>There are no books as enthralling as the Bible No wonder

yeah, there's actually some rad shit, plus there's all kinds of references to relatively obscure ancient shit (can't be that obscure it's in the bible but i mean the average pleb in a mega church won't get it)

Maybe in romance. Biblical english is just hideous

>>9395494
bullshit, KJV goes hard

>>9395561
this, KJV Old Testament is like The Iliad with Shotels.

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>>9395465
Plus it helps you appreciate all other books so much more.

It frustrates me that some of the more compelling stories eschew contemporary literary conventions, just glossing over everything we'd find important, but at the same time, that's what makes it so cool and inspiring for later literature. I have such a love-hate relationship with some of the texts, especially Job. My girlfriend is getting her PhD in literature and has never cracked the Bible open. I feel bad for how many allusions fly right over her head. I keep trying to convince her that it's worthwhile to read it just for its literary value, but she still feels adverse to it because of her apprehensions about Christianity, which is understandable to say the least. It took me a long time to go back over the Bible after I stopped identifying as a Christian.

>>9395581
>after I stopped identifying as a Christian.

good goy! jesus was a false prophet and might not have even existed at all!

>>9395581
embarrasing ending to an otherwise good callout post

if you havent read the Bible you quite truthfully cannot be /lit/

>>9395581
>PhD in literature
>feels adverse to it because of her apprehensions about Christianity
Just awful.

>The Bible is enthralling

Seriously? I guess I just don't get ancient literature.

>>9395622
How did you not find it interesting?
Exodus was badass.
There were wars, angels, demons, and heroes all over the place

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>>9395609
I know, right? I hope he's kidding.

>>9395581
>Job
Fuck, that story fucks me up more each time I read it.
One of the better short stories in the western canon for sure.

>And the Lord said unto Joshua, Stretch out the spear that is in thy hand toward Ai; for I will give it into thine hand. And Joshua stretched out the spear that he had in his hand toward the city.
>And the ambush arose quickly out of their place, and they ran as soon as he had stretched out his hand: and they entered into the city, and took it, and hasted and set the city on fire.
>And when the men of Ai looked behind them, they saw, and, behold, the smoke of the city ascended up to heaven, and they had no power to flee this way or that way: and the people that fled to the wilderness turned back upon the pursuers.
>And when Joshua and all Israel saw that the ambush had taken the city, and that the smoke of the city ascended, then they turned again, and slew the men of Ai.
>And the other issued out of the city against them; so they were in the midst of Israel, some on this side, and some on that side: and they smote them, so that they let none of them remain or escape.
>And the king of Ai they took alive, and brought him to Joshua.
>And it came to pass, when Israel had made an end of slaying all the inhabitants of Ai in the field, in the wilderness wherein they chased them, and when they were all fallen on the edge of the sword, until they were consumed, that all the Israelites returned unto Ai, and smote it with the edge of the sword.
>And so it was, that all that fell that day, both of men and women, were twelve thousand, even all the men of Ai.
>For Joshua drew not his hand back, wherewith he stretched out the spear, until he had utterly destroyed all the inhabitants of Ai.
>Only the cattle and the spoil of that city Israel took for a prey unto themselves, according unto the word of the Lord which he commanded Joshua.
>And Joshua burnt Ai, and made it an heap for ever, even a desolation unto this day.
>And the king of Ai he hanged on a tree until eventide: and as soon as the sun was down, Joshua commanded that they should take his carcase down from the tree, and cast it at the entering of the gate of the city, and raise theron a great heap of stones, that remaineth unto this day.

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>>9395625

It also helps to read it in the original language(s). Hebrew and Greek both lend their respective texts a certain charm and gnomic quality that comes off as merely archaic in essentially every translation in English, in my opinion.

>>9395625
Begat begat begat begat
Flat, interchangeable characters I didn't care about
God being a dick for no reason


It's been a while since I read the old testament, but I remember it being a slog. I can't really relate to ancient culture, I guess.

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>>9395634

>>9395650
this must be bait

>>9395650
>God being a dick
muh subjective moral judgement that would be totally different 10 years ago or if I were raised elsewhere

>>9395581
>Ph.D. in literature
>hasn't read the Bible

You made this up. I refuse to believe this is real.

I'm an atheist but I love some of the books from the Bible, though there is a lot of boring af shit as well (a long ass tedious description about a fucking temple comes to mind). Job, and especially Ecclesiastes, are my two favorites.

