>bugs... easy on the carrots Rewrite this sentence in the

>>9998595
lol ye it was funny for a few moments now please fuck off

>>9998610
>ye
Shakespeare

File: richter b.jpg (76KB, 620x400px) Image search: [Google]

76KB, 620x400px

>>9998595

>>9998610
We've been doing threads like this for years. The sentence that is chosen for imitation is ALWAYS a meme, usually a bad one. If you don't recognize the format then you should lurk more.

>>9998595
Bugs did not go easy on the carrots. So it goes.

>>9998641
are you saying because these threads have history they should remain?
they're all fucking unfunny and contribute nothing to this board.

>>9998647
Yes.

>>9998595

Sunset found bugs squatting in the grass. The more carrots he ate, the more he shat, and the more he shat, the more he wished to crawl to the vegetable garden and eat more carrots.

>>9998595
Bugs... ugh, easy on the carrots, okay?

>>9998656
It's 2am and I'm laughing hysterically at your post. I don't know if your post is objectively bad or good, but I can't stop laughing either way.

An unnameable bloated figure rolled across the poised grass. Paws, teeth and whiskers were mashed into an enormous furry sphere. Its weight was gargantuan and Earth itself felt the pull of gravity in the form of a carrot eating monsters.
I stared at the creature, my brain racing with fear of that unknown diet. They're coming to get me! Over the meadow I can see the fat police fast approaching, and as I accept the impending doom, I utter the words 'Bugs... easy on the carrots'.

File: life'spizza.gif (615KB, 245x160px) Image search: [Google]

615KB, 245x160px

>how did carrots get stuck with Bug's exclusivity? You can put onions on a sandwich without anyone freaking out. But the moment your sandwich has a carrot, boom, it's a Bug's sandwich.

>>9998595
Bugs knew that deep down the detached half-irony with which Anon was telling him to cut back on the carrots was really just a kind of defense mechanism he used to distract himself from his own day-in, day-out pathologically self-destructive habits. That these cheeky moments were a few of the seldom-had moments of happiness in a life otherwise characterized by anhedonia. That Anon has a few things he himself needs to cut back on--masturbation, alcohol use, mindless scrolling and refreshing the catalog, etc etc. That though this hypocrisy is perverse, it’s natural. But despite (or because of) this brief glimpse into some of the underworkings of the anhedoniac’s psyche, Bugs (whose body had, truthfully, gone from straight to ellipsoidal to spherical and was now well on its way to becoming ellipsoidal again just with the major and minor axes flipped from what they were previously, when he was ellipsoidal, that is) still could not bring himself to understand non-banality and utmost importance of the capital ‘I’ Imperative: “... easy on the carrots”

>>9998646
slaughterhouse 5
>>9998656
catch 22

>>9998684
Hm, nothing is really ringing a bell. Lovecraft?

>>9998706
>catch 22
God, you're so innocent. It's cute.
It's Game of Thrones, or whatever the fucking books are called

>>9998718
>extrapolating personality features from a single guess to a post that could imitate just about any author
are you 12?

>>9998666
my my... the digits are coming early this fall

>>9998695
DFW

>>9998740
Woah man, relax. I meant it as a compliment, albeit a patronizing one. The original subject matter to which you are replying is a frequent topic for parody in threads like these. That you responded sincerely meant you were assuming good faith on behalf of someone who's just trying to meme his way into (You)s. I thought it was cute.
Fwiw, I originally thought that Catch-22 would provide an excellent framework for parodying the "Sunset..." line, so our thought processes aren't all that different.
Wanna guess mine?>>9998695

>>9998595
The carrot in bug's hand was the color of a television, tuned to the nickelodeon logo

>>9998740
>that could imitate just about any author
newfaaaaaaag

Neurocurrents fractally dissipate, vaporizing all flora-consumption inhibitors. Biomechanisms crumble under accelerating replication of cells, cybernetic processes launch mitosis interplanetary in allergic reaction to hyperdriven carotene reactor meltdown. Positive feedback drives breakdown nonlinear, entropy swells as orange obelisks break slime. Bacteria swarm, viruses, bugs.

Easy... gods of bipedal cyberspace strike with Weinerian control, paranoia, establish minimalist norms to fight exponential expansion. They fear collapse.

>>9998740
You are really fucking new. It's one of the most frequently posted and memed about passages on /lit/.

>>9998789
nick.. easy on the singularity

>>9998595
Bugs holds a carrot. But what is a carrot? Carrots are food. But what is food? Food is a relation between Bugs and his carrot, or is the relation's relating Bugs and his carrot in the relation; food is not the carrot but the carrot's relating itself to itself.

>>9998595
That Rab's have a stuffing of what he loved, bloated in orange earth.

>>9998755
Yep. Was it the keywords that gave it away? e.g. banal, anhedonia

>>9998812
Nah, you nailed his style pretty well overall so it was an easy guess. Well done!

>>9998776
NEUROMANCER

>>9998806
Marx

>>9998822
correct

File: 1488230470248.png (2MB, 2300x7450px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 2300x7450px

>>9998647
>

File: bugsgif.gif (737KB, 500x378px) Image search: [Google]

737KB, 500x378px

>>9998595
Bugs lived in a mud hut on the cool side of a dried up riverbed. Ghosts of cattail and marsh grass haunted the dust and pebble. The sun-baked lagomorph wiped its grimy hands on a mottled nightshirt and waved me over into the cool darkness.

I hung my belt on a peg and sat. The sun set. We shared moldy carrots for dinner, while my host admonished my stupidity and warned me against continuing across the desert alone.

"Bugs," I said, "thank you for the carrots." I sipped vinegar wine from a boot as darkness and thunder stormed outside.

>>9998833
The Kafkaesque one made me laugh the hardest.

>>9998647
Oh please please please tell us the (((((purpose))))) of this board so that we can all move more rapidly towards this inevitable end point.

>>9998833
Why can't these faggots focus their talent on some pomo memery masterpiece
>tfw you realize the posts are the masterpiece
we meta post modernism now

>>9998595
Bugs...easy on the carrots, roasted plums, stuffed peacock, buttered duck, spiced boar, poached quail eggs, sauteed onions, seasoned snail, aged red wine, peppered cheese, unborn puppy, boiled veal, triple layered cake and salted pork

>>9998833
The Borges one would had been tippy top tier in spanish

>>9998840
lmao

well done

Dont think mccarthy would use a word like stupidity tho

>>9998869
The dead

One bunny. For sale. Never exercised.

>>9998595
It was a pleasure to watch him feed. .It was a special pleasure to see carrots eaten, to see things digested and changed-- but never this much!

>>9998910
Fahrenheit 451

>>9998633
had a hearty chuckle thanks

>>9998656
Grrm>>9998666

God I wanted to kiss Bugs so badly, but I was just a shy high schooler who's very smart but has a low self esteem, and he's... Well, he was everything good in the world.

"Bugs... easy on the carrots," I said half-jokingly, hoping he would notice me and treat me with the love and respect I treated him with.
To be honest, I wish I could be like Bugs, wild and free, without a care in the world. If people were seasons, I was duck and he was rabbit.

>>9998595
bugs.. easy on t͎͇̫͡h̸̝e̙͕̠̖̬͕͟ ć̤̪͍̦̭̫̰a͍̪̩̥͓r̗͎rot͓̹̝͈s̸͍̠͎͈

bugs.. easy
on
the carrots

>>9998827
no
NO

>>9998881
don't think that was mccarthy, there was actual punctuation and not enough run on sentences

>>9998789
>Bacteria swarm, viruses, bugs.
excellent

I took out a cigarette and lit it. "bugs, easy on the carrots."

