Hey /lit/ I have started writing my own sci-fi story, I have

>>9385863
No. Too early. Finish a first draft. I can tell you if you have a good opening or not, but not a good story, and you'll be revising the first chapter after you finish the rough draft anyway, I hope. You'd be better off just posting the logline so I can judge the premise, protagonist, and title.

Post the first paragraph, we'll see from there if my incredibly precious time could be alloted further

>>9385890

Ok I understand.

I can post the first chapter(about 900 words) and then what I had in mind for the rest, I dont know with a "first draft" is(not native english speaker please forgive), because the first chapter is just an epilogue or rather little background to the main story, the first chapter takes place 20 years before second chapter if you understand.

>>9385942

Sure, just have to translate it first, give me a minute.

>>9385942

I took it through google translate because I am little drunk and lazy but I you get the sense of it. Here goes:

"Second Lieutenant Henrik Olsson was sitting in the passenger seat of a US military jeep that was driven by an enlisted man who had had the misfortune to have the night shift that evening.
They had received information that an unknown craft crashed out in the desert, which was odd because nothing appeared on radar and there was no information on any air activity in the area.

Most likely, this was yet another false alarm which was a result of the paranoia that has spread after the war and built up against the new enemy, the Communists, the red, the new enemy against democracy.

Henry had no high expectations of what they would find, in 9 out of 10 of these cases, it was nothing, just a civilian who looked somewhat natural phenomena or
Military activity and thought it was the beginning of an invasion, the other one of 10 so it was just someone who wanted to fuck and made a prank call.

Whether it was Henry is not happy about being forced out in the middle of the desert in the middle of the night to investigate something insignificant when he would rather have been able to be at home on the base and
slept or masturbated to their pornographic magazines, or if he had trouble sleeping, which he had often nowadays, have been harassing these poor fellows who had the night shift.
Anyway, it was he who was responsible officer at the time and he had to respond to the alarm and keep up with the patrol out and investigate what was going on."

And then I plan on having the rest of the story taking place some 20 years later and focusing on one member of a special task force sent to area 51 to "dreamland" (a section of area 51) and investigate, if any have played area 51 on the x box first generation it's a bit like that.

And excuse the bad grammar/what not I took it through google translate and this is just the base of it which will be edited later on, just something to stand on if you understand.

That which I posted was like 1/3 of the first chapter, I can post the rest also if you want.

File: 8787878.jpg (112KB, 615x609px) Image search: [Google]

112KB, 615x609px

>>9385961
>google translate
Get the fuck out, nigga

>>9385863
Why the fuck would you do this?

>post story
>publish story
>people google parts of your story and find it verbatim on a 4chan board before the date it was published
everybody would know you Browne 4chan, how embarrassing

>>9385969

Give me a break I am drunk and tired, it is 4 am here where I live.

>>9385945
>I dont know with a "first draft" is(not native english speaker
A "draft" or "draught" archaically refers to a swig from a bottle of alcohol. You basically drink as much booze as quickly as possible, before the unpleasant taste hits you.

In writing "draft" is used as a dead metaphor. Basically you sit down with a blank sheaf of paper and write out your entire story as fast as you can without editing or being critical or in some cases not even reading as you go. Once you reach the end you've finished your "rough draft." You then go back to page one and write another draft, improving and fixing and cutting and rearranging and expanding on things. When you finish that, you have your "first draft." This is usually the one that's acceptable to show others for critique. You then go one to do second, third, fourth etc drafts sometimes getting feedback from prereaders until your story is perfect.

For a short story you should prepare an outline and notes, and try to finish a rough draft in one sitting of several hours. Subsequent drafts should also ideally be done in single sittings. Between drafts you should be accumulating notes and insertions.

>>9385945
>the first chapter is just an epilogue or rather little background to the main story, the first chapter takes place 20 years before second chapter
Cut the first chapter then. Short stories are supposed to be short. They don't need prologues. An editor of a fiction magazine will toss your manuscript in the trash once he starts the second chapter and realizes you wasted his time reading the first. Rookie mistake.

>>9385991

Thanks G, I am saving this for when I sober up, I just whipped up the first chapter real quick now because if not I would be thinking about it all night, going to look through it in the morning.

>>9385997

But the first chapter gives the necessary background information for the story to progress, you still think I should cut it? I think my story would be better with that background, a short chapter of 900 words just to give the reader some sort of understanding of what lead up to the main story, or do you still think I should cut it? I can only talk for myself that I don't like being just thrown in to a story and prefer something to ease my landing in the book. If that makes sense.

>>9385961
sorry man but it reads like primary school writing; irredeemable trash

>>9385972
But they'd know he browses /lit/, which shows he is an intellectual with great taste in leterature

>>9386014

Fair enough. Do you have any constructive criticism? It has been run through google translate and that's why it might be bad?

>>9386021
I'd suggest reading more and comparing your stuff to some of that.

>>9386039

>I'd suggest reading more

Reading what? I have not read that much besides the standard and some obscure shit, but where should I get my influence? Shakespeare? H.C Andersen? Eoin Colfer? Where to get some inspiration?

>>9386067
It's less about influence and more about seeing how fundamentally different your writing is. I guess if you need something specific then read stuff in a similar genre to your own story.

>>9386071

You have to excuse the writing because it has been run through google translate, all I want to know is if the opening is "interesting" or not, but I understand where you are coming from. Maybe "Starship troopers" by Robert A. Heinlein would be a good place to start?

>>9385973
Go to bed Stan

>>9386097

>Stan

*Anders

>>9385961
The sentences are too long in general and a mouthful. It's a stress to read. Maybe make it sound more natural. Cut unnecessary words.

>>9386122

Thanks.

Um, doesn't posting on 4chan kind of fuck up the possibility for future publication? Agents and potential publishers generally ask if any portion of work has been published in public, and 4chan is very public. Someone redpill me on this if this is true.

>>9385961
If you're Swedish (Which I suspect you are) just copy that same text into a pastebin and I'll read it through in Swedish for you, give you some feedback.

Google translate will butcher your text.