>>9395701
its an instruction manual for when israel btfos the dome of the rock and builds temple #3

>>9395700
Reading the Bible is for fucking dead white dudes

For real though, for some reason most women today study post-colonial literature, queer/women's literature, or traditional non-European/Near East literature.

>>9395465
>implying christians actually read the bible

good one

>>9395561
>>9395570
Can a samefag samefag harder?

>>9395721
>I didn't like it so no one did!
Egocentricism is a sign of autism

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A lot of the storytelling in the early books is very dry. I know a lot of the stories in the Bible were passed down orally for a long time before they were written down. Would the oral tellings have been more colorful? Did they just decide to write down the bare bones?

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>mfw I start tearing up while reading ancient words imbued with power

>>9395729
Well frogposter, you have to remember that the biblical authors did not see them as mere "stories" but as a historical record of events that actually occurred. It is the same reason history books are drier than fiction.

Yes the early books do contain figurative language but the orthodox belief has always been that they record actual events.

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>>9395465
Wow, thanks fellow christfag. I have truly seen the light and will now read my bibel every night so Mary doesn't cry.

>>9395581
>My girlfriend is getting her PhD in literature and has never cracked the Bible open.

THE ABSOLUTE STATE OF EDUCATION

>>9395650
>God being a dick for no reason
Examples would include...

The book of Judges is legit one of the most violent things I've ever read. A guy getting a tent peg stuck through his head, a fat guy gets stabbed so hard the swords' handle get engulfed by his fat and the shit spews out of his intestines, that concubine who gets gang raped to death, 42,000 guys being killed for pronouncing a word wrong. Plus there's all the seediness, women getting kidnapped for sex so some dudes can have children, and Samson visiting prostitutes.

It's awesome. Wonder why they don't teach that in Sunday school.

>>9395960
>kill your son for me
>lol jk
literally the basis of the whole religion

>>9395960
>"David make a census of the people"
>David makes a census of the people
>"Why did you make a census of the people!? Now you get pestilence"

>>9395729
The versions of stories that have come down to us were intended as the 'official' versions, so they don't have the improvisatory quality of much oral storytelling, even though they were intended to be read aloud.

>>9395977
den wen jews say to god "kill ur son for me"
dey no say "jk"
;_;

its pottery

>>9395717
>or traditional non-European/Near East literature
e.g. the Bible?

>>9395960

>Satan: Job only likes you because you blessed him, LMAO
>God: LOL, I may be all-knowing and benevolent, but I'll kill his entire family to win a dick-measuring contest with the lord of fucking evil. Don't worry, after I kill all his children I'll be sure to give him some new ones if he keeps faith in me, so no harm done, children are completely replaceable and interchangeable, LMAO

>>9396002
god btfo?

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>>9395650
>fitting an omnipotent being into your sense of morality
wew wew wew

>>9395975
Almost everything from Joshua to Chronicles is pretty intense. Even one of the most famous stories, David vs Goliath, is pretty brutal if you think about it.

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>>9396039
Actually the idea of the devil didn't exist yet when Job was written, satan was just an accusing angel, more of a prosecutor than anything else. Jews still view satan in this way today, they don't believe in the devil.

>>9396039
Will YHWH ever recover?

>>9396061
Jews aren't christians

What are smoking? Bible is atrociously written.

>and then whogives beegot whocares, and he beget whatshername and her begoot fucksake who begit ad nauseum

>>9396120
This if you're reading the KJ version.
Old english has to be the worst language ever made right next to french.

>>9396125
It's early modern English actually

Now go pisseth against the wall

>>9396126
It still sounds like a someone is trying to talk with a cock in his mouth

>>9395625
I dunno. I tend to find those things to be less interesting the older I get. It's the equivalent of capeshit in literature.

>>9395650
God is a contrarian asshole a lot of the time because the twelve tribes of Israel used to worship different deities. At some point their dominant deity became YHWH and all the other gods in the Bible has been retconned into YHWH because of their covenant with him. So the Old Testament starts making more sense if you realise that God was originally a pantheon.

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Couldn't sleep, so for some reason I decided to read the book of revelation in the middle of the night for the first time in my life.

What the hell.

>>9396129
The King James version was deliberately written to sound archaic at the time, to lend it a sense of authority. It wasn't written to be enjoyable.

>>9395785

Biblical literalism is a modern invention.

>>9395465
>Christians
>reading the Bible
you must be joking anon

>>9396145
Capeshit is the apocryphal gospels where kid Jesus kills people and tames dragons.