>>9998869
Terry Pratchett? There was a part like that in The Colour of Magic I think

>>9998848
The completion of German idealism

>>9998806
that's my nigga anti-climacus. gg

>>9998595

A porcine rabbit stands in front of me. His front teeth drip with orange fluid, he's inexplicably wearing impeccably pure white gloves.

"Sir," I ask, "what are you doing in my garden?"

He smacks his teeth and lips together. His girth jiggles. "Ehhh, what's up, Doc?"

"I'm a veterinarian," I tell him. "I roam the countryside looking for obese creatures. And to you, my friend, I'd like to ask you to temper your diet."

Obstinate, the gray bunny waddled away from me, found a hole large enough to hide a four-wheeler in, and rolled down it ... never to be seen again.

So there I was in The Rabbit's Whiskers having a basket of fried frog nipples when I see this boffer sitting at the bar stuffing his face with buttered carrots and dittany. "Bugs" I say "steady on those carrots." He ignored me so I left to stretch my legs.

File: IMG_0261.jpg (169KB, 1000x568px) Image search: [Google]

169KB, 1000x568px

>>9998595
Bugs
You ate me out
Like a carrot
Then you left me
In the dirty ground
When you get hard again
Take it easy
On your next one

>>9998595
Bugs
He ate his carrots
Easy
EASY
The bunny is fat.

plentiful carrots
rabbit eats when hunger comes
guaranteed replies

>>9998898
Hemingway.
Ezpz

File: 1498708135509.jpg (72KB, 402x402px) Image search: [Google]

72KB, 402x402px

CATEGORIAE.

2. Forms of speech are either simple or composite. Examples of the latter are such expressions as 'bugs... easy on the carrots'; of the former, 'bugs...'. 'easy' and 'carrot'.
Of things themselves some are predicable of a subject, and are never present in a subject. Thus 'carrot' is predicable
of the individual carrot, and is never present in a subject.
[...]
Some things, again, are present in a subject, but are never predicable of a subject. For instance, a certain quantity of
carrots is present in Bugs' stomach, but is not predicable of any subject; or again a girthiness may be present in the body
(for size requires a material basis), yet it is never predicable of anything.
Other things, again, are both predicable of a subject and present in a subject. Thus while while girthiness is present in Bugs' gut,
it is predicable of gluttony.

>>9998932
John Green

>>9999038
rupi

>>9998812
I thought you were kinda heavyhanded with that shit but liked the ellipsoidal part a lot

But it really did seem like more of a parody than something sincerely in the style of.

In the summer of 1958 bugs spent more eating carrots than the rest of the Toons at that time (Bugs Bunny would later lose the weight, and die of the flu at the age of eight four years later).

Of.course we knew, all the Toons knew, and even the Toons who were scared but pretended they weren't KNEW. There was something more than tasty carrots making Bugs Bunny eat.

Porky Pig said what we were all thinking, "Bugs...easy on the carrots" (years later at Bugs Bunny's funeral, as Bugs's coffin was lowered into the grave, we would all hear the sound of his teeth crunching carrots).

We were one member of the Loony Toons short, we needed seven but six would have to do.

>>9998595
He was munching, small splinters of the orange substance dropping idly in the space between his antennae whiskers and the dirty soil, each in itself a carrying the whole carrot with it, but incomplete. The one approaching him went down the arroyo leaving the dark crimson bloom of the sunset behind him and the caldera and the desert and the remote backward trail of his origin behind and against the fluttering of stars in the sky. He looked upon the hare. Ogre like and brawny.

You should go easy on the carrots. He sat between patches of dirt, emptied with the husks of formal vegetable owners.

The other spat at the space between them. You ain't no doc.

>>9999042
10/10

>>9999265
CORMAC

>>9998595
The rabbit was sitting on the carrot patch, eating.[editor's note: here follow pages about the cultivating, picking and preparing of carrots, detailing the specifics of various regions and people who are accustomed to eating them].
I sat on a patch and my savage friend on another. We both looked with great awe at the bulging mass of the rabbit's great belly.

"Maybe you should go easy on the carrots mister Bunny."

>>9999305
Call me bugs

>>9999307
Das rite.

>>9998595
"What am I?" the rabbit asked, picking another carrot from the patch around him.
The other fidgeted. He looked nervously at the hare's metallic glim in the eyes. He knew that oblivion would follow a wrong answer.
"You are Al-Arnab, The Great Rabbit, that devours the souls of men."
"I am and I am not. Yet who is the one eating the carrots, me or Him? Careful with the answer for the Vegetable of Life or the Potato of End lie in this answer."

There was death in those teeth. Maybe not the teeth tho. Behind that stack of netaly organized carrots something glimmed towards the qanat and the horizon behind it. A blade? An ACME bomb?

"You should go easy on the carrots."

The rabbit's lip moved for the glimmer of a second. He got up, his water filled body an insult for those toiling under the twin suns who were watching him with hunget and thirst.

"You live to see anothet sunset Son of Man."

>>9998840
>cormac
>using quotes for dialogue
>people thanking each other in a cormac novel

You silly nigger.

>>9998595

>Ctrl-F 'stately plump bugs bunny'
>0 results

O wail and mourn the fallen /lit/, for it has perished

File: 1504430927412.jpg (6KB, 300x250px) Image search: [Google]

6KB, 300x250px

>>9999342
>al-arnab, the great rabbit

>>9999011
O:

>>9998986
>>9998885
Nothing near as good, anons.

>Donalo: Bugs
>Bugs: What?
>D. Bugs, my friend
>B. My dear friend
>D. Good friend
>B. What is it?
>D. (silent)
>B. Well. (stands up) Do you have a carrot
>D. My friend
>B. What?
>D. My dear friend
>B. Good friend
>D. (stands)
>B. (sits) Do you have a carrot?
>D. Yes (sits)
>B. (gestures to Donalo) GIve it to me
>D. (retracts) No. (stands up) Bugs...
>B. What?
>D. Nevermind
>B. Give me a tulip, at least
>D. I'll give you a tulip (gives tulip)

>>9998595
Bugs Bunny, who ate the carrot dug from the cold wet ground with his teeth, on a cloudy and damp march morning, which was dug up from old Silas Peterson's farm, which Stilas' gandfather built over 70 years ago, in a lot he bought for 500 dollars and a cask of moonshine, contentedly gnawed on his treat. His belly, which had swollen over the course of a few weeks of previous such excursions to the Peterson plot, each time selecting only the fattest and most succulent-looking of the carrots, was a sign to him that he should go easy in the future.

>>9999256
Hm, well I've heard that being smarter than someone is a necessary prerequisite to successfully parodying them.
I guess this means I'm not even smarter than DFW.
I guess I'll just go kill myself.

>>9998595
-Carrots...? in a voice that chortled.
-The orange, crunchy kind, yes.

>>9999450
Dostoevsky

File: AMOLED-wallpapers.jpg (15KB, 161x225px) Image search: [Google]

15KB, 161x225px

>>9998595
>Not getting this one is unforgivable

I one day came across a rabbit feeding on carrots all having peculiar, yet vaguely familiar markings. I intended to take one for closer examination, but the rabbit lashed out from its voracious eating to stop me from so doing. Surely I could decipher these queer hieroglyphics if I committed them to memory before they were all consumed. I called out to the creature, "Rabbit! You have had your share of vegetables. Be on your way!" It turned sharply at this ridiculous cry to stare at me. I am unsure how, but it's gaze was oddly unsettling. I took this opportunity of pause to have a closer look at the carrots lying under its head. I was horrified to recall the familiarity of these symbols as I had seen them two months prior in the forbidden section of the Arkham library. Making a note to return to the library after dark, I walked back down to the bank of the Miskatonic where I could continue my survey of the water and its queer inhabitants.

