400949
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SDIWLRvc7gQ

Oi fuccboi!

>>27396384
>>27396409
>>27396423
>>27396426
>>27396446
>>27396458
Cheeky cunts. If I want something from you guys, remind me to ask for the exact opposite.

>>27396879
I assumed that gender fluid was the stuff that came out when ya got reeeeal excited

>>27397225
I was doing 90, in a construction zone, drunk. State troopers don't have a sense of humor at 2 AM.

>>27398520
TOP FUCKING UNF

Buckle up you ashy little nigglets, I wrote this fucking shit 4 separate times, and this was the one I liked the most. So hugbox the shit out of me. Like, any kind of commentary other than praise would just be unbearable.

pastbane:
http://pastebin.com/4FTQmPf8

>You are Anon.
>And you were pretty sure you head mentally prepared yourself for everything.
>Mentally prepared yourself for anything, even.
>You mulled over the possibilities last night, weighing probabilities and likelihoods.
>You managed to come to peace with, yes, as a matter of fact, you had been pulled into another dimension, or something to that effect, populated by small unicorns.
>You managed to accept that you had ‘intimate relations’ with one the night before.
>You’d even managed to come to terms with the fact that it was likely the mother of the one that had brought you here.
>But you weren’t ready for that.
>You were never trained for this.
>Your current running theory was that every time a unicorn wanted to commit a crime against nature, you were conjured up to do the deed.
>That was just blown out of the water.
> . . .

>>27401194
>Or this was one seriously messed up unicorn.
>Wow, her face is really red.
>Like, literally glowing.
>This place must actually be magic to get that kind of blush going through fur.
>Wait . . . you . . . you’re a dad?
>You let your arms drop to your side as you stare off into space.
>Very simple words, ‘I’, ‘am’, ‘a’, and ‘dad’.
>You’ve used each of them independent of one another hundreds, if not thousands of times.
>This particular arrangement they’ve taken on hits you like a ton of bricks.
>The fact that you conceived your firstborn with a horse hits you like a ton of lead bricks, which are much denser than regular bricks,
>While technically there are fewer bricks in this metaphorical brick-strike, the amount of energy carried by each brick is substantially greater.
>You briefly consider freaking out, but quite frankly, you’ve done enough of that for the past six hours.
>You have a daughter. With a unicorn.
>Ooh, you like putting it that way. Sounds better than horse.
>You have a daughter. That’s a unicorn. With a unicorn.
>That almost doesn’t sound like beastiality.
>You’re uncertain as to what to feel right now.
>On the one hand, you never intended for any of this to happen, and you know that you have no business being a father, let alone to a unicorn.
>On the other hand . . . you’re getting this weird feeling in your gut.
>You can’t quite place your finger on what it is though.

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>>27401194
IT'S HAPPENING!

>>27401204
>You have more than 60k in student loan debt that won’t go away even if you die, you’ve worked retail for the past 7 years in a position you’re overqualified for with nary a raise in sight, your family stopped talking to you after the “Whiskey Christmas”, and you’ve never had a relationship last longer than 3 weeks that wasn’t as toxic as Dzerzhinsk.
>You’re stuck in an alternate dimension populated by unicorns, there doesn’t seem to be a way for you to get home, and you’ve just found out that your crime against nature spawned progeny.
>You had a therapist once, and she made you stop coming after you told her about your childhood.
>Apparently she just didn’t need that kind of negativity in her life.
>This world is upside down, ass-backwards crazy, but hey, for some unfathomable reason, you’re not freaking out right now.
>And, while you’re still at a loss for words, that seems to be a lot better than your purple equine . . . daughter.
>She’s frozen, bug eyed, and practically vibrating with tension.
>You’ve seen people freeze up when they panic, but, this is a whole new level.
>She lets out a soft, high pitched whine as her chest begins heaving up and down.
>You’re pretty sure if you gave her a good nudge she’d fall over.
>You smile at her again, still on rocky ground with this whole situation, but you don’t have any other options than roll with the punches and see where this goes.

