>"We really need to find you a marefriend, anon."

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Maud or riot

Yeah yeah Twinkle-Ass, then why don't you just bend over for me right. now?

>>25918367
We need to find a saturation slider first, jesus fucking christ

>>25918367
We need to find you a diet plan, Twiggy Piggy.

If she doesn't have an ass the size of a truck, I'm not interested.

>>25918367
Well Twilight there's already someone I like, she's cute, smart, and smells like old books most of the time.

>>25918367
"Gee Twilight, I don't know. I'm real busy with...uh...hold on, let me think of something."
>"We both know you have nothing to do."
"Jesus, Twilight, I just don't think I'm ready for this."
>"There has to be somepony out there for you. You just have to get out of your shell and look for them."
"But look at me! I'm a six foot tall bipedal omnivore. What mare would be interested in me?"
>"You see a monster, but I see a caring man so full of kindness and compassion...and love, if sompony let him show it."
"You really think there's someone out there? Someone that could love me?"
>"I know so, Anon. Trust me."

>>25918367
Maybe I don't want one. Thought of that?

I'd rather fuck your brother's mouth.

>>25918367
Dashie or scram.

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>>25918439
>6 foot

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>>25918426
>"Moondancer?"

>>25918439
How could she know? Liar

>>25918483
Not a bad guess but the pony I'm talking about doesn't wear glasses.

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>>25918479
>mfw the realization that i'm surrounded by manlets hits me

>>25918479
>/mlp/ is all manlets

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>>25918439
>>25918367
"Well... will you help me?"
>she looks up, determination in her eyes.
>you see a sense of love in them.
>"Of course! we're friends, arent we...?"
>you smile, petting her purple and magenta mane.
"Without a doubt, egghead."
>She blushes at your touch, and smirks at you.
>Thus starts the week of finding the right horse for you to date...

oh the green will be strong with this one...

>>25918548
Bo-ring.

>>25918479
I don't feel as bad now for being only 5' 9"

>>25918538
If you use this board, chances are you're a manlet.

>>25918479
You kidding me with this shit?

I am 6'2". You people are PUNY.

>>25918538
>Tfw 6'1
I feel so special

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>>25918367

>>25918602
>>25918610
Funny how everyone's suddenly 6'2 when the subject comes up.

>>25918620
That's really the quickest way to call a girl out when she gives you the "nice guy" bullshit.

>>25918548
Might be good

>>25918622
I'm 5'7 and I don't give a shit about my height I can't control it so why should I worry about it?

>>25918622
This.

ITT: Manlets desperately wanting to believe they're 6'

>>25918622
I'm still only 5'10". I'm so glad men don't stop growing until their mid 20s; I need to break into 6'0" before I stop.

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>>25918620
That's not funny. That's not funny at all.

>>25918622
Is 5'11 short? I don't really know what to consider short or not.

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>>25918658

>>25918658
>He thinks he will grow past 20
Anon, I....

>>25918654
>5'7"
You're fucked. Enjoy getting paid less and no gf.

>>25918620
Man, this hits close to home.
Feeling like I'm too busy is the reason why I don't put myself out there. Even if I think that "I like that person," I block those thoughts out because I isolate myself in what I do. I always think "later, when you have everything in order, you can make time for that kind of thing."

Twilight is doing what I would probably do, and it gives me feels to see it blow up in everyone's face.

>>25918682
I already enjoy those things.

>>25918367
B- But I'm gay.

>>25918678
Smack dab average. 5'9 and under is short, 6'1 and over is tall.

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>>25918681
>>25918682
G...guys?

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>>25918678
You're borderline manlet

>>25918702
>full retard
http://lmgtfy.com/?q=average+height+american+male

>>25918548
>the green will be strong
>doesn't write it
>expects someone else to

This is why writefags resent the shit out of you guys.

>>25918622
>>25918655
If people were honest for the chart above, why would we lie now?
Sounds like someone's a little buttdevestated to be average.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go buy some stuff from the big and tall man shop

>no gf.
But Anon, this is /mlp/ you're on.

>>25918479
>5' 7''
>average
for fucks sake how is that even possible

>>25918721
That's including Mexicans and Asians. White people, which we all are, on average are 5'11 in America.

>>25918723
This. As someone who just recently took up writefagging, I feel like it was pretty dumb that I didn't just bother trying before. You could write shit or something amazing, but you won't know until you try; if you have an idea that you like, your brain can probably come up with more so you may as well go for it.

>>25918479
Is 5' 9" short for a 19 year old?

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>>25918755
>full retard

>>25918479
ayy lmao, average 6 footer here. Don't worry the weather is still shit regardless of height.

>>25918782
Huh. Shrunk and inch from last I checked. Funny, seeing as everyone I go I see 6'0+ college kids.

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>>25918620
>>25918645
Doesn't go like that in real life.
They just straight up avoid you afterwards.

Since we've gone offtopic here, what's your stance on editing someone else's fanart? There's this extremely cute picture by a famous artist i found on derpibooru but the pony had an atrocious mouth. I changed it and now i want to post it on /mlp/ occasionally.
Help me out with this moral dilemma lads

>>25918818
As long as it works it doesn't matter. They can be mad, but they can't do shit.

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>>25918818
Shut the fuck up, manlet. You will literally never learn.

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>>25918723
Do believe anon, miss FlowerSocks will deliver the green.

Since I'm starting out as a writefag, I do this to start thinking about a story, and also to test the waters of how it will be received. So I'm not just expecting others to write it, this is only an appetizer

>>25918881
We don't need anymore attention whores, thanks.

>>25918881
>women
>good writers
I await the train crash.

>>25918850
Does that one guy have fluttershy hair?

