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Hello, I am trying to write an adventure story with a mentally ill protagonist based off of some of my real life experiences. I am an amateur writer and I need some advice-- not necessarily on my writing "style", but on the content of my story. You can read what I have here: https://pastebin.com/QZw2bt82
it is hard because I know what I intend to convey, but I can't take an objective stance because I know too much about the story and characters.
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>>9710113
For an adventure story, it doesnt read very adventurously
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>>9710123
I was afraid of that. I don't exactly know how to make it sound more adventurous. Does it sound "ponderous" at all?
Should I try and spruce it up and give it some zing, or do you think it could be its own thing as it is?
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>>9710113
Hey, that's pretty good man, don't give up on it.
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>>9710127
Cut out most of the descriptions, and the meditative meandering.
Also, go read actual adventure story authors like Edgar Rice Burroughs.
I think having a mentally ill protag could be an interesting twist, but I see too much mentally ill & not enough adventure
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>>9710137
I also think that if you're going to have him be unhinged with hallucinations & stuff, the way you do it is so boring and sanitary. Thats the detached Sylvia Plath style.
While it might be based off your own experiences, artistry comes from the artifice you put in to make it interesting to others
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>>9710151
Do you have any suggestions to make it less boring and sanitary? I mean, in real life it's not at all exciting so I don't know what approach to take to make it entertaining to readers.
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>>9710160
Its an unhinged narrator. That gives you a lot of leeway with hallucinations & fantasy. You can even swap genres if you want and justify it as a crazy dream, while having that digression play into the main themes.
Also, dont do that description by description voice. Take a peek into Celine or Hunter S Thompson
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>>9710167
I mean
I wanted it to be accurate, but can I make it accurate AND more exciting?
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By the way, check out Waliszewska, top tier artist.
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>>9710113
is that tibetan davey from the current?
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>>9711089
looks like him
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Will your psychiatrist call the police if you stop coming to appointments? That seems unrealistic.
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