The fuck you on about? The majority of the Bible is retarded gibberish. I did like the tales and personal stories though.

>>9396167
It's amazing isn't it. Read Daniel 7-12 for some more crazy shit.

>he is a thrall to a book
well spooked my possession

>>9396061
Yeah, Satan was basically just God's quality assurance guy that didn't know when to stop.

>>9395650
>Begat begat begat begat
Understandable. I personally find them interesting but I am a very boring person.
>Flat, interchangeable characters
WRONG. They just have the sparsest characterisation possible. Hemingway is a fucking hack compared to the Bible or anyone else. Reread the Abraham-sacrificing-Isaac debacle, bearing in mind the above, and tell me it doesn't have an unbearable pathos.
>God being a dick for no reason
Never for no reason. God is a madman. Do not read the Bible as if you were a Christian unless you are doing religious study. Do not expect God to be a nice butterfly. Read Him on His own merits, which are the best merits (seriously He's my favourite character of all time).

>>9396550
>Do not read the Bible as if you were a Christian
Best advice for Bible reading, Christians somehow manage to make it boring when it's actually fucking awesome.

>>9396190
Vulgar literalism, yes. But the Bible was considered literally true for a long time, even in Christianity. They just applied a metric fuck-tonne of other interpretations to it.

>>9395609
This is really common. Tons of lit people either didn't grow up religious, or have rejected it because they had a bad taste as a kid. In my grad department, there's I think one person that identifies as a Christian. The rest either rejected it (like me) because their families went to really weird intense churches or they never really felt very religious.

I get that it's cool to lump anyone who doesn't believe in God with le Reddit atheists, but lots of people just have ambivalent relationships with God and the source material, especially in academia. It's a sore spot of literature for a lot of people that is important to read, but many are reluctant to do so.

>>9395641
>mom starts learning ancient Hebrew so she can better understand the Bible
>asks me for a Hebrew copy of the new testament
>explain to her that it was written in Aramaic and Greek
>oh anon, I'm pretty sure they'll discover the Hebrew originals one day.

But even if those hypothetical originals existed, they wouldn't be the same as the existing translations. Aaaaagh. I know I bought her the Tanach in Hebrew, but I can't remember if I found a Hebrew translation of the New Testament. Unsurprisingly, there isn't a ton of demand.

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>>9396617
>Unsurprisingly, there isn't a ton of demand.
Christ, that'd be some Borges-tier shit.

>>9395960
This man has not read the Bible.
An evil or flawed God is the only God you can believe in without some serious cognitive dissonance.

>>9396145
Capeshit derives its storytelling format and tropes from Greek Myth. The Bible is the archetype of minimalist and realist fiction. Read Eric Auerbach's "Odysseus' Scar." It's the first chapter of his book "Mimesis." Pretty good read.

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>>9396626
I think my mom assumed the current translation would be identical to the supposed Ur New Testament in Hebrew.

I know my mom loves getting closer to the "original intended meaning" of the Bible, so I recommended she read an essay that Agamben wrote about the letters of Paul, and how the fact that he primarily spoke Greek shaped his understanding pretty heavily of the Old Testament. She just got really upset at the suggestion that Paul spoke anything but Hebrew. It was really awkward considering that Jesus probably just spoke Aramaic and I guess, whatever language God speaks. God's language isn't canonically identical to Hebrew, correct? From the criticism that I have read, even if Hebrew is seen as a privileged and sacred language, it emerges after the Tower of Babel and is distinct from God's own tongue, correct?

Anyway that was the day I learned I couldn't talk about the Bible, even if I was enthusiastic about it with my mom, because she has her own head-canon that doesn't correlate to any scholarly or even denominational doctrine.

I really didn't find the Bible too compelling, especially in the Old Testament. It had some great stories and narratives in it, like with David, but there's so much schwarbage to wade through to get to those kinds of things. The New Testament was a lot more enjoyable and read like a typical story, though. Also, I only read the KJV for the Old Testament, but I didn't care for the language because it felt so terse, like Hemingway's prose. Turned me off from it a lot.

Is KJV the best version of the Bible? If not, what should I read?

>>9396693
KJV:
>And thou shalt say unto him, The Lord God of the Hebrews hath sent me unto thee, saying, Let my people go, that they may serve me in the wilderness: and, behold, hitherto thou wouldest not hear.