>>25918923
towel

>>25918850
>thinking height matters in an age where there are ladders and stepstools
Boy howdy, survival of the fittest amirite? ^:)

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>>25918367
Yea. I wonder who though. Its not like I've been subtly trying to show interest in someone for the past 3 months or anything. I try and hang out with her every day. I take her to get hayburgers and help her organize her house. I've taken long moonlit walks to go stargazing with her. All that stuff. But she's completely oblivious to my feelings. Its like she's really REALLY naive about it.
>Twilight looks at you dumbfounded. She wears a mixture of concern and confusion on her face.
Its just.,. How many times do I need to show her how I feel? Does she not understand just how much I love her? She really can't see how I feel about her?
>Sighing, you make your way over to her.
>You get up and rub the top of her head with your hand. You let it linger there for just a little longer than you're comfortable with.
Well... I'm gonna go alright? I guess I'll see you tommorow.
>You turn to leave the library, but a hoof pulls you around.
>"A-anon..."
Yes?
>"Anon..."
Yes twilight?
>"Look me in the eyes."
>You get down on your knees so that you're eye level with her.
Now what?
>"T-Tell me the truth anon. Who is this mare you're talking about?"
You want me to tell you her name?
>"I..."
>Twilight looks nervously at you, her hesitation is so obvious its almost painful.
Here. This is a picture of her.
>You take out the silver locket you carry with you and give it to her.
>She opens it and gasps.
>"It....its a mirror..."
>She looks back at you with tears in her eyes and throws her arms around you
>"Oh anon! I'm so sorry! I should have known you felt that way about me. I was just so sure you'd never go after me that I ignored all the signs! I love you! I love everything about you! You complete me anon. I want to be together with you forever. I wanna be your little pony."
Wait what?
>"Huh?"
>You snatch the locket back from her hoof.
Oh shit. The picture I had of moondancer must have fallen out. Silly me!
>You can actually hear her heart break. She dies in front of you. The End

>>25918938
Too bad you will still make less money, have less success in getting girls, likely be weaker, and dumber than a tall person.

>>25918940
Rejection threads were good times.

>>25918367
Is Scootaloo too young? Because she is the only mare I will consider.

>>25918940
BTFO

>>25918940
10/10

>>25918479
>heaviest board
>tied shortest with /jp/ and /a/

no surprises here

>>25918881
Can ya write it than? Please

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>>25918940
Absolutely cold-blooded

>>25918479
I can understand why this board is fat. But what about this place attracts manlets?

>>25919020
It's 1 inch below most other boards. 4chan is manlet central

>>25918479
5"11 here.

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>>25918940
Fucking savage.

>>25918940
Best part is, I love twilight the most out of any of them. She's my waifu ffs. I just couldn't resist the twist at the end.

>>25918940
hol y shit

>>25918367
But I am not a pone-sexual

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>>25918940

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>>25918940
Destroyed

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>>25918940
Mfw that last line

>>25918367
>implying
No twilight you need a stallion friend
I need you to stop bothering me so i can loath in my self pity about not having a significant other.
Having an actual marefriend is too much work. I'd rather complain about not having one.

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>>25918962
Good luck getting in small places, look lanky as fuck, less nimble, and slower reaction times faggot.

>>25918479

I can't tell if the manlet meme is still a mutually agreed upon fib for keks, like Ben Garrison being a one man Klan, or if newfags are starting to actually believe in it.

>>25919455
>Getting into small places
Hardly ever useful.

>look lanky as fuck
Not if you're a healthy weight.

>slower reaction times
Barely a difference.

>>25919557
>he thinks being a manlet doesn't have real negative effects in life

>>25919455
>Implying tall people can't just crouch
Crouching gives you all the advantages of being short and the comfort of knowing you're secretly taller than everyone

>>25918367
Is this because you still think I masturbate too much? I mean I know I do, but a girlfriend isn't going to help this.

>>25918479
6'2 fatty reporting

>>25919602
>Barely a difference.
yeah it isn't, I have seen lanky fags attempting to fight

there is always slowness and poor spatial awareness involved it always happens with people over 6'2''

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>>25918940

>>25919669
Start lifting bro

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>>25919671
It's been way too long since I had a good fight. My buds don't want to do it when it's cold out because the ground is too hard. Now I have to wait until spring to get some knuckle action.

>>25919455
Don't. Just don't. This will go on forever just don't feed into it.

>>25918479

>mfw 6"9
>surrounded by manlets
Max Hoss

>>25918940
I need Anon rejecting ponies. Keks included of course!
I miss the rejection threat

>>25919765
Okay I wont

>>25919776
>6' 9''
how's the weather up there?

>>25919818
Tastes like shit and pollution.

>>25919818
>up there
Actually I live in Australia.

Where do you get off assuming I live in the northern hemisphere?

Cunt.

I'm 5'1" and a girl. What does that make me?

>>25919849
a 12 year old girl for manlets

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>>25919709
Bro I have bro, I can bench almost 3 pl8, ohp 1.5 pl8, squat 3.5 pl8, and deadlift 3 pl8 easy but somehow not 3.5 pl8.

BUT I KEEP FUCKING UP WHEN TRYING TO CUT

>>25919849
An attention whore

Or a liar

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>"Oh, I'm sorry, Anon. I really am. I just prefer the company of someone that I can see eye-to-eye with. In a non-figurative manner of speaking. But if it helps, maybe I can pair you up with someone more your...stature. Tell me, are you into amputees?"

>>25919868
Just do what I do. Buy some shit you don't like. Always seeing food you don't like in the fridge will help turn you off of eating. Also have big meal in the middle of the day. Not eating in the morning will make you even hungrier for that meal, letting you scarf all your calories and protons down. After that you'll be too full for the rest of the day to eat more than a snack, which the aforementioned bad food trick should help deter you from.