>>27401214
>Acting on instinct, you reach out and gentle tousle her hair as you smile softly at her.
>You didn’t think it was possible, but she tenses up even more.
>Your fingers worm into her mane, running down her neck as she finally relaxes a bit.
>Her eyes snap toward the floor as she slowly lowers her hindquarters into a roughly seated position.
>You work your way back up her neck to her ears, fingers tracing along their base as her eyes droop closed.
>She lets out a quiet sigh as a small shiver runs down her body.
>She begins to nuzzle your hand, your fingers gently trailing down her cheek as her muzzle presses into your palm.
>You take a knee in front of her, softly lifting her chin as her eyes snap open.
>You’re slightly taken aback by the depth and intelligence reflected in those deep, violet pools.
>Letting the comfortable, intimate silence hang for just a few seconds longer, you reluctantly break the silence.
“I’m Anonymous. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

>>27401234
>You are Twilight Sparkle.
>You’re pretty sure that the world is about to end.
>This is it, you’ve blown it, royally screwed up.
>You feel all of the blood in your body rushing to your face as his arm drops to his side.
>You feel your breathing growing heavy, and you let out a pitiful whine as you are utterly consumed by your panic attack.
>You feel light headed, everything in the room is too bright, you want to sit, run, go hide under your bed and make everything go back to three days ago all at the same time.
>You watch his feelers stretch out toward you in slow motion, and you brace for the end.
>You don’t even know why this would be the end but the middle of a panic attack isn’t the time for rational thinking.
>He makes contact with you, and you freeze as he ruffles your mane.
>You practically melt as his dextrous, soft, warm manipulators dance along your scalp and down the back of your neck.
>They’re so . . . gentle, and smooth.
>Any thought of him harming you with them is immediately banished from your mind, and the terror you were feeling goes with it.
>The floor suddenly becomes very interesting as you feel very, very foalish.
>He was your . . . father . . . after all. Why would he be angry to find that out?
>You slowly take a seat on the kitchen floor as he strokes your mane in a distinctly comforting fashion.
>You shiver slightly as his fingers brush against the sensitive place between your ears, just above your horn.

>>27401242
>That . . . you weren’t sure if it was okay that your dad was making you feel this good, but you sure weren’t gonna stop him now.
>You don’t really think about it as you close your eyes, and press your muzzle into his palm, warm, smooth flesh brushing against your lips as you breathe in his smell.
>It’s familiar, tantalizingly so, even though you know it’s the first time you’ve ever come across it.
>Even if your higher functions wanted to freak out, you could tell that dad was, well, dad.
>You feel him lift your chin, and your eyes snap open in surprise.
>You stare at him for what feels like ages, memorizing the curves, dips, lines and creases of his face.
>The eyes in particular, it’s like staring off into another world entirely.
>”I’m Anonymous. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
“T-Twilight. Sparkle. Twilightsparkle. I mean . . .”
>You fumble, suddenly back in reality.
“My name is Twilight Sparkle, and, the pleasure is all mine.”
>You extend a hoof and do your best to put on a cheerful smile.
>This is actually going pretty well.
>A rich, throaty chuckle meets your ears as he takes your hoof in his . . . something . . . and pumps it up and down firmly.
>If chocolate had a sound, it’d be this stallions laughter. It’s deep, rich, smooth, and sweet.
>You mentally slap yourself.
>These feelings are not the kind that you should feel about your biological father.

