My postulate: there may be no more annoying, no central-to-the-human

>>9780644
It's like your throat is like "naw, I got this, senpai," and starts just randomly shaking like a fucking reptile, and you have NO GODDAMN SAY IN WHAT YOUR BODY is obnoxiously spewing out like a frog-lurch into the air, and every quiver is like a shot to the fucking centre of the eyes because you can't make yourself stop. You know it's just the epiglottis being silghtly off-center with the center of your throat, and you're just literally retarded for having a dog-tongue of a throat-flap that you are entirely unable to center, and you just retard out like a fucking spazz with no apparent end in sight. You might try that thing where you let sugar dissolve at the back of your throat and risk death, and at some point you think "Fuck it: I don't even care anymore." And you find some granules to let dissolve so far back that if you hiccup, you fucking choke to death, because you're ready to die if you have to be trapped in this frog-frame for a goddamn microsecond longer, and fuck everything and everybody. I fucking hate hiccups.

Woah somebody just discovered the thesaurus

You should hold your breath for as long as you possibly can. This may well eliminate your hiccups. If it fails, the best remedy is a thorough gargle. And if even this has no effect, then tickle your nose with a feather. A sneeze or two will clear even the most persistent case.

Chug a bottle of water in one go. Works for me every time.

>>9780654
Oh, god - it didn't quite go down as I had planned. All I could find was the several-year-old sugar cubes that my ex-wife (well, soon-to-be, but we're still living together - just don't get married, like, ever, with the expectation that you will actually be able to pull of the folie a deux necessary to ever actually become the one person who will fulfill all your partner's needs; because you might find that your partner needs to be choke-fucked, and that's just outside of your ken of variable identity kits (unless you're a way better actor than me, in which case kudos!), and you have to simply resign yourself to the fact that you've been deluding yourself about the both of you for like 15 years, but it's still better in the long run... oh man, I'm pretty far into the "disclosing way too much" phase... and look at how many fucks I give [pulls out empty pocket-liner]) left in the pantry, and it turned into that semi-granular and semi-syrup state right at the back of my throat, and I thought for a second that I might die, and I was like immediately okay with it, but it subsided quickly enough that I started typing this, knowing that I'd finish it or die. I wanted to finish this. But guess what? I ain't got no muthafuckin' hiccups anymore. I tasted death, and it had no room for hiccups. I fucking hate hiccups. Fuck. Hiccups. F.u.c.k. h.i.c.c.u.p.s.. All the ways of expressing it.

>>9780661
Fuck you, niggah - I *am* the thesaurus. I got words for words for words you ain't even contemplated yet (protip: "contemplated" is a synonym for "thought"). You need to get over the bullshit dichotomy of "big words" versus "normal talk" and recognize that all words used have a cumulative history that carry with them a marked cultural identity. You may have to Google and read a shit-ton for a while before understanding, but this is the contemporary gnostic path, and you will find intersectionality and synchronicity along the way. Your future is bright if you don't give up.

>>9780666
>>9780681

Much appreciated, ma doodz. I got shit under control again, but these are all solid strategies.

>>9780644
We never have any say in what our bodies do. They are just rotting meatbags. We are literally full of shit. If it's not hiccups it's sneezing, scratching, coughing, pissing, sweating, burping, shitting, blinking, drooling, crying, ovulating, itching, barfing, farting, cumming, eating, drinking or breathing. Even when we kiss we use our moist meatbag skin to slobber onto the same, and when we dream it's because the shitbag cannot sustain consciousness without falling back unto itself, and when we love we get the itch of suspicion that it's all just to make sure fresh slimebags are being manufactured, for it is obvious these current ones can't hold together for much longer.
tl;dr Life is a miracle and our bodies are a gift from God in his divine likeness. Just b urself, one step at a time.