>>25919900
Pfft. Celestia's like 5 feet at most.

>>25919908
That info just makes it worse.

>>25919900
Very funny. Let's see whose sword you come asking for when your favorite student fails again. Consider that fifth heroic act of mine my last. That is, unless you'd be willing to see past our differences. You know, be the bigger mare? Oh, I totally don't mean your weight, by the way.

>>25918479
ebin manlet meme ^:)

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>>25919908
>>25919920
>"What was that, Anon? I must apologize. My hearing just isn't what it used to be. Perhaps one of the servants can fetch you a stool so that we can talk on a more even ground."

>>25919936
I said you should really kill yourself. Luna is the true ruler of Equestria.

>>25919020
Women hate short men. Yay feminism.

Also there are a higher number of females here than a lot of the most trafficked boards, they just don't talk about it because it always derails threads into shitposting of the highest caliber.

>>25919936
Why don't I just take you down to my level? You did ask me if I was into amputees.

>>25919954
Waiting for Oh look a namefag. Your day is ruined.
He's /mlp/'s shitpost god.

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>>25919950
>"Is that so? Luna may rule only the night, but I do agree that she is fit to be a leader. After all, she always RISES ABOVE any and all challenges that come her way. Her love for her subjects stands TALL through thick and thin, and no matter what happens, my dear sister never ends up SHORT of being the best princess she can be. Even through a political perspective, Luna DWARFS the competition with her LONGSTANDING influence in the courts."

>>25919966
>"You're more than welcome to try. I've always wondered what it's like to have to look up to others."

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>>25919900
>liking worst Princess

Please kill your self and worship best Princess

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>>25920016
Why are you so mean

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>>25920053
>"Why are you so short?"

>>25920090
Pls stop

>>25920090
Why are you such a smug cunt? What are you compensating for?

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>>25920090
cause I was BORN THIS WAY https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0BsLd4Y060Q

>>25920053
That's the face of a man ready to kill

>>25920090
I accidentally Luna's holes. All of them.

>>25920090
Biologic, comrade. Now, take Mosin Nagant, is good rifle. You will use to kill Germans.

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>>25920090
>sister why are you insulting anon?

>>25918602
This here. 6'2 perfection race reporting in. Manlets under 6 ft should honestly consider ending it all. How could you even think to bother us, by causing us to have to look down to amuse you with conversation.

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>>25920204
Please stop it I only makes you look like douchebags tests show that woman expect tall men to have a lot more charisma in bed but facts show that small men are more active men ; example Martin Luther King he was small. So stop talking your bullshit. And if I'm wrong (I'm probably not) just shut the fuck up and stop pressing the topic this thread isn't about how tall you are it's about twilight saying you need a mare friend shut the fuck up.

>>25920204
I'm 5'9" and a lucky-ass manlet.
Everyone here's shorter than me.

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>>25920102
>"What's the matter, Anon? Don't feel like a big guy anymore?"

>>25920109
>"Your tiny, unused phallus."

>>25920111
>"It is alright, Anon. Acceptance is the final stage of grief. You can finally move on with your little life."

>>25920125
>"Luna always did have an appreciation for the small things in life."

>>25920128
>"Nyet. K98 is of better rifle. Removes better than crude nugget."

>>25920170
>"Why are you defending him? He can stand for himself...barely."

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>>25920231
STOP MAKING PEOPLE FEEL BAD YOU BIG MEAN BULLY YOU MEAN BULLY SHUT UP!

>>25918881
>Testing the waters
Do that by starting, then check to see how the thread is reacting, yeah?

Not trying to sound rude here, but given the demand for green around here, the board's modus operandi is basically "put up or shut up"

>>25920230
are you from asia or something?
even here in northeern tacoland 5'10'' is the average

>>25920228
You know what Anon you're right. I don't need to be gloating about how perfectly tall I am.
I guess you could say. It's beneath me.

>>25920231
NYET. MOSIN NAGANT KILL OF THE EFFECTIVE, UNLESS YOU ARE OF THE HOMOSEX.

>>25920252
Nah, a small (unnamed for obvious reasons) town in Oregon. Damn, we are short as FUCK here.

>>25920231
I'm gonna show this to twilight and she's gonna think you're a fucking sad little princess who has no fun in life

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>>25920254
>beneath me

>>25919954
I hope you don't believe women would like short men even without feminism.

>>25920254
I know your above me.

>>25920254
GO AWAY TRY TO TAKE THE BEST OF ME FUCK YOU

>>25920231
My tiny and unused phallus? Funny, because I seem to remember using it this morning. Aaaaaall over your crown. It didn't take long. I guess you could say my time was a little short.

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>>25918479
>tfw 5'6"

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>>25918622
>tfw 6'9"
You teeny tiny dwarves are of no concern

>>25920314
Fuck off nigger

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>>25920231
>I know that you're frustrated about your incredibly wide vaginal cavity, but you really need to find other ways to cope with it besides insulting the peasants.

>>25920254
Right on.

>inb4 "How's the weather up there"
Sorry to RAIN ON YOUR PARADE, but if that's all you've got, you're not up to snuff.

>>25920290
Hey, hey. No need that. I'm going to be the bigger man and let it go. Ciao buddy.

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>>25920321
Yeah dats my girl wanna come in my garage later and check out dank memes?

>>25920337
Please stop

>>25920317
Oh sorry?
I couldn't hear you all the way down there, you pygmy.

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>>25920352
Why are you on a white mans board nig nog? Lanky fuck

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>>25920321
Luna proving herself once again to be the ultimate waifu.

>>25920321
Hey, don't you bully Celestia. You're just jealous she gets more action than you.