ESV:
>And you shall say to him, ‘The Lord, the God of the Hebrews, sent me to you, saying, “Let my people go, that they may serve me in the wilderness.” But so far, you have not obeyed.

Wh-where do I buy a bible?

>>9396743
Various groups will give you them for free if you ask

>>9395581

> My girlfriend is getting her PhD in literature and has never cracked the Bible open

lmao

>>9395581
Ah yes the fabled woman

>>9396043

this....

>let me judge a God, that is perfect and its the absolute intelligence that governs the world, the same way I judge Johnny, my sister's drunk boyfriend

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>>9396693

>>9396786
*that TELLS you it is perfect and its the absolute intelligence that governs the world

>>9396028
Lol this. WTF is wrong with people.

>>9395581
I bet she thinks she's open minded too lmao. I got a "friend" like this trying to get her masters and just talking Christianity with her it's clear she's never delved any deeper into the Bible than some non denominational Bible study in 3rd grade.

>>9396861
That chart is fucked. Kjv is known for being inaccurate but a very aesthetic translation while the modern NASB, NABRE, and OSB are actually translated from original Aramaic and Greek instead of just from a Latin hand me down like KJ.

>>9395581
accept salvation brethren
only a person in love with this earth and how the people are in it would reject God
only a fool would be like that

>>9395581
>PhD in literature
>Never read the Bible
Disgusting, you should just break up with her.

>>9397042
kjv is only inaccurate if you're a catholic satanist
alexandrian texts exist only to mislead and damn lost souls

>>9396786
Non-Christians don't have an incentive to perform the necessary mental gymnastics to make the Biblical God seem like anything other than a powerful idiot.

>>9396028
When I say Near East, I include the Middle East.
>>9396039
muh feelies!

>>9397087
MUH FEELIES

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>>9396661
Sounds like your mother might have a case of the autism.

>>9396661
>>9397254
Sounds like a typical backwards christnut. They're pretty common in the west

I intend to learn attic for the pertaining greeks. If i wanted to read the bible, should i learn koiné before or after?

>>9397330
Before or after attic, damnit

>>9397321
That's what happens when asperger/autism and religion meets.

>>9396167
Ezekiel 31

Considering you're trying to understand someone's interdimensional journey via ancient text its pretty incredible that its intelligible and even more incredible that it has been preserved for so long.

>inb4 da bible gawt translated a buncha so its not accurate you dummy

If I write someone a letter and it gets painstakingly translated into hundreds of different languages there are more opportunities to cross-reference and have people call out fakes and errors just like you trying to 1-step logic the Bible's legitimacy by parroting that one atheist youtube video you watched after binge-reading wikipedia articles.

I came to the exact opposite conclusion: I read the Bible and found it ludicrous that anyone would become a Christian after reading it.

I'm unaware of how Christianity works, but if being a Christian implies that you have to take everything written in the Bible as the truth, then it's amazing that there are unironic Christians on this board. It's filled with miracles and supernatural happenings which even a 5th grader would call bullshit on.

>>9397374
>an indoctrinated child incapable of independent thought would disagree
>so, there is no God, also I have no GF and my dog died when I was a lad, so there obviously is no God! face le absurd!

>>9396786
Given our ability to judge derives from God Himself, ESPECIALLY with regards to morals, yeah, you can.

>>9396129
>he says, typing and probably talking like he's got a cheeseburger stuck in his throat and his dick stuck in a Coke bottle

>>9397386
>>an indoctrinated child incapable of independent thought would disagree
Funny, I literally thought you were referring to people raised in Christianity who only don't find it ridiculous because they were indoctrinated into it before they were capable of independent thought.

>>9397042
Can you read? The more modern translations are under "better sources"

Which's the best Bible version in Spanish?

¿Cuál es la mejor versión de la Biblia en español?

bible is pretty entry level 2bh, stop being pleb

>>9395609
Women desu. They will dismiss a book because they find the protagonist unlikeable.

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>>9397538
Start with the Sumerians

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>>9397374
Why do you think miracles can't occur, Anon-kun? Is it just because you've been inseminated from birth with the principle "miracle=false" by this Protestant normalfag culture?

>>9397628
>>9397386
The fact that Jesus rose from the dead is demonstrably false. It's impossible for people to come back from life. Just like any ordinary person, he died and stayed dead. Likewise, he did not save mankind from sin, or perform any of the miracles attributed to him.