>>27401243
>Genes attempt to perpetuate themselves, and you are clearly selecting on some basic, instinctual level.
>The lack of familiarity and upbringing conditioning is causing a malfunction in the less developed part of your brain, making you think he is viable mating stock.
>You take a deep breath and blow it out your nose.
>”Well Twilight . . . good name for a Unicorn, by the way, what would you say to heading out to a nearby eatery to grab something? I’d offer to buy but, I don’t think they’d accept my currency here.”
>He’s smiling at you again, but the sharp, pearly white teeth don’t unsettle you this time.
>It’s kinda . . . scary, but in a comforting way. Like being friends with the biggest mare on the playground.
>He may be kinda a monster, but he’s your kinda a monster.
>A very well dressed, charming, and attractive monster.
>Ohhhh . . . crud. He’s gonna meet your friends.
>You pray to Celestia they don’t embarrass themselves too badly . . .
>Then you pray to Luna that they don’t embarrass YOU too badly.
>Maybe it would be better to just eat in, take it slow, and introduce him in a more controlled environment . . .
>You glance at the charbroiled pancakes fused to the skillet, and the stone cold eggs sitting on the table.
“That . . . sounds like a great idea!”

>>27401251
Aight, that's all I got for now.

I swear to god these fucking updates should start happening more often.

That said, you'd be a very poor judge of character if you put any real faith in me.

>>27401266
My heart has an erection. I like the scientific approach you're giving Twilight's thoughts. Never stop.

>>27401251
> Voice like chocolate
> Poor Twilight, as she struggles with her friends hitting on her real dad while she herself struggles with attraction to said alien
> Anon cluelessly does seductive yet fatherly things
All my yes

>>27401251
>>that wasn’t as toxic as Dzerzhinsk.
>mfw I have no face
It was ok

>>27401266
Loving it so far. More please.

>>27401317
>Twilight has an erotic dream about Anon wherein he walks in on her in the shower
"D-don't come inside unf! I'm showering!"
>"Hello, Showering....."
>Anon leans in and nibbles her ear.
>".....I'm Dad."

>>27401344
I actually had two dad jokes I cut from this section, watch it buster.

>>27401323
I figured the former capital of Soviet chemical weapons manufacturing would be pretty, you know, toxic. The average lifespan there is like 20+ years less than the rest of Russia.

>>27401307
Some anon said they suspected the next part would be cute. If I made it cute, I did my job. (I HAVE NO IDEA HOW FEELS WORK)

>>27400285
>He doesn't like they go on whacky adventures every day or so
>would rather keep clear of that shit
>He also finds them annoying as fuck
This isn't the Colt Cuddler thread. An faggot of such gargantuan dimensions has no place here.

>>27401363
>I actually had two dad jokes I cut from this section, watch it buster.

Do it faget. I dare you.

>>27401363
Question for you, Amphetanon: are you going to go the route of the whole genetic sexual attraction thing? There's no attachment or labelling as "daddy" during her formative years and Anon is similar enough to her that she'd be attracted to him, I'd imagine? Thanks, Wikipedia.

>>27399953
Fucking this

>>27399977
Or this.

>>27401485
Yes. Also no. Mostly yes, but also decidedly no.

>>27401492
Yes attraction, but no blatant incest? Just reveal everything you have planned, Amphetanon. Don't even bother writing a story about it; just tell us right now cut and dry what you have planned. Satisfy my curiosity by any means necessary.

>>27401507
I think I've made myself quite clear on the matter.

>>27401488
>...is that his ding-a-ling?
>Heck YES that's Mister Anon's ding-a-ling!
>This is the best recess ev-
>"Fillies!"
>Oh horseapples, it's the teach!
"Scatter!"
>You, Sweetie Belle, and Apple Bloom sprint away in different directions.
>Cheerilee can't catch ALL of you, dangit!

>>27401251
>>27401266
Yes. This is perfect and I love where this is going.

To be honest I was almost positive Anon would go full retard at some point and make himself out to be a jackass.

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>>27401266
>>You practically melt as his dextrous, soft, warm manipulators dance along your scalp and down the back of your neck.
>>You shiver slightly as his fingers brush against the sensitive place between your ears, just above your horn.
>>That . . . you weren’t sure if it was okay that your dad was making you feel this good, but you sure weren’t gonna stop him now.
>>Genes attempt to perpetuate themselves, and you are clearly selecting on some basic, instinctual level.
>>A very well dressed, charming, and attractive monster.
So.