>>9999737
Le named my cat niggerman man

>>9999747
Ye. So he did.

>>9999756
I just love HPL man, the fucking elitist prick.

>>9999768
Kek. He's got some good stories.

>>9999785
AtMoM>Dream Cycle>Chtulhu Mythos

If I take that carrot, will you die?
It would be extremely painful
You’re a big rabbit
For you.
Was getting fat part of your plan?

>>9999805
L'ascension du Chevalier Noir by Christian le Nolaine

Bugs! Gosh! You look positively jaunty! And half your age! You travelled well? My God, what are you eating - not apples! You're a vegetable man. They do a pretty decent carrot here. Take all this stuff away, will you, Doc? And bring us a couple of the orange type. Make 'em big 'uns. Take it easy!

>>9999816
Sorry I got tight last night, Bugs. Easy on the carrots next time hey?

>>9998807
JOYCE

>>9999038
Dyyimhhhhfggg kek

Sweet white-bellied mass of
animal, of raw earth and sky fed
rabbit my son, clothed in coarse white gloves,
your whiskers tickle my tan neck.
I have brought for you a snack here
in my parcel, Bugs.
I say to thee as much as to myself and any reader who attends to these scrawled musings--
Easy on the carrots

File: 1497015735039.gif (289KB, 400x471px) Image search: [Google]

289KB, 400x471px

>>9999737
I've only read two of HP Lovecraft's stories, and I could still tell that was his style of writing.

>>9998595
bugs(1) easy on the carrots(2)

1, Bugs Bunny, anthromorphic cartoon rabbit created by Leon Schlesinger Productions in BS 1940. The plot of Bugs Bunny cartoons generally follow the heterodox adventures of Bugs turning a hunters chase on its head and foiling the chase. A common tactic he uses is dressing in drag in order to sexually confuse the masculine hunter he is chasing after before hitting him with a frying pan. Interlace Cartridges of old Leon Schlesinger Mel Blanc-era Bugs Bunny cartoons are available through the Animation Studios Subsidy of Warner Brothers Entertainment Inc.
2. Daucus carota subsp. sativus. An orange root vegetable native to Europe. Polyacetylenes can be found in Apiaceae vegetables like carrots where they show cytotoxic activities. Falcarinol and falcarindiol (cis-heptadeca-1,9-diene-4,6-diyne-3,8-diol) are such compounds. This latter compound shows antifungal activity towards Mycocentrospora acerina and Cladosporium cladosporioides. Falcarindiol is the main compound responsible for bitterness in carrots. Other compounds such as pyrrolidine (present in the leaves), 6-hydroxymellein, 6-methoxymellein, eugenin, 2,4,5-trimethoxybenzaldehyde (gazarin) or (Z)-3-acetoxy-heptadeca-1,9-diene-4,6-diin-8-ol (falcarindiol 3-acetate) can also be found in carrot. Make sure to water them.

>>9998869
uhhhhh could be Pratchett, could be GRR Martin, could be whichever fuck wrote the Redwall books?

>>9998932
kek

>>9998945
Rupi Kaur or really shit Cummings

>>9999342
Franco Erberto

>>9999265
Jej

>>9999891
DFW

>>9998610
It was never fucking funny it was samefagged repeatedly.

>>9998595
Bugs, easy on the carrots; I've got a child orgy scene to write in a sewer and you are getting carrot juice all over my word processor.

>>10000141
found the humorless autist / self-serious highbrow

bugs
easy on the
carrots

Anonymous

File: fat smug jewnosed neckbeard shit.jpg (31KB, 620x413px) Image search: [Google]

31KB, 620x413px

>>9998740

File: saltedpork.gif (659KB, 245x150px) Image search: [Google]

659KB, 245x150px

>>9998869

bugs, in a retrospective arrangement, easily, jaunty jingle (tip!) carrots, WAR, WAR tympanum, golden trickling

The last carrot on Earth lay alone in a room. There was a rabbit by the door.

>>9998949
yes
YES
carrots are out

Turn in your carrot, Bugs. And your other carrot

It was the year Bugs finally went easy on the carrots. Also reality tunnels.

>>9998965
That Collin meme instagram """""poet"""""

>>9999028
JK Rowling. Good work

>>9998691
underrated

>>9999896
>all those food items
>cannibalism
>animals outside of Redwall canon
>no Strawberry Cordial
How the fuck could this have been Brian Jacques

>>10000000

I am delighted to see that you do like being dug up arseways. Yes, now I can remember that night when I dug you for so long backwards. It was the dirtiest digging I ever gave you, darling. My paws was stuck in you for hours, digging in and out under your upturned clod. I felt your wet earthy muck under my belly and saw your red clay and little pebbles. At every dig I gave you your rich bounty came bursting out through your holes and if I a gave you a bigger stronger dig than usual, fat dirty roots came spluttering out of your hole. You had a hole full of roots that night, darling, and I dug them out of you, big fat turnips, long windy parsnips, quick little merry carrots and a lot of tiny little naughty radishes ending in a long gush from your hole. It is wonderful to dig a carroty earth when every dig drives one out of her.

Apologies if it's kind of shit, I'm on mobile.

>>9998595
The sun had reached it's zenith, though his heat was merciful upon the forest over which his scorching rays fell. The song of a hundred birds, concealed in the upper branches, echoed continuously until - announced by the cracking of branches underfoot - a stranger, aged about five and forty, caused them to flee as he advanced hastily. His face was concealed by a large, black cloak that enveloped his entire body and made any aspect of his identity, aside from his face, almost indiscernable.

The stranger, undeterred by the many brambles that tugged at his sleeves and roots that blocked the path of his boots, was soon rewarded for his persistence by a stroke of divine providence; a clearing in the trees. No sooner had he stumbled onto the grass that populated this break in the trees, his attention was drawn to a presence, stood about eight or ten yards from him.

As he approached, his eyes recognised the figure of a rabbit, of about five and twenty, which was entirely grey save for a white patch upon his enormous belly. The stranger was clearly familiar with this character, for his eyes betrayed a feeling not of surprise, but rather sadness, or concern.

The rabbit's ears twitched and, extracting a carrot from a small collection that lay at his feet, he turned to greet the new arrival, at the same time taking a large bite from the vegetable he held firmly in his hand.

"Ehh," he exclaimed nonchalantly, his mouth half-full with carrot. 'What's up, doc?" His tone betrayed a sense of familiarity with the stranger, who ignored his obvious rudeness.

"Greetings my friend," came the reply in a voice that contained a sense of unease. "I hope I find you in good spirits?"

The rabbit finished his carrot, and with the speed of one who has lost all concern for any sort of divine judgement, reached behind him and withdrew another carrot, greedily consuming it with the haste of a wretch deprived of such comforts for weeks. "Never been better," he replied, his countenance set in that smug, self-assured expression so particular to those rabbits who inhabit the woods of America.

The stranger drew closer, his gaze drawn to the steadily shrinking pile which was partly concealed by the rabbit's huge girth. "I will be concise, my friend, for my coming here is not for the purpose of social jovialities, nor to ask for a personal favour. It concerns something of a far greater importance, namely, that of your health." The man adjusted his sleeves, earnestly waiting to deduce the rabbit's opinion of this revelation from his expression. The animal's eyebrows lowered, apparently in the first stages of irritance.

