>Just as the Bradys were getting locked in jail, Lara randomly

>>9680525
>“Um, that’s out of the blue,” I said.
>“The blue?”
>“Like, you know, out of left field.”
>“Left field?”
>“Like, in baseball. Like, out of nowhere. I mean, what made you think of that?”

This might be the worst thing I've ever read. It would make sense if the clueless character was a foreigner, unaware of English phrases, but christ. I can't believe mindless teenage girls don't even scoff at this.

>>9680525
>her little voice dripping with seductiveness. It was so brazen. I thought I would explode.
kek'd

> But to hear her sweet little Romanian voice go so sexy all of the sudden...
We 2007-era internet erotic fanfiction now!

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G R E E N E D
This is exactly the type to go prey on your little sister desu

>>9680525
Did he actually write this or are you memeing?

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>>9680577
It's real.

>The book has been challenged for content dealing with sexually explicit situations.[11] Two teachers at Depew High School near Buffalo, New York, used the book for eleventh grade instruction in 2008. A letter was sent to parents advising them that the book contained controversial content. An alternate reading selection was available for those opting out, and a small percentage of parents chose this option. Nevertheless, the book was challenged on the grounds that it is "pornographic" and "disgusting". One parent even went as far as refusing to read the book himself, reportedly saying that "One does not need to have cancer to diagnose cancer". The book was ultimately kept in the curriculum by the school board after a unanimous school board vote. Green defended his book in his vlog.[12]

>In March 2012, The Knoxville Journal reported that a parent of a 15-year-old Karns High School student objected to the book's placement on the Honors and Advanced Placement classes' required reading lists for Knox County high schools on the grounds that its sex scene and its use of profanity rendered it pornography.[13]

>>9680548
takes me back to schooldays desu

>>9680542
It's trying to be le screwball comedy

>>9680589
>One does not need to have cancer to diagnose cancer

/ourguy/?

What a fucking pedo lmao

>>9680525
>DO I!?!?!?!?!?!?!
lmao, truly highbrow literature

Name a worse super popular modern author. Protip: you can't. Well, E. L. James is horrendous but she's quickly fading into obscurity.

>>9680525
>>DO I!?!?!?!?!?!?!
I still can't believe this is real. Like, what the fuck.

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>>9680525
This is bullshit. Some girl who has no fucking idea how to blow a guy is not going to make him bust on day 1.

>>9680525
lmao this gives Ready Player One a run for its money

>being such an autist you don't know how to get your characters into a situation where they're getting blown off so you lead into it by having his girl friend say "yo you wanna get sucked off?"

And I thought he was a feminist?

>>9680525
So what's the deal with this book. Who's the Alaska bitch? Is he fucking her too? Is this dumb wish fulfillment?

>>9680775
Alaska is a girl the main character knows and kinda loves but never gets to fuck because she has a boyfriend. Later she may or may not have killed herself by driving her car into a tree at night.
That's what the book's about. Not even joking.

>>9680761
Post some shit from Ready Player One.

>>9680787
Sounds horrible desu

>>9680787
>Later she may or may not have killed herself by driving her car into a tree at night.
"Thirteen reasons for why I KMS", "Virgin suicides", "My heart and other black holes", this, etc...
What has teenage girls so crazy about suicide?

Do they fantasize about it as something noble and self-less because "ugh i'm just too good and pure for this world"?

>>9680816
>as something noble and self-less because "ugh i'm just too good and pure for this world"?

Yes but you have to keep in mind that it's usually an adult man projecting his cynicism though a unique minded, mature for her age teenage girl. Kind of gross.

>>9680816
suicide does seem to be highly fetishized for younger women

i wonder if john green or jay asher ever feel bad that they're killing people by making suicide seem like the best way to stick it to people who r mean to u in school

>>9680542
BREAKFAST FOOD? LOLWAT! EAT A FUCKEN SPAGHETTO IN THE MORNING AND NOW IT'S BREAKFAST IT JUST MEANS BREAKING FAST HAHAHA FUCKING ROFL OMG WTF? LIKE IT'S TOTALLY FUCKING RANDOM IRL.

>>9680830
Yup, what's most worrying about it all is he brands the "suicidal vibes" on what we're intended to believe are the moral high grounds/embodifications of perfection? Here, it's with the girl Alaska, but I know he does it again in "Paper towns" since I got dragged out to see the movie. There too, the "le so special, le so quirky, le so amazing" girl has all the suicide vibes too.

I don't know why he crafts every character girls would want to emulate as people that are suicidal too. Like mate, that"s probably going to be unhealthy with a lot of girls.

>>9680865
The Fault in Our Stars isn't about suicide, but it's about two teenagers with cancer who fall in love and one of them dies. There's something there.

>>9680865
Because it makes them need men to ground them and therefore there is a place for him in his own fantasy world.