There isn't any reason to treat the Bible as a divine text anymore, nor is there any need to base your mental framework on the Bible. Life exists outside Christianity and the Church. Why base your philosophy on something that has been proven to be false?

A parallel can be made with Santa Claus and the Bible. Both are comforting, but ultimately untrue. Simply put, it's childish to be Christian.

>>9397454
No, modern humans are horribly warped from God's image. Blind leading the blind. Traveling all around and disagreeing about the correct way, when the 'correct way' is up, down, around, and immediately before them.
>>9397492
Project harder, child.
>>9397724
Is this bait? It sure smells like it

>>9397082
Kek, yes muh philandering monarch is the true leader of the faithful.

>>9397523
My issue is that kjv belongs in the other side of the graph.

>>9397777
he didn't lead that translation or hold authority in it
it is loyal to the textus receptus
catholic and modern translations aren't

>>9397797
You've already lost. I've got the God quads, just stop. You're embarrassing yourself.

>>9397374
they're parables and allegories which we have lost the keys to; they most likely have an esoteric meaning we just can't unravel, something that the initiates who wrote it knew

>>9397624
Unironically this. You sure as fuck don't need to know it in order to catch those slick references, but you do need to read it to peal away any delusions you might have that our ancestors were any different from us.

am i supposed to skip the lists of names and rules and events repetitions in the old testament? because for now it's a very tedious read and i'm not assimilating a lot (italian translation)

>>9397805
Yeah it's not supposed to be literal. Jesus even tells a parable about this.

>>9397785
Then you don't know shit about translation.

KJV faithfully translates what sources it had. This is contrasted with The Good News, which gives no shits and just paraphrases.

Incidentally, for actual study you might prefer KJV. We've discovered older copies of the Bible since it was written, but...that's precisely the point. The KJV Bible represents the Bible as it was known to the reformation.

>>9397816
>The Reformation
Dropped.

>>9397819
Anon you don't want to miss some of the crazy shit that went down with the Reformation.

But desu it all went bad when the Gnostics got stamped out.

>>9397822
Except that cults within the Catholic Church have preserved Gnostic traditions. What most proddies don't realize about the Catholic Church is that it is alive with Christian debate to this day. It's often a slow deliberation, but that's how something as heavy as religion should be. The fact that Martin Luther got his panties in a wad and left because his original theses were denied says more about his lack of patience and philosophic rigor than anything else. He thought he was above the process and in his hubris he splintered Christ's community.

is it even possible to appreciate the old testament without some sort of guide to the text? like what am i supposed to make of the infinite lists of instructions and descriptions of israelites' tents, altars, names? am i supposed to be in awe for this:

>27 The Lord said to Moses, 2 “Speak to the Israelites and say to them: ‘If anyone makes a special vow to dedicate a person to the Lord by giving the equivalent value, 3 set the value of a male between the ages of twenty and sixty at fifty shekels[a] of silver, according to the sanctuary shekel[b]; 4 for a female, set her value at thirty shekels[c]; 5 for a person between the ages of five and twenty, set the value of a male at twenty shekels[d] and of a female at ten shekels[e]; 6 for a person between one month and five years, set the value of a male at five shekels[f] of silver and that of a female at three shekels[g] of silver; 7 for a person sixty years old or more, set the value of a male at fifteen shekels[h] and of a female at ten shekels. 8 If anyone making the vow is too poor to pay the specified amount, the person being dedicated is to be presented to the priest, who will set the value according to what the one making the vow can afford.

9 “‘If what they vowed is an animal that is acceptable as an offering to the Lord, such an animal given to the Lord becomes holy. 10 They must not exchange it or substitute a good one for a bad one, or a bad one for a good one; if they should substitute one animal for another, both it and the substitute become holy. 11 If what they vowed is a ceremonially unclean animal—one that is not acceptable as an offering to the Lord—the animal must be presented to the priest, 12 who will judge its quality as good or bad. Whatever value the priest then sets, that is what it will be. 13 If the owner wishes to redeem the animal, a fifth must be added to its value.

>>9397867
Most of the old testament isn't worth reading

>>9397867
The old testament is only necessary for understanding Christ's allusions to it. He is the new Covenant and his commandments are to love God above all else and to love thy neighbor as thyself

>>9397073
You have to be a fool to love earth despite all it's flaws? I'm glad to be a fool my friend.

>>9397805
Christianity is literally based on the assumption that Jesus resurrected himself.

From the words of St. Paul :
>And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith.