>>10000665
The man continued. "If your memory serves you well, you may recall that when we first became acquainted, you were of a considerable speed and lightness..." He paused again for a second or two. "You were nimble and the frustration of every hunter and predator in the forest."
"Still got it, doc," the rabbit replied, not an ounce of care for this statement in his voice.
"I am sure you are aware of my old and long-lasting friendship with the good Doctor Lepus? He has long studied the affect of... excess weight upon one's health and lifespan-"
"Ehh, that's a load of baloney," the rabbit interrupted, yet another carrot already in his hands. The stranger's face drained of blood as anger and desperation began to overtake his demeanour.
"Please, my dear friend! Remember the marriage! Remember the will! If not either, for your own sake! I fear that providence has been in your favour for too long, and that in the years hitherto you have forgotten how cruel she may be to one who neglects to treat his body with the most utmost care!" He went to snatch the carrot from the rabbit's grasp, but it drew back his arm and pushed him away, it's face impervious.

"Please, Bugs, I implore you!" the stranger cried, undeterred. "Moderation in all things - you must cease to eat those horrible vegetables in such a huge quantity!"

>>9998595
"bugs.. easy on the carrots" said Anon
"But what is 'easiness'?" said Socrates
"Oh by the gods Socrates, it's obvious!" bugs replied " It is a task which can be accomplished with little effort!"
"My dear Bugs, I am delighted that you have been willing to share your wisdom with me. It is such a honor for a man who knows nothing to be elucidated by your knowledge. But tell me, does the easiness as of itself apply to not eating carrots?"
"What do you mean? I do not understand."
"Is it more difficult to give in to temptation or to resist it?"
"To give in"
"So is it easier to be a glutton of carrots or not to be?"
"To be a glutton"
"But, clearly anon was giving you the advice to stop eating carrots."
"Yes."
"So why didn't it phrase it as 'bugs.. difficult on the carrots'?"
"This is a difficult question, Socrates."
"It is indeed, so much so that I think we must go back before touching this topic again. Namely so, we must revisit 'easiness' as of itself"
"Of course why wouldn't we?"
"You said that it is that which requires little effort, is that correct?"
"Yes."
"Be careful. what is 'effort'?"
"That which is difficult to achieve"
"And what is difficulty?"
"That which is not easy"
"But then we have returned to our starting point and grasped nothing! Wouldn't you agree that it would be more correct to say that easiness is that which requires the least strength?"
"Yes."
"But is strength a quality or a defect?"
"A quality."
"So would you say that easiness is good if it leads to not good?"
"No"
"Thus we can say that what Anon didn't mean to give you advice, but rather to scold you for your bad behavior."
"By Zeus Socrates you are right!"

File: vYCj0nv.jpg (11KB, 299x299px) Image search: [Google]

11KB, 299x299px

>>10000683
It's posts like these that make me never want to read Socrates. Is the entire book just this dry old windbag having imaginary conversations with himself?

>>9998647
Why do newfags always think they can dictate what is and isn’t allowed on this board? gb2r*ddit

>>10000000

File: tfw.jpg (26KB, 694x629px) Image search: [Google]

26KB, 694x629px

>>10000733
>reading socrates
4/10 made me reply

>>9998595
>>9999042
The rabbit
He broke his cage
Bugs
BUGS
Easy on the carrots

>>9998806
Hegel? Or Kierkegaard's parody of Hegel as >>9999014 said. To be fair I initially thought Gregory Bateson or Bruno Latour or someone else obsessed with relations.

>>9998691
>>9998932
nice

>>9998695
god dfw is a pseud

>>9998789
dont think land uses that many non-sentences

>>9998840
hemingway

>>9999024
no idea

It was only when the shadow of the blade blotted out the sun that I decided to lower it slowly. What if every carrot was descended from the hand of the pancreator, and the furious bicuspids of this oryctolagi simply the working of his amschaspands, even as time tears through our own flesh? I whispered to it, so that it might cease its consumption before it ate all things, as ouroboros forever consumes itself. I took off my boots, that I might feel the Apiaceae Daucus under my feet, and walk unshod on holy carrots.

>>9999262
Stephen King

>>10001000
That 9 year old with more talent than Poopee Kaur

The king offered bugs to stay the night and as a gift offered him a basket of golden carrots doused in olive oil.
Even though the feast was over and no man had been left hungry bugs desired more.
The worried host warned bugs that his gluttony was frightening to watch but bugs persisted onward, the poor creature doomed to his fate could not stop the gluttony.
The basket revealed its elaborate weaving, and bugs fell to the cold stone floor grasping for dear life. His god-like heart had given way to the black fog of death.

>>10001187
based gene

>>10001015
It's Kierkegaard, straight from The Sickness unto Death.

File: 17553733_515445328843668_8438345343403552366_n.jpg (9KB, 427x465px) Image search: [Google]

9KB, 427x465px

>>9998656
Excellent

I am an sick rabbit, I am a spiteful rabbit, I am an ugly rabbit, I think I have a disease in my carrot

>>9998848

This board has the same purpose as every other board — never to host any image or text that anyone dislikes anywhere ever.

I feel like Joyce would leave that sentence as is

The carrots, and its being's being, relates itself, by the means of itself, through the natural light which perpetuates the "it", but that which is pure, so that that which is "Bugs", is defined, not by that of its being-being-being-Being, but by the being of the carrots being-being, which when assumed to be an opposition, of selves is that which they are, unless, that by the means of ease, under that of those whom, who by that, are, in being, with respect to their respective selves, as opposed to their own constructed non-being-being.

>>10001961
Kierkegaard makes me want to become a Christian so I don't have to try and refute whatever the fuck he's actually saying

>>9998666
woah... flip your digits upside down and you get the same digits

>>9998595
Bugs, no more, carrots, please.

>>10002006
t. Australian

A young hairy boy dreaming of thick veiny orange ---- the smell of jissom---. "Easy on the carrot meester"

BUGS
MIND
SUN
CHILD
RABBIT
FUCK
INSIDE
CARROTS

>>9998633
underrated post

>>9998595
CRASH

>>9999430
cha boi sam

>>10001998
Kierkegaard always wrote as a character so if you don't get it you can justify it to yourself that his character is speaking incoherently on purpose

>>9998633
fucking kek

Bugs ate carrots today; or maybe yesterday, I'm not sure.

File: proust.jpg (97KB, 1000x641px) Image search: [Google]

97KB, 1000x641px

>>9998595

I dined with Bugs on the terrace of his house, in the daylight. "There is a charming quality to being a maroon, is there not," he said to me, "in this forest; for holes are penetrated by hunters with speech impediments, a Fudd whom you will run from in time asserts that there is no peace in allowing rabbits to be happy and gay. And to this, Doc, there comes in all our lives a time when the weary eyes of prey can endure but one kind of light, the light inside the hole I can no longer fit into."

I listened to Bugs' words which always seemed to be so pleasing; but I was preoccupied with his girth. "Bugs," I stated, "perhaps you should rediscover the importance of fasting."

>>9999430
Is this Godot? If not I think there was a scene where Gogo asks Didi for a carrot but all he has was a turnip?

Before I begin this terrible story, dear Bugs, let me start by saying this: Don't do it Bugs! Don't go hard on the carrots! Put this book back on the shelf right now and go EASY on the carrots!

