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>wake up on a Sunday morning
>told myself last night after binging on junk food and coffee to numb my ennui, that I'd stop that, eat healthily and live the good life
>sit in bed and read Snow Crash for 90 pages, mainly because people will call me stupid if I don't read (I know it's sci-fi but I finished Brothers Karamazov recently so I had some leeway)
>still feel existential angst gnawing at every inch of my skin
>"Should I have read more? Should I have read only as much as I felt like? Why even read, it's just a consumerwhore activity. I should be producing something. The fact that I aimlessly read is proof I will amount to nothing. The fact that I want everything to have an aim means I will amount to nothing, all works of genius came from genuine curiosity and enjoyment, not to a schedule."
>go to gym, knowing that I'm weak due to bad sleep caused by coffee
>do bench press and I'm so damn weak I leave the gym within ten minutes
>going to the gym with no goals bores the fuck out of me
>maybe that's proof I understand the nature of lifting weights, only heavy weights mean anything, lifting less is a waste of time
>maybe none of that makes a difference, maybe
When you're so unspooked yet not independent minded, everything is a judgement. I worry about my IQ and life prospects based on my success at doing up my dress shirt's wrist button. I can't just read for fun, it has to be done within the context of my entire worth. It was easier reading boring as fuck old books, at least that gave me everlasting pseud cred.
And I have to go outside and see Chads and Staceys living the life based on genetics... I was fucked all the time. It is UNBEARABLE being outside.
I have no willpower. I don't even believe in free will but I pretend to believe I have the illusion of it. I have no balls necessary to say no to the judgement of others. I'm going to watch Wimbledon right now like a consumerwhore cuck.
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>>9763467
At least you struck down your asshole cousins, God damn they deserved that.
Too bad they're all the way in C A.
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Just try to have fun and pace/challenge yourself at the gym. Get "goals" from that. Heck, you're lucky you have a gym.
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>>9763467
Anon, the fact that you feel everything needs to have a goal and be a good use of your time is also a symptom of consumerism. Also, why are you bitching so much if you don't believe in free will?
>I was fucked all the time
Sounds to me like you've never been fucked lol
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This place is turning into a more sophisticated version of r9k
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>>9763467
I also consider reading fiction to be a waste of time.
You should study philosophy and history to give yourself a frame of reference to take on the culture war, that will give you some purpose until the West is either restored or overrun.
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You need to be productive anon. Build yourself a coffee table or a new bookshelf.
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>>9763651
>more sophisticated
don't flatter yourself
affectation is far removed from sophistication
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>>9763675
Or even just clean your room.
Bucko
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>>9763651
It's literally one guy posting variations of the same post
Thread posts: 10
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