When are you gonna write the incest back into Twincest.
As in I want you to write incest with Anon and Twilight Sparkle.

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>>27401556
>and Velvet

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>>27401567
They are both incredibly cute.

Well, all ponies are incredibly cute, but they are particularly cute mares.

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>>27401266
I really like Twilight's view in this. The way she describes him is great.
I'm looking forward to adorable nerdlight sparkle and spaghetti dropping.
Also cute dad/daughter things.

>>27401266
whatever you do please dont ever describe him as having green skin and no face

>>27401251
All her friends are going to beg Twilight to let them herd her dad.

>>27402021
The big mare keeps her smaller stallion safe during cuddling, and grooms his mane while he rests.
>tfw you will never be clutched by your mare while pretending to sleep

Pre-coffee-non-green-bump bump

>>27401194
>I was doing 90
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCiDuy4mrWU

>>27401567
>You will never sire sister for Twilight and a daughter/granddaugther for Velvet.

>>27402021
>Your waifu will never groom you in front of her friends to establish her dominance over them as her position of alpha

>>27401251
I wonder how things are going to work out with Night Light.
It seems unfair for him to have been a good father for all these years only to have his daughter run off with a new dad who also happens to be a sexual horror from beyond reality.

>>27402802
I think he knows. He's not stupid; he knows that a pony takes 11 months to grow before they're born. If he had sex with Velvet 9 months before Twilight was born, then something's up.

>>27402812
>all-stallion cruise
He fucked a mare. It's going to turn out that like Pinkie Pie is his daughter or something

>>27402827
>all-stallion cruise
>He fucked a mare.

It sounds more like he fucked a stallion. Possibly lots of them.

>>27402842
>"Y-yeah, honey, it's an all-stallion cruise. Nope; not a single mare in sight. Just... just stallions."
>>"Sounds legit."

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>>27402774

>>27402896
>"Imagine, Anonymous~ If a unicorn with 50% of your genes is as powerful as Twilight, then what about a unicorn that has 75% of your genes..."

>>27401194
YES SIR!

>>27402979
More chess master Celestia, I take it?

>>27403164
Is that the one where Celestia wanted Shining to impregnate Twilight?

>>27403170
Not that I know of. I just know it has been brought up about my story, and how Celly set up Anon and cadence to get together to see what would happen.
She also claims getting him and Luna together wasn't some plan to make lots of alicorns.
Stuff like that.

>>27403185
Oh. I was going for Celestia carefully breeding families over countless generations to produce the most powerful unicorns. She'd be all over Anon fucking daughteru-Twilight if it meant making an even more powerful offpsring.

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>>27403164
Kwisatz Haderach. She's willing to participate in the project exceptionally directly.

>>27403190
I like the first part. The second not so much.

>>27403231
She has Anon become a sperm donor, and has twilight use Artificial insemination because her eventual BF is sterile.
It's not her fault Twilight used Anon's baby batter.
Also gotta spread those human genes all over to get the most improvements across the board.

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>>27402979
>implying Sparkle
Velvet has been a loyal wife and mother since Sparkle was born, but the temptation is too strong.
Besides Night Light hasn't touched her in years, frigid cock.

>>27403412
Those hips must be bred. Celestia wills it so.

Fancy restaurant name go.
Bonus points for sexual innuendo.

>>27403472
The glistening oyster.

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>>27403472
The Succulent Flower.

>>27403497
That's good.

>>27403472
Soupe de la Jument

>>27403516
>Soupe de la Jument
>Google Translate
Okay, that made me laugh.

>>27403472
Crème

>>27403516
It'd make a better house special, imo.

>>27403472
The Creamy Rooster

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>>27403546

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>>27403516
>Soupe de la Jument
>Not soupe à la courge
pleb level - 100%

>>27403472
>"Our specials tonight are flank steak with tossed salad and rump roast with a creamy squash soup."
"Why does everything on your menu look like a sexual innuendo?"
>"Because you have a dirty mind, sir."
"Is that a dragon dildo sticking out of your backside?"
>With a schlurp and a pop it shoots at the adjoining table
>"Garçon! There is a cock in my soup!"