There is no "deeper meaning". We know Christ could not have possibly resurrected himself. If Christ did not resurrect himself, then Christianity as a whole is false, untrue and useless.

>>9397928
St. Paul is the worst thing that happened to the new testament. Also, Christ did resurrect himself.

>>9397928
Christ did not raise himself. He was raised with the help of the Father and the Spirit.

>>9397960
Whom he is one and the same with. So, he resurrected himself. 3 manifestations of the same being.

>>9397724
You sound like you're 17 and just read Dawkins

>>9397854
>gnosticism is discussed in the Catholic church
Somehow I doubt that

>>9397867
Don't read Leviticus you dumb fuck.

>>9397972
No. Jesus and the Father and the Spirit are distinct persons. One God in three distinct persons.

>>9397724
>The fact that Jesus rose from the dead is demonstrably false
Where is the body?

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>>9397874
The Old Testament is an amazing cross-section of an ancient NE society, it's not just a prologue to Jesus.

>>9397992
Yeah but they're all fully God. So God resurrected God who's a distinct person but also Himself. Yeah...

>>9397945
>>9397960
Dead people generally stay dead. Miracles do not exist. In any case, Jesus lies about his Second Coming as well: it never happens within the lifetime of his followers. I'm pretty sure you'll come up with a bullshit explanation for this too though.

The Bible as a whole is filled with so many falsehoods that any sane person who reads will come to the logical conclusion that the Bible is fiction. Christianity is for kids.

>>9397991
Research the cult of James the apostle, the centuries long debate between Franciscan monks and Benedictiens and others. There are disparate factions within Catholicism and it's far less monolithic than what they project and what is practiced by many of their fellow Christians

>>9397801
not an argument

>>9397991
>Don't read Leviticus you dumb fuck
what parts of the AT am i supposed to skip? i'm pretty sure that if i opened a thread asking this question i would be called a pleb

>>9398038
OT*

>>9398010
Yeah it's neat for historical reasons too, but still less relevant in a philosophic or religious context.
>>9398011
He never promised in their lifetime. It's also entirely possible that Christ comes to all of us a second time upon our death (which would explain Christian fascination with the pineal gland and it's symbolism). I don't want to get into a literal argument over Revelation though because it's the most allegorical book in a book of allegories.

>>9398019
There is no point in arguing with someone so ardent in their faith that Timothy shouldn't be included in the Bible.

>>9398011
You've misinterpreted scripture. What you said about me coming up with bullshit explanation of what Jesus was actually saying reveals what you're actually interested in.

You're not interested in the truth of the Bible. You're approaching it with the conviction that it's false and do not want to hear explanations defending it's validity. You're only interested in validating what you already believe to be true.

>>9398038
If you lack the understanding, start with the book of Wisdom.

Is KJV reserved only for Protestant use? I keep hearing people say it's a Protestant Bible, and although it was made for a Protestant, does this have any effect on how it's written? Could a Catholic read it if they find the language cool?

>>9398079
umm thanks anon

>>9398099
If you've never read the Bible, it doesn't seem wise to already reject Protestantism and affirm Catholicism. I was raised Catholic and got confirmed without reading more than one book of the Bible. It wasn't until years later that I read it through and studied it thoroughly, coming to the conclusion that Catholic doctrine was unconvincing.

With that said, the KJV is perfectly fine for Bible study for any denomination.

>>9398099
Modern kjv doesn't contain Apocrypha, so no. Stick to new American Bible or another Catholic Bible version.

>>9398129
It sounds like your parents were just bad Catholics then. I remember always reading scripture, especially in holy seasons.

>>9396039
The story of Job is a parable. There was no actual Job having a casual dialogue with God and getting BTFO'D by Satan

>>9398148
Regardless, once I read it as an adult I sided with Protestant doctrine. My point was that you shouldn't be committed to a side before even opening the Bible.

Where can I live amongst hardcore traditional Christians?

Like, Christian monks.

I'm 100% serious. Where do I even begin to look?

>>9398178
There's a community of Catholics doing this in Massachusetts, I believe. Look it up.

Ive read up to 2 Kings right now and I want to know if I can skip any of the OT because I really want to get to the NT. Are the Chronicles just a retelling of Kings?

>>9398169
In the spirit of open, honest like, non trolling debate, what specifically did you disagree with and what sect do you belong to now.

