How does this sound as a book opening? “We are nothing, we

>>9855959
>>9849842
try here bud

>>9855959
>“We are nothing, we were born as nothing, we will die as nothing,” he snarled through gritted teeth, his eyes fixed on the infinite darkness that laid beyond the one inch glass.
>“Is this all that we were destined for, To drift aimlessly through the cosmic void?” his voiced trembled. He turned around and faced me, the tears running down his face. Reaching into the back pocket of his jumpsuit and retrieving a glass shard with blood dripping from the end of it, he brought it to his throat,
>“Do you wish to live this meaningless existence, bound to this ship for the rest of eternity? I don’t know about you, but I’ve made my choice.”

>>9855959
bit much

>>9855975
Also, the
>To Drift should be
>to drift
or
>Is this all that we were destined for? To drift...

>>9855983
and the darkness lay, it didn't laid

>>9855987
>>9855983

Thanks

>>9855988
You're welcome.

>>9855988
Maybe blood dripped from its tip?

>>9855959
Would work better if what he pulled from his back pocket was a ten inch dildo and a pair of handcuffs.

you watch too much anime. I would watch this anime but not read this book

>>9855959
Dosent sound so good as a opening as it would sound as the end of something dramatic.

>>9855959
>“We are nothing, we were born as nothing, we will die as nothing"

I would literally stop reading there. Get good.

>>9855959
its boring, you list what he is doing without engaging the reader and making him think or figure out what you're referencing. Changing darkness to something more ambiguous and change "one inch glass" to something else that would hint at window of a space ship. that is all i'm not getting paid.

>>9855959
Pathetic.
No human being behaves like that.
If I read an opening like that, it's consigned to the wastebasket.

Sorry to be that harsh.

>>9855959

Too many words. Too many descriptive words.