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>>25920363
Taller than you and I got a big dick
Be as buttmad as you want, I'll be fucking the gf you can't get because you're a microscopic midget

>>25920391
Hey, don't you bully Luna. You're just jealous she gets more episodes than Sunbutt.

>>25920391
Pffff you think that old hag bitch gets action? That old bitch is always cooped up doing taxes and boring shit like that while Luna's partying!

>>25918850
In the back of my mind, the same irrational place that fears darkness and monsters under the bed, a place that never learned to distinguish reality from imagination, I worry that someone will eventually take that image seriously.

>>25920399
Let's just end this because everybody hates niggers

Also

>gf
>mlp

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>>25918479
>>25918763
>>25919037
When will they learn?

>>25920413
As a melanoid I have a greater chance of getting a gf than you simply because I'm naturally alpha
I just want to fuck my waifu Rarara

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>>25920413
How pathetic you are?

>>25918479
>5' 3 1/2 reprting...

Just pull the trigger on me god damn

>>25920404
And how quickly her name has worn out.

>>25920408
Oh, so you admit your waifu has no sense of duty or responsibility? Good to know.

>>25920433
Well then fuck your waifu and stop having shit 3dpd girlfriend

>>25920436
>5'3 1/2
>1/2
Damn, if you're using the half-measurements, you must be really fucking insecure.

>>25920448
Well, it's what it says on record

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>>25920278
You know full damn well that women were less entitled three waves of feminism ago. They didn't bow to short men but they could at least see relationships as two-way streets. Thanks to the sexual revolution, they all want bastard children from basketball players.

>>25920444
Yep she gets all the fun and Princess sunhorse does all the work! You get to do taxes with your waifu!

>>25920446
Nah f a m I want to cuck all you white folk
Enjoy the world while it lasts, for soon it will be overrun with little half-black niglet

>>25920435
What the fuck is this gif? I can't stop watching it.

>>25920471
Cool have all the women you want have little nig lets and be overrun by children and then get divorced and have to pay alimony for the rest of your life

>>25920491
Silly whitey, I won't pay alimony
You'll be raising my spawn

>>25920469
Jokes on you. I never do taxes with her because she hates my guts. Eat shit.

>>25920435
There was no payoff whatsoever in that gif. Why did I watch the whole thing.

>>25920536
>>25920511
Why are you guys making me sad

>>25920557
Stay out of this, Timmy

>>25920557
Because my waifu hates me and if I can't be happy nobody can.

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> tfw Luther king aka niglet will only be bigger than your average person while in carbonite
Just end it all manlets

>>25920585
Fuck I'm an adult too>>25920602
Sorry your waifu hates you

someone pls cap this thread with lots of reaction images and zoomed shit pl0x

>>25919900
>>25919936
>>25920016
>>25920090
>>25920231
>Celestia bullies Anon relentlessly
>She can't understand why he still hangs out with her or why he's always happy when she's around
>What she doesn't get is that secretly, being bullied is his fetish

>>25919784
Fucking this

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>>25920670
ok

>>25920708
>incognito window
Afraid of someone finding out about your ponies pussy?

>>25920708
not enough reaction images 0/10 kill yourself

>>25920715
No. I just do everything with incognito. I know it's not really, but it gives me the illusion of security. Also the spy is pretty cute just sitting up there in its little corner.

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>>25920670
Here's my try

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>>25920674
You just gave me a new fetish

>>25920435
This gif.....What in the hell is this and why can't I stop watching it?

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>>25920745
It's ok I guess

>>25920745
>my reply didn't make it into the cap

It's absolute trash m8

>>25920772
I need green

>>25920813
I'm sorry I'll only embarrass myself

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What even the fuck is this thread anymore?

>>25920862
shitposting containment thread

>>25920862
Small people vs big people and also new fetishes
I don't even know anymore

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>>25920708
>>25920745
you fools, he meant the manlet part of this thread
right...?

>>25920652
you aren't an adult if you can't reach the hand washer

I reall just want some green of this >>25920674

>>25920926
Please just stop this thread is done you fucking ruined it with posting your stupid >I'm taller so I'm cooler

Bullshit

>>25918479
When a tall person is high he reaches the sky
When a manlet is high he reaches the roof

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>>25920231
>"What's the matter, Anon? Don't feel like a big guy anymore?"
I only did it for you.

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>>25920435
What the fuck is this .gif? Did you literally just record someone's chatroom? Where the fuck did you get this?
I'm surprised everyone had decent grammar and weren't cringeworthy fucks.

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>>25920479
>>25920546
>>25920773
>>25921105
What did y'all saw in the .gif?

>>25921162
Watch it and find out

>as anon was walking to the dining room to get himself a drink Luna stopped him dead in his tracks and asked him one single question
>"why do you keep talking to my sister when she always bad mouths you and just plainly bully you?
>Anon didn't know how to say it but he loved it when Celestia called him names and bullies him, it was amazing, and it was hard to describe the feeling he feels when she bully's him.
>"Here Luna I'll let you in on a secret."
>Anon was right up against Luna's ear.
>"I love it when she bully's me I acctually think its hot. It makes me feel like a beta, like she controls me. I can't describe it."
>Luna was confused
>"Why would you find it hot for somebody to bully you? I mean why she just calls you names and generally treats you badly, I tell her to stop but she doesn't."
>"No don't tell her to stop I like it, and don't tell I said that. It's hard to explain."
>"Well okay then I guess everybody's different."
>"well bye." Luna said she walked away fast like she wanted get away from you. "Bye."
That's all I could get

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>>25921177
Im the one who posted the .gif
Again, what did you see in it?
I think that there's something wrong with it and you guys

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>>25921162
Watch it for yourself and be absolutely amazed because this is actually a thing someone posted onto the internet.