>>10002044
But that feels intellectually dishonest

>>10001998
My philosophy professor gave me an A on a paper, of which what i just wrote is a direct quote (with bugs and carrots exchanged by beingness and opposition). I dont know what it means if it means anything at all.

>>10002097
Kek

You should ask him for his interpretation of that paragraph, maybe after you've finished his class and/or your degree

>>10002097
Kek
Philosophy BTFO

>>10002180
You have to admit its kind of funny. We should trive to articulate philosophjy as clearly as possible, and no matter whan you think of the existentialists (or philosophy as a whole), that clearly wasnt what they thought we should do, so i dont see a problem in making fun of it.

Bugs! easy on the – c a r r o t s!

>>10002203
Pop philosophy sucks as well but I agree, meme-tier masturbation language is cancer to philosophy

>>10002211
Pop Philosophy? I wish it actually i did that. Instead it uses the clearest possible language to explain absloutely nothing at all. I fucking hate pop philosopgy so goddamn much. I have read about 5 of those shitty cancer-books, and i could say all that i've learned in 10 minutes, it wouldnt even be a summary, it would convey the exact same info, it'd just have less bullshit ancedotes and dumb stories.

File: bugsh.jpg (22KB, 480x360px) Image search: [Google]

22KB, 480x360px

On the western edge of the New World an intrepid balloonist may discover the dreaming city of Hollywood. Its triumphal gates lead not down main avenues but into the worshipful companies of nitrocellulose barkers. Here kings and queens are made and deposed every night, while those of supernal countenance are forced to mingle with the most ghastly lechers. Stars fall here, and their twinkling is becalmed to brass on the grimy sidewalks and streets. Hidden among this monument to capitalism is a small artist's studio where court magicians create the finest illusions known: desert cai-yotes rollerskate with explosives -- metaphors for the insane world that birthed them -- an endless game of cat and mouse becomes an unshakeable friendship, and a handsome rabbit routinely frustrates his interlocutors. Yes, this rabbit is perhaps the most wealthy of all these illusions. And he is not immune to the mortal sins of his creators. Traveler, if you see this mad glutton hare: beware. Speak not into his blood red eyes but towards it, and castigate the creation for walking from its dream and cage.

Bugs, ma nigga! Why you eatin' all my damn carrots?! I told you to save some for the chicken pot pie.

Bugs
Easy on
the carrots

>>10002038
wrong, it's beckett

>>9998595
'Ello Bugs. Mind ya eating less carrots?

Some people just really like a certain thing and can't get enough of it, no matter how much they have. That's how old bugs was with carrots, I just wanted to grab him and say "stop with the carrots bugs!". Then he'd look at me with his stupid face, astonished that someone would try to take his carrots away from him. The thought of that just killed me.

>>9998595

Down with they foreign students at Harvard square bugs be carrot before ten

File: dont look cheater.jpg (279KB, 618x719px) Image search: [Google]

279KB, 618x719px

As I read , sunken half-asleep in the woolen chair which I dragged from the middle of my hotel room to the improvised desk on which my dearest netbook stood, this quaint Anonymous post on a decadent image-board which features a rather plump Bugs Bunny with a priggish smirk, no doubt in his mind rejecting the suggestion that he ought to moderate his consumption of carrots, I could not help but think of poor old Sir Gregory Silverhemp, the seventh duke of Nightingale county, and his castle on the southern hills of Evergreen overlooking Crosspond lake, where many a feast would be held, featuring all imaginable confections and foodstuff that could be devised from carrots, such as carrot cake with dark chocolate fudge, carrot pudding with black and yellow raisins inside, carrot marmalade spread on brown bread sparkled with Brazil-nuts and macadamias, carrot pies with cinnamon and cream, and savory carrot and chicken pies with green peas and cream-cheese. It is said that the residents of Silverhemp castle, many of which belonged to the highest aristocracy, would, by the end of the evening, evacuate in such bright-orange and sleazy crayola hues that their servants would spend all morning scrubbing the stools of the estate's latrine, trying desperately to rid them of their fresh stains. I thought to myself, staring at my now-asleep LED monitor, that there is no more human activity than that of helplessly trying to scrub away vestiges of such atrocities... (next 3 pages covers war crimes in vivid detail)

no one will probably guess this because it's a non-meme author

>>10002308
Holderlin or Goethe?

>>10002556
Stop copying Salinger you big phony.

>>10002693
>I'm soooo erudite

>>10002719
I'm not sure you've noticed that this is a parody thread, anon. If I had been parodying Bukowski I would've written it to sound simple and crude.

>>9999091
Holy shit is dis how Aristotle be? I need to read that nigga fr fr, I've been spending too much time reading Jerry Fodor and Ray Jackendoff. Dis shit look dope.

>>9998595

The great heaving bulk of the thing towered above me, many times my height, a swollen oblong, like a Zeppelin stood upright on it's end and sheathed in grey fur. Above the bullet-shaped skull, two antennae twitched, broad middles tapering to points like the ears of an ass. Beneath its glassy, unblinking eyes ratlike chisel-teeth jutted from its gibbering maw. The pudgy paws of this fell abomination periodically shot forth from its mass, snapping up fistfuls of horizontally-ridged rugose cones, orange in hue, with green fronds waving at the wider tip, which were thrust with mindless abandon into the slavering black pit of its mouth. As I gazed into the soulless windows of its pupils I knew that no rational universe could ever have produced such as this, that this raving thing had mindlessly chewed it's unwholesome feast since long before the birth of man, and that it should do so long after our extinction. As I fled, my mind breaking from the perception of that which mortal man was never meant to perceive, fled from the Stygian nightmare of that hellish green field, I heard a burbling call echo after me: "WAT'ZAP DAULK! WAT'ZAP DAULK! WAT'ZAP DAULK!" I shudder even now to recall it, and many are the nights when I start awake, entangled with sweat-soaked sheets, half-certain I have heard the faint echo of this blood-curdling inhuman chant, wailing across the grounds without the window of my bed-chamber.

File: 1481565175013.jpg (2MB, 900x679px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 900x679px

>>10001920
Fuck, I'm so sorry. I literally thought it was the opposite to that.

Bugs walked heavily over the soft ground, the scope of his once broad life had been reduced to this singular patch where carrots grew. After the succession of events that had whittled his existence down to this meaningless acquisition of food, it seemed logical in his mind that the pulpy surface beneath him would give way and he would be swallowed and then it would all be black. His phone vibrated and he held it out

Bugs u got 2 stop eating the carrots all the time! ... Be kind to urself xxx

The words didn't seem to parse in his mind, although he comprehended the words they didnt seem to reach his nervous system or any of his higher brain functions. The light from the screen hurt his eyes, which had become hypersensitive due to the now almost toxic levels of beta-carotene in his system. So he put it away and continued, in his hazy search for the few carrots he hadnt already pulled out and eaten.

>>9998633
nice

>>10002751
It was a joke. Call and response for fans of Holden Caulfield. Why are grown-ups so dense, jeezly crow.