>>9398192
I guess I would call myself non-denominational but I'm not committed to that. I'm someone who thinks that there will be people from all denominations in Heaven. The true or remnant church referred to in the Bible consists of those who keep the commandments, and those people can be found in all denominations.

I think what bothers me most about Catholicism is the entire concept of the Papacy. But like I said, I don't think all Catholics are banned from Heaven just because their leader claims to be the Vicar of Christ.

>>9398190
>Are the Chronicles just a retelling of Kings
Yeah.

>>9398099
You could just read the Douay-Rheims, it was the first English translation and basically what inspired the KJV (and Catholic).

>>9398050
straw man

>>9398268
No, that's the difference between the two books a straw man is making up a fictional view point for the purpose of attacking.

>>9398307
kjv has timothy you dolt

>>9398159
Then it's still a parable in which the author treats children as replaceable. And if it's divinely inspired, that means God agrees.

>>9398351
It says Job had seven sons and three daughters, and God restored to him seven sons and three daughters. It doesn't necessarily say that they were different children. It could be that the children he lost were resurrected.

>>9397724
What is actually true?

>>9398351
>Implying God is too dumb to use hyperbole as rhetoric.

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>>9398380
>>9398405

>>9398417
It's a summersault at best.

>>9398417
It says the Lord doubled all of Job's sheep, camel, oxen and donkeys, but not Job's children. He restored to him the same number he had lost. I don't see how concluding that the restored children were the same he'd lost is unreasonable.

>>9398351
The story of Job was an ancient fable appropriated from Mesopotamia which you would know if you were actually interested and Googled it for five minutes instead of bickering with anonymous nobodies on an anime forum

>>9398717
But I did know that.

>>9398867
then what's the problem

>>9398966
who said there was a problem jackass

>>9398417
>if people think about things i dont like, they're doing this other thing i dont like!!!!!!!!1

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>>9398069
>You're only interested in validating what you already believe to be true.
the irony

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>>9400037

>>9396861
>GNB
>Being recommended for anything

Gutter trash

>>9396610
That's pretty dumb and dissapointing desu.

>>9398044
>He never promised in their lifetime.
Yes he did

Mark 13:30
>Truly I tell you, this generation will not pass away until all these things have taken place.

>>9398011
>Miracles do not exist.

Oh, really?

>>9402119
Pre-flood generation
From Noah to Christ generation
Current generation

>>9402135
Show me an example where γενεὰ means an age rather than a generation and I'll believe you.

>>9402119
It's also possible that there are people from Christ's time still walking the Earth. The story of the Wandering Jew is a thing, after all.

>>9402149
There's no evidence for that, Biblical or otherwise.

>>9402145
http://www.misselbrook.org.uk/Parsing.aspx?PNum=633

>>9397928
>Christianity is literally based on the assumption that Jesus resurrected himself.
Yes, for most people. Perhaps these people are deluded and the resurrection was merely a parable. Perhaps his spirit came back but body was not resurrected (because I also agree it's an absurdity that anyone's body can be resurrected; once it's dead, it's dead).

>>9402161
https://www.blueletterbible.org/lang/Lexicon/Lexicon.cfm?strongs=G1074&t=NASB

>an age (i.e. the time ordinarily occupied be each successive generation), a space of 30 - 33 years
>30 - 33 years

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>>9402178
Practicing Christian here, no, we're pretty dead serious on Jesus actually rising from the dead.

>>9402178
>an absurdity that anyone's body can be resurrected
Unless you are God

>>9402183
>using the 5th of 5 definitions

How about from the same page:
that which has been begotten, men of the same stock, a family
the several ranks of natural descent, the successive members of a genealogy

>>9402184
>>9402189
Good for you. Please don't crucify me for having a different possible interpretation.

>>9395807
why does that demon have a facebutt

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>>9395599
Haha yes goys come back to the kike on a stick, Jesus would have wanted abortion and unchecked mass immigration of people who want to kill you

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Which bible?

>>9402478
This shit is so cringeworthy, how the fuck does anyone take Christians and Muslims seriously? It's literally Judaism: Electric Bogaloo 2.

>>9402212
pagan faggot says what

>>9402478
>old testament is splotchy Jewish shit
>New testament is universally agreed upon

It's almost like Christians aren't Jews, or even supposed to like or listen to them.

>>9402478
>all those OT books no one else has
>extra books in the NT
What are the Ethiopians doing?

>>9404438
I'm gonna guess it's the same kind of autism as Mormons.