>>25918479
When I see that pic it always bothers me how there is no standard deviation or link to the samples.
While it is possible that everyone here is fat and short, it's also possible that there are a few extremely fat and short people here.

>>25921105
I thought it was going to be some X-Files creepy shit when the guy mentioned the things that control you when you sleep. Like, the chat would slowly get more eerie and unsettling. But nope.

>>25921200
>>25921194

>>25921105
>>25920773
>>25920546
>>25920479
>>25921200
guys this was posted on /x/ so i decided to ask in /xx/ if they knew what the fuck it meant and they said that this gif will give the effects of the "Dorminian Incursion" which i dont fucking know what is and some said that is a "men in black" chatlog and some shit like that
im kinda spooked Tbh, also after everyone leaves the chatroom the gif ends in 40 minutes
(supposedly)
also sorry for bringing /x/ to this thread

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>>25921253
What

>>25919726

You sound like a fucking faggot holy shit.

>>25921105
U-unf. Literal horse pussy.

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>>25918367
>gee Anon, I really like you
>and more importantly, my parents like you
>you've been such a good friend
>but I've got one question that's sort of been bothering me
>why do you know so many obscure factoids?

>>25918398
Kek'd

>>25918504
Is it twilight?

>>25918367
My love life is none of your fucking buisness, you purple twat.

...what happened to your wings?

>>25921623
it's your mom

>>25920745
You capped my story? ITS OFFICIAL. IM FINALLY A HUGE FAGGOT!

>>25918479
>/b/ has the youngest age average
That explains a lot.

>>25920435
How dare you post that

>>25921636
Gasp, how uncouth of you sir

>>25921551
4chan does it to me.

>>25918548
It's been done at least five times in AiE.

>>25918881
L O N D O N
O
N
D
O
N

>>25921716
> ITS OFFICIAL. IM FINALLY A HUGE FAGGOT!
I find it fitting that this was the last post on /mlp/ before 4chan broke.

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>tfw I have a thing for taller girls and I'm only 6'2"
Y'all little niggas need to count your blessings.

>>25918479
>almost comparable to /a/

fucking lol'd

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“Huh?”
>”You heard me, Anon!” Twilight bounced up and down in excitement, mimicking a certain party pony you knew. “You need a marefriend!”
>This conversation had just begun and you were already baffled.
>Just to make sure, you pinched Twilight’s cheek and pulled.
>”Hey, Anon!” Twilight jerked her head away from you, shuffling back.
“Sorry, I wasn’t really convinced you were you.”
>Equestria had been your home for a few months now.
>In the beginning you met the mane six, some of the other popular side characters, and even some new ponies not even in the show. But the fun quickly wore off, and now you spent most of your time isolated in the Canterlot Castle.
>Thankfully Princess Celestia was generous enough to give you free reign over the entire Royal library, so you spent most of your days reading literature and avoiding the other ponies in the castle (which was easy, as they were too disgusted at you to approach).
>The only time you weren’t locked up in your room reading something was when the Princess of Friendship herself came to visit.
>Even though you were in the palace of the two Royal Sisters, it was Twilight you saw the most.
>She usually came to ask something about your species. Sometimes it was a more casual topic, like the latest book by A.K. Yearling.
>Never had she spoken about a marefriend, though.
>”Well then,” Said Twilight as she finished rubbing her cheek. “Now that you know I’m me, are you ready to go out and find a marefriend?”
”What’s with the sudden obsession?”
>Twilight shook her head, giggling. “Obsession? Pfft! No, no! I just finished reading this romance novel, and, you know… It made me think of you. You seem like the type who needs a marefriend, that’s all.”
>Uh oh.
“Uh, thanks for the offer, but…”
>You glanced at your bed, where there was an open copy of ‘The Adventures of Blue Skies: the Warrior Pegasus’ waiting for your return.

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>>25922084
“I was kinda’ in the middle of the book, so…”
>”Oh, come on, Anon!” Twilight paid no mind to your plea. Before you knew it, there was a small aura tugging your arm towards the doorway. “We have to find you a mare!”
“Wait, Twilight-!”
>The sudden sharpness in your voice made Twilight cringe. Her eyes went a bit wider as the sensation around your arm faltered
>A pang of guilt shot through you, but it had to be done.
“I… just don’t think this is a good idea.”
>”Why not, Anon?”
>You’re surprised that such a smart pony couldn’t see the problem here.
“It’s just…”
>Images of some of the local ponies scoffing at you or treating you like dirt surfaced to mind.
>You tried not to let it get to you, since you knew that such behaviour was contained within the upper class areas like Canterlot, but it still railed on your confidence.
>Besides, even if they didn’t treat you like dirt, there was still almost no chance of any of them falling for you.
>Your thumbs found themselves twisting around each other subconsciously as you grew uncomfortable, which was in no way helped by Twilight gazing at you with her saucer-like eyes.
“...I’m not a pony. I'm a human. It’s impossible for me to get a marefriend.”
>Twilight brushed off your concern with a wave of the hoof. “Oh, Anon!”
>She looked completely unscathed.
>You once again found yourself amiss as the Alicorn’s horn started to glow.
>”You do know I can just change you into a pony, right?”

That's where I'll stop for now. Depending on what you guys want, Anon will be turned into a pone or stay a human.

>>25922111
It's either insert this OC or enter the other. The only difference is she finds out if you're a human now or later.

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>>25918479
>mfw I'm 5"6

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>>25918479
>tfw 6'2''

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>>25922111
Abandoning glorious humanity?, Hahaha.
No that's heresy.