>>9998595
A-and who could that be waddling through the grass, flashing a grossly contented smile of Indulgence and Decadence? Why, it's none other than Bugs Bunny, cinema cartoon star of yore, yessiree the very celluloid phantasm that Anon chuckled at all those years ago when his father took him to the theater on Main East! But whoa there Jackson, he's let himself go, hasn't he? More Budai than Bugs, really, and without the saving grace of some kind of enlightenment for an excuse....
"Bugs...easy on the carrots," sez Anon.
"Ehhhh, fuck off Doc," Bugs smiling wider than ever, taking the moment to enlighten Anon with a song he wrote many years ago for ju-ust this kind of hootenanny- a rare moment, folks, and it goes a little something like
I WILL NOT GO EASY ON THE CARROTS (FOX-TROT)
Oh the carrots are there
for this harried hare
when he's feeling like a has-been!
And he loves them so
and he won't let go
and he'll let this habit happen!
(This part sung with gruesomely exaggerated waddling and, yes, carrots produced out of seemingly nowhere in that cartoon way and gruesomely munched upon so that Bugs is singing with food in his mouth)
Oh the carrots are my life-force!
Oh the carrots are the right course!
And I won't go easy!
These carrots they need me
as much as I need their supports!
Anon decides that this is about the right time to turn away as quickly as one possibly can as Bugs launches into a third verse, a verse that swathes its way through the air and carries Anon into his own special depravity, the addiction that giggles in the middle of the night when he isn't looking, that messes up his laundry piles and takes him directly to the heart of everything that is fucked up itself....

File: 1491335058711.jpg (66KB, 610x596px) Image search: [Google]

66KB, 610x596px

I stood in the outskirts of one of the factories, the laborers had been sent out early but the tremendous building was still emanating distorting waves against the orange horizon, it looked like a plant being burned by a child. After an hour of fruitless and lazy rummaging by my esteemed colleges, their sweat staining dark blue on their straining uniforms, no clear evidence of struggle was found. At the coroner's, while he was filling out the paper work, me and my partner looked at the ravaged body. The groin and annus area were had stopped bleeding hours ago, probably raped, caked with the same orange and powdery substance smeared across the lips and cartoonish front teeth. "Must have had an orange cock, imagine being a rapist with a carrot dick." He laughed and gave me one of his looks as he slapped my shoulder. That night I had to take it easy at the bar, as my partner unabashedly sipped from his carrot juice cocktail and washed it down with a double tequila. the bar was full and laughter and music filled the musty air.

>>10002207
Nietzsche?

>>9999816
Hemmmingway or Salinger

>>9998633
brilly

>>9998869
joyce

Buggs O buggs, you bibbling the libidinous imbiber, larding from a cuniculus most deep in my garden; shallow, and shy yourself from those prongs of orange sniffed sniveling out from my garden!

>>9998647
>contribute nothing to this board
>one of the few genuine consistent writing exercises on the board
>it's actually funny and varied
>but no shouldn't be here because I'm a faggot

>>10002006
woah fuck blowing my mind a little bit

>>9998595

There is
a rabbit
he is like my father
he is not entitled
to my vagina
even with all the carrots
in the world.

Because I am beautiful.

>>10002006
False. You'd have to rotate the entire number 180°

File: wtf doc.png (80KB, 200x200px) Image search: [Google]

80KB, 200x200px

>>10004136

>>10003564

it was lecarre

"bugs..." he said, "please abstain from eating any more carrots".

Abstain is a word which here means "not stuffing your fat fucking lapine craw with dirty orange roots until you have the figure of a swollen bowling pin"

Carrots... easy on the Bugs.

>>9999450
Faulkner (a la Sound and Fury, right?)

>>10002807
Nice anon. Though imo you didn't have to give it away with Stygian nightmare.

>>10004797
>>10004797

kek, I thought I gave it away with "rugose cones" desu

>>10004162
Witty

>>9998633
I was thinking McCarthy

Manyyears later, as he faced morbid obesity, bugs was to remember that distant afternoon when his father told him to go easy on the carrots.

>>10002247
Gene? JRR?

>>10002807
Owner of the cat Niggerman or his autistic friend in a hat?

>>10005008
Marquez?

You eat it, and you don't know why you eat it, but you eat it and you realise, not only have you eaten it, but so too have thousands others eaten it, and there you are, black-tailed jackrabbit, eating your carrot in the study, trying to block out the heat which hangs like a cloak or a blanket over the room, sitting in the dark because Mrs Compson always keeps the curtains drawn in the summer, so that you can't see outside to where the wisteria grows and clings and curls about the walls of the house which creaks in the hot summer wind, the walls which were painted white by Mrs Compson's own son, before he was not her son, or rather, before he had not joined the thousand others who, like you, sitting in the boardroom, had once eaten carrots too, but had now perished, who, unlike you, now lay buried beneath the earth, unable to enjoy carrots, so you, while she (Mrs Compson) is still out, busying herself in the foyer of the house, the house with white walls painted by her son who is now her son no longer, sneak yourself another carrot, because what harm could one more carrot do?

>>10005146
Isnt it against the day pynchon?

>>10005177
Bukowski?

>>10000668
I feel like I know this but my memory is too shit to recall it

>>9998695
never read dfw but this was awful.
now i know to keep away from him, thx anon.

>>10004611
A Carrot went in search of a Bugs.

>>9998695
Best one ITT

Bugs, he bugs because he does not stop.
Stop what? Eating. That's what.
Not bugs but carrots. Soon enough they'll carry him away; that bugs.

With ease, Bugs easily went easy on the carrots

>>9999265
Cormac... easy on the interpunction

File: Dirty.Work.1998.1080p.BluRay.DTS.x264ETRG.mkv_snapshot_00.22.28_2016.12.05_02.37.41.jpg (202KB, 1920x1040px) Image search: [Google]

202KB, 1920x1040px

>>10001919
>I am an sick rabbit, I am a spiteful rabbit, I am an ugly rabbit, I think I have a disease in my carrot

>>10001919
kek

>>10004162
Lemony Snicket?

This thread is hilarious.

>>10002022
Burroughs

File: lmaoing at ur life.gif (968KB, 245x245px) Image search: [Google]

968KB, 245x245px

>>10005476

>>99999999

>>10002247
Pinecone

Das a good thread

>>9998595
Bugs. Bugs Bunny. Once a clever bean poke now was a disgusting mass of cellulite and regrets.

File: 1504646102413.jpg (27KB, 406x255px) Image search: [Google]

27KB, 406x255px

>>10005151

They were both autistic, but niggerman owner is correct
>Tfw you will never shitpost about Nietzsche and race theory in your written correspondence with HPL, REH, and CAS

>>10005545
No, Shakespeare. How the fuck did you get Snicket out of that?

>>10006534
Not the guy you're replying to, but, holy shit, that was the worst Shakespeare imitation I've ever seen

>>9998595
Goddam, Bugs. Take it easy with the carrots, willya?

>>10002278
.

>>9998806
My boy Keerk

O Bugs, thou art a dim and prenzie hare
Eat not the roots desir'd thou must forbear

>>9999430
William boroughs?

>>10007015
salinger

File: 15027810_285770195150808_2473701510879784162_n[2].jpg (3KB, 100x100px) Image search: [Google]

3KB, 100x100px

>>10002052
>"Bugs," I stated, "perhaps you should rediscover the importance of fasting."

>>10002693
delillo

>>9999450
Steinbeck

you should
have gone
easy for
the carrots, but instead
you went
easy on me

rupi kaur

Someone must have been telling others about Bugs B.'s eating habits, for he woke up one day from uneasy dreams to find a fat neckbeard virgin in his room staring at him from behind sunglasses. The virgin wore a suit, had his hair trimmed short, and held a briefcase by his side. For a moment, Bugs was paralyzed with fear and incomprehension, but he just as quickly became furious instead and leaped up off his bed to stand on his two paws.

"What are you doing in my room?" Bugs asked outragedly.

