I've been writing a poetry collection, and I would love

How can we take an interest in something you don't post?

>>9370584
well i will now good sir

“A Petal of Oleander for the Disgracefulness Enough to Expect the Facile Salvation”
On the very first day of June
In the stage you carved out yourself
A fragile doll is engulfed in rhythm

Words flooded from the holes in your throat
My heart, caved into itself, truly a spectacle
Those things people called dreams, invaded my life

The man draped in humility was humiliated
Cursing our entire entirety
Wrapped us together with blue twine
Our heart rates violent
Our hope vindicated
We, mutually violated

The language still projecting from your eyes
Was scraped from the bottom of your heart
I'd want you to forgive
As miserable as I am

On the final day of August
A sutured wound reveals itself again
On the body of that fragile doll

A single black flower falters from the tree with only one branch
Possibly, an oleander flower

The skyscrapers we've erected have been bleeding onto the innocent
The white snow crumbling beneath us
Criticism and controversy from those covering their ears
Cups of poison in the hands of those who laugh
Truly,disgraceful

He, curated in controversy
Deprived us of our chosen departure
Enslaving our faults together in blue twine
Piling our vessels
Cracked and hollow alike
Compiled together

Your Projection,engulfed in ash
I wish that as they see faith carry him to heaven
You would push your heels down to the earth
And feel what grows after tragedy
Our grand salvation is spread out thinly for us all via the God{s}
And the grand sum of our disparity lies behind the event horizon where the sun sets
And those grand hands with lace around them, pluck at those desiring punishment
And that grand forgiveness,is overshadowed by the light that visits us scarcely

That omnipotence to degrade me, to devour me, to redeem

Is a song for the deaf

The digits of our first lover has carved out this world for us
That happiness will cease to elude us all, surely
God{s}, calios by design
Neglects the punishment i so rightly deserve upon my crooked back

Today the smoke of the earth has planted seeds for my children to inherit
And they will grow from the palm of their hands
They will bear fruits of knives
And i'd ask them gently
“Shave my ears off, would you”

>>9370597
>good sir
stopped reading there, apply yourself

>>9370695
well poopy poop

>>9370597
This either makes no sense or I'm too dumb to get it. I think it makes no sense but OP will think I'm too dumb to get it. Such is the tragedy of the human condition.

>>9370883
well its okay to think that annon

Symbolism doesn't have to be so pretentious and contrived. It's also worth mentioning that you can only write romantically and in a olde English voice if it's a super intentional stylistic decision. If you want to write like this because it means something to you, well that's okay. Writing to an audience, and trying to make your poetry mean something to other people is when you're gonna have to make your symbolisms and multiple entendres immediately recognizable, or comprehensible in hindsight. You have to make your message clear and succinct, and if you try to follow the structure and rhyme schemes of traditional poetry you will find that you can say a lot more, with much less words. Good luck

>>9372360
Many fewer? Whoops Phone posting cancer

>>9372360
hey, this is actually really great advice thank you. this poem is purposefully very pretentious to better aid the message. I wasn't really aiming for an old English vibe, rather I tried to write in a more stern tone. I try to leave my work for interpretation, simply because I find it more fun as a reader to derive my own meaning from a work, rather than have the author shove it down my throat. honestly thank you for the advice though, i will definitely keep it in mind for future works

>>9370597
another poem

My heart rate
Static
remaining the same since birth
This is in fact
the first time
That it has ever spiked

Because my digits have the elasticity to curl
My stilts taxie me on this earth
Because my ears have only heard my tune
My lungs yearn to breathe in sche

“Excuse me mother
but i have found the minnow amongst the sharks”
And she claps mechanically
“Congratulations”

I dream of you when i'm awake

Whose breast have we been monopolizing all this time
And was i the one to leave all these sores
This language we inherit
Do we truly understand it

Father
Mother
Nina
“Child,you've done so well!”
“Ahh, well i'll be going then”
No
This taste is foul

My hands cupped to fish you out
The digits repurposed to adore you

These shovels grown from me
Reached out to hurt you

This language i studied intensely for
Only gives me more ways to dissect you
Chipping away at your life

Well Darling
Before you push into my hand me down wound any further
Let me inflate your lungs one last time

This important but thoughtless act

Allowing us to live off of each other's recycled air
All our words
They melt into each other's saliva

Hey
Right now
Take one last deep breath and Vacuum out all the air in the world
“I love yous” have become unnecessary
After all we have become each other's oxygen tank
No need for muttering
Your last breath is also mine

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>>9372485
Try haiku