>>25918367
"Really?"
>"Yep!"
"Well, I have the answer for that already; somepony I've been looking at for a long time."
>Twilight looks shocked.
>"Wow! Who is it?"
>You put a comfortable arm around her and hold her tight.
>Her cheeks blaze red.
"Guess who has two hooves and is now my marefriend?"
>Both of your faces are getting closer, voices turning to whispers.
>"Who?"
>You get up right into her ear.
"Rainbow Dash. I plow that bitch every night."
>For some reason, you hear something much like glass breaking.

>>25922111
I'd say keep him human

>>25922111
Would be interesting to see him as human, though I believe she will change him no matter what.
nice dub trips
>>25922180
Kek

>>25918479
I'm 181cm/80kg, fuck these troglodyte numbers.

>>25918620
>>25918620

>want to read stories about ponies rejecting anon
>every single 4chan archive site is dead

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>>25918479
>6''2
>134.5 lbs

These stats has to be bullshit

>>25922111
>”You do know I can just change you into a pony, right?”
Stop this shit. Pulling bullsit spells out of your ass for plot convenience is the bane of uncreative pone stories.

>>25922278
>i-if I'm not a manlet everyone else isn't r-right?

>>25922278
>i-if I'm not a manlet everyone else isn't r-right?

>>25922111
Anons agree human is the way to go
the being changed into a pony doesn't seem bad actually but it should not be permanent I guess
at least that's how my story wold turn out, that way there's just more available content you can go through

>>25922369
I can understand that
>Anon gets a temp change into a pony
>The pones don't know it's him and likes him more than when he was human
>Anon actually enjoys his time as a pony
>He changes back unexpectedly during a celebration for Pone-Anon
>Pones are shocked that the pony they were all celebrating turned out to be the one they disregarded for him being human
>Anon runs off distraught at what might happen, a confused Twi following after.

>>25922409
yeah that was not where my mind was heading but that's your story I don't plan on interfering here

>>25921181
More like this. Except better. No offense but this attempt was kind of shit. Thanks for the effort though.

>>25922460
Eh, people talking about how submissive they are is kinda creepy.

>>25918367
but I'm gay, Twilight

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>>25918479
>tfw I'm 5'9''

>>25918622
It might be me posting over and over.
I like to talk about how I'm a big guy

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>>25918367
Is uh..is your teacher single?

>>25922505
Who said Anon has to be outright telling anyone it's his fetish? Do you tell people that girls with dicks turn you on?

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To Twily you don't! Yeesh, we all have that person in our friend group.

I'm perfectly happy single, Twily, okay! Whenever I try this shit I instantly regret feeling obligated to "work at" someone and give them my undivided attention all the time, spend the rest of my time trying to figure out how best to break up with them because I can't be bothered, and everyone gets hurt.

Life's too short, I've got imageboards to hang out on, things to see, video games to play and sooo many Classic Doctor Whos to grind through.

Don't give me that "there must be others who enjoy watching your ponies and doctors and playing games with you" stuff... I know of one (if utilising bisexual powers) who is a pony fan and probably wouldn't say no, but for Reasons it'd be really hard work, we'd get maybe 10 years then I'd end up his full time carer. Not going down that road just for the sake of hooking up with someone. The rest are on the other side of the world somewhere. I ain't moving for anyone and don't want to be thinking "oh dear I don't love them enough to move to the other side of the country / another sodding country entirely for them" again.. been there done that!

*breathes*

>>25922712
Alright. So be alone. Just don't go complaining about it to everyone you know later in life like you're some sort of hero for avoiding relationships. Nobody cares what you do. Just don't be a cunt about it later.

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>>25920674
>You stand in the hall between Celestia's bedroom and the throne room
>And check the time
>Ah, here she comes!
>You're not allowed near her bedchambers for some reason
>But this is far enough that they can't do anything about it
>You wave to her as she approaches, two guards in tow
>"Oh, Anonymous. I see the castle exterminator has not arrived."
>She speaks with that royal smile on her face
>She's always joking around you, and it feels nice to be with her
"Good morning, Celestia!"
>You start matching her pace and following her down the hall
>The guards exchange looks
>The princess' smile falters a bit
>"Have you been here all morning?"
"Well, yes. Bu-"
>"It's very considerate of you, Anonymous, to ensure my day cannot get any worse than the morning."
>Her words are the equivalent of her petting you
>And you feel a slight flutter in your heart
"I'm glad you appreciate me, princess. Can I join you in the throne room?"
>Her smile turns into a frown
>"There might come a day when I need to drive away all my visitors."
>The throne room approaches, the hallway wasn't that long
>"But that day is not today."
>The guards stop you as you try to follow her
>She steps through, and the door closes behind her
>Well, you tried, but you're sure she'll change her mind eventually
>You plop down on the red carpet and start waiting, twiddling your thumbs while looking at the guards
>It was kinda...arousing the way she talked to you
>It felt dirty, but you knew deep down she cared for you
>One of the guards bump the other on the shoulders
>Pointing towards you
>Whispering
>You shrug
>Usually she would be there for a couple hours
>Nothing to do but think about her, you suppose

>>25923588
What, are the guards gonna start humiliating me too?

>>25923633
Is that your fetish, anon?

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>>25923588
Oh fuck my sides. The princess of the sun is too fire

>>25923588
They'll try, but anon doesn't take shit from anybody except the princess

>>25922162
>tfw 5'6"
Feels good not to be a manlet

>>25923646
Dunno. It'd be best if they tried, but we're awful at it. But unfortunately from them, Celestia gave them orders to keep Anon entertained while she's busy.
>"Hey, um, you smell bad."
>"Yeah, I bet you... have a boner right now."
>"Dude, what the hell? Don't tell me you're into this too?"
>"W-What? Of course not..."

