I'm scared of my allusion being to pretentious. I added

I just realized I don't want my writing to sound like the authors I read.

>>9758316
Any specific examples of this or any conventions you emulate?

>>9758254
too many commas

vocabulary is fine

>>9758341
>too many commas
FUCK YOU MINIMALIST DEGENERATE
THE COMMAS ARE THERE FOR A REASON
YEAH DON'T USE DEPENDENT CLAUSES MAN HAHAA
GET INTO LITERARY PROOOOOOOSE
READ PROUST BITCH!

>>9758348
i do not like proust one bit

>>9758352
that says infinitely more about you than Proust

>>9758316
I've been unsubtly influenced by DeLillo with his dense and specific describing. It fills my writing with cool description, but the sentences are full of commas and I've been struggling to write out of that style. My language is also only partly my own, but a large portion belongs to the books I read; I need to lean into my innate voice a little more than I do.

>>9758356
Meant for >>9758326

>>9758354
yeah i know i have shit attention span

>>9758254
I was a little bit perturbed by your use of "eclipsed" and "burdened", but if you're going for literary and it fits with everything else I'm not going to tell you no.

then I got to the atlas part and I hope you are writing a comedy.

>>9758378
it could be worse. he could've shrugged.

>>9758356
Maybe you can improve your writing (or at least make it more unique) by writing it as derivative as it comes out and then fostering your identity as a writer through revision. Basically, type the commas and then delete them.

>>9758380
Editing and revising? Of course, I think that's necessary. You're right.

>>9758356
I don't read, does that make my writing my own?

>>9758389
Doubt it.

>>9758378
It's genre fiction but I still think those words are fine as placeholders before I revise it sometime in the future.
Also I know the Atlas allusion can be seen as silly but I'd like to know why specifically so I can improve.

>>9758396
just as two cents from someone who's signed in fantasy, if your goal is more-so to make money than to express yourself you might want to make your prose a lot more casual. people who read genre fiction generally want to be spoonfed a whimsical fun story without having to think about what they are reading too much. not that every book should be the same or anything, just something to think about only if cash is the primary objective.

I found it funny because the metaphor kindof just hits mid-sentence out of nowhere followed by a change in prose in relation to previous sentences. but part of the comedy is the context of the thread, so I dunno.

>>9758254
>the rumbling of the cruiser’s engine

Just terrible. Change it.

>>9758378

It is absolutely and 100% a satirical comedy.