My grandad wrote a novel in the 1970s but died before he could

>>9410332
Remove every single adjective. Then keep the ones which are absolutely necessary.

>>9410332
Why don't you read it all yourself?

No idea what the shit is about. Spends too much time describing the nothing that's going on in cliches.

Your grandad was a dick. Probably a closet homo, and definitely a shitty writer. Go kick over his tombstone for making me read that filth.

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>>9410343
t. pleb

>>9410332
It's not nearly as bad as 95% of what appears in the critique threads on /lit/, but no, it isn't a bold new turn for literature, either. His prose is alright, but he spends too much time on hackneyed observations:
>People are frustrated now, but back when they were kids they had time to think and relax!
There's nothing particularly new there. His description of the water and the bridge is nice, but I can't tell from this excerpt if it's contributing to anything. Hemingway's story "Big Two-Hearted River" is almost entirely descriptions of nature and of the simple activities of a man on a fishing trip, with virtually no plot (and I think no dialogue). But there's a sort of haunting spectre of war behind the entire scene, which imbues the mundane descriptions. Idk if your grandpappy had the same kind of authorial control. Based on this one page, I would think he just put in those descriptions of the scenery because he felt like he had to, like that's how novels ought to be.

Still, as I said, it's way better than most amateur writing. It's just not genius.

>>9410370
Thanks. This is what I thought would be be the case. He had two non-fiction books published about teaching languages to students but his fiction seems to have been more average.

>>9410387
Consider the fact that authors go through a drafting and editing process. The work here could be a complete first draft.

>>9410332
It's okay, nothing great.

>>9410400
oh shit do I need to reply to this

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>>9410400

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>>9410400
damn

>>9410400
dont do this to me

>>9410400
fuck

>>9410400
reply to THIS post or your mother will die in her sleep (This does not apply to anyone else only this faggot)

>>9410332
This is good, I like the imagery

>>9410400
I DONT KNOW THE RULES FOR THIS

>>9410400
Holy crap check'd

>>9410400
foekefko

>>9410332
It's okay. Can't make a fair assessment because I don't know what stage of revision this was in.
Why would you post this on /lit/? Not very respectful of him desu.

>>9410332
The philosophical impulse is strong in him, and his way with words is refreshingly pre-millennial.

Is this all life has to offer.

>>9411752
guys i meant i was expecting that to be in the middle of the page to fuck anyone who actually decided to read it

>>9410400
fugg

>>9410332
I got a quarter of the way through and yes, this is worth publishing. Get this shit out there. Also I'm drunk.

Dude, your grandpa has some skills. You should, at the very least, read it all and tell us what it's about.

>>9410400
semen stains the mountaintops

>>9410400
im sorry

>>9410332
Who's Les and when does he die

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Is this what he was trying to convey?

Its pretty good by the way.

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>>9410400
books about compulsions?

>>9410332
> describing scenery in detail
Charles Dickens plz go

>>9410400

>>9410400
(You)

>>9410332
>ponderous stone arches
dropped

>>9410438
>>9410442
>>9410452
>>9411721
>>9411729
>>9411752
>>9411770
>>9411776
>>9411786
>>9411828
>>9411844
>>9412186
>>9412216
>>9412251
>>9412253

I can't believe I actually held /lit/izens to a higher standard than the average 4channer.

>>9410400

>>9410343
Bad writer that thinks he's good.

>>9412292
who*

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>>9412326
>mocking my dialect on an anime imageboard
>inb4 it's bad grammar
'that' and 'who' are used as pronouns in the above sentence, they serve the exact same function. One might as well say that 'the black cat' is grammatically incorrect, and instead one should say 'the white cat'.

>>9410400
(you)

>>9410400
i have the immunity dogged saved on my computer

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>>9410400

>>9410400
No..

>>9410332
>I
>me
>mine
>it seemed to Les
Huh?

>>9410400
Heh

>>9410332
>My grandad wrote a novel in the 1970s but died before he could finish it.
This might be enough to get it published today. Are you attractive enough to be in a picture that hundreds of Instagram literature enthusiasts could share with "man finds his grandfather's unfinished novel after he dies and you won't believe what he did next..." as a headline?

>>9410400
wow

>>9410442
A good man.

>>9412735
Yes, a novel can have multiple characters

>>9410400
reee

>>9412345
If you were talking about a white cat, then calling it a black cat would be incorrect. You referred to a person, not an idea or object, so the correct pronoun is 'who.'

>>9412814
That'll learn me to criticise a text without reading it.

>>9410400
fuck you, replied.. superstitious feels badman

>>9412326
whomst*

>>9410400
mean

>>9410332
It's not bad, but basically he has nothing to say.

It contains the phrase "enduring bridge." That kind of says it all. Why is he going into ecstasies over drab municipal architecture? It would be better if he went into ecstasies over an event that occurs in the plot, if there is one.

He would have been OK at writing nature documentary scripts.

>>9412214
I don't know why that made me laugh so much. I think it was.

>>9412735
I'm pretty sure the protagonist is revisiting the place where Les was.

>>9413120
This is one of the most ridiculous critiques I've seen on this site.

>>9410400
pls dont

>>9410332
>my eyes latch on to
I see
>which slowly turns, circling forward into the darkened patches under the enduring bridge
which turns into the shadow of the bridge.
>When crouching on the base of the arch under the bridge
When crouching there it seemed strange...
>Traffic still snorts
Traffic snorts...
>I remember reading...
Irredeemable paragraph
>nearer the truth
nearer to truth

It starts off managable but I have to stop now because it is getting beyond repair in these last few paragraphs. Is Les some bum that he is trying to get spiritual guidance from? That would be very trite.

>>9410400
Only replying cause of the dubs.

Fuck you.

>>9412839
'that' is used to refer to people too in my dialect.

>>9410400
Your gay uncle

>>9413490
Read Proust you philistine

>>9413822
What does this have to do with Proust?

>>9413490
Let me guess, you are an architect.

>>9410400
nice

>>9412814
>>9413244
It is odd that a first-person narrator would be privy to the thoughts and feelings of another character, though. I mean, sure the narrator could pick up on cues like facial expressions and body language, but that isn't what happens here, or at least that isn't explicitly stated. The narrator just somehow knows what's going on in Les's head.

>>9413919
I took it to be the narrator reflecting on a prior conversation in which Les told his his thoughts and feelings of that particular place

>>9412345
hey my dudeski this board is for literature related discussion and not cartoons, thanks

>>9412284
its le reddit army

kids too young to remember 9/11 are also too young to remember chain e-mails, so they make up for it with this "reply with x or else y" bullshit.

funny how human experience adapts to technology

>>9410343
>not advocating the opposite for the hell of it

>>9410400

>>9410400
Gotta reply just in case

>>9410345
second.

also. to honor him, finish it.

>>9410332
>Finish novel
>Write some sob story about you and your Grandad even if it is a lie
>Get best seller novel bucks

>>9410332

I found a short story written my grandma after she died, whether they're good or not they're nice to read.