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>>25923588
Fuck outta here, no bullies allowed!

>>25923500
Seems fair. I stopped with the "no one would ever be interested in me anyway ;~;" when it became evident it's a huge pile of bullshit - "no one I'd be attracted to / interested in in return seems likely to ever be interested in me" is maybe closer to the mark, but at the end of the day it's been an overrated bag of hurt so far and I don't see the extreme need for it that others do.

The subject of my great uncle having never married came up with the parents the other day and it was like he might as well have been alien for how weird this apparently was, before it eventually settled on "well maybe not everyone feels pressured into conforming, soandso has always been single as well" at which point I gave them a rare insight into my feelings and said I can identify with that pretty well.

>>25923588
More.

"Sorry Twi, I already have a marefriend." you say
>"Oh? Tell me about her." Twilight moves in close
"Sh-she's real overprotective of me, I don't think you should get this close." you back away
>"Come on, Nonny, you and I know she isn't real." she leans in close to your face "Not a soul in Equestria could love you except me, my little green monkey."
"She is real! And she loves me for me!" you feel tears welling in your eyes
>"Oh hush, be thankful I give you the time of day." She kisses you suddenly
>You push her away
"St-stay back! I have a waifu!"
>"Yeah, and it's me now."
>Suddenly the door to the library gets kicked in
>Oh god no, it was your marefriend
>The armored mare points a hoof at Twilight
>"TRAITOR!"

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>>25923801
Dis nyuggah right here.

>>25923801
I don't get it

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>>25923801
OH FUCK

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>>25923801
"N-no! It's not what it looks like!"
>She storms in and sparks her stun baton, striking Twilight with it
>The friendship princess goes flying and lays limp
>"Anon are you alright?" she asks tenderly
"Yeah. Just a little shaken."
>"Let's go home." TR8R takes you onto her back and starts walking home
>It was a good day
>tfw marefriend

>>25923588
>You actually fell asleep
>And you dream faintly about Celestia talking to you
>Telling you all sorts of nice things
>It feels really weird to hear her compliment you for real
>You shudder your dream-self as she tells you how much she adores you
>It really kills the mood
>Like clockwork, you fade back into reality
>Some of the guards were snickering
>You see a marker on the ground
>You had trained your sleep cycle so that you would wake up around the time Celestia was done
>And you only had to spend a few minutes feeling up your face when the doors swing open
>Out steps the princess of the sun
>She takes a look at you
>Glances at the guards
>And uses her magic to lift up a hankerchief to your face
>She starts wiping it, and it feels really nice, almost like she's touching you
>"I am sorry, Anonymous."
>She pulls the hankerchief back
>"I thought my guards had drawn on your face, but it would appear the features are natural."
>Your heart leaps a little as she talks to you
>You stand up, stretching and yawning
"Where are you going now, Celestia?"
>She starts walking down the hall
>And you follow again
>One of the guards sigh
>"I am going to have some midday tea with some of my subjects."
"Can I-"
>"I do not think that I am patient enough to teach you to hold a teacup."
>The walk is a lot longer so you have a lot more time with her
"Who are you going to drink with?"
>"I am the only pony who talks to you, Anonymous. I doubt that you would know them."
"What are you going to talk about?"
>Her eyes narrow slightly
>And her frown is slowly growing
>"We are going to talk about what it is friends talk about. I'm sure you're familiar with the concept of fri-"
>She turns towards you, not missing a beat
>"My apologies, I did not mean to presume."
>You smile at her
>She looks away, facing forwards again

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>>25923832
It's a meme designed for dipping

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>>25923848

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>>25923848
Fucking savage

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>>25923875
The fuck did I just watch?

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>>25923892
A spooky gif

>>25918718
5.7 here, or 172 meters if i did it wrong

>>25918479
>6' 5"
>BMI is good
What the fuck this shit needs updating or something,

>>25918367
>Anon
>Marefriend
Nice try faggot, but I'm preserving myself until I become a true wizard, only then will I consider it

>>25923848
>>25923661
>You walk a few more moments before one of the guards speak
>"My princess, should I tell him he's being a nuisance?"
"Hey, fuck you."
>Time slows down
>The guards' heads turn slowly towards you, as does Celestia's
>Their mouths open, pupils shrinking, eyes widening
>The guard that spoke steps backwards
>His hooves flail slightly as he loses footing
>And he falls flat on his haunches
>His mouth starts quivering
>And you feel time start again
>As the tears flow
>And he starts bawling
>Celestia sighs
>You give her a thumbs up
>"I thought you better than that, Anonymous."
>She turns to the other guard
>"Take him to emergency services."
>"Yes, your majesty."
>The guard is still crying his eyes out as the other takes him by the shoulders
>You hear the scraping of armor against floor as they slowly move out
>Celestia turns back around, and starts walking, unguarded
>"Would you like to join me this afternoon?"
>The two of you approach a door with a few guards in front
"Really, princess? I would love to!"
>"Will you wait here, then?"
>You nod
>She stands there, looking at you
>"If you don't understand, you are welcome to ask for explanations."
"I don't need-"
>You feel her magic wrap around you
>And force you to sit down
>It's a weird tingly sensation but feels really nice
>She turns towards the guards and leans in, whispering something
>They salute her when she walks in the door
>Her magic is still restraining you and stopping you from moving
>They look uncomfortably at each other
>You see sweat manifesting on their heads
>One of them clears his throat
"You're..."
>He pauses
>The other guard nods at him, giving him an encouraging smile
>"You're dumb."
>You wanted to flip him off
>But you can't
"Like your mom?"
>His mouth is wide agape
>You see his chest rise and fall violently as he starts breathing heavily
>The other guard walks up to him
>Rubbing a hoof on his back armor, whispering to him
>It calms him down a bit

>>25921253

Has no one here seen Men In Black? The movie with Will Smith (Agent J) and Tommy Lee Jones (Agent K)? It's not some government conspiracy thingy, it's two people roleplaying characters from the movie.

