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Is the sentence in pic related grammatically correct or incomplete?

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Thread replies: 31
Thread images: 3

Is the sentence in pic related grammatically correct or incomplete? If not, what is/are the possible error(s)? Can any of you make it even better without entirely changing the meaning or implication of the sentience. Perfect English speakers please help! Thanks.
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File: shortcircuit6.jpg (29KB, 500x253px) Image search: [Google]
shortcircuit6.jpg
29KB, 500x253px
Can't help with the syntax, but I can say I understand that feel. But no matter how much we miss him, we can take solace in the fact that he is still, to this day, alive.
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>>9532819
This is definitely referencing the black girl from Codename Kids Next Door
>>
a bit weird because of all along
as if you didn't know what you wanted
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>>9532830
You pretty much don't get what the writer is trying to convey with that sentence.
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>>9532837
i know what he is trying to say
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Edit:

When your love for number five is so strong you wait for years to own what you've wanted all along.
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>>9532840
No you don't or else you wouldn't say "as if you didn't know what you wanted."
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>>9532798
Looks fine to me. t's not a "standard" structure and it's a bit precious, but it entirely depends on what you're going for. If you replace the comma by a "that" it's a lot more straightforward, but then again it makes it sound like a justgirlythings meme. It really depends how you want to use it and the feel that you want it to have.
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File: FB_IMG_1460136252158.jpg (16KB, 480x360px) Image search: [Google]
FB_IMG_1460136252158.jpg
16KB, 480x360px
>>9532798
Really. Do I have to be the first to point out to just need to change 'for' to 'four'. Four. As in: You waited four years for the fifth to come.
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>>9532848
all along implies something happened along the way

the emphasis is no longer on own but the time became continuous after whatever

a redundant emphasis meaning something was missing before hand

dude i know what i am talking about
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>>9532857
Yes, and by that logic, he forgot the space in "along" and omitted the word "horse" after it. OP meant "for", or at least I hope he did.
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>>9532865
The sentence sounds clunky because 'for' is used. Reading it as 'four' allows the sentence to read fluidly. It's not about nitpicking, it's the most logical solution to OPs dilemma as it doesn't change the meaning or implication of the sentence.
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>>9532864
>all along implies something happened along the way
I seriously didn't mean "all along" to imply "something happened along the way" but "all the time."

All along = all the time.
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>>9532857
>change 'for' to 'four'. Four. As in:
Are you kidding me? I meant "for" not "four." http://dictionary.cambridge.org/grammar/british-grammar/wait-or-wait-for
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>>9532855
Actually I'll be getting an iPhone in a few days so I need a good caption for the pic I'll be posting on IG since it's my first iPhone and I've waited long for 7 because I like that number more. That's all about it.
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>>9532798
Ah this sentence is written like a teenage white girl on instagram.

Just put a "will" or a "will even" after that first "you".
>When your love for number 5 is so strong, you will wait for years...

alters the aesthetic feel of it a bit because it sounds less like a meme
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>>9532962
>Ah this sentence is written like a teenage white girl on instagram.
Okay tell me how a gentleman would write the same sentence, then.
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>>9532843
What are the chances it's correct?
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>>9532968
>When your love for number 5 is strong, you will wait for years to own what you've wanted all along.

There.

Though I think replacing "strong" with "true" is a safer bet, but I spent the past 48 hours reading a bunch of eastern philosophy texts so who the fuck knows:
>When your love for number 5 is true, you wait for years to own what now is most precious to you.

eh
feels like a greeting card
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>>9533027
I forgot the fucking "will"
>when your love for number 5 is true, you will wait for years to own what now is most precious to you.
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>>9532798

The sentence is fine, actually okay, I'll bust out my god-tier skills for you.

The actual problem of the sentence is that it's an incomplete tease.

"When your love for the number 5"
"wait for years"

The representation of the number five and then the play of homonymic "for" used next to years, something it could also represent numerically, so the meaning is confounded and the tension, the drama, the potential and wordplay of the sentence die, but then it drags on.

In isolated chunks we could read "to own what you've wanted all along" and we could indulge ourselves with the satisfaction of understanding some realization of dreams which were longed for-- but instead, because it isn't for(4) it's 5, we understand that the author is totally oblivious to all of this meaning, all of the meanings, everything they could have said in their words but didn't because they could not see it or were so distracted or so caught up or so chaotically, maniacally dispossessed as to ignore the whole point of possession itself, to be situated to tell a story and read and be read and be loved.
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>>9532925
You asked how to make it read better. You didn't say what you meant and didn't. The change I made literally did not alter what you said.
Otherwise it's fine.
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>>9533045
I don't understand how the fuck do you people find it incomplete?
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>>9532992
It is grammatically correct but stylistically a mess. It doesn't sound natural. At the very least you should change "so" to "this" or "that" (unless these are some hokey riddle-esque instructions). Furthermore you co7uld add an auxilliary verb to "will" rendering it "you'll wait" or you'd wait". I would delete the "-'ve" and just use the simple past as well.
Also, all alo-
>>9532950

Oh, so it's a meme. then just insert "that" in the place of the comma and you're fine. Is it supposed to sound like crappy poetry? Why does your meme post have to have perfect English. Why did you post this on /lit/? I have so many questions.
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>>9533045
Wait,

"When your love for the number 5 is so strong, you wait years to own what you've wanted all along."

Is that correct? I'm >>9533100 - This.
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>>9533108
>Is it supposed to sound like crappy poetry?

>"When your love for the number 7 is so strong that you wait years to own what you've wanted all along. And on that note, say hello to my new phone."

That sounds like a crappy poetry to you? What the fuck anon? What the absolute fuck.
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>>9533154
you rhymed "strong" and "along"

What the fuck to you too.
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>>9533160
So? What's crappy about that? I double dare you to write a better caption than that if you can. I'll wait.
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>>9533027
>>When your love for number 5 is true, you wait for years to own what now is most precious to you.
K-k-kys
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>>9533170
Oh wait you were arguing that it's good? I thought you were saying it wasn't meant to be poetry at all.

In that case, lovely poetry, Anon.
Thread posts: 31
Thread images: 3


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