>>9680833
I've read a lot of books targeted at younger women (have sisters) and unironically they have a ton of forced edge. Moreso than the books I read at that age, at least.

you know what? other than his other really fucking shit tier garbo books, I kind of liked paper towns. The whole "XD mysterious grill!" thing is kind of stupid, but I liked the adventure.

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>>84288137
>Do you think it matters how many young girls i've driven to suicide?
>No and it particulars bothers that I'm held to a different standard than bipolar disorder and mental illnesses
>And it's such a weird thing to care about. Like imagine if I started driving girls to suicide with my new book, would my readers be like "I'm the 48th young girl you've driven to suicide. I don't feel special".
>Well screw you then readers, I can't go into the past and un-murder all those young girls, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy making suicide seem like a good solution for you

>>9680869
Didn't I say "Paper towns" though? But I'll agree that at least TFIOS was pretty uplifting as a change.

>>9680878
Women like violence, they just don't like it directed at them.

>>9680878
Makes sense then.

Does he self-insert about in every book of his?

>>9680891
Yes, I was just saying that he seems to really like writing about the death and suicide of teenagers. I wonder what kind of analysis you could make of his mind.

>>9680865
>on what we're intended to believe are the moral high grounds/embodifications of perfection?

I would say that it's more about beauty and the true soul of the human experience and that creativity itself comes though serious from a seriously dysfunctional thought process and drug abuse. And pain, lots of pain. Young people are very susceptible to this line of thinking, young women doubly so. Tumblr is ground zero for this type of thinking in the most recent generations.

>Like mate, that"s probably going to be unhealthy with a lot of girls.
Yeah but I doubt it causes a lot of actual suicide. See "cutting", it promotes ideas of Narcissism and hedonism. Which is pretty shitty.

>>9680525

You must really like the book too considering how often you post about it.

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>>9680589
Honestly its a none invasive way to teach kids about sex ed, i mean the 11th grade those kids are not even KIDS they are ~17~ years old chill the fuck out.

Damn, I remember my 1st sex ed talk with my parents, it looked something like this: I was 18 watching seinfeld on the tv when my old man randomly walked into the room stood there for like 10 seconds and asked me if i understood that when a man and a woman get together they can create children. I said "yeah dad" and he nodded, then walked back out of the room. If i didn't have the internet and sex ed at school how the fuck would i have grown into a normal person? Holy shit dude

>>9680760
If you are sexually inexperienced and have high nerves, IE: never even jerked yourself off, you can cum from a girl touching your dick dude.

>>9680872
This
Creating fetishized, sad, teen girls to market for teen girls is his pedophilic power trip

No fucking way this is real.

>>9680904
That's the wildest reversal I've ever seen, get your head out of your ass and consider the amount of movies celebrating violence against women that men make

>>9680589
>One does not need to have cancer to diagnose cancer
How did a normie write the most 4chan thing ever?

>>9680891
From my perspective if you have eaten 48 other brands before me i dont want to waste my time with someone like that, its true that you could genuinely really enjoy my whole grain crunch but time is finite and im not young forever so i dont want to end up just a another number to some slut.

Say it with me /lit/

This is the work of a succesful author

>DO I!?!?!?!?!?!?

Also

>both his imaginary teen gf and his imaginary older sister character have nothing better to do than ask or think about blowjobs

This is so bad on so many levels it could almost be considered a masterpiece of shit. Reads like someone wrote a parody of bad fanfiction.

>>9681021
What's it like having boobs?

>>The thing Alaska did next scared and shocked and surprised me in a way nothing had ever ever scared or shocked or surprised me until that moment, a moment which lasted no longer than one sharp intake of breath but one I have no doubt will last my entire life. She said 'I love you'. Not 'You're cool' or 'I had a really fun time' or 'Do you always kiss like that?' I love you. As in 'I, Alaska Young, love you, Miles Halter'. As in 'I Alaska Young have not only noticed that you Miles Halter exist but I positively adore the fact that you do'. I exhaled. Alaska did too and for the first time I realized she was as scared as I was of admitting the way she felt. I stepped forward and held her hips. 'Are you sure?' I asked. 'I think so!' she replied, smiling. I must have pushed her backwards because just then her body nudged the lightswitch and the room became as dark as my life was without Alaska in it. Laughing, she slipped out of my grasp and disappeared somewhere inside the room. I reached out like a blind man searching for the object that might grant him sight. Truly, I was Looking for Alaska

>>9680996
That's not what I said, you fucking retard. Women do not like violence directed at them or their group. They like other forms of violence. Men just like violence. Men like boxing, wrestling, and so on because they are violent and competitive.

>>9680542
This cringy dialogue, where the writer is trying to be super realistic, but it sounds so fake...is it just bad writing or is there a name for this?

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>>9681100
>the room became as dark as my life was without Alaska in it.