Holy shit I feel old.

>>25921253
Ooooooh that explains K and J. I thought it was some James Bond reference when they mentioned Q.

>>25921105
Cerea is best monmusu

>>25924019
Celestia has a keikeku

>>25918686
Are you me? I don't even try anymore because all attempts will result in failure as they have in the past.

I always tell myself that the future will be better... I will be more desirable so I wait for a future that never comes...

>>25918367
Thank you for the offer, but I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life.

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>>25918686
>>25924598

My two brothers of another mother of another level, I know that feel.

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>>25924765
So much black

>>25918622
I'm 6.1 and one of the smallest of my friends

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>>25918940
fucking kekd

>>25924019
I want to see more of this concept (guards/ponies brought to tears by swearing/insults)

Bumping for more Bullylestia

>>25926780
bampu

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>”I’m sure you’ll find a mare who likes you for you.”
>You stare deep into Twilights eyes.
>”And… and she’s out there Anon, you just have to be patient.”
>Keep staring at sporklight.
[Nervous horse noises]
>”Ok, so not too many mares like other species. But you have to keep trying Anon.”
“Twilight, I just came to return this book. What the fuck are you on about?”
>The dorkiest of the princesses looked at you in confusion.
>”Wait, you’re not here because of the dance?”
“What fucking dance? Seriously this is why I don’t like coming into town.”
>Throwing your hands in the air you groaned out of frustration.
“If it’s not something destroying the place, it’s a fucking invasion. And guess what? I’m sick and tired of rebuilding my house.”
>Booping the hayburger loving princess you continued your tirade.
>Fucking horse pushed you over the line this time.
>Can’t you just enjoy your time away from all the bullshit back on earth in peace.
“To top it off I have to get my homeowners insurance from some place in the gryphon lands. That shit ain’t cheap you know.”
>Throwing the book on making your own cider on the desk you flipped off Twiggles and stormed out.
>Damn horses and their damn shenanigans.

>>25918479
>5'6
>More hair on my face than my head
>Broad shoulders
>Musclefat
I'm content with my Dorf status.

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>>25918940
>mfw best rejection I've ever seen on these threads

>>25920435
Are they role playing as will smiff and Tommy Lee Jones from men in black?

>>25924019
>"Like your mom?"
kek

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>>25922180

>>25928982
More like Will sniffs Tommy Lee's bone amirite?

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>>25928982
>will smiff

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>>25928982
> will smiff

>>25918367
Okay, how about you?

>>25929172
Exactly

>>25923801
I almost threw up from laughing, thanks anon.

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>>25918940
Do you guys smell something burning?

Cause Twi just got crock-potted.

>>25924019
Pls moar

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>>25922180
>"Guess who has two hooves and is now my marefriend?"
>only two hooves

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>>25928982
>>25929017

>>25918367
"Twilight, we've been over this. I don't *want* a marefriend."
>She just narrows her eyes a little more and smiles.
>"A stallionfriend then? There's nothing wrong with that, you know."
>You'd facepalm if this entire topic wasn't far beyond worn out by this point.
"I just don't want anyone- anypony, Twi. That's all."
>"Anon."
>She shakes her head.
>"You know I can't accept that. Everypony belongs with somepony."
>You narrow your eyes to match her's.
"Not me. And you really shouldn't end those words with 'pony' when you're including me. I'm not a pony, Twilight. You should be able to tell."
>Twilight seems to think for a second.
>"Yeah...I guess you're not, huh?"

********

>"Anon! Good news!"
>She comes barreling through your bedroom door.
>Her tone of voice is somehow as detached as it is cheerful.
>Meddling weirdo or not, she set you up with a lot of things here.
>A house. A job. A tailor who doesn't mind working with non-pony types.
>And of course, that little phone she built that can somehow call the human world.
>Well, your human world. They have another one here, somehow, but it's not the one you came from.
>Everyone there is all...multicolored and proportioned funny.
>Hell, when you fell outta the sky into Twi's house, she thought you were a human from that world - but with some kind of deformity.
>Not a great first impression for either of you.
>But, still, you owe the weirdo a lot.
>Despite how standoffish yesterday got with her damn attempts to set you up...you can still share some nice moments with her.
"Oh? What happened?"
>"I've been thinking about what happened yesterday, and I wanted to apologize."

>>25931191
proceed

>>25931191
>That lifts your spirits.
"Yeah, you got a little pushy..."
>She cuts you off.
>"See, I realized - the reason your libido is so low is because, since you're the only one of your species around, we're not showing interest in you the right way."
"I. Um, what, Twi?"
>She giggles and smiles one of those dumb horse smiles of hers.
>"You know, every species has its own courtship rituals. Its own way of signaling a desire to mate, and what times of the year and stuff."
>Well, it's not like she's wrong, but...
"Twi, that's not really what the-"
>"So I built another one of those phones to your world, and called a few of you."
>She what.
"You what?"
>"Pushed numbers at random until I called a human male willing to talk about the sex stuff you guys do, and how it works and all that."
"Oh my god, Twi, who the hell did you bother with this crap?"
>She looks confused.
>"'Who the'-"
>And then she doesn't.
>"Oh! Right! Hell is what you guys have instead of Tartarus! I forgot for a second cause I'm so excited. Anyway, the human said his name was 'Neckbeard'. I think he might know you since he said you 'should know what that means'."
>She did little air quotes with her front hooves there.

>>25931233
Twilight fucked up