>>27403659
>that's for garnish.

>>27403472
Eleven, Platinum sq.
Just an address. No innuendos or clever names. Three Hooflin Stars speak for it loud enough.

http://nymag.com/listings/restaurant/eleven-madison-park/

>>27403472
I don't know about the name, but the logo can be a stylized pair of testicles in a testicle-bra.

>>27403472
The Oyster's Pearl
Spot de Garcon aka the G Spot
La Petite Meal

>>27403670
"Ma'am, why is there a strap-on on my table?"
>"It is a tasteful centrepiece, sir."
>"It's grape-flavoured."

Question for you Shuk: Did Anon wear a garter belt and lingerie for Luna on their wedding night?

>>27404139
No. It wouldn't be visible under his suit, and besides, that leg band is for the mare to give to a sis who gets a free nigt with your colt later, if he's in the mood.

>>27404172
Did he at least wear a frilly testicle bra to surprise Luna later

>>27404182
He wore nothing - for easy access. You can't expect a mare to fiddle with testicle bras after such a ceremony.

>>27404172
so who did luna give the leg band to?

>>27403472
The Hot Pocket
Food with Flare
Relay
The Wink and Nod
Wel <- come, <- You
The Dock
The Brooding Stallion
Cunning Linguist
Reins and Pours

>>27404210
Just boxers, actually. You'd know this if you read the clop.
>>27404218
Canonically, nobody. For non canon oneshots, whoever you want as long as it isn't cadence.

>>27404172
You can still make Anon herd Twilight, she caught the garter. Gotta make Shining pissed that his wife and sister both had a taste from the same well, and went back.

>>27403472
The Double Penetration
The Fall of Berlin
The Dirty Sanchez (it's a marecican restaurant)
The Broken Condom
Twili-Corn (corn-themed place)
Snowballin' (ice cream shop. It can be fancy!)
F.I.T.A.
The Spot
That Spot
See Spot
The Innuendo
Fancypants' Porch
Stiffy's
Ponebot9000

>>27404220
The Sharp Sausage
The All-night Eat-out
Creamy's Donut Parlour
Big Clits Deep Coocked Delights

>>27404228
>Just boxers, actually. You'd know this if you read the clop.
Boxers provide access so easy, it's like your man is wearing nothing at all!
Nothing at all!

I didn't read the clop ^:(

>>27404262
Your boner is missing out then.
>>27404248
>>27404241
I'm good now. In the final stretch of this update now.

>>27404228
Don't let this man lie to you. Canonically Chrysalis got it.

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>>27404363
>mfw you're 146% right

FTR Rarity in Estrus is in hiatus. I'm pretty burnt out with writing in general right now, so I'm going to go dark for a few weeks. See y'all later, friends. I'll still be lurking, so at least there's that.

>>27404505
And another writer quits.

>>27404505
Thanks for the green, friendo. Hope to keep seeing you around.

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>>27404505
>so I'm going to go dark for a few weeks.
Hah, I'm always dark!
Just take this before you go:

>>27404533
Oh, you know me too well. You can never have too many.

>>27404532
I've said it many times, but I really do hope you enjoyed what I've written. I'll be back before you know it. implying I'm hot enough shit that people would notice my absence

>>27404524
Just taking a break, Anon. I'm losing interest in MLP and I want to try and find that spark again. Maybe I'll find a few old episodes and actually start watching the show.

>>27404593
Well, everyone needs a break now and again. Remember to stay in touch! badtouch, preferably.

>>27404593
No matter what thread I see you on. You always make this Anon laugh. Even the stuff you didn't get feedback on. It's often comedy gold. Hope you come back soon!

