If you opened a book and this was the first chapter, would you

>>9597523
go to critique thread

as to this, probably not

adverb used in second sentence

sentence length barely varied through first few sentences

cliched language like "deafing silence"

its not terrible, but i believe anon you need to read more and work more

hang in there anon

>>9597535
Thank you. ive been trying to write this for the last five years and im fifty pages in

>3am
>"Dicks"
>John's eyes slowly opened. Freezing, cold sweat. Soaking into the bed. Every night he would wake up like this.

>>9597558
holy fuck

>>9597566
Yea its all this nonsensical bullshit too

Oh i dont mean fifty pages took five years. Ive been writing for like three months.

Sleep
"I can't wait to sleep"
John walked into his room and sat on his bed. All day long a waiting game for this moment. Watching the clock tick by, counting the hours, the minutes, the seconds. Just waiting for this moment. He took his clothes off and laid down in his bed. The lights so bright almost blinding him as he stared at the ceiling. John pulled the blankets over his face. This was the only time he ever slept. The pure joy of knowing he could sleep, at least for a couple hours, is what got him through his day. It is was got him through his life. He would never dream during this time. John picked up his phone and set his alarm. Two hours. That was enough. That was all he deserved. Once you lose as much sleep as John did, you don't need it as much. There were times when he would go days without sleeping, just drifting through life and time. But there were times when he would sleep for days. Still going through life, but completely asleep in his mind. This is what it did to him. He had been managing, but his grip on his routine was slipping. Something had to give.

Awake
"Someday i'll figure this out"
By the time he came to he was already in his car. Coffee. Supress the hunger. John was always hungry. The hunger never subsided. He could eat until his stomach felt like it was going to burst. Coffee took the edge off. It's a strange feeling knowing you are looking for something that doesn't exist. But knowing it wasn't out there didn't stop him for looking. He sipped his coffee as he drove down the road. The voice in his head liked the coffee too, at least he thought they did. Sometimes it would talk so fast he could barely think. Like a spinning ball floating millimeters from your forehead. John liked when he couldn't understand it. He stopped at a red light. A sportscar pulled up next to him. He stared at the two people in the car. He would always stare. The two girls looked over at him and smiled. John looked back at the light as the rolled down the window and began shouting at him. What could they possible want? He grip tightened on the wheel. Just turn green, let me get away from this. What did they want? What did he want. They kept shouting at him. Please turn green. They were getting mad he wasn't responding to them. They threw something at his car. 'do something' He was started to get nervous. 'respond to them' How much longer. How much longer could this go on. He fought the urge to turn his head. The urge was winning. He kept his eyes on the light. Soon. Soon it would change, just keep your eyes forward. 'you need to do something' The light turned green.