>>9404784
No, they're actual historical writings, not modern inventions like the Book of Mormon. Enoch and Jubilees are about 300-100 BC and weren't accepted by anyone else for perceived heretical ideas. The books of Meqabyan are alternate versions of the Maccabees stories and are unique to Ethiopia. Josippon is quite late, maybe the 900s, 400s at the earliest, and is a history of the Jewish people.

The extra new testament stuff is writings from the church fathers, other christians saw then as important but thought they were written too late to include in the canon. Still pretty early, mostly 2nd century.

>>9404839
Interesting. I bet they love the part when the Egyptians gets BTFO by Moses and YHWH.

>>9402478
Using that picture in the way you are using it is a bit dishonest, I think. For one it includes Jews. But secondly you'll notice the main discrepancy is all of the different Orthodox canons. Orthodox Churches don't view Scripture, or the issue of canon, in exactly the way that Western Churches do. The fact that their canons are slightly different isn't really an issue to them.

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>>9397928
read dis anon ^-^
http://www.reasons.org/articles/if-christ-has-not-been-raised-reasoning-through-the-resurrection

i have a kjv with apocrypha and a nrsv without
which one should i read

i concur. I spent most of my free time in Catholic school reading the bible but still nearly got flunked out of Religion class

mostly for being a Lutheran though.

>>9405202
Depends, do you want to read a classic of English lit, or do you want to read the Bible? It's KJV and NRSV respectively.

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>2017
>/lit/ unironically trashes KJV

Historical/political context aside, it is still the most beautiful translation.

Only Americans who struggle with even the most basic Middle/Shakespearean English, and who shart in the mart upon seeing a 'thou', hate it.

>>9395465
I enjoyed Acts. It reads like an adventure story

>>9405238
It's trash, proddie scum.

>>9405238
>>9405933
I'm not either of you. It's certified trash in many ways, and it's actually quite beautiful to read.

t. Catholic

>>9395465
I've read Genesis, Exodus, Ezekiel, Ecclesiastes Daniel, and the Gospels. All were pretty good.
I hit a wall at Leviticus then skipped around to the books that seemed neato and the Gospels to see what the deal with Jesus is.

I suspect I could do a front to back reading now.

>>9406962
Skipping Leviticus is fine, no point torturing yourself. Going from Exodus to Numbers works very well because the story picks up from where it left off.

>>9406962

>Leviticus
>literally 80 pages about which side of the tabernacle should be smeared by blood of which animal on which day while wearing which color chestplate

Judaism truly is judicial autism: the religion, no wonder they make such good lawyers

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>>9406962
>skipping Job

>>9406992
He skipped Wisdom, too.

>>9405238
>muh totally not a ripoff of the DR :^)

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>>9397374
>but if being a Christian implies that you have to take everything written in the Bible as the truth
thankfully, it doesn't imply that. interpretation is the best part about it! not sure of any group that follows the bible to the tee though. maybe amish? but i'm sure they have their own preferences from the bible.

>>9403342
ƕa?

>>9405263
Yeah, I liked the part where Paul starts an argument between the Pharisees and Sadducees about resurrection of the dead.

>>9406973
>skipping Job
It is one of the more commonly refereced books in the bible. As a guy on the go I figured I had the gist of it and could read something else. But to placate /lit/ I'll read it tonight.

>>9400037
I'm not the one outright rejecting an interpretation before I even hear it. You considered my interpretation "bullshit" before I even revealed it because you're afraid of being invalidated.

>>9404839
Can I get my hands on an English translation of the Ethiopian Bible?

>>9411059
I don't think there is one. But you can get a fair bunch of those books separately. Old Testament Pseudepigrapha edited by James H. Charlesworth includes 1 Enoch, Jubilees, 4 Baruch, and maybe Josippon. I've got the Hermeneia translation of 1 Enoch myself.

1 Clement and The Didache (which Didascalia is based on) have multiple English translations. Bart Ehrman's Lost Scriptures has both and lots of other New Testament extras, probably the most affordable way to get them.

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which biblestories are not semitic in origin?

>>9411169

The Great Flood goes back to Mesopotamia.

>>9411154
By the way, could you recommend me any books on Christian Gnosticism and Gnostic theology?

I'm particularly interested in Bogomilism, but Catharism and the likes will do as well.

>>9395465
>and dorf begat farstum begat goldstein begat tringus begat rego begat dimsum begat dopedick begat shekelman begat ananas begat etheal begat arthur begat ringo begat ernie begat fuck begat william