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>The line had to drawn somewhere and you were going to be the one who drew it.
>After these damn ponies defiled what was yours, completely ignoring your pleas to stop their viciousness.
>You no longer felt pity for what was about to happen.
>All of it was gone, months of hard work and sweat, reduced to nothing by their sheer gluttony.
>But you weren’t going to let it happen again.
>It took a while but using only your wit and some math you held the rifle in your hands.
>Peering outside through the barely cracked window you waited.
>They would come; you could feel it in the air.
>A silent flapping of wings alerted you to their presence.
>Moving as silently as possible you took aim.
>”See Twilight I told you this was great! Anon grew all these awesome flowers and you know he doesn’t even eat them or nothing!”
>Slow steady squeeze.
>The rifle made a barely noticeable pop as the small plastic bb flew through the air and hit Rainbow Dash right on the cutie mark.
>A yell of “OWWwwwww!!!” resounded all around as she propelled herself into the air.
>”Let’s get out of here I think the bees are back!”
>Watching as they shot off and away from your hydrangeas you smiled.
>Today’s battle was a victory.
>But the war was far from over.

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>>27404877
>Setting up the traps in the middle of the night was easy.
>A pit here, all laced at the bottom with pillows and stuffed animals for added effectiveness.
>A few more traps around the fence and you were set.
>The ponies underestimated your resolve.
>It would be their downfall.
>Now was the time to head to bed, you’d check everything in the morning.
>For tonight your little garden was safe.

>Sipping on your morning coffee you were amazed just how effective all these traps were.
>You saw two hooves, judging by the color, belonging to Flutters trying to jump or climb out the hole.
>Why she didn’t try flying out was beyond you.
>Stuck in between fence posts with some double sided sticky tape were two more offenders, a Miss Apples and Rarity.
>Both of whom should definitely know better.
>Looking at the clock above the doorway you made the decision.
>You’d let them out after your morning glory, for now maybe a little reflection time would help them see the error of their ways.

>>27404970

KEEP GOING

>>27404970
>"Anonymous!"
>Twilight?
>You poke your head outside and find the purple mare in question sitting in a puddle of mud.
>She looks close to tears.
>"It's icky!"
>You almost feel sorry for her, but then you remember how expensive those exotic flowers she ate were.

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Waiting for more Trophy Husband Anon, but don't want to write any for fear of fucking it up beyond all recognition and for not having any ideas.

>>27405159
I was going to write something about their new Hisbugic poolbug, but I felt that it didn't have enough Fleur to be classified as such

>>27405264
I was going to write a story, but then I got high.

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>>27404970
>Your tulips lay beaten before you.
>Each stalk as bare as your wallet after spending a paycheck on their seeds.
>Your enemy even after all your planning struck when you were most weak.
>You made enchiladas and the porcelain gods learned your rage that day.
>It was when you cursed the gods with all your might that the ponies with malice in their tiny hearts rained down upon your garden.
>Whatever pity may have still lain in the depths of your soul died.
“Know that my pain is nothing as to what you had brought to the forefront this day.”
>Standing dramatically you continued.
“Just as they lay fallen and broken, you too shall fall!”
>Maybe you should lay off all those plays Twilights been bugging you about reading.
>And get some water balloons.
>And a really big rubber band.

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>>27405277
LA DA DA DADADA

>>27401266
That's my decision make! More please

>>27405285
>Anon mixes in a drop of lemon juice into water balloon
>He's soon surrounded by crying ponies
>He hugs each one of them to make it all better
>Somehow, this makes HIM feel better that his plants are gone.