The fat neckbeard virgin pulled out an apparently official-seeming letter from the briefcase, and handed it authoritatively to B. "I'm an emissary from Five-chun, the popular Azerbaijan live-action animation high-school club. This is a letter from the organization."

Bugs took it into his paws and began to read it.

>This is an official letter from Five-chun to inform you that your carrot intake is to be reduced from now on under strict penalty of death. One hour, after which we shall send a representative to ascertain your changed diet, has been given you to comply with this regimen.

"How are they supposed to check in one hour if I've eaten less carrots?"

"That's not for me to tell you," the fat neckbeard virgin said, already walking out the door.

>>10007178
yes

>>10007249
reads more like a shitty translation of a shitty kafka wannabe

>>10007425
this one is definitely an attempt at kafka, but by someone who has only read metamorphosis and can't even adequately recreate his style in that work

>>10005146
>>10005660
My attempt at Calvino. Thanks brehs.

>>10007449
First off, I've read about 30 or 40 of his short stories, including The Metamorphosis, and all his novels (Amerika, The Trial, and The Castle), but a few years ago, and thus am a bit rusty on Kafka's exact tone, but had the general gist of it from my subconscious.

Second, it's not Kafka.

>>10007437
>>10007449
Someone ought to try to ape Kafka's aphorism/parable/very short story style. I've been trying but I can't think of anything.

>>10007195
It's my attempt at W.G Sebald.

>>9998666
John green?

>>9998647
Rand?

Wow, you're really pulling an uneasy on the carrots bugs here

>>9999091
Nice

>>9999999

>>10000000

File: references.png (129KB, 1348x319px) Image search: [Google]

129KB, 1348x319px

>>10007524
I really hope pic related is what you're getting at.

Easy-- easy, goddamnit! This rotund little shit of a rabbit/hare began gnawing at the carrot I had picked up from a vegetable platter, in the breakfast lounge. They say a little carrot juice and hair of the dog will cure a hangover. Or was it tomato juice? Nevermind though, I could have sworn the furball muttered something about being late. Three too many tabs and a bar tab will do that to you. My head was pounding like an indian drumming song; and it felt like somebody rubbed paste in my hair, or what was left of it. What worried me more was how a rabbit got in my hotel room, and why a deck of playing cards had been arranged on the wall like some sort of makeshift evidence board.

>>10007706
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

>>10007719
;-)
Was it an admirable enough emulation?

>>10007726
Bugs.. easy on the flattery.

>>10007726
I'd say so. I've only read the book once, and that was 6 or 7 years ago, yet it was close enough for me to get it. I probably wouldn't have gotten it were it not for the "hotel room", but I did have a tip-of-my-tongue type idea of who it was after the first two sentences. Well done!

>>10007743
Actually, it was more like after the first 3 or 4 sentences.

I have eaten
the carrots
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
to go
easy on

Forgive me
they were so delicious
so sweet
and so cold.

>>10007489
I could see sebald, but I think it needs more facts that are irrelevant. I just finished rings of saturn today and it's such a trip to read

>>10007845
lmao, it's so easy/lazy but it still got me. WCW.

>>10007602
yes

>>9998656
100/10

File: 1487850242378.png (71KB, 261x192px) Image search: [Google]

71KB, 261x192px

I wanna know who this one was I like the writing style.

>>10009141
>/lit/ shitposters are now having their style imitated
Alright well I guess I'll do one:
"bugs.." he was saying to me, "easy on the carrots". To be expected, I guess. After all I was carrying two boxes ostensibly filled with carrots. But they weren't for me, and only one of them had carrots. The other contained by manuscript, a memoir in six parts. I was dressed like a carrot delivery boy, on my way to deliver the goods to a major publishing house. Hopefully this isn't illegal.

>>9998695
wavid duster phallus

Like, why are carrots considered a rabbit food?

The rabbit
He has destroyed his stomach
Bugs
BUGS
Easy on the carrots

“Bugs, with two double carrots inside him, sat in the final departure lounge of Albuquerque Airport and thought about life and death.”

>>10010482
Sasha Grey

>>10010526
No but that was a 9/11 reply

File: ATD_Chums.jpg (432KB, 1280x763px) Image search: [Google]

432KB, 1280x763px

>>10002247

As Bugs consumes his balanced meal of carrots, carrots, and carrots, a vast volume and variety of magnificent chemical reactions are occurring within his body to break down his food into usable energy.

This thread has convinced me that prose is more important than subject.

>>9998595
Watch the glutton gorging on
The dirt-enveloped fruit of earth
Cease! The lust of eager newlywed
Cease! Fill the belly of the beast
Cease! A maddened chorus screams
The body stirs as it devours
The pseudopods, the grind of teeth
Cease or else! Primality of hungry cocks
Rape of virginal shitflowers of youngins
Halt! Cease! World becomes own's excrement
The roaring stench
Dickcarrots! Cuntbunnies! Cease!

>>10007425
Seems like the trial, but if it isn't, George Orwell?

>>10007845
>you were probably
>to go
>easy on
Goddamn, you got me.

As far as rabbits go, this was an exceptionally fat one. It had done the most of it's short, simple life by eating all the carrots it could possibly find, and intended to continue doing so for as long as it possibly could. Which, as it turns out, is precisly what it did.

It noticed a strange figure looming over it, but felt no need to panic, scamper away and hide, as it usually did. Instead, it simply gave the figure a look that might have said (if the rabbit knew how to speak or communicate beyond twitching it's nose, which it did not): "What's up, doc"?
YOU REALLY SHOULD HAVE GONE EASY ON THE CARROTS, BUGS

>>10011139

Yeah? Well I didn't fucking exactly know where the carrots were coming from. I thought there was treachery and lies. There were, just not the ones I thought. What the fuck.

>>9999042
Nael

>>10000683
Is Socrates the inventor of the imaginary tumblr conversation?

>>9998656

good but you forgot

>groaning

File: spitup1.png (1MB, 1920x1080px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 1920x1080px

>>10005352

>>9998595

Bugs.

Hm?

Easy. On the carrots.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

>>10012178
Michael Mann.

I was walking around the park. Bugs was there. He was eating his carrots, but he looked different than I remember. He gained a lot of weight. I went up to him but he didn't notice me until I was right in front of him. He looked surprised but then relaxed when he recognized me. As usual, he asked me me how I was and called me Doc.
As a joke, I told him he should start going easier on those carrots. He just laughed it off.

Bugs grunted and heaved as he sat there, vast, obese. So incredibly fat was he that he wasn't entirely sure he could run any longer; he'd tried sometimes to pick up the pace, like when it was time to cross the street before the crosswalk ended, and had found to his great surprise that running seemed totally impossible now. All he'd been able to manage was a hauling, jiggling waddle, vast belly bouncing back and forth, rubbing against his penis where it sagged over his crotch (and sometimes making him rather horny), and that huge ass of his wobbling behind him, weighing him down, slowing him up. His friends were worried. Even Daffy had expressed concern. He sat there in the mild Spring weather and sweated, pounds upon pounds of lard choking him, constricting him, making him into a whale of a rabbit, a pig of a bunny.

Yet what could he do? He reached for another carrot, chomping it eagerly. The hunger, the sheer need to eat overpowered all avenues of concern. He wasn't sure what had prompted this turn towards gorging. But he had to follow it. It was almost a matter of curiosity. He had to keep eating, because he felt the need to eat and he had to satisfy it. Because if he kept eating, who knew what would happen.

A shadow loomed above him. A voice spoke out: "Bugs, easy on the carrots."

