Guys, today was a, dare I say it, very demoralising day. >rainy

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Guys, today was a, dare I say it, very demoralising day.

>rainy day in London
>wake up and clean my room
>shit gym session due to coffee ruining sleep for previous 3 months
>check my bank account - more than I thought, so I can go and drink coffee in public, feelsad about life, and browse 4chan on my phone, telling myself real life and hard work starts after the weekend
>go outside and see SO MANY attractive girls
>let me emphasise again, SO MANY
>sluttily dressed ones near shoreditch, getting ready to go Chad hunting
>ones that would seem qt and attainable (at peak delusion) on weekdays but dressed up enough to seem unattainable at all times now
>early 30s women dressed sluttily and with the thousand cock stare, in search of bankerChads only
>realise that I have no hope of any social success when I'm the ugly loser loner beta at office job, haven't had a social life in years, never had female attention ever, never been to a pub or club so I've missed my youth
>can't even bear to have a "fuck it, binge on junk food today, fix life tomorrow" binge because I know I'll be lazy tomorrow

And I've seen everything in central london. There is nothing else left to see. I can't even pretend I'm some happy autist, I am a bottom of the barrel failed normie. Schopenhauer's hedgehog simile was completely correct and explains my behaviour, along with laziness.

In terms of actual productive things to be doing, I feel like I am paddling in the exact middle of an ocean. Normies and Chads and Staceys are on cruise ships, they can enjoy the ride, they don't need to find a nice island. Actual autists can enjoy their paddle boats. Some autists have math powered paddle boats. Some have programming powered ones. Other boats are powered by literary means.

The normies laugh at me whenever I choose a method of propulsion. They goad me and say that I can work on the bottom deck of their ship, shoveling shit, as the women lounge or party 24/7 and the males work slightly harder and party harder.

I am too unspooked to take hope in ideologies or methods or heuristics. I believe in common sense and the ambiguity of the future. But it still tortures me.