Whose ready for some more scout shenagins?!
http://pastebin.com/4HAp2ynv

>After the spat of a fight Anon lets you all enjoy your smores.
“Hey Sweetie Bell?”
>The white filly smacks her mouth with the gooey treat in her maw before noticing you, eyes wide she munches down on her treat.
>Swallowing the lump Sweetie Bell wipes her mouth before answering you , “Yeah? What's up?”
>Your stomach flutters again, you hate talking about your feelings gs like this, feels super filly foolin’
>Buck it, take the plunge!
“Your sisters really good at romancing colts right? Is there anything about, uh, reserving a colt for the future?”
>”What!? Applebloom you can't be telling me your sweet on some colt are you?!” Scoots loo cries out alerting the entire camp to your conversation.
>Face warm you glare at Scootaloo who sheepishly returns a awkward smile, “Hehe...oops…”
>Rolling your eyes you start to talk only for a snide voice to interupt, “What's this? Your trying to bag a colt of your own Apple Shroom?”
>Bucking.
>Diamond.
>Tiara.
>”Well if I was the colt I'd be too emberassed to let her down gently!” Silver Spoon mocks from beside the filly fiddling mare.
>”Hey you two leave her alone! There nothing wrong with wanting to find love!” Sweetie Bell replies back, voice cracking midway through her defense.
>”Not like you two would even know about Love anyway I bet you two have my even kiss a colt!” Scootaloo buzzes to the forefront eager to join in the duel of words.

>>27405438
>Waving at the two fillies you try to avoid a fight.
“Girls! Come on, it ain't worth getting in trouble!”
>Diamond sniffs behind her hoof, “Well at least one of you knows their place, and for your information, I've kissed plenty if colts in my time!”
>Ok, you tried playing nice, but if she wants to throw down then your on it like Big Mac and apple pies!
“What, with your daddy’s money paying them for a kiss? Can a colt even like you without your money?”
>Sweetie and Scoots both look at you and grin as they fall back letting out an ooooh as you smirk at Diamond Tiara’s flushed face.
>”At least I'm not a flat faked filly who can't get no colt!” Diamond shoots back glaring daggers at you.
“Please, have you seen muh sister’s flank? If I get half as much flank as her you'd still be chasing after mah tail!” You reply getting up in Diamonds face
>”Oh yeah? Well I bet…” Diamond Tiara gnaws at her lip thinking before an idea lights her eyes in a cruel gleam, “I bet you can't even get Anon to give you a kiss!”
>Oh fish sticks, why she go and mention him!?

>>27405446
>”Ha! Just a kiss? I bet Applebloom can get him to rub her belly and cuddle with her!” Sweetie Bell taunts.
>Sweetie Bell, staph what are you doing?
>”Bloom can probably even get Anon to motorboat her tuft too!” Scootaloo adds in wings buzzing in excitement
>Nightmare Moons knickers what are they doing?!
>Nudging both of them with your forelegs you try to stop their motor mouths only for Diamond to scoff, “Fine, Applebloom has to get a kiss and belly rubs from Anon or else she’s a kissless filly who's never going to get a colt!”
“What?! No, why should I?”
>Silver Spoon lets out a haughty laugh, “Well what do you know, she is all talk and no flank!”
>That stupid no good mule!
“Fine! By the end of the week I’ll get a kiss from Anon!”
>Diamond leans forward raising her eyebrows, “And…?”
>Feeling your fur redden you face away and huff.
“And belly rubs, jeez when did you two become so lewd?!”
>”Please, if you need some incentive I’ll even throw in twenty bits to boot!” Diamond says holding up her coin sack.
“Deal!” Sweetie Bell says before you can answer making you glare at her.

>Sweetie simply gives you the look of talk later as Diamond sneers, “We’ll see.” With that the duo soon trot away towards their own campfire.
“...Sweetie Bell, Scootaloo! Girls come on, why’d you go and blab like that!?”
>Feeling a wing wrap around your shoulder Scootaloo’s scratchy voice is in your ear, “Relax Bloom, you got apple genes in ya, there ain’t a colt here who would turn ya down!”

>>27405452
>Shrugging off the wing hug you shoot her a glare.
“Cept that Anon’s no colt! Heck does he even have a…”
>Leaning in close you whisper
“Yanno, a willy?”
>”Definitely!” Sweetie Bell says with one hundred percent certainty.
“Wha, how the hay do you know?”
>Sweetie Bell gets a smarmy smirk on her face, “Well a filly’s got her secrets after all.”
>”You peeked on him while he was showering didn’t you?” Scootaloo deadpans at the unicorn.
>Sweetie Bell suddenly turns rose pink as she snaps, “No I didn’t!”
“Pfft, hahaha you did! Oh my Celestia Sweetie Bell! When did you get so thirsty?!”
>”N-no it’s not like that! Rarity said that if you wanted to know a stallion you have to observe them closely!”
>Scootaloo is holding her sides as she giggles, “Yeah, only I don’t think she means peeping on them while they shower.”