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>>9681100
>Truly, I was Looking for Alaska

please be real lmao

>>9681100
>Truly, I was Looking for Alaska™
You added that didn't you?

>>9680589
>"One does not need to have cancer to diagnose cancer"
Based.

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>>9681117

I honestly think this is the same level as anything DFW wrote.

>>9681207
There is a straight line from DFW to john green

>I for one, PREFER to have had several cocks in my cereal before I eat it

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I had Looking For Alaska and it genuinely beats around the bush until it just fucking ends. It is this level of quality start to finish.

There's an old interview with him on YouTube where he's trying to do the "Yeah I smoke And drink at parties" cool guy voice? and he recaps his time at some school/college where he apparently done the plot of LFK. Boring and cringy.

Makes me feel like it's not that hard to get published.

>>9681400
The motherfucker got published because he has a billion subscribers on youtube. Publishers like that he has a following guaranteed to buy the shit he produces.

>>9681520
He got published in 2005 well before he had a "billion" subscribers.

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>>9680589
>Two teachers at Depew High School near Buffalo, New York, used the book for eleventh grade instruction in 2008
Why?

This is literally teaching young underage teenage girls to be sluts and to whore themselves out to men.
>Like a guy?
>Just give him a blowjob
Fucking trash.

>>9681740
very nice for guys who like blowjobs though

>>9681742
I like blowjobs, but as a guy in my 20s, I would never knowingly date a girl who so much as saw a dick in high school, let alone sucked one. The chances of the guy getting his dick sucked ending up married to the girl are slim to none, so the girl is just lowering her value to potential husbands later on.

>>9681759
who the hell are you gonna date, the preachers daughter? because she sucked penises too. in fact she probably sucked the most penises, sucked em dry. your dating pool is extremely small unless you want to move to Saudi Arabia or something

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>>9681314
>>9681142
>>9681121
>>9681759
im fucking dying man
best thread of the week

>>9680756
Are the multiple quexclamations actually in the novel?

>>9682212
Yes they are. People have posted the actual pages of the book here before.

>>9680816
No it's because it demonstrates how hard a hand the world has dealt you and everoyne will cry when ur dead

>>9680542
>It would make sense if the clueless character was a foreigner

Literally just read the next line, you fucking retard.

>>9682214
>"N-nani sore?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

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I had a friend wax ecstatic to me about Green's books just a few days ago, telling me I had to read them. Is this what they're actually like?

>>9682252
Baited af

fuck does anyone have that meme image with John Green making a depressed a derp face and the quote "the universe/cosmos is like a tomb, why won't our sun die?" or something along those lines?

>>9681100
There is no way this is real

>>9682288
Your friend has shit taste my man

>>9682293
le funni Hooky Fishy(tm) meme xDxD

>>9682368

le ironically unironic youhavetogoback.jpeg ayylemao le le le maymay maymayMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAYMAY

>>9680589
>the book's placement on the Honors and Advanced Placement classes' required reading lists
american education

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>>9682374
anon are you having a meltdown

>>9682374

you went and broke him, you sick fucks

>>9682357

Seriously though, this isn't even your standard "good enough to fool normies" bad, this is "holy I want more" bad. This is "has very specific appeal" bad. So what sort of dark juju appeal does Green have to make so many people adore his books?

>>9682334
It isn't. Searched a epub-Version and it wasn't there.
However it is pretty telling that it could pass as something from the actual book.

>>9680996
>consider the amount of movies celebrating violence against women that men make
I can't name one. Society as a whole panders to women too much; women tend to complain whenever they receive violence in movies, even if a hundred men just got brutally murdered. Even trashy things like professional wrestling don't have violence against women depicted.

>>9681892
teenage girls are definitely sucking dick in Saudi man

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>>9680816
if it's any help, I feel like committing because I feel like too much of a scumbag for this world.

>>9681759
Wtf you didn't get your dick sucked by the end of high school??

I'm literally high-functioning autistic and even I got to put me pee pee in a girls mouth by the time I was 16. What the hell is wrong with YOU, /anon/?

>>9681759
lmao imagine being this much of a purityfag

>>9682409
It's gotta be the awkwardness that's selling these. The attempts at derpy authenticity seem to appeal to those who go through awkward situations and have trouble letting go of those slight social mistakes. It's normie bait, providing catharsis for the person who still regrets tripping over a word or two when talking to another person.

Very few people here are that neurotic about social distractions. No catharsis.

>>9682334
It's not, but you'd think that it is if you didn't know better. It looks exactly like something he would write.

>>9682909
>being a gynophile
>not pursuing proper Greek αρετή and forming a relationship with your shota cousin
Are you even trying to live the literary lifestyle

>>9681100
Finally, after all these years...I was Looking for Alaska (tm)

>>9681100
This is my favorite copypasta of all time.