>>10012385
Please write more. The suspense is killing me!

I saw the best rabbits of my generation destroyed by carrots,
obese hysterical naked,
dragging themselves through the cartoon streets at dawn looking
for an angry fix,

>>10000611
James Joyce writing letters to his wife?

>>10012385

J.K Rowling?

>>10012349
Camus

>>9998595
Bugs was one of the old-timers. As such, neither coming nor going, he just appeared when in need of a fix, tuning into the wavelength of ordinary men's physical reality. "Hey Doc. You got that veggie stick? That orange cracker? The pumpkin's dick? Vegan crab's leg? The edible tan, that cures the blind?" he gargled, salivating in expectation of his treat, bug eyes flickering with excitement, ears standing up straight as junkie ears do. When he got his fix it was not a pretty sight - he not so much ate as absorbed it, his skin opening up like rancid ectoplasm and reverting back to its original jellyfish form after injecting the carrot. He let out a long sigh and for a moment you could see the whimsical cartoon bunny of forgotten days, handsome feature, firm slender buttocks. "Take it easy on the snowman's nose, will ya?" Bill tried to tell him but he was fading out already, impervious to the vibrations of this earthly plane.

>>10013284
>feature
features
>Bill
Lee

Everyone told bugs to go easy on the carrots, but they were the only thing keeping him alive. How could someone loosen their grip on a lifeline? From birth to death, you're told to seize the day, live to the fullest, jump, run, kick! and here we are, born to the kings, hunting game and eating it's marrow while telling rabbits to abstain from consuming the sweetest tangerine spear. It's enough to drive one mad.

>>10013310
>the sweetest tangerine spear
nice

YOU ARE A MORON. ALTHOUGH AN ALL-VEGETABLE DIET MIGHT, EATING CARROTS EXCLUSIVELY WILL NOT BE CONDUSIVE TO YOUR HEALTH, AS YOU SO ERRONEOUSLY BELIEVE.

the reason why bugs wouldn't go easy on the carrots is one our readers shall learn later on

>>10013364
dosto boy

>>10013069
Ginsberg

>>10000611
what's this?

>>10003446
>vaginally and anally raped with a carrot.

Kek

>>10002807
Nice.

>>10003346
who's this?

>>9998647
t. le funny contributing anon

>>10002940
moar plz?

>>10007482
>Second, it's not Kafka.
But it is Kafka! How kafkaesque...

>>10013525
NEW

Someone do dosto

>>10013330
this sounds like one of the tripfriends who spoke at length about the virtues of autism and aspergers. all you're missing is the hazy picture of the early 20th century young woman.

>>10013833
Correct!

Bugs stopped eating; he pondered, meanwhile picking at his buck tooth with a nail. Yes, he thought; this is too many carrots.

File: 1496399456156.png (207KB, 480x468px) Image search: [Google]

207KB, 480x468px

En el reporte, extensivo y decisivo de Sir Charles Housend, coronel de la Armada Naval Royal, solo existe un incidente, que al parecer diminutivo, es exactamente lo opuesto. Fue algo asi como un choque de mundos, no solo por ser irreal y estupendo, si no por el hecho de haberle pasado solo al escritor del mismo. Al poco tiempo de sarpar de las islas Virgenes Britanicas al mismo tiempo que las naves escoltas, se noto una escacez de varios surtidos y alimentos en la nave principal, la HMS Dreadnought. Al confiscar todo alimento y contrabando de la tripulacion, antes tolerado con disimulo de lo generales, la diminucion seguia a paso inexplicable. Sobre todo la falta de vegetales, la mas alta siendo zanahoria, esta siendo puesta bajo puerta cerrada con llave, lo que quedava pocos dias antes de anclar a costas de San Antonio Texas, con rumbo hacia Albuquerque, Mexico. Al inspeccionar el cargo seccionado para calabozo carotico, paso el allazgo, narrado por Housend en su reporte. Una liebre grotescamente obeza y espasmodica, de proporciones incomprensibles. Venas pulsantes se trataban de escapar bajo su piel, mugre naranja en el ocico, y ojos rojos y salvajes que aterrorizaron a Housend "como un oficial de my rango nunca habia sido." En ese instante Housend fue encontrado en el piso, desmayado y con fiebre altisma por uno de sus subordinados. La criatura nunca fue vista o encontrada por la tripulación, que con furor y siniestra quemaron la sabana de secrecia y lealtad que antes tenian por el loco de Housend. Paso sus ultimos años detras de un escritorio firmando papeles, lejos de combate y de bocas dientudas, que al pasar se reian y le decian "Eh... ¿qué hay de nuevo, viejo?"

I won't let this die before all contributions are guessed.

"bugs... easy on the carrots" he said before he left to stretch his legs

>>10014940
Get out of here, Rowling.

File: todd.jpg (75KB, 600x600px) Image search: [Google]

75KB, 600x600px

Anonymous Tue Jul 18 19:36:21 2017 No.9774669

Quoted by: >>9774694 >>9774714 >>9774784 >>9774889 >>9775239 >>9775245 >>9775295 >>9775323 >>9775593 >>9776014 >>9776137 >>9777720 >>9777734 >>9778006 >>9778048 >>9778067 >>9778075 >>9778092 >>9778103 >>9778117 >>9778126 >>9778576 >>9778591 >>9778603 >>9778606 >>9778620 >>9778625 >>9778763 >>9778784 >>9778788 >>9778895 >>9778922 >>9779176 >>9779190 >>9779361 >>9779440 >>9779724 >>9779894 >>9779984 >>9780088 >>9780119 >>9780270 >>9780276 >>9780278 >>9780441 >>9780471 >>9780950 >>9780964 >>9781002 >>9781006 >>9781021 >>9781034 >>9781040 >>9781058 >>9781082 >>9781098 >>9781214 >>9781320 >>9781333 >>9781357 >>9781401 >>9781649 >>9782065 >>9782798 >>9782891 >>9782934 >>9782944 >>9783065 >>9783130 >>9783235 >>9783325 >>9783373 >>9783408 >>9783425 >>9783597 >>9783617 >>9783636 >>9783655 >>9784317 >>9784477 >>9784715 >>9784730 >>9784819 >>9784842 >>9785063 >>9785387 >>9785398 >>9785606 >>9785623 >>9785625 >>9785627 >>9785635 >>9785796 >>9785833 >>9785888 >>9785906 >>9785932 >>9786330 >>9786375 >>9786379 >>9786396 >>9786442 >>9786457 >>9786460 >>9786476 >>9786681 >>9786848 >>9786994 >>9787036 >>9787060 >>9787107 >>9787250 >>9787347 >>9787375 >>9787386 >>9787486 >>9787516 >>9787525 >>9787534 >>9787546 >>9787598 >>9787703 >>9787758 >>9787857 >>9787865 >>9787868 >>9787874 >>9787885 >>9787888 >>9787901 >>9787951 >>9788036 >>9788143 >>9788192 >>9788266 >>9788274 >>9788337 >>9788356 >>9788509 >>9788547 >>9788556 >>9788566 >>9788574 >>9788592 >>9788779 >>9788842 >>9789068 >>9789071 >>9789185 >>9789348 >>9789377 >>9789409 >>9789487 >>9789621 >>9789630 >>9789661 >>9789664 >>9789667 >>9789768 >>9789936 >>9790026
>>OP
bugs.. easy on the carrots

>>10015038
thomas pynchon

>>10013646
I'm sure one of you can guess it. I didn't make it very difficult.

But if you can't, it's Pynchon