>”Girls.”
>Feeling the blood flee from your face you slowly turn your head to look up at the deep voice.
“O-oh h-hey Anon, wh-whats up?”
>Sweetie Bell is blushing still and squeaks out, “We didn’t do nothing!”
>Scootaloo meanwhile just holds her face, “Filly, stop acting like a zigger, Celestia above…”
>The towering form before you uncrosses his arms before he laughs, the things you would do for that laugh, it makes your belly warm for some reason…
>”Don’t worry bout it Scoots, hey we’re getting ready to clean up and heading out. Did you all hear the announcement earlier?”

>>27405459
>Why the hay does Scootaloo get a nick name?!
“W-what announcement?”
>”Well I figured the best way to help train you all in being scouts is a trial run. So we’re all going camping with the basic things, a tent, maybe a canteen or two.”
>”For how long Anon?” Scootaloo asks tilting her head.
>”Eh, was thinking a weekend would be best to start, afterwards we can come back and see what you’ve learned so far.”
“S-Sounds great!”
>”Applebloom, are you feeling alright? You look a bit pale…”
>Anon draws close kneeling down to eye level with you, eyes squinted in concern.
>His scent!
>Why does it smell so good?!
>A mix of musk, pinewood, smoke and charcoal…
>You tense as his big hand comes to rest on your forehead, “Christ you’re burning up, how long have you been sick?”
>Why is everything so hot?
>You can feel your tail twitching as you bite your lip.
“I-I’m fine Anon, j-just a little overheated is all!”
>”The hell you are, c’mere…”
>Feeling yourself lifted up in his big strong arms you still tail slapping wetly against yourself.
>Creakin crickets did you go into heat?!
>You weren’t due for another month!
>Flippin’ flapjacks!
“A-Anon! Lemme down!”
>”No can do lil filly come on, you need to head home. Class break up camp and head home, Pipsqueak make sure to double check your fire.”
>You pass by Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon whose mouths hang open at you.
>Even feeling the heat below you manage to smirk at them as you pass by.
>Just make it look like you're in control and you’ll be cruisin’ fine…

SMall update, but I think I have an idea of what I wanna do here, thoughts so far?Always wanting to improve my green.

>>27405474
Awesome dude! Keep going.

>>27405474
Herding with Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle ? Seems good.

>>27405576
What about Scoot? We cant leave her out, it wouldn't be a complete set.

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>>27392886

>>27404593
Hope you find that spark, I enjoyed your stuff.

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>>27405995
>Inb4 Plug realizes his autism and commits sudoku

>>27405474
Fucking love it! I hope there's more soon.

>>27405576
This. Give his cockmeat to the child ponies.

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>This was now a war of attrition.
>You waited till dark to put the plan into action.
>With any hope your roses and tulips would be spared, but you had to act fast.
>Setting out you carried the tarp and other “accessories” that would be necessary for your gardens defense system.
>After working in the pitch darkness of the night you finished after only a few hours.
>With any luck you’d still be able to get a couple hours of sleep and still see the carnage.

>It was beautiful.
>The canopy protected your flowers from being swooped down upon by those damn bird-horses.
>While surrounding the garden was a tarp covered in dish soap, vegetable oil and some stuff the changelings left behind when they tried using your shed as a base of operations.
>Any pony that landed would immediately go sliding and usually wound up splayed out on the ground or stuck to the fence.
>Counting again there were at least ten ponies trying to get back on their hooves with little success.
>From the looks of it Roseluck was there as well crying.
>You steeled yourself from running out and petting the pony.
>But this was war, and war is hell.