>Tolkien can say that Aragorn became king and reigned for

Why didn't they just send eagles to wipe his ass?

It's a tax free capitalist utopia.

>>9612433
It's a fuedal society in a magical medieval realm faggot, no-one poos. Just think throughout the entire 3 books of extraneous prose, not one mention of bodily waste anywhere.

>>9612520
It's literally full of shit tho.

Bump for a great thread

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>>9612520
>Just think throughout the entire 3 books of extraneous prose, not one mention of bodily waste anywhere.

And that is precisely the problem!

>>9612433

Aragorn's shit - Hard, brown speckled with green flecks, pungent and strongly bitter

Legolas' shit - Loose and green, a bit watery with floral notes

Gimili's shit - Solid, long and ruddy brown, slight nutty aftertaste

I had lentil soup yesterday and Jesus Christ I am still farting myself to death the day after. Fortunately they are remarkably odorless for my farts. Just very loud and persistent.

>>9613842
Whyd you describe the taste of gimili's shit.

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>>9612433
>Tolkien didn't retrospectively say Legolas and Gimli were gay to appease fans

Why does anyone like LOTR again?

>>9613900
>he didn't notice how explicitly Tolkien hinted at their homosexual relationship

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>>9613918
>intimate male friendships are gay

ROASTIES OUT.

>>9613949
>intimate male relationship
>not gay

I don't get "intimate" with my mates, that's fucking gay
Anyway, gimli and legolas even left Middle-earth as a couple so you can't really say they weren't homos

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>>9613959
I'm sorry you don't have any close friends lad because that's literally what the word "intimate" means and your accusing other people of being gay while feeling the need to ship Legolas and Gimli is an interesting view into your psychology.

>>9613990
Lol, autists always resort to ad hominems and projections
face it - you, freddie mercury, the tooth fairy, gimli and legolas are all fags

>>9613959
>I don't have close friendships, that's fucking gay
ftfy

>>9614042
Go back to /pol/ faggot. You're not here for literature, you haven't even read the Greeks. This board is NOT for you.

>>>/pol/

>>9613842
Please consider your life choices that led you up to this point

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>>9614047
>anon calling everyone gay faggots trying to act like he's the reasonable one

>>9613800
There is mention of pits full of "orc filth" where Frodo and Sam find that statue of an old Gondor king with its head replaced.
Also at Weathertop Merry and/or Pippin "wander off" from the camp - ie go for a shit.

>GRRM said Tolkien wasn't honest about war
>Tolkien fought at the battle of the Somme
>GRRM escaped Vietnam and sat on his ass in cook county
GRRM is a fucking uber hack

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>>9613842

>>9614064
>frogposts

>>9614083
The real question is why didn't Tolkien graphically describe rape, torture, and people getting torn asunder during combat?

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>>9614065
But what was its texture and smell? Tolkien was too much of a prude which is why he left out the important details. What is even the point of writing if you refuse to describe in depth the bowel movements of your characters?

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>>9612433
Post of the week

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>>9614088
Tolkien was most likely a closeted homosexual which is why he was unable to address the gritty realities of tax policy, rape and defecation. These are the topics that define a novel yet they are noticeably absent from Tolkien's work which leaves us with the conclusion that they must have been too difficult for him to process due to his latent homosexual impulses.

Reminder that at this point Martin is using as many cliches as Tolkien, if not more. Martin has TWO chosen ones, possibly three if Tyrion counts.

>>9614139
Tolkien's use of cliche is pretty understandable considering he was essentially recreating Germanic myths. GRRM is writing edgy magical war of the roses.

>>9613999
>>I don't have close friendships, that's fucking gay

>>9613842
Legolas' shit is also slightly hoppy. Little difference between it and a crisp IPA on draft.

>>9614840
please let describing shit in the language of wine tastings be /lit/s contribution to the art form

I want my cunnilingus chapter with Gimli and Galadriel

>>9614942

It's gonna be annilingus with Legolas, and you're going to like it.

>>9613878
It's a delicacy in rivendale

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>tfw I describe the smell and appearance of a person's shit and vomit in my novel

You're making me anxious, /lit/

>>9615079

What about the texture?

>>9615082
Yeah, texture too. The whole shebang.

All this talk about shit made me remember

Could any of you post the webm of a chick taking a shit on the floor? It was the smoothest turd i've seen

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>>9613918
>>9613959
>legolas and gimli
>not legolas and aragorn

>>9613874
Sounds like people who vape to me.