Sorry that I can't really articulate this well in English.

File: 1481252134748.png (960KB, 1366x768px) Image search: [Google]

960KB, 1366x768px

Sorry that I can't really articulate this well in English. I want to read a book about a dude who spends his youth doing something difficult but ultimately pointless, and then grows old unappreciated and bitter or turns into something nasty. Like, "your glory days are over and now you have to reintegrate into society and pretend that nothing fucked up ever happened." Kind of like the feel of reading about a disillusioned Russian veteran of Afghanistan struggling to get by a decade after the war, or the emotion expressed at the end of that Osamu Tezuka manga, "The Book of Human Insects," when Toshiko Tomura talks about being lonely after fucking over everybody who ever loved her. I really like this kind of feel in fiction, like when it's after the actual action and your protagonist is dealing with the fallout of the shit that they have done in their life. Can I get recommendations for books with this feel? I've been reading a bunch of nonfiction dealing with European colonial wars and the Soviet involvement in Afghanistan, and also books like Platform and Vineland that have that same washed-up and washed-out feel to them, but I need more to read.