Hey /lit/. I'm writing lyrics and I need some feedback.

I think it's boring, unimaginative, and I feel like I've heard it before. You can do better

>>9622701
Little too emo for my taste

>>9622720
How so? I need all the help I can get.

>>9622724
The flow is boring, the choice of words is unimaginative and the overall theme seems overplayed. I know I sound like a jerk but I write songs too, and mine used to sound like these all the time. Much like any guy with a guitar who is just starting. Find your own style.

>>9622730
Thanks for your input.

>>9622732
No problem, sorry if I'm too harsh, but there's always room for improvement!

>>9622744
>>9622732

>Much like any guy with a guitar who is just starting. Find your own style.

If it cheers you up, even Michael Jackson would've just had 20 minutes of the same chords and nothing else for Shake Your Body if Bobby Colomby hadn't dialled down the knob to fade it out after a sensible point, he talks about it in the Man in the Mirror documentary. Everyone starts somewhere.

>>9622701
In addition to
>>9622720
>>9622730

When you're starting out in songwriting, avoid generality and cliche like the fucking plague. Of course, you want to address a general topic. You have all of these feelings that you just know you can only release in ridiculously melodramatic singer/songwriting guitar music. You know these are universal, they're at your fingertips, you've just got to express them. The recourse of most, as seen in our lyrics, is to lay it all out right in front so everyone can see it and immediately empathize, to release your feelings into some terribly cliched, unspecific, unimaginative bore. But, you think to yourself, these feelings are so powerful to me! How could they possibly come out this way? How do I instill them with the rich meaning they have to me?
This is a problem very specific to songwriting, in a way. You have to be cliched, overwrought, and nostalgic while simultaneously being unique, fresh, and compelling. The easiest way to do this for a beginnner is to fully embrace, even abuse, idiosyncrasy. When you're writing a song, don't sit down and think of all the feelings you want to express. Zoom out, take in all that has led up to them, and find one extremely specific moment. Think about what that moment exemplifies, what it symbolizes. Think of the physical situation, the place in time, whatever stands out. Take that thing that you've identified and use it to say what you're trying to say. Don't even worry about your audience understanding what moment you are describing, they don't have to know. Hint at the truth, don't tell it in full. The meaning of the line will be evident from the context of the song and it will take on a symbolism that makes it actually carry some weight. Tackle the universal with the specific and then when you've mastered that, you can start playing with cliches and more general, obvious thoughts because you will know how to give them the correct amount of weight and situate them correctly in your work.
Good luck. Don't give up because your first shots at it get roughed up. For the vast majority of us, it doesn't come fast or easy.