>go to Notting hill carnival >walk down streets filled

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>go to Notting hill carnival
>walk down streets filled with people
>a few people blowing horns, selling jerked chicken and jerked other stuff
>Staceys with glitter on their faces (bright colours to attract Chads and Tyrones)
>eventually walk to a road which is a short parade area with loads of trucks with DJs on them playing really loud (really loud) Carribean music
>people part of the parade (local community people) were dancing n the road with the trucks, normies were just watching and looking happy

Normally when I'm in situations like that where everyone is happy, with friends, attractive, and there is music playing (like when I walk past night life areas at night) I talk to myself in my head, making observations, almost as if the people around me can read my mind, or in coping by pretending I'm not a subhuman. But at the carnival I completely stopped the mental charade and was fully cognizant of my friendless, ugly, pathetic appearance. There were no mental distractions.

Don't say I don't do the legwork for you guys.

Background:
>aged 26
>no friends or social life since 18
>no female attention ever
>went through university with zero social experiences
>became the loner nobody talks to within two days of my current job
>never been to pub, club, or party
>missed out on all the 16 - 22 formative social experiences that people look back on fondly (teen crushes, school prom, school dances, university fresher's week, any sort of relationships at all)
>know that women all have 5000 